2ndthymearound Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I know that this is the forum for seperations, etc. but I was here just a few months ago. I just want everyone to know that you CAN make it. I thought that my marriage was over and didn't have much hope. I came here and read other posts and realized that I wasn't the only one going through this. I started working on me. We did go to counseling but the thing that helped me the most was reading, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, In Love", by Richard Carlson. I became a different person and my husband was amazed! He still hasn't read the book but he has changed as well. I started working out and feeling better about myself as well. One of the things that bothered me the most was that he wasn't showing me any affection. The craziest thing is that the reason that I was craving the affection was because I was feeling insecure about myself. Now, I am a lot more secure and I don't crave the affection anymore. He shows me more now too. I'm not saying that everyone will make it but just know that there's a chance that you can!
What_Next Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 That is fantastic!!!! Fill in the gaps in your story, how long were you married, kids? Was there any EA/PA etc? I was very close to recovering my marriage but it has fallen apart. Happy stories are good!!!!
Author 2ndthymearound Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 And there aren't very many good stories in this forum either. We've been together for 9 years, married for 6, we have a 4 year old son. There was no EA/PA on my part and as far as I know, none on his. Trust me, this was the first thing that I thought when things started going downhill. Of course I think that we all try to blame someone else or something else because it couldn't have been us, right?? After our son was born things changed a lot for us. We always put him first and didn't make enough time for us as a couple. I realize now that I was just being a miserable person and complaining about everything and letting everything get to me. I was just rotten! My husband and I both refer to that me as the "old jennifer". When he brings up stuff from the past that I did, I stop and ask him if that was the "old jennifer" that did that or the new one. And it's always the old!
worlybear Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 And there aren't very many good stories in this forum either. We've been together for 9 years, married for 6, we have a 4 year old son. There was no EA/PA on my part and as far as I know, none on his. Trust me, this was the first thing that I thought when things started going downhill. Of course I think that we all try to blame someone else or something else because it couldn't have been us, right?? After our son was born things changed a lot for us. We always put him first and didn't make enough time for us as a couple. I realize now that I was just being a miserable person and complaining about everything and letting everything get to me. I was just rotten! My husband and I both refer to that me as the "old jennifer". When he brings up stuff from the past that I did, I stop and ask him if that was the "old jennifer" that did that or the new one. And it's always the old! I don't want to rain on your parade but I'm just curious to know if you ever ask him if that was the "old husband" or the new model when(if?) you bring up stuff from the past that HE did?
Author 2ndthymearound Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Our relationship is so much more lighthearted and no one is so defensive anymore. Most of the time he is joking about it or I will say why didn't you do this or that and he'll say something about he was afraid to because he didn't know how I would react. That's when I will say that was the old me. I don't even feel the need to bring stuff up from the past at all, what good does it do anyway? Who really wants to fight about something that we can't go back and change?
hurt and devastated Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 That's great to hear! Happy stories are very few and far between here. I'm glad you both are willing to move forward and leave the past in the past. That's usually a big obstacle for people trying to get back together. The best of luck to you both. I hope it lasts.
What_Next Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I wish you nothing but the best. My advice, RUN from LS!!! Run!!! As an outsider looking in, remember that agreeing to move forward is fantastic, but if there is anything that you need to deal with from the past. Please do. Don't just sweep it under the rug. Good luck. I hope you grow old together. I really do.
Dad_of_2_great_boys Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I don't even feel the need to bring stuff up from the past at all, what good does it do anyway? Who really wants to fight about something that we can't go back and change? I wish my wife had come to this realization years ago. If I ever do enter another relationship, this is a quality I want to provide and be provided. I am very happy for your success. God bless you both.
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