What type of Married Woman does this?

[Gfkr2]

I am the H in the process of ending a 26 year marriage after finding out my wife is involved in an intense EA/PA romantic affair with a MM. I see many posts where the spouse eventually is compelled, for whatever reason, to tell the truth and disclose exactly the reasons and details of the affair. As a matter for fact, it seems this most always happens in a LTM when a cheating spouse is confronted by a betrayed husband or wife who needs to know the truth and seek closure to move on with a divorce---my need.

 

In my case, WW and I understand there is no hope of reconcilliation and recently began the mediation process to end our LTM as peacefully and quickly as possible She is only mildly remorseful for ending our long term M due to her infidelity and has bet "all in" that her MM leaves his betrayed wife at some future date so they can be together and live happily ever after in paradise. I heard she is parading the MM around her work and wants to introduce her new "love" to her family and friends now that the Affair was discovered. WW is obviously interested in gaining the acceptance and approval of others to prove her affair was all about love and love forgives her infidelity. All of her bold behavior with the MM is extremely painful for me and she thinks everyone is smiling with glowing approval for her "affair" husband.

 

My reason for posting is the level of untruthfulness and deception she had shown while the A was ongoing and since being discover in D-day. She continues to lie about nearly everything, but especially about my asking her about past instances of infidelity. I reallly need to know the unvarnished truth having picked her up from the ashes during the early year of our M.

 

I had recently learned via a mutual friend WW had in fact had an physical affair about 5 years ago, which I never suspected. I was surprised in confronting her last night about past instances of past infidelity she still refused to be truthful. It was clear she was unwilling to disclose anything of substance despite my assurances anything she said would not be used in the pending divorce.

 

To make a long story shorter, I finally got weary of her stonewalling me and called one of the suspected men who I KNEW she had an affair with. I asked her as I was dialing his telephone number whether she wanted to admit to anything as this was her last chance. Her response looking me in the eye from across the kitchen table, "nothing sexual ever happened, but we kissed once". I got the OM on the telephone who was once a friend who pushed away from me (now I know why!). His response to my simple and direct question was "yes" he did have sex with my StbxW. I hung up the phone and only then did WW FINALLY admit the truth (redfaced). She said I was very "balll-z" to make that call, and I was:p!!= that's just me.

 

What causes a person to become such a boldfaced liar to someone she shared the same toothbrush with for 26 years? When I was dialing the OM telephone number she had every chance to come clean, but I can't figure out exactly why she would continue to desperately hold her postion. She knew I offered her full immunity for anything and everything that was disclosed, but she deliberatly remained deceptive. What makes her tick?? I am stumped for answers.

[witabix]

I know what you mean. Whats the point. To hold on to some dignity I think.

 

Lets be honest if someone could ask you if you were a barefaced liar, a cheat, without dignity, what would like to say in response?

 

Not many people could say yes I am. Even though they know they have acted in that way. Its self denial up to the final point, some can even go on denying after the final point, believe me.

 

Don't dig anymore. She is not worth it, egocentric and blatantly self justifying.

 

Move on as best you can. Remain dignified and calm. Try to rise above her actions, show everyone you are a better person.

 

Thats easy for me to type in here I know, but try.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I would have told her: The new MM must be proud to have such a whore for a girlfriend...

 

I'm gonna be so glad you aint my problem anymore.

 

I swear it's a dagger to the heart, everyone knows in town she's a ho. Even when you exposed the affair. This is probably what her 3rd?

 

Something is wrong with this woman, mark my words for a woman that's so self destructive to sleep with men like this when married to you, something is wrong with her.

 

It's not your fault. I would do a strong 180 and just plain ignore her.Are you gonna sell the house because i can see nothing good to even being in the same proximity of her, She'll always be a reminder that your whole marriage was a lie.

 

I dont think i could look her in the face and be aware of that. I would be angry and sad i married such a horrible woman,

[You Go Girl]

There is the social-world judgment, and there is her own judgment of herself. She doesn't want these two things to ever have to meet and reconcile.

People who deceive have -obviously- a different set of criteria for self-judgment. They have their *reasons* or excuses for why they are exempt from the social-world judgment, or that they are not to be judged in the same manner. They have a *but--* my situation is special, different, blah blah.

Should all their secrets ever be revealed, they would have to take a look at themselves through other's eyes. This is why the watered down versions of everything deceptive.

Are they in denial? Absolutely.

[Gfkr2]

I would have told her: The new MM must be proud to have such a whore for a girlfriend...

 

I'm gonna be so glad you aint my problem anymore.

 

I swear it's a dagger to the heart, everyone knows in town she's a ho. Even when you exposed the affair. This is probably what her 3rd?

 

Something is wrong with this woman, mark my words for a woman that's so self destructive to sleep with men like this when married to you, something is wrong with her.

 

It's not your fault. I would do a strong 180 and just plain ignore her.Are you gonna sell the house because i can see nothing good to even being in the same proximity of her, She'll always be a reminder that your whole marriage was a lie.

 

I dont think i could look her in the face and be aware of that. I would be angry and sad i married such a horrible woman,

 

Yes, this is Affair #3 that I know of. 2 all-in romantic affairs and one that looks to be just for the sex. I am 99.9% sure there have been other instances of cheating over the 26 years of our M.:mad: I do plan to completely ignore her going forward.

 

She is a miserable b1tch of a woman who wants to play the victim card to justify her multiple decisions to be unfaithful. I hate that she is so calculating in her web of lies for God knows how many years...All these years of giving me a line of BS she loves me all the while banging OM, while I was working my arse off to give her a very nice and cushy lifestyle.

 

As for good news...I am getting the house in the end and plan to buy her out. She has also agreed to move out shortly to carry on her pathetic life. Only in America can a cheater ruin a LTM and leave debt free with over a $100k in her pocket after all her martial betrayal.

 

Her betrayal is so egregious that I can never see myself under any circumstance having anything to do with her. 26 years and it all comes crumbling down. I am definately moving on in a better direction.

[witabix]

Go for if Gfkr2, damn the money. Its only bits of paper.

 

Onwards and upwards matey.

[Chrome Barracuda]

..If it's to get this toxic woman out the house and away from you it might be all worth it. a piece of mind. you know.

[redtail]

... What makes her tick?? I am stumped for answers.

 

Yes, and I don't think there is an answer to that question that could alleviate your pain. I had my ex, (wife at the time) lie straight faced to a question about her affair, an outright, bold faced lie. But when I said to her, "I read your journal, does that change your answer?", she changed the blame to "How could you have read my journal?!". Indeed! We were married 21 years, this was her third time of cheating on me.

 

But look at it this way, getting rid of your wife is like getting rid of a cancer, do NOT look back. Best of luck to you.

[EnigmasMuse]

My ex husbands, mother walked in on his father in the bed with another woman. He had multiple affairs over the years. But that particular one she walked in on and caught them. To this day that man denies it and was caught! He tells her, she was seeing things! They have been married for over 50 years, and yes she remained with the man who lied to her, cheated on her and still to this days denies he was caught in a bed with another woman. I have no clue WHY she would continue to remain married to him. Or WHY he would continue to deny it. I couldn't imagine actually being lied to about something you know for sure that actually took place over and over. Something is clearly wrong with these people. I'm sorry for your pain Gfkr2!

[Darth Vader]

My ex husbands, mother walked in on his father in the bed with another woman. He had multiple affairs over the years. But that particular one she walked in on and caught them. To this day that man denies it and was caught! He tells her, she was seeing things! They have been married for over 50 years, and yes she remained with the man who lied to her, cheated on her and still to this days denies he was caught in a bed with another woman. I have no clue WHY she would continue to remain married to him. Or WHY he would continue to deny it. I couldn't imagine actually being lied to about something you know for sure that actually took place over and over. Something is clearly wrong with these people. I'm sorry for your pain Gfkr2!

 

 

Gfkr2, Your D witnessed your wife screwing OM in your house? WTF! Doesn't this chick give a DAMN about how she screwed up her own Daughter?! What a BITCH!

 

Her Daughter will never want to see her mother again from the sounds of it!

[Eve]

There is the social-world judgment, and there is her own judgment of herself. She doesn't want these two things to ever have to meet and reconcile.People who deceive have -obviously- a different set of criteria for self-judgment. They have their *reasons* or excuses for why they are exempt from the social-world judgment, or that they are not to be judged in the same manner. They have a *but--* my situation is special, different, blah blah.

Should all their secrets ever be revealed, they would have to take a look at themselves through other's eyes. This is why the watered down versions of everything deceptive.

Are they in denial? Absolutely.

 

This is a wise interpretation.

 

I have wondered about my Husbands ex but ould only find the words 'skank' and 'stupid bitch' to describe her absolute ... well, pride ... and indignance to her lifestyle choices. I mean, I could not comprehend how she could live with herself on any level and continue to ruin other marraiges to this day. But I think this post has basically put my mind at rest.

 

Yes via the death of her mother, her social and personal worlds have collided. She has been so crushed that I think she now knows that she has to change.

 

I will now lay to rest my thoughts on how she could have continued in such a lifestyle, with all the lies etc for what? fourteen years but right now she is heading for a full blown breakdown. I even feel slighty sorry for the bitch.

 

Thanks for that You Go Girl..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[martini-mae]

I am the H in the process of ending a 26 year marriage after finding out my wife is involved in an intense EA/PA romantic affair with a MM. I see many posts where the spouse eventually is compelled, for whatever reason, to tell the truth and disclose exactly the reasons and details of the affair. As a matter for fact, it seems this most always happens in a LTM when a cheating spouse is confronted by a betrayed husband or wife who needs to know the truth and seek closure to move on with a divorce---my need.

 

In my case, WW and I understand there is no hope of reconcilliation and recently began the mediation process to end our LTM as peacefully and quickly as possible She is only mildly remorseful for ending our long term M due to her infidelity and has bet "all in" that her MM leaves his betrayed wife at some future date so they can be together and live happily ever after in paradise. I heard she is parading the MM around her work and wants to introduce her new "love" to her family and friends now that the Affair was discovered. WW is obviously interested in gaining the acceptance and approval of others to prove her affair was all about love and love forgives her infidelity. All of her bold behavior with the MM is extremely painful for me and she thinks everyone is smiling with glowing approval for her "affair" husband.

 

My reason for posting is the level of untruthfulness and deception she had shown while the A was ongoing and since being discover in D-day. She continues to lie about nearly everything, but especially about my asking her about past instances of infidelity. I reallly need to know the unvarnished truth having picked her up from the ashes during the early year of our M.

 

I had recently learned via a mutual friend WW had in fact had an physical affair about 5 years ago, which I never suspected. I was surprised in confronting her last night about past instances of past infidelity she still refused to be truthful. It was clear she was unwilling to disclose anything of substance despite my assurances anything she said would not be used in the pending divorce.

 

To make a long story shorter, I finally got weary of her stonewalling me and called one of the suspected men who I KNEW she had an affair with. I asked her as I was dialing his telephone number whether she wanted to admit to anything as this was her last chance. Her response looking me in the eye from across the kitchen table, "nothing sexual ever happened, but we kissed once". I got the OM on the telephone who was once a friend who pushed away from me (now I know why!). His response to my simple and direct question was "yes" he did have sex with my StbxW. I hung up the phone and only then did WW FINALLY admit the truth (redfaced). She said I was very "balll-z" to make that call, and I was:p!!= that's just me.

 

What causes a person to become such a boldfaced liar to someone she shared the same toothbrush with for 26 years? When I was dialing the OM telephone number she had every chance to come clean, but I can't figure out exactly why she would continue to desperately hold her postion. She knew I offered her full immunity for anything and everything that was disclosed, but she deliberatly remained deceptive. What makes her tick?? I am stumped for answers.

 

My questions are; If & since you're divorcing. Why do you care if she lies or what she's lying about?

If you've already made the decision to divorce, why are you still poking around hunting for more....information (for lack of a better word)?

What will the details about any of her infidelities get you?

No - I don't condone affairs or lying ~ I'm just curious why after the fact you care so much?

[Fouts]

You want to know the truth, the whole damn truth and nothing but the truth, but she's never going to tell you. No matter how much you try to call her out. She's not trying to repair or resolve anything, she's done. There's not much you or anyone else can do in this type of situation except let it go, as hard as that is to do.

 

There may come a day down the road when her MM refuses to leave his W and ends it with her. She may come back to you for salvation, prepared to lay it all out there for you to know. If that ever happens, hopefully you'll have moved on with a much better woman by that time and won't give a crap, and then it will have come full circle.

[You Go Girl]

This is a wise interpretation.

 

I have wondered about my Husbands ex but ould only find the words 'skank' and 'stupid bitch' to describe her absolute ... well, pride ... and indignance to her lifestyle choices. I mean, I could not comprehend how she could live with herself on any level and continue to ruin other marraiges to this day. But I think this post has basically put my mind at rest.

 

Yes via the death of her mother, her social and personal worlds have collided. She has been so crushed that I think she now knows that she has to change.

 

I will now lay to rest my thoughts on how she could have continued in such a lifestyle, with all the lies etc for what? fourteen years but right now she is heading for a full blown breakdown. I even feel slighty sorry for the bitch.

 

Thanks for that You Go Girl..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

You're welcome, glad to ever be of help to anybody on here!

 

Ah, reality strikes. She must play by the rules TOO. She is not exempt, above the rules, unique, special. Someone has died that she cares about, and none of her old manuevers, ploys, smoke and mirrors, will work. Just plain grief and sorrow. Ordinary human emotions. Nothing aloof about it. She can't escape reality this time, reality has bit her in the arse.

Now she's remembering what it feels like to be human. She might just decide it feels GOOD to be grounded and join the human race again.

 

OP--your W lies for the same reasons as above. She thinks that she can SHOW YOU that she isn't going to play by the rules, and then what are you going to do about it? What power do you have over her to make her tell the truth?

You have no such power, and you very painfully know now. She thinks that lies are power. Lies keep 'em guessing. Lies frustrate and infuriate. Playing by the rules is boring. She says to herself--I am free and nobody can control me!

It will bite her in the arse one day too...don't worry it won't, I'm sure of it. Liars end up with more pain than honest people ever know, because the pain is deeper...it's something they see as they hurry past the mirror.

[Eve]

You're welcome, glad to ever be of help to anybody on here!

 

Ah, reality strikes. She must play by the rules TOO. She is not exempt, above the rules, unique, special. Someone has died that she cares about, and none of her old manuevers, ploys, smoke and mirrors, will work. Just plain grief and sorrow. Ordinary human emotions. Nothing aloof about it. She can't escape reality this time, reality has bit her in the arse.

Now she's remembering what it feels like to be human. She might just decide it feels GOOD to be grounded and join the human race again.

 

OP--your W lies for the same reasons as above. She thinks that she can SHOW YOU that she isn't going to play by the rules, and then what are you going to do about it? What power do you have over her to make her tell the truth?

You have no such power, and you very painfully know now. She thinks that lies are power. Lies keep 'em guessing. Lies frustrate and infuriate. Playing by the rules is boring. She says to herself--I am free and nobody can control me!

It will bite her in the arse one day too...don't worry it won't, I'm sure of it. Liars end up with more pain than honest people ever know, because the pain is deeper...it's something they see as they hurry past the mirror.

 

OMG.. talk about getting tingles when I read the above!

 

SO TRUE!

 

The most notable change is that the snide comments that make out everyone else is somehow at fault have stopped. She tried to use this new version of herself to rekindle the past she had with my Husband... but I saw her coming and sent her packing. She is changing, into what I don't know but she has had to re-join the rest of us because of the loss she has experienced.

 

I hope she makes it... but she can still stay away from my gorgeous Husband within the process!! She is in a whole lot of pain right now..

 

It looks like she may give up the men in her life and move back in with her Dad, who really is hurting right now. I can't even imagine losing someone after 55 years of marraige. I have always said though that her behaviour was to hurt him. Now she has come full circle.

 

She has nothing left to trade in and manipulate, just her own reflection is left.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Gfkr2]

My questions are; If & since you're divorcing. Why do you care if she lies or what she's lying about?

If you've already made the decision to divorce, why are you still poking around hunting for more....information (for lack of a better word)?

What will the details about any of her infidelities get you?

No - I don't condone affairs or lying ~ I'm just curious why after the fact you care so much?

 

Fouts is right. She is GONE and I am the last person in the world she would ever be truthful with.

 

As far as me hunting for the truth, I need to steel my resolve by understanding this person who I gave so much to is really a low life, POS. Keep in mind, I adored her for over 25 years, so the transition requires effort or I potentially remain vulnerable to her in the future. I can't ever have her back. "She's not worth it and I deserve better". I repeat this over and over...it helps.

 

I am certain she will one day show up at my door looking for forgiveness of all of her Wickedness and Deception. Knowing all of the truth about the real depth of her infidelity helps me say, NO-NEVER-NOT A CHANCE.

[2sure]

Eventually what will happen is that you will change. You will become comfortable with the knowledge that she had a bent chromosome you didnt know about. You will accept that you know you were betrayed and that the details would not change the outcome or you.

 

Eventually you will accept that the parts of your life - the wonderful and the tragic , make up a whole real life & who you are, and embrace the past as well as the future.

 

Eventually you will be able to say out loud: "Biotch, get off my porch" while shutting the door and think absolutely nothing of it.

[Darth Vader]

Fouts is right. She is GONE and I am the last person in the world she would ever be truthful with.

 

As far as me hunting for the truth, I need to steel my resolve by understanding this person who I gave so much to is really a low life, POS. Keep in mind, I adored her for over 25 years, so the transition requires effort or I potentially remain vulnerable to her in the future. I can't ever have her back. "She's not worth it and I deserve better". I repeat this over and over...it helps.

 

I am certain she will one day show up at my door looking for forgiveness of all of her Wickedness and Deception. Knowing all of the truth about the real depth of her infidelity helps me say, NO-NEVER-NOT A CHANCE.

 

 

When things really get hard, remind yourself what your daughter had to find out and witness! That poor girl's head will never be right, and her mother doesn't give a damn about her, she only cares about the dick she's getting!

 

Someone reffered to closing the door in her face, more like slam the door in her face! Stay strong! Yes' she'll come crawling back one day sooo sorry she hurt you and your daughter, too late, damage is done!!