iamlost2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I can't get my head around this at all....... got married on saturday just gone and day later my husband said, don't think i want to be with you, you got upset at wedding for the following reasons: 1. Lying about doing a speech that had been prepared after months of saying he had written it. 2. Giving the singer and photographer and me the time for us to have the first dance, for him to then disappear to have a sneaky cig as he hasn't told his parents that he has smoked for two years, leaving me standing at the front of the hall with the singer then asking any of the guests if they would like to step up to the mark instead. When he finally appeared I said in a calm manner I was upset and that I had told the singer to go ahead with his routine due to time. He didn't leave it there and instead had his friends etc badgering me to go and dance - which kind of wound me up. At the end of the night I was upset and cried that I was disappointed in him lying for months over various things and then for important things to do with wedding. We didn't spend the night together and the following day said he didn't think we could stay together due to my anger!! - I explained it was due to him failing promises and saying things had been done and not (like the week before when there was a nail in the tyre that he said would get done before I drove for over 10 hours) only to be told when I got home that I was lucky as he didn't sort the tyre out after all!! Our honeymoon has been cancelled and he has asked for time away to gather his thoughts, I've booked two weeks alone in Florida to give him space and for me to get some sun and chill out - however, I'm worried upon my return my flat will be empty and he would have taken everything. I paid for the flat the contents etc that was all bought new 9 months ago but now we are married I am worried he will get half of all my properties along with taking my belongings whilst I'm away giving him time to think. My question which I need answered is should I ask him for the key to the flat whilst he is deciding his options and I am away???
BeagleGal Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 WHAT? OMG. What you need to do is see a lawyer. This is bull**** your ex is now telling you NOW he doesnt think he wants to be with you just after you get married. Definitely ask for the keys before you go away. Just to protect your stuff. I can't get my head around this at all....... got married on saturday just gone and day later my husband said, don't think i want to be with you, you got upset at wedding for the following reasons: 1. Lying about doing a speech that had been prepared after months of saying he had written it. 2. Giving the singer and photographer and me the time for us to have the first dance, for him to then disappear to have a sneaky cig as he hasn't told his parents that he has smoked for two years, leaving me standing at the front of the hall with the singer then asking any of the guests if they would like to step up to the mark instead. When he finally appeared I said in a calm manner I was upset and that I had told the singer to go ahead with his routine due to time. He didn't leave it there and instead had his friends etc badgering me to go and dance - which kind of wound me up. At the end of the night I was upset and cried that I was disappointed in him lying for months over various things and then for important things to do with wedding. We didn't spend the night together and the following day said he didn't think we could stay together due to my anger!! - I explained it was due to him failing promises and saying things had been done and not (like the week before when there was a nail in the tyre that he said would get done before I drove for over 10 hours) only to be told when I got home that I was lucky as he didn't sort the tyre out after all!! Our honeymoon has been cancelled and he has asked for time away to gather his thoughts, I've booked two weeks alone in Florida to give him space and for me to get some sun and chill out - however, I'm worried upon my return my flat will be empty and he would have taken everything. I paid for the flat the contents etc that was all bought new 9 months ago but now we are married I am worried he will get half of all my properties along with taking my belongings whilst I'm away giving him time to think. My question which I need answered is should I ask him for the key to the flat whilst he is deciding his options and I am away???
somedude81 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Start looking into getting your marriage annulled.
Author iamlost2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 funny enough i've been looking at the annulment today they are quoting £2k - I'm willing to pay that. I am just so so gutted and even more gutted that I have to tell all my friends and family that the happy wedding only lasted a couple of hours!! I appreciate your quick responses - thank you. I do hope that I can get through this, I am so going to be a laughing stock of my work mates. xx
edgeofdarkness Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 and this is why im never even thinking of getting married she could just walk away if she hadent married him, now she has to go the legal route, more expense, see i tell you, marriage isnt all its cut out to be. All the flags op had before she married him, why marry when your so worried about all the lying, it doesent auto stop after the wedding.
melodymatters Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Ugh, you poor thing ! Though you beat me by only about 2 weeks. Years ago I was with someone for 6 yrs when we married. We had just bought a house, had a little ceremony at the beach.....and two weeks later he just left while I was taking the dog to the vet ! I totally got it annulled though it cost MORE than a divorce. And yes, it IS embarrassing, but hold your head up, because there is something WRONG with somene who makes THAT kind of committment and then says " Ooops, I changed my mind !"
YellowShark Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 WOW! What a jerk he is. Seriously. He makes everyone go through the motions, wastes all that planning, time, effort, and money on a wedding... then breaks your heart like this? That is SERIOUSLY the lowest of the low. HE SHOULD PAY FOR THE ANNULMENT, not you.
quankanne Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I am so going to be a laughing stock of my work mates it'll only go to show what great jackasses they are if they can't find compassion within, IMO kiddo, as hurtful and embarassing as this is, his behavior is a HUGE red flag. Someone in their right mind isn't going to blow up the situation the way he has, and surely would find a better way of reconciling the problem, not saying we need to be divorced. Trust me, it's through no fault of your own should you end up going through with the annulment; your life is leading you toward something better. hugs, q
Author iamlost2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 we were dating for three years, planned wedding for a year £25k later, we had a huge wedding and ensured all was the best. This happened. As I was good with deals and had three properties under my belt I had him sign a tenancy agreement until we were married to protect my interests. That went out of the window when I signed the certificate. In relation to the lying, I tolorated it as I didn't think they were hugs unforgiven lies, like tyres or paying bills just put it down to him being relaxed in his ways. However, only have one thing to do with wedding, writing the speech and not doing it really upset me, maybe as its an emotional day - I don't know!! I so glad I stumbled upon this site, reading other peoples views, comments on what they are going through is a comfort in a strange way. http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/Fixed-Fee/Annulment.aspx is who I have been looking at to do the annulment just worried if he doesn't agree to it!!
edgeofdarkness Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 i dont think hes in a position to argue is he?
Sambo Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 wow that's a rough one! Let's not all get to hasty here. It's common for men to feel remorse after such a big event. The real question is do you love him and does he love you? If the answer is yes then try and work things out. You guys where together for a long time before this and it's worth exploring. You don't need to be in this forum yet. Find out if he still loves you (just ask) and if he does then ask him to go to counseling before you end this so fast.
Jilly Bean Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Wow! So, three years of dating, and in this time, you never saw signs of him being like this? If so, then do you think he did this to attach to your assets? And if you get an annulment, will your assets be protected?
lalalandman Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 wow, you cried at your own wedding. Not from tears of joy. That says enough right there. He's a douche bag. How did you not see this coming? This doesn't sound like erratic behavior. It sounds like someone with major ongoing problems.
edgeofdarkness Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 wow that's a rough one! yeh can u think of anything worse to do post wedding? Let's not all get to hasty here. i think she should have done it ages ago It's common for men to feel remorse after such a big event. remorse, what remorse, where is he showing remorse? Do you know what remorse means, bcos I dont think u mean remorse. you mean cold feet? The real question is do you love him and does he love you?no that's not the real question If the answer is yes then try and work things out.why would she want to do that given his behaviour and attitude during and after? You guys where together for a long time before this and it's worth exploring. i totally disagree 3 years is not long try my parents 28 years You don't need to be in this forum yet.oops too late Find out if he still loves you (just ask) and if he does then ask him to go to counseling before you end this so fast. yeah and any counsellor will ask her what the hell are you thinking, ditch this guy now!
Sambo Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 yeh can u think of anything worse to do post wedding? i think she should have done it ages ago remorse, what remorse, where is he showing remorse? Do you know what remorse means, bcos I dont think u mean remorse. you mean cold feet? no that's not the real question why would she want to do that given his behaviour and attitude during and after? i totally disagree 3 years is not long try my parents 28 years oops too late yeah and any counsellor will ask her what the hell are you thinking, ditch this guy now! I do think the guys behavior was completely overboard but people do strange things when placed under pressure and I can think of nothing more pressure filled then a wedding. I'm not saying he isn't a jerk but I can be a jerk at times to as I'm sure all men can be but it doesn't mean she should just give up. She is MARRIED now and that is a serious commitment.
edgeofdarkness Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I do think the guys behavior was completely overboard but people do strange things when placed under pressure and I can think of nothing more pressure filled then a wedding. yeh, shame he left it until after the wedding to show his true colours I'm not saying he isn't a jerk but I can be a jerk at times to as I'm sure all men can be but it doesn't mean she should just give up. why not, he has. he even let her go on honeymoon alone, didnt spend the nite of the wedding with her, doesnt that sound like he gave up before the stuff was cold? She is MARRIED now and that is a serious commitment. she knows this she was committed, try telling him that, oh yeah, hes not here hes missing, so i wonder what committment hes gonna show, huh?
Sambo Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 yeh, shame he left it until after the wedding to show his true colours why not, he has. he even let her go on honeymoon alone, didnt spend the nite of the wedding with her, doesnt that sound like he gave up before the stuff was cold? she knows this she was committed, try telling him that, oh yeah, hes not here hes missing, so i wonder what committment hes gonna show, huh? Do you know why we are all here? Because people give up to easy these days. Let's not be like them. I say that she needs to TRY with all her might before she gives up. I went to the point of the no return to save my love and I can rest easy at nights because I did all I could.
Jilly Bean Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Because people give up to easy these days. I say that she needs to TRY with all her might before she gives up. Are you kidding? He was abusive at the wedding, and then bolted so they didn't even spend the wedding night together. She'd be foolish beyond belief to try and work on anything with this turd.
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Wow girl, you gotta leave, leave, leave! This is the reason why, if I ever get married, I'm signing a very strict pre-nup. My SO would have to pay me rent before they could ever get a foot in on a mortgage payment for MY house! Coz one payment from them means they partially own your house! I hope you, and your assets, are safe. Keep us updated
edgeofdarkness Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I went to the point of the no return to save my love and I can rest easy at nights because I did all I could. hey i wanted to ask, did it work, are you back together? I take it form your last comment that no it didnt, guess why, bcos u were willing but she wasnt, heh? Just like this sitch, she may have really wanted to keep it all together it looks like he left emotionally before the event, bcos he lied to her before the wedding. one out of two isnt enuff. both have got to want this. even if she does he really doesnt. game over.
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