bboy Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I'm slowly sliding into acceptance. Feelings of anger, grief, guilt, frustration is slowly fading away and an insight that this person will no longer be in my life is becoming more apparent than before. It's a miserable feeling. Genuine memories of good and bad becomes more clear and while I have an understanding that the bad was obvious there is no denial that some things where very good also. If not, I wouldn't have fallen in love with this person. I don't regret at all for the time spent, it's just a sad feeling that it didn't work out that embraces me. I will not have any new memories with this person. I can push the feeling away and keep the thoughts in control. But sometimes I don't have the energy and just want to sit and stare out through the window.
edgeofdarkness Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 no acceptance is oh well it was fun while it lasted, never mind, im an altogether happier guy for the experience. you're sliding into convincing yourself, it comes before acceptance, but youll get there, just smile because at least your still breathing and have another day of life to live, so live it.
Author bboy Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 That would be more of indifference to me. Guess the "terminology" can be discussed? Of course it was fun while it lasted and my vision of the future doesn't include her at all.
edgeofdarkness Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 dont they say thats the opposite to love, indifference? yeah, thats where you want to be but with no animosity or rancour.
Beeotch Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 That would be more of indifference to me. Guess the "terminology" can be discussed? Of course it was fun while it lasted and my vision of the future doesn't include her at all. Yep you're right. There is denial, acceptance and moving on (which usually comes with more detachment or indifference). Acceptance is simply when you settle into becoming accustomed to the situation as is and are no longer trying to "fix" things. You accept more and more each day and then you finally get to that moving on phase where you're not sad or reliving memories as much anymore and your future seems bright.
Author bboy Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 You accept more and more each day and then you finally get to that moving on phase where you're not sad or reliving memories as much anymore and your future seems bright. This is in a way what I expect but also fear a bit. You realize there is a future that could actually be quite bright. It's just that this person doesn't have part of this future. In a way I should stand up and yell "Hurray, my life is moving on!". However this is not the case. It's not about invested efforts or the great future plans. It's the feeling that this individual that I know I once appreciated the company of, is somewhat banned from my future. It is like someone passed away sort of?
edgeofdarkness Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 yeah its mourning but you have to move on, you dont mourn all your life becos theres no going back, people who cant get over the death of a relationship, or a real death even stay stuck and fail to move on. the trick is to be glad they were here but know that moving on is perfectly normal becos everything starts everything ends and the middle bit is an i dont know but it was fun while it lasted, thanks and let go.
You Go Girl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I think the trick may be in banning the "what ifs". What if they hadn't done that one thing... What if they had listened to me and taken me seriously... What if _______? fill in the blank. If you let yourself go down what-if lane, you end up fantasizing the what-if outcome, that will never happen, and you realize you are down a lane all by yourself and it isn't real, and will never happen. People are like drugs. We get addicted to them, and there is a withdrawal stage. A large part of not feeling withdrawal symptoms is finding enthusiasm for your new life and not sabotaging it with inactivity. Now if I could only take my own advice.
PrettyPoppy Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Well relationships operate on the same continuum as substances, but worse. All have incremental reinforcement patterns that creates addictive attachment (Ref: Pavlov's dog by BF Skinner) Why worse than drugs/booze? I've never had a beer tell me about it's terrible childhood, call me at 2 am crying or text message me that it's absolutely false that it can make me drunk and obviously I'm delusional to accuse it of such things.
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