whitesnow Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I have a four year relationship with my bf and I am currently 7 mos pregnant. Last February, we decided to move in with his parents house to help us financially with the upcoming baby. Initially his mom was okay about it... however a few weeks ago (last week of July) his mom and I had an argument about us staying in her house. She told me of what she really felt and says that she doesnt like me to be the wife of his son, simply because, I do not serve him well, we are incompatible and I do not comply with her household rules. She wants us to move out pronto. This was very unexpected and came a shock to us both. We are very unprepared but still his mom's attitude was unbearable.... The slightest mistake I do, like I didnt arrange the chairs in their proper order... I didnt turn off the lights after I used them.. She freaks out. So we moved out, stayed in the hotel for 5 days while looking for a decent apartment in the city. I was having all the discomforts of my big belly riding the car for 8 hrs looking for a place. My bf cant decide which ones to get. In the end, I had to go home to my parents house which is 1 hr plane ride. I had to fake my medical cert because my OB didn't agree with me traveling by plane. I have low lying placenta and for all the stress for the last few weeks (family issues, inlaws trouble), I had some spotting. I beg him to get us any apartment because I dont want to go home to my disappointed parents also because of the advice of my OB. Still he convinces me this is the most practical way and we can save money for my upcoming delivery. Even though I don't have job right now.. I made sure that I have saved half the amount of the expected expenses.. yet he did not consider this. My mom was shocked upon seeing me in the airport because i have deep dark swollen eyes from crying and not being able to sleep. After arriving, I immediately went for consult. I have cough and colds, plus danger of being diabetic. I have yet to confirm this when the lab test arrives. For now, he still stays with his parents house to save money from rent. Although he says his mom and him are not in speaking terms due to what happened. I told him I will never go back to his state.. I plan to stay close to my parents house. Get a new apartment. I asked him if he has plans to transfer and moved in with me here. But he says that his company is offering him to travel abroad and have training on November. (my due is last week of Oct) After training, he will have to stay in the company for a year and it seems to me he has no plans to move in with me considering the opportunity at work. Maybe I am just afraid of raising the baby alone. If my child grows up around age 5 and ask me where his daddy is? What can I say? He wont understand these things... I am trying to get back on my career... but with all that's happening, its hard and I am an emotional wreck. Also, Id like to mention that he cannot marry me because he is married to someone else. To cut the long story short. He got married around 2001 and his wife separated after 9 mos of marriage. They have no children. We met around 2006 and he promises to get annulment but until now, theres no contract signing (w his lawyer) or any progress. He promised me that he will follow up these things to make the bond bet us legal and to legitimize our child. I dont know what to think anymore. I loved this man like crazy and I did everything to make this relationship work. But I feel hopeless with whats happening and now I see no future bet us.
Clep Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I am understanding from this post that the two of you are now split up long term without saying it verbally, so he can save money while backing his mom, and because you won't live in the same state his parents live in. He convinces you that what is the most practical way....having you move to your parents and him move back to his parents? If none of this had happened would he still be travelling abroad? Did you know about this? Has he asked you to go with him? Basically he used this opportunity to get out of the relationship from what I can see, now it is work. I don't know where you are from but I thought after years of marriage it has to be a divorce. An annulment only happens under certain circumstances and within a certain period of time. Your child who is five will hopefully have contact with his dad. I wouldn't worry too much about what will happen in five years though. You have several years to worry about that, I would be just taking care of the next six months. Have you both talked about the role he intends to play as a father?
blair08 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I remember reading some of your other posts, and honestly, I think you're better off where you are with your family. You need proper medical attention for you and the baby. If he isn't willing to come be with you and the baby it might be for the best. Sounds like alot of stess just to be with him, you don't need all of that.
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