"No Contact" rule - what does it mean ?

[TomerT]

May be I misrepresenter what does "No contact" mean ?

 

My girlfriend break up with me 10 days ago and already tried to contact me twice since then...

 

The first time she called me 3 days after. Told me how much she sad, how much it is hard to her to break up with me, that she loves me very much and all this stuff...of course let's be friends. At the end she told me "I love you, I miss you and you will be always on my mind", when I heard this I became really angry and reacted: "What do you mean by 'always on your mind ?', when you will sleep with your next boyfriend you will think about me ? ". Of course she didn't like it and said that she p*ssed now and we finished our conversation on this note. 3 days later she called again, but I didn't answer the phone...

 

So my question is:

If she initiating the contact with me during the first weeks - should I answer or ignore ? The problem, that it really hurts me talk to her "as a friend" like nothing happened. Seems to me when she contacting me, cause she just want me to be her "therapist" and make her to feel better. Should I "absorb" this ? Yes, I do want her back...So I don't know how to act if she contacts me again next time (and I almost sure she will). On one hand I don't want her to think that I am her "puppy" and any time she needs me she can easily reach me, I want her actually to feel "fear of loss". On the other hand, I afraid if she will feel "rejected" she can sleep with some other guy (just to feel wanted again, not cause she actually loves him. But for me it really doesn't matter much why she did it, probably I wouldn't able to "live" with this thought).

So should I answer next time ? How should I react if she keep saying that she loves me and misses me and continue to ask us to be friends ? (I do want her back . But I want it to be her deliberate decision and not emotional weakness)

[Gettingtired]

Read Caliguy's no contact guide at the below link;

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

[edgeofdarkness]

man thats brilliant. wish id had that when i got dumped. cool advice. basicaly, ignore them and treat them like crap like they treated you.

[WTRanger]

man thats brilliant. wish id had that when i got dumped. cool advice. basicaly, ignore them and treat them like crap like they treated you.

 

Wrong, all wrong. No contact isn't about revenge, or treating someone like crap. It's about you, and your healing process. If you use no contact as a tool of revenge, hatred, malice, or in any other manner than a positive healing experience for you, is like you drinking poison and wishing for the other person to die.

 

The more you wish bad things on someone or hope they are suffering just shows that you are clearly not over them and they are still living rent free in your mind.

 

Back to the OP, this girl is using you to not feel as guilty for what she did. She's also using you as a crutch for until her next man comes along. You did the absolute right thing when you made that comment to her about you always being on her mind. Do NOT feel bad for that one, as I think that's a brilliant comeback.

 

As in Caliguy's guide, you really need to not respond to her for at least 90 days while you get your mind around things. Then, using your best judgment, decide if she's contacting you in a real manner or just contacting you in the hopes of sucking some more attention out of you.

 

If she loves you and misses you, why'd she break up with you? That's just a BS line on her part to keep you on the hook.

[edgeofdarkness]

i dont wish bad on anyone. I dont care one way or the other. I got treated like crap. see how they like it. i don't answer my fone, texts email and I've blocked my FB account. I get a friend telling me "soandso" thinks your treating them like crap.

good, let em think that. I don't care one way or the other. why should they care? They dumped me, remember? what do I care if they now think im treating them like crap? Get over it I had to.

[LoveLace]

Why not just make it clear to her that you are not able to be her "friend" because you need time to move on. Perhaps down the road well after healing could you two find a genuine friendship. After setting that straight, ignore calls, if she still attempts them.

 

She broke up with you and this doesn't mean she can have half of you, it's either all of none, IMO. It wouldn't hurt for you to remind her of this...all or none. That's what's best for all involved.