Distance_Sucks Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) Hi, my first post here, though I am a long time reader. Anyways, I'll give a brief summary on the situation with my ex without going into too many details. Skip down for tldr. We met online in the fall of 2008 through World of Warcraft. He lives in Houston and I lived in Tampa. We visited each other a few times and developed the relationship long distance, played lots of games together, before we decided that I would move over to be with him, which I did in the summer of 2009. We got along great during the visits and online, and I believe to this day that we are really compatible. We had lots of fun together and made each other happy. I was supposed to find a job in Houston and move out to my own apartment, but it ended up being harder than expected so the move never happened. Still, it was great at first, we were each other's first relationship, and I was just really happy to be with him, and he was the same with me, and we really loved each other. I still love him. However, mistakes were made, like I never was able to find a job so I never moved out, some small issues never got taken care of that should have been handled at the start, but instead were talked about a little and then dropped (his personality is that he doesn't really like to have relationship talks, and shuts down and wants to stop after 10 mins, and even then I did most the talking), so those issues just grew and became something more than they were (when they should have been easily compromised early on), the relationship became routine sadly, being happy together was normal, so any fights were amplified. I think he started to take me for granted almost, and stopped working so hard on the relationship and giving or doing little things for me, so I subconsciously felt that and gave more to the relationship, we had a couple big fights, almost broke up once but kept going, yet the underlying issues were never handled even in the big fights, because both of us never realized they were there, and I only realized until after everything was over. I ended up taking more and more of the blame for anything that went wrong until everything was my fault. Anyways, I gave more and more to the relationship, making him happy became my life, so like all lopsided things, it collapsed a month after he started a new job that took up a lot of his time and made him tired, we had another fight, and he told me that he no longer had romantic feelings for me, and didn't want to work things out again. So he broke up with me and I moved home to Tampa last Sunday. I don't need to be told what went wrong, because I know. He doesn't know what really went wrong, though. However I told him on the Sunday I talked to him after getting home, that there was more to what happened than what he thought (I figured a lot out on the car drive home, since I was never able to talk really deeply with him for his personality reason and that I didn't want to anger him, so all the underlying issues became attached to another issue and we only fought about that one thing), so maybe that got him thinking, I am not sure. I know he misses me and misses what we had together. I spent my last few hours with him playing a game with him and having a good time. We promised to be best friends, though he said he thinks we shouldn't talk much the first week or two. I know he still has great affection for me as a friend, but his romantic feelings for me are gone. I read online here that indifference is the worst thing to happen, and I know he isn't indifferent to me. He will also have to deal with noticing my lack of presence since I lived with him in his house for a year and we did everything together. I realize now that the relationship, although it was great most of the time, was flawed, and the only way to ever have a chance to be truly happy together was for this break to happen, as hard as it is for me to be without him. I know he misses me too. I did beg and cry when I talked to him about it while I still lived with him, but then accepted it and had a plan to get him to fall in love with me again by being his best friend and then taking it from there, however, he wanted me to move out and I had no choice so I did. So now he's still in Houston and I am back in Tampa. I haven't talked to him since Monday when I asked for advice on a new computer monitor since my old one had died. I have started no contact, following the advice on the how to get your ex back ebooks and internet posts/threads, cause that's what I ultimately want to do. I want him back. I am however working on improving myself in the meantime. I figure that if I become a better person, I'll become more interesting to him and he can fall in love with me again, even if we're long distance. Plus, we'll have the happy memories to go on, and I have told him during the talks I had with him while I was there that the future is uncertain and if we start afresh someday, it'll be much better. So I am hoping that planted a seed that could grow someday. I have not talked to him about the relationship since moving home and he has not contacted me since Monday. tldr: Met boyfriend online and moved states to live with him. Lived together for a year, develop a strong bond from doing everything together First relationship for both of us, but it was great to start off with Lots of happy times but underlying issues were never taken care of Relationship became routine and lopsided when I started giving way more than him Had a couple big fights due to issues that were never worked out Last fight he ended it saying his romantic feelings were gone We promised to be best friends, I still love him though I had to move out back home, long distance again No contact since this Monday, but I know he misses me and misses what we had I want to try again with him because I know we can be happy together with a better relationship now that I know what mistakes not to make I realize we both need time apart, though, and he also needs to grow and deal with his issues Would like advice on what to do to help get him back. Already following: NC. Work on self. After a month or so if he hasn't contacted me, initiate low contact. Hopefully he sees how much I have changed and bettered myself. Hopefully get the spark back into our relationship. Edited August 20, 2010 by Distance_Sucks
skydiveaddict Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 DO NOT try to get him back. If he wants to come back, he will. Don't try to force it. it will only break you heart. So move on like he's not there anymore, cause he isn't. The only way he will come back is if he wants to.
Beeotch Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Haven't read your "summary" lol but I will say this: Self growth should never be only in hopes of getting someone else back, it is almost like a sure-plan in fact that you won't get them back, as it is NOT genuine but a ploy. You can't fool the universe. Many people have come on LS scheming and dreaming of trying to get their ex back and what happens eventually is that they actually come to a point of realizing hey, I actually don't want this person back. It's hard to believe.....but yeppss....maybe 9/10 people move on with their lives and heal and go on to new people or a happy single life and chuckle at the days they wanted their ex back. I do believe in second chances....but I believe they only occur and last when it is natural. Which usually means, both people live different and complete lives, have self growth and aren't pining after the relationship. Then some time down the road it comes back around again when BOTH are in a better place. Anything else is usually a big hot mess that doesn't last. Read the second chance forum, there are MANY examples, even my own from a year ago lol. Soo I can't tell you how to get your ex back except to say that the "trick" is, when your life is complete without this person and you've grown genuinely and it truly doesn't matter that much to get them back then if it is meant to be chances pop up for you to reconcile.
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