xerofate Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I was just saying to you how weird it was how we met: me asking for a penpal in the break up forums, you being the only one who responded. So much has changed for me since then, and I have learned so much about myself, about life, and about love. We started out just as pen-pals. You picking me up when I fell, offering advice, helping me cope. It was with you that I got over her (and you know who I am talking about) so quickly, so easily. You helped me to gain my self confidence back, to help me grow and heal quickly. And just for that, I am forever, FOREVER, in your debt. But then it grew to more. I remember how nervous I was takling to you for the first time on the phone. New Years Eve, to be exact. I had no idea why I was so nervous. I had never seen you, never heard your voice, never spoken your name aloud to anyone. Yet me stomach was doing flips, I was dizzy, my palms were sweating.... Coupled with the freezing cold winter, I was pretty miserable. Yet I waited, as the phone rang another time... and another... and another. Then, Voicemail. I was supremly dissapointed for some odd reason. I don't know if it was fate pushing me to make that call, or if it was instinct.... But when that voicemail picked up, my heart sank. But then....... My phone beeped. I looked down, and there was your number, on my phone, for the first of many, many times. I put on my cool guy voice. "Hey...." and immediatly thought of what a dork I was. I'm fairly certain you had the same thought. We talked for about thirty minutes that night. Well... Let me rephrase that. I talked for about thirty minutes that night, as when I am nervous the part of my brain that controls my mouth seperates from the part of my brain that handles other functions, such as listening, asking questions, and breathing. But I remember getting off the phone, and thinking "Wow... she's even better in kind-of-person." I also remember not being able to wait to talk to you again. And I did, the next night. Do you remember what I did? I'm sure you do. You still get a kick out of the dumbass things I say and do. But that night, we talked for longer. Significantly longer. The next night, longer still. We became more then pen-pals. We became friends. And it was during this time that I let my guard down enough for you to see the real me: Not the cocky, arrogant guy who could take on the world. The sensitive, caring, loving guy, with a heart of gold, a great personality, an amazing sense of humor, and best of all.... Humble! Seriously though, you brought out me. Not me trying to be cool, not me trying to impress you, but the real me. The guy who could say "I will straighten your hair!" and "I am the weiner whisperer....". Among other things, which probably shouldn't be mentioned on the internet. But then a twist, a slight change in feelings happend. A shift in the way I saw you.... I don't know what caused it, or when it happend, but all of a sudden.... I was falling for you. And my brain said "NO! it is TOO SOON! This will only be a rebound, this will not work, and it will end badly for both of you!" And I ignored my heart, and concentrated on my feelings. There would come a time when I was ready to love again, and my head said that this was NOT the time. And we continued talking. Every night. Until 3, 4, sometimes five in the morning. And I continued ignoring my heart, concentrating on my brain, and it's constant repetition of "It is too soon." Days passed, and we talked. You would talk of friends, such as the beefy one, mr. cop (younger) and mr. cop (older). Or of past loves, who were stupid enough to hurt you (Heart: I would never do that... Head: Shaddup you!) or to betray you (Heart: Who on gods green earth would be dumb enough to do that! Head: I swear I will make you stop beating...) But then one day, You spoke of a friend who it was obvious to me that liked you. It turned out it was obvious to you as well. But my heart had been ignored enough. Now, if only I could get the perfect words out. I waited until the perfect moment to declare my feelings for you.... and it passed. I choked. Got scared. Shaddup when I should have talked. But later that night, at the most inoportune time, I said the words that my heart had wanted to say for so long, said what was truly, honestly on my mind. But somehow between my heart and my mouth, mr. brain stepped in for one final showing of power. When I meant to say "I am so falling for you, and I want to be with you...." what came out was "So yeah, I like you.... but lets see other people." And I think that is enough for now. How long until you find this? I don't know... chances are not too long, as we just spoke of this board today. And sharting is NOT part of my adl, tyvm! I love you, with all that I am, all that I have been, and all I ever will be.
aerogurl87 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Aww I hope she sees this, whoever she is. That was so sweet.
carvidep Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 cuuuuuute!!! I hope she finds it too!! good luck!
Author xerofate Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 So where was I? Oh yes, the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life. "So yeah, I like you.... but lets see other people." Needless to say, I was a bit confused on how to properly ask women out. Especially over the phone. My mind was now, as opposed to refusing to accept my feelings, accepting them only grudgingly. Half-heartedly, if you will. I wanted you. I wanted you like no one has ever wanted someone else in the entirity of the human race. I wanted you like the flower wants the rain. I wanted you to be mine, all mine, no one elses. My girl, my lover, everything. And it came out "Lets see other people." After which I, for some reason feeling satisfied that the proper message was delivered, said something along the lines of "Ok cool... well, gonna hit the gym. Talk to you in a bit?" It was during my 20 minute run (something that to this day amazes me I was able to accomplish...) that it hit me. Literally, I stopped running, and said "Holy ****, I'm a f'ing DUMBASS." Apparently I might have intended to say it, but from the looks of those around me, I think I might have yelled it. Perhaps screamed it. Suddenly, I had grown two heads in the middle of the gym. The person next to me asked "Uh... everything ok?" I looked at him and said "Women." As usual when a man says that single word to another man, everything was explained. I remember the drive home that night, the only thing racing through my head was "How can I fix this? What have I done? Did I really just tell her it's ok with me for her to date other people?" Several days passed, and I was still wondering exactly where we stood. I had not figured out how to say "So yeah, I'm a dumbass, and I know what I said the other night, but I didn't mean it at all, and it was a really stupid thing to say... in fact, I say a lot of stupid things at times, and I am fairly certain that the only reason I am still alive is due to sheer dumb luck and my abbility to duck quickly..... but anyways, yeah, I was really wrong about what I said, and I didn't know how to tell you without blathering on and on about it, like I do when I get nervous you know? It's funny- I love to tell stories, I love to make you laugh, but when I get nervous I just can't shut up, I just keep going and going until people end up zoning me out and ignoring me.... you know what I mean? Hey! You still listening? No? Sorry...." Without... well, babbling on and on. I had finally gathered my courage, for the sixth or seventh time, and I kinda spit it out... "So yeah.. (why do I start all my nervous questions that way?) I really like you, and I want you to be my girl... ya know?" And as luck would have it, I had found someone even more perfect then I had imagined. Your reply: "Well, Yeah. I mean I told you I liked you to.... and even with that... weird.... pick up... It's not like I would have dated anyone else or anything. I like you. A lot, and I want to be with you." Oh joyous day, Calu Calay... And thus, you and I, officially became a we. And so, I am able to write this. The story of Us. It's only been a short time since then. And we have definitly had our ups and downs. Sometimes more down, sometimes more up, but always together. And since that time, things have changed. Dramatically, for both of us. The seasons have passed from one to the next. Jobs have changed. Coworkers and friends have been lost and gained. Trips have been planned, canceled, and planned again. And canceled again. Phones bills have been run up, and paid for. Cars have broken, been fixed, or been totaled. But the one thing that has never changed, is our love. It has adapted, it has grown, and probably shrank. It has been challenged, it has been pushed and shoved. It has been rolled on, kicked on, probably even spit on when times were especially tough. But it has always been there. Through thick, thin, tough and easy. And it always will be. But I digress, and probably should save that sappy talk more for the end of my story, then for the begining. I will write more soon..... "I love Maggie Moos..." "You love saggy moobs?"
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