Would you start a realtionship with someone who is moving in 6 months?

[SadandConfusedWA]

I am curious. I am chatting to this really cute guy on OKC and there are no red flags so far. I am hesitant to meet him because of his upcoming move to another state in January next year.

 

I mean what's the point of investing into something with an expiry date?

 

Would you refuse to date someone great for this reason? I am after a LTR only.

[Ruby Slippers]

If I wanted LTR only, I wouldn't get mixed up with him.

[Confused100]

I don't think I would. Especially if you're only interested in an LTR. Just going to set yourself up for heartbreak when they inevitably have to move.

[skydiveaddict]

Distance means nothing to me at all, It wouldn't scare me away in the least. What if he turns out to be "the one" and you threw it all away over a few plane tickets?

[zengirl]

I am curious. I am chatting to this really cute guy on OKC and there are no red flags so far. I am hesitant to meet him because of his upcoming move to another state in January next year.

 

I mean what's the point of investing into something with an expiry date?

 

Would you refuse to date someone great for this reason? I am after a LTR only.

 

If you hit it off, would you be willing to move where he's moving at some point? Is he ever coming back? If it has a true expiry date and you're looking for a LTR, of course there's little point, but would it really be an ending or just a transition period.

[SadandConfusedWA]

He is going to be there for 18 months. I would be open to moving but I want to finish my work contract which is ending 12 months after he leaves.

 

So we are looking at 12 months apart at least. He is moving to 1-hour plane ride away place.

 

Am I being to rigid by refusing to even meet?

[zengirl]

He is going to be there for 18 months. I would be open to moving but I want to finish my work contract which is ending 12 months after he leaves.

 

So we are looking at 12 months apart at least. He is moving to 1-hour plane ride away place.

 

Am I being to rigid by refusing to even meet?

 

That's up to you.

 

I'm sure people have worked out more difficult things and he isn't leaving tomorrow. I'm not sure I'd put up with a LDR for a year if I wasn't already into a guy (and even then, I'd have to be already invested and in love and see no way around being apart for that long). But people do it, and I've known people who did it for a year or longer with much farther distance.

 

You have to do what you think will work out best for you.

[shadowplay]

I'm in a similar situation. Just started talking to a gorgeous, interesting fellow who lives 65 miles from me. He asked me if I have any desire to move to NY any time soon. I can't decide whether it's worth investing the time to keep up a correspondence. I really like him.

[Jilly Bean]

He is going to be there for 18 months. I would be open to moving but I want to finish my work contract which is ending 12 months after he leaves.

 

So we are looking at 12 months apart at least. He is moving to 1-hour plane ride away place.

 

Am I being to rigid by refusing to even meet?

 

Oh, boy. Here we go again!

 

Do you not see how unhealthy it is to think this way about someone you've never met? You're already considering moving to be with him and calculating how long you'd be apart?

 

How about try meeting someone in real life, dating for a few months, and then mapping out your future? You just seem to live this whole thing in your head before you even meet a guy.

[skydiveaddict]

He is going to be there for 18 months. I would be open to moving but I want to finish my work contract which is ending 12 months after he leaves.

 

So we are looking at 12 months apart at least. He is moving to 1-hour plane ride away place.

 

Am I being to rigid by refusing to even meet?

 

 

I did a tour in Iraq and two in Afghanistan, along with thousands of other guys, most of whom are married. We all seemed to make it work. If you're not even going to meet this guy cause it might mean a one hour plane ride to make it work than I have very little sympathy for you

[meerkat stew]

It's... just... a.... DATE. Why does it always have to be the start of some inevitable process or life decision? You are sucking all the life and mystery out of it and leaving only the angst. Turn off the left brain a bit, Ms. Frege, and you might actually start to have some FUN!

[TaurusTerp]

Oh, boy. Here we go again!

 

Do you not see how unhealthy it is to think this way about someone you've never met? You're already considering moving to be with him and calculating how long you'd be apart?

 

How about try meeting someone in real life, dating for a few months, and then mapping out your future? You just seem to live this whole thing in your head before you even meet a guy.

 

+1

 

See how it goes. Cross that bridge in 5 months. Stop getting in your head.

[temporaryvisa]

to answer your title, yep. i would love to have a fun relationship with someone for however long. It would mean amazing memories.

[zengirl]

Oh, boy. Here we go again!

 

Do you not see how unhealthy it is to think this way about someone you've never met? You're already considering moving to be with him and calculating how long you'd be apart?

 

How about try meeting someone in real life, dating for a few months, and then mapping out your future? You just seem to live this whole thing in your head before you even meet a guy.

 

In general, I agree with you, but it is odd to start a relationship off with a timetable looming and put no consideration into it, too. Mostly, her responses there were prompted by questions. I think I'd not see a guy with a looming timetable precisely because it would make me want to go into "future" mode more and I do tend to live in the moment.

 

That said, I've had a relationship break up over a fellow moving away for a great, awesome job and it being absolutely infeasible for me to ever go with him, unless we were married or I just didn't work (both of which he suggested but I didn't dig), which was too much after 6 months. So, my views are likely more based on this and I would be more cautious about these things than others, maybe. Of course, I wouldn't meet the fellow. And I also wouldn't think twice about not meeting the fellow.

Edited August 20, 2010 by zengirl

[pandagirl]

Wait a second. You're already picturing yourself in a LDR with him!? Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself a little?

 

Why don't you meet him first and then worry about the rest later. Or if it's bothering you so much that he is moving, then just forget about him.

 

EDIT: My boyfriend told me he was moving about two weeks into dating him. Whether he kept that to himself in the beginning or not, I have no idea, but I don't think he knew he'd feel that serious about me until it actually happened.

Edited August 20, 2010 by pandagirl

[homersheineken]

Wait a second. You're already picturing yourself in a LDR with him!? Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself a little?

 

Why don't you meet him first and then worry about the rest later. Or if it's bothering you so much that he is moving, then just forget about him.

 

EDIT: My boyfriend told me he was moving about two weeks into dating him. Whether he kept that to himself in the beginning or not, I have no idea, but I don't think he knew he'd feel that serious about me until it actually happened.

Something similiar happened to me. I knew I was moving in 2 months 1000 miles away and had no idea I'd fall for this girl - neither did she. We decided to try it out over the summer anyways (having no expectations) and we fell hard, kept close and she moved out to be with me.

 

It can happen, but don't plan on it and deal with it when it gets to that point.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't see this as living in my head at all. Actually, we had a phone call today and had a discussion about LDRs if it were to come to that point.

 

We both prefaced this with OMG I can't believe we are talking about this! He was also concerned about it. It would be totally different if I were just out to have a fun, casual relationship. But I know what I want and that is a long term partner. Of course I have to take something like this into consideration. I don't see how pondering this is silly at all. When you are openly discussing this with the other person involved, it stops being in your head. BTW we discussed 18 months/12 months schedule too.

Edited August 20, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA

[zengirl]

I don't see this as living in my head at all. Actually, we had a phone call today and had a discussion about LDRs if it were to come to that point.

 

We both prefaced this with OMG I can't believe we are talking about this! He was also concerned about it. It would be totally different if I were just out to have a fun, casual relationship. But I know what I want and that is a long term partner. Of course I have to take something like this into consideration. I don't see how pondering this is silly at all. When you are openly discussing this with the other person involved, it stops being in your head. BTW we discussed 18 months/12 months schedule too.

 

How many times have you spoken? Was this the first call? For a fellow to be doing this in an early conversation with you, I would find this extremely odd, much more so than you thinking about it.

[northstar1]

In general, yes. With a few 'if's. If it was for a closed period of time, ie. a year or two. Not indefinite. IF there would be equal opportunity to see each other regularly (ie. every few months etc) and both were on the same page with the end result. Back in the same city at some point.

 

Fact is most relationships dont' last, whether it's in the same place or not. Some of the strongest connections I've had and greatest love affairs have come with ones that only lasted months, or one of both of us moved apart.

[northstar1]

I don't see this as living in my head at all. Actually, we had a phone call today and had a discussion about LDRs if it were to come to that point.

 

We both prefaced this with OMG I can't believe we are talking about this! He was also concerned about it. It would be totally different if I were just out to have a fun, casual relationship. But I know what I want and that is a long term partner. Of course I have to take something like this into consideration. I don't see how pondering this is silly at all. When you are openly discussing this with the other person involved, it stops being in your head. BTW we discussed 18 months/12 months schedule too.

 

Sorry, but have you actually met yet in person?

[carhill]

I doubt it. OP, meet in person *before* discussing options/paths/futures. Please

[Jilly Bean]

I don't see this as living in my head at all. Actually, we had a phone call today and had a discussion about LDRs if it were to come to that point.

 

We both prefaced this with OMG I can't believe we are talking about this! When you are openly discussing this with the other person involved, it stops being in your head. BTW we discussed 18 months/12 months schedule too.

 

I think this surmises a lot of your dating problems, SAD. I think you completely lack the ability to see red flags.

 

Just because someone will engage in an inappropriate conversation, doesn't make it healthy.

 

It's completely nuts to have this kind of conversation with a stranger. But, you seem to really have this bad habit of over-investing for weeks and months in some kind of fantasy land, before you meet the guy and then DQ him.

 

I have to wonder if you engage in these things in order to avoid anything legitimate and real.

 

If you really want a LTR, like you claim, then you wouldnt be wasting your time talking to guys for weeks only to DQ them in person (btw,with the last guy - you talked for a month before meeting - how did you not know he was uninitelligent in all of that time? What did you talk about before meeting that was so different than in-person conversation?) nor discussing LDR logistics with a stranger.

 

 

When I did OLD, I'd get creeped out when a guy would say before we met something like, "So, if things go well on our first date, maybe we can xyz on the second!". I wasn't even thinking beyond date one, and was disturbed he was getting so ahead of himself. I couldn't imagine talking to a stranger about 2 years from now. lol

[carhill]

After a couple of brief conversations online/on the phone, 'Hey, you sound interesting. Let's meet for lunch tomorrow'

[electricity]

I did a tour in Iraq and two in Afghanistan, along with thousands of other guys, most of whom are married. We all seemed to make it work. If you're not even going to meet this guy cause it might mean a one hour plane ride to make it work than I have very little sympathy for you

 

Major props to you. I'm in a trans-Pacific LDR right now, and it's been pretty difficult so far.

 

That said, OP, it's up to you. I'd say at least meet him, have that first date. What if things don't work out? Then he can leave in 6months and you won't regret not having given it a try. If you hit it off and by Jan next year are very attached, trust me, 1hr plane ride is nothing.

[SadandConfusedWA]

What's DQ Jilly?

 

I understand what you are saying and you and I are very different. I am very much a worrier and don't live in the present. I have identified this as one of my main problems in life in general (not just dating).

 

FYI, this guy and me have spoken on the phone twice. We have casually corresponded for about a month before that. I correspond with around 6 guys at a time exchanging an e-mail per day or so. I am trying to be pickier in whom I meet.

 

With the other guy that I met, well he is still in the picture (more on that in a second - let's call him J). I did see that he is unintelligent before we met (well, he is actually of average intelligence). But we had a lot of common interests, similar goals and I was willing to over-look that if there was a spark in person. Lack of that spark only highlighted other deficiencies.

 

Anyhow, I had a long phone call with J yesterday and tried to tell him that I don't think things will work out with us. He actually cried and wants to hang out as friends to see if anything develops. I am going to watch him play a gig on Saturday night and then we are having cocktails. I probably should have said no, but since he is only asking for friendship I don't see why not.