He deleted me of facebook? !!!

[lonelygurl]

People on here telling you to learn from them is ridiculous. People learn by their own mistakes not the mistakes of others. But you have to realize everyone has a different opinion.

 

I can't say why he deleted you off of facebook, but it is quite possible he is moving on and/or found someone else.

 

I know this is hard to do but you just have to leave him be for now. If he wants you he knows it. I know it is so hard to do, because I myself have experienced.

 

I can tell you my story. The first time my X left he came back 3 months later. We were together for another 3 and a half years. We were together just over 7 years. But he left again. I can't say if you will ever get back with your X and some people do work out and learn from their mistakes.

 

After a year and a half of split I just had recent contact with my X. He was excited to hear from me and was talking of getting together and possibly getting back together, but he changed his mind again. It is very hard to let go of someone we love, and it can take years to heal. You may never heal properly and you may never get over him.

 

Do your best as you can to do things to keep yourself as busy as you can. I in no way think this will take away all your pain or stop you from thinking of him, but even if it is a small break it helps.

 

I too suffer from severe depression and anxiety and am on disability right now for it. That is the same thing they tell us at the hospital is too just do little things. Even if it means reading a sentence or paragraph of a book. Or watch a movie that might make you laugh if even momentarily.

 

You can only do what you feel is best. If you decide to contact him you may not get the results you are hoping and he may crush your heart more but it is all a learning process and only you and you alone can go through it. Ignore the nasty people on here. I've read where some are dumped and pick up someone real fast. Well than I say they don't know what true, real love is.

 

BTW I am 43, been married and have had serious relationships and

You can only do what you feel is best. You may not get the results you are hoping and he may crush your heart more but it is all a learning process and only you and you alone can go through it. Ignore the nasty people on here. I've read where some are dumped and pick up someone real fast. Well than I say they don't know what true, real love is.

 

Good luck!

Edited August 21, 2010 by lonelygurl

[Don Ho]

People on here telling you to learn from them is ridiculous. People learn by their own mistakes not the mistakes of others. You can only do what you feel is best. Ignore the nasty people on here. I've read where some are dumped and pick up someone real fast. Well than I say they don't know what true, real love is.

 

Well that's all very interesting, however, if you tell your friend who is driving you in the car on a mountain road that you have driven dozens of times and they have never driven it, then tell them so make sure they slow down enough around this particular curve, then you are preventing them from making a mistake (in this example a potentially fatal one) .... based on what you have learned. The learned from your experience with out going off the cliff. Or would it have been better if they learned it on their own?

 

Likewise, many members on LS have much more experience than others in dealing with breakups and relationships, especially the newer LS members. People learn through the experience of others and from the advice of others and that's why I think this forum is so valuable to its members.

 

I disagree that you can only do what feels best. With the amount of emotion that a Dumpee is under, very often they are unable to use their good judgment and make the best decision. Every dumpee WANTS to call, text, email or see their Ex. In their state of mind, they fool themselves into thinking that contacting their Ex is what feels best even though the best course of action the majority of time would be for them NOT to contact their Ex. You see time and time again the rationalizations and justifications they will make for contacting their Ex. In the short term they may think it's what "feels best" to do, but it is not and in the long run they prolong their pain and suffering.

 

I'm not sure what "nasty" people you're talking about here on LS. I suppose if you think LS members going against what the OP wanted to do or hear is nasty, so be it. I don't think I was nasty to Paddy; it seemed that I, and others here, thought she was not hearing our advice. I might have, for example, come on a little strong. Sure, I could coddle them and enable them and blow sunshine up their arse but I don't think that would be very helpful.

 

Lonelygurl has read on here that some on here are dumped and pick up someone very fast ... that they don't know what true love is. I know that I have advised members to get busy, workout, improve themselves and start dating. I don't see how starting to date someone diminishes the love they feel or felt for the Ex. It's called moving on with life. How long are you suppose to be depressed, miserable and alone to prove that it was true love? One month? Six months? 2 years?

 

I have commented that in previous breakups I sat at home miserable for months and did not date. Know what it got me? Months of being miserable. This time around a woman fell into my lap. No, she's not my Ex. No, I don't care for her the way I did my ex (as of yet). But I can tell you this: it certainly helped with my confidence and helped me get my mind off my Ex.

 

I think when 90% of the posters on your thread give you the same advice, they probably have been there and learned the hard way. And when so many give you the same advice, it probably best for you, despite what makes you feel best, to take their advice.

[padawan]

Hi everyone,

 

Sorry I've been online after 24 hours without sleep and over analysing I finally crashed and slept. I got up feeling like I was dreaming or this might have been a bad hangover. All the same I got tired of thinking of could would if's, might and should be's and decided to confront the situation head fast. So I sent an email (I thought this might be the best mode of conduct especially as it looks like I have used the least effort). I have copy pasted the email below. I should add that no I did not do it expecting a response, regardless of what anyone thinks but for you to move forward you require full closure and I believe it is an essential component and step one of the healing process. After dating for two years and being back and forth friends or more for an additional year and half, perhaps he is also hurting thus why he deleted me and also trying to move on. All the same here's the email:

 

Hi ____________,

 

It has been a while and I haven't heard from you, so just thought I would check in and say hi and see how you are doing? I've been well, been pretty busy this summer job hunting and training for my entry exams. Hope you are well and your family is well also, please pass my regards.

 

I was going to send you a facebook message, did I miss the memo with the heading 'we not friends anymore'? If it is I thought we were close enough to discuss whatever misunderstandings might have arose. I am not sure what misunderstandings might have arose or what could have been misconstrued. Especially since I have been pretty low key and have kept away from the environs of Nairobi.

 

I always thought we had a foundation of a friendship at least and I always considered you one of the best friends I could call upon. I am not angry and have prayed to God on this and wish you from the bottom of my heart every bit of happiness and success in your life, even if that means me not in your life makes you happy.

 

God bless you.

 

Best Regards,

 

__________

 

I know quite a lot of you will disapprove of this action and perhaps I should not have tried to contact him. Perhaps he is trying to finally move on who knows. I find it strange because he always spoke about long term reconciliation especially after I graduate and I am destined to move back to my country of residence where he is.

 

With regards to his mother perhaps it may be unwise to text her this year, especially because I have not received an email from him. This might just push him further over the edge, what do you think?

 

Is there a chance in the future he will come back or we shall be friends? And for everyone pessimistic I am friends with my first ex and happy we both are very cordial. I am willing in the future to have in my life as just a friend, I think its sad to share such a meaningful part of your life as an adult with someone and just cut them out forever. As long as you are both over it and mature about it, friendship can work out, but it also depends on the situation and the characters involved.

 

I welcome all feed back

 

XXX

[LisaLee]

So did he get back to you?

[HopeLove]

In my case I'm the dumpee and I was the one deleting him from fb and I did it only three months after the breakup and I did it because I had the feeling he would do it one day and I felt that the pain would be more bearable if I deleted him instead of him deleting me.

You mentioned he talked about you getting together several times. Why didn't you get together?

He probably deleted you because he wants to move on. I doesn't matter he's doing it now and not a year ago. I don't think he used it as a way to get a response from you.

NC contact might help, but sometimes contact helps as well, so don't blame yourself because you send him an email. If you did so was because you felt the urge to do so, so if it works for you than it's fine.

Second chances exists, I know few cases but they do but I also think they can happen if BOTH want to get back together. Unfortunatelly there's not enough if you ONE want it.

I'm still in love with my ex but as time goes on I realised more and more he doesn't care about me despite once he did. I don't have onther option but to move on. I can only advice you to try to move on because otherwise you'll be stuck in this pain.

If he truly loves you he'll come back to you and fb is not everything.

[VeveCakes]

Don't you just love when people ask for advice and then do the exact opposite?

 

Interested in hearing his response/if he responds.

[edgeofdarkness]

u never get answers or u always get excuses, sometimes even lies but never the truth and closure means u closing the book not them.

This one will run and run, popcorn all round....

[padawan]

So yes I got a reply:

 

"...Im well and sounds like you are doing good. Just deleted everyone i havent spoken to in the last 3month its nothing personal or directed towards you...."

 

I know his reply seems short and to the point but thats the sort of guy he is.

 

So I replied,

 

"... Dear ________,

 

Well I haven't spoken to you in a while because you haven't bothered to contact me. The last time we spoke you asked me to stop calling you and when I tried to contact you on your birthday, you did not respond. So I guessed it was safe to say you were going through your "I don't want to talk to 'padawan' " phase? All the same it's just facebook, its not the end of the world and if the honest reason to why you deleted me is due to the lack of communication, I am slightly bewildered, I never realised the lack of communication between two parties for approximately 3 months can result to such drastic measures. I have no idea what all this means, are we then just acquittances?

 

Well if you ever want to catch up you have my old celli numbers, I have a new one but I hardly use it. And I also cracked into the blackberry pressure and got a BB *(^_^)* so perhaps BBM? Anywho hope you are well.

 

Have a blessed day.

 

Regards,

 

__________ ..."

 

And well he replied ...

 

"...noted..."

 

I am not sure what to think, I know he was at work, hence why he was keeping it brief and to the point. But I am not sure what it all means? I know he can get jealous especially because I was still calling and BBM'ng my ex who is also friends with. All advice is welcome ...

[padawan]

Is he playing games? Is he trying to get closure and move on?

[Don Ho]

Paddy. Stop over analyzing and reading into his actions! This will not be want you want to hear nor what you want to believe: he responded the first time to be polite. You should not have emailed him a second time. His second email is very clear: he does not want to open lines of communication with you, i.e. "don't call me, I'll call you". PLEASE for your sanity, stop obsessing and do not contact him anymore. IF he contacts you, please ask us first how to respond. Get back to NC and move on.

[edgeofdarkness]

ok im gonna sound real mean here, and tell it like it is, you better brace yourself, please read the bit ive made bold below again,

 

u never get answers or u always get excuses, sometimes even lies but never the truth and closure means u closing the book not them.

 

So yes I got a reply:

 

"...Im well and sounds like you are doing good. Just deleted everyone i havent spoken to in the last 3month its nothing personal or directed towards you...."

 

I know his reply seems short and to the point but thats the sort of guy he is.

yeah i get it, wonder why u dont, basically hes putting u in the same bracket as everyone else hes offloading. Do u get this, the fact that hes done this to u means - youre nobody special or worth different consideration.

So I replied,

As julia roberts said big mistake, huge.

"Well I haven't spoken to you in a while because you haven't bothered to contact me. The last time we spoke you asked me to stop calling you and when I tried to contact you on your birthday, you did not respond. So I guessed it was safe to say you were going through your "I don't want to talk to 'padawan' " phase?

No he was going thru his please dont contact me phase which you chose to ignore, becos it didnt suit you to do so. Please p, we so widh u would get it!!!!!!

 

All the same it's just facebook, its not the end of the world and if the honest reason to why you deleted me is due to the lack of communication, I am slightly bewildered, I never realised the lack of communication between two parties for approximately 3 months can result to such drastic measures. I have no idea what all this means, are we then just acquittances?

he's telling u, not even that.

U r the one making a deletion off FB the end of the world, this is what this thread is all about, but then u write to him and tell him its not a big deal, who r u trying to kid, becos u dont kid us.

 

Well if you ever want to catch up you have my old celli numbers, I have a new one but I hardly use it. And I also cracked into the blackberry pressure and got a BB *(^_^)* so perhaps BBM? Anywho hope you are well.

padawan dont hold yr breath

 

 

And well he replied ...

 

"...noted..."

not giving u any hint, not giving u any lead, not giving u any encouragement, not giving u any way back in, not giving u anything.

Hes not giving, so stop trying to take....

 

I am not sure what to think, I know he was at work, hence why he was keeping it brief and to the point. But I am not sure what it all means? I know he can get jealous especially because I was still calling and BBM'ng my ex who is also friends with. All advice is welcome ...

Yeah, we can give u all the advice we want, and it may be welcome, but will u take it or even listen, i dont think so. u havent taken any notice of us at all upto now, so what difference will n e thing we say here, make????? really, i am asking...

 

Is he playing games? Is he trying to get closure and move on?

hes trying to tell u in as polite a way as he can to please will u just stop contacting me becos i sure as hell aint gonna b contacting u n e time soon!

WE GET THIS!!!!!!

Like i said,

 

u never get answers or u always get excuses, sometimes even lies but never the truth and closure means u closing the book not them.

 

he isnt going to meet u half way, not even a single step towards clearing anything up for u.

So you are definitely gonna have to take our word for it, this is a no-hoper, this is going nowehere, this is dead in the water, you are no more in his life, he doesnt want to hear from u, engage in a discussion with u or talk to u any more....

Dunno ho much clearer he could make it, we've tried, u wont take it from us, u wont take it from him....

 

So...?????

[Don Ho]

Follow what Edge is saying Paddy. It's not what you want to hear, but it's very clear. DO NOT contact him again like Warhorse suggests. You will, like Edge said, get no real answers, no "closure" and no better understanding of "what went wrong". Move on.

[lunita]

It's over. Now leave him alone and move on.

[desertIslandCactus]

Follow what Edge is saying Paddy. It's not what you want to hear, but it's very clear. DO NOT contact him again like Warhorse suggests. You will, like Edge said, get no real answers, no "closure" and no better understanding of "what went wrong". Move on.

 

No I'm not saying for her to contact him again. My suggestion was only if he should respond to her last message.

[edgeofdarkness]

No I'm not saying for her to contact him again. My suggestion was only if he should respond to her last message.

Then it will never end, back and forth, back and forth, no progress, just constantly banging the head against the wall, but i dont think he will contact her again, he clearly doesnt want to talk to her now he made that quite clear in his one-word answer, if I were him id be feeling more than a little frustrated that she simply isnt getting the message

 

dont contact me

what not at all

no not at all

ok but what about a birthday card

dont contact me

what not at all

no not at all

ok what do you mean by that

dont contact me

what not at all....

 

hello??????????????????????????????

[HopeLove]

Try reading the following books:

"He's just not that into you" and "It's called a breakup because it's broken".

You don't have anything to loose by reading them and they might give you another point of view.

[lonelygurl]

Well that's all very interesting, however, if you tell your friend who is driving you in the car on a mountain road that you have driven dozens of times and they have never driven it, then tell them so make sure they slow down enough around this particular curve, then you are preventing them from making a mistake (in this example a potentially fatal one) .... based on what you have learned. The learned from your experience with out going off the cliff. Or would it have been better if they learned it on their own?

 

Likewise, many members on LS have much more experience than others in dealing with breakups and relationships, especially the newer LS members. People learn through the experience of others and from the advice of others and that's why I think this forum is so valuable to its members.

 

I disagree that you can only do what feels best. With the amount of emotion that a Dumpee is under, very often they are unable to use their good judgment and make the best decision. Every dumpee WANTS to call, text, email or see their Ex. In their state of mind, they fool themselves into thinking that contacting their Ex is what feels best even though the best course of action the majority of time would be for them NOT to contact their Ex. You see time and time again the rationalizations and justifications they will make for contacting their Ex. In the short term they may think it's what "feels best" to do, but it is not and in the long run they prolong their pain and suffering.

 

I'm not sure what "nasty" people you're talking about here on LS. I suppose if you think LS members going against what the OP wanted to do or hear is nasty, so be it. I don't think I was nasty to Paddy; it seemed that I, and others here, thought she was not hearing our advice. I might have, for example, come on a little strong. Sure, I could coddle them and enable them and blow sunshine up their arse but I don't think that would be very helpful.

 

Lonelygurl has read on here that some on here are dumped and pick up someone very fast ... that they don't know what true love is. I know that I have advised members to get busy, workout, improve themselves and start dating. I don't see how starting to date someone diminishes the love they feel or felt for the Ex. It's called moving on with life. How long are you suppose to be depressed, miserable and alone to prove that it was true love? One month? Six months? 2 years?

 

I have commented that in previous breakups I sat at home miserable for months and did not date. Know what it got me? Months of being miserable. This time around a woman fell into my lap. No, she's not my Ex. No, I don't care for her the way I did my ex (as of yet). But I can tell you this: it certainly helped with my confidence and helped me get my mind off my Ex.

 

I think when 90% of the posters on your thread give you the same advice, they probably have been there and learned the hard way. And when so many give you the same advice, it probably best for you, despite what makes you feel best, to take their advice.

 

Just because someone says it's so doesn't make it so. But you can continue to be with the majority if you want, doesn't mean their right.

 

I didn't bother reading your whole post. And BTW a car on a road is not the same as a relationship. and no I wouldn't tell them. Everyone needs to learn on their own.

[lonelygurl]

Don't you just love when people ask for advice and then do the exact opposite?

 

Interested in hearing his response/if he responds.

 

 

People can give advise if they like but where in the rule book does it say they have to follow any of them??

[lonelygurl]

I honestly think OP contacted him seeking answers for her closure.

 

It is a lot easier to have closure when you are the dumper, and you already know all of the answers.

 

Sometimes the so-called answers surface over a period of time, but if one wishes to know Now, then asking a question is the best way to find out.

 

I completely agree!

[padawan]

I have read your replies and they have helped me gain strength. Was contacting him the right thing to do? I think yes (Lonely Girl hit the nail on the head), I needed the closure and now I am more at peace and content, to not look back with anger and if this new woman makes him happy or a life without me, then I have to accept him and wish him every bit of happiness and success.

 

Something I found perhaps I would give advice or touch upon, is also seeking peace and comfort in your faith. I am Christian and going to church this Sunday really helped me gain inner peace. On a side note, its just my two cents I am not imposing my beliefs on anyone in this forum (before I get any backlash).

 

Now my biggest dilemma is should I text the mum happy birthday or not next week? I think this time I'll go with the popularity poll. I texted last year even after we had broken up. Sooooo ??? And I know I'll bump into her when I go home.

[Don Ho]

Good for you Paddy! Sounds like you were able to finally feel some closure, realize it's over and start to move on. You sound like a different woman already. I'm sure when you read your thread after your emotions have settled, you will see how you couldn't see what was going on and that people on here were trying to help you .... and we had to give you "tough love" to try to force you to see the reality of the situation. Hang in there, you're doing better and will continue to do so. I would probably NOT text the Mum this year and let it go. It may seem rude, but I think it's better for YOU if you don't and you don't want to look to your Ex like you're using his Mum to stay attached to him. Good luck.

[VeveCakes]

No there isn't a rule about following advice, however why ask for it in the first place if you are just going to do what you want anyway. Do NOT text the mom.

[LisaLee]

Go ahead and text her, I don't see much harm. It is the thought that counts.

[DenverBachelor]

I have read your replies and they have helped me gain strength. Was contacting him the right thing to do? I think yes (Lonely Girl hit the nail on the head), I needed the closure and now I am more at peace and content, to not look back with anger and if this new woman makes him happy or a life without me, then I have to accept him and wish him every bit of happiness and success.

 

First of all, you're too co-dependent and also insecure. Something happened in your life to put you in this position, so figure it out and work on yourself and make yourself a lovable, confident and glowing person.

 

Second, it's over. Stop contacting him in all shapes and forms. Don't contact his family. If you send him mom a message, you're going to look like a serious stalker. You'll cement your image of being a crazy psycho that went bat**** insane after the break up.

 

All this with him is completely done. You need to take some time out for yourself and pursue some hobbies and enjoy being alone. Become a confident person who is resolute in her beliefs and then slowly ease back into the dating realm.

 

Everyone here gave you some great advice yet you e-mailed him anyway. You're going to do what you want to do until the pain of doing so outweighs the perceived rewards.

 

His "...noted..." means F-off. Sorry.

 

On the bright side, if who you are today did at some point attract a person like him yesterday, then the woman you will be tomorrow will attract someone much better.

[LostIsMyFav]

Sometimes, people delete other people off of facebook NOT as "I hate you I never want to see you" kinda thing. It's his way of getting more space from you and not checking up on your FB and seeing what your up to. Don't take offense to it because chances are he doesn't mean it. Me and my ex bf broke up and I deleted AND blocked him off of facebook. Not because I hate him. Not because i never want to talk to him again but because I know it's what's best for me right now.

As for texting his mom to wish her a happy birthday... I would NOT. ANY kind of contact with his family will lead you to wanting to talk to him more. And it will look like an excuse to talk to your ex. You sound like me though because I would be asking/doing the same thing you are doing right now if I was in your position. So I understand how you feel.

It's time for you to stop worrying about him!!!!! Worry and do something for yourself because YOU deserve it! Take a break! I made the mistake of worrying about what my ex bf did was doing for 3 months after we broke up and it physically and emotionally drained me. I wasn't happy! And to be honest you do not sound happy either.

You need to learn to be independent and be happy with yourself. Hang out with a BUNCH of girlfriends, talk to your family, do a favored activity you haven't done in a while, splurge on yourself and buy something you've always wanted to get. Now is the time to spoil yourself and treat yourself like royalty because it doesn't sound like he was doing that to you!

Your asking too many questions that I'm pretty sure you know the answer to already! Your driving yourself insane here and that isn't healthy. I was in a relationship that lead me into depression... never let yourself get that far hun. I'm sure you are beautiful you sound VERY nice and you can't let a boy do this to you. Remember, he who angers you, conquers you!