Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Its not just for her, its for any woman I may get serious with. I have a tendancy to be shy, so I guess I am asking, how blunt is to blunt? For any situation.
kaycstamper Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 If your ex shows up and wants to talk, I would tell her it's not the time to talk and move on with your date. It would be rude of her to want to talk when you are on a date. As for becoming exclusive with this new woman, I'd give it a little more time, you haven't been with her that long. When you are head over heels for someone, that's the time to become exclusive, until then, don't cut your options, take time to get to know her better. Often as not, if it's meant to be, you don't WANT to see anyone else, you just want to be with that person.
alwaysoverthinking Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I just want to say that this thread is awesome. I really, really wish I had read it before engaging in my recent second chance with my ex. College, I know how you feel. Believe me. I'm going through it now. Got a date tomorrow with a girl. After the first time my ex and I split, I moved on pretty quickly, and pulled a bunch of numbers and even hooked up a couple of times in about a week. I put all that on hold when she came back, and I shouldn't have, because it would have made me a lot less available and more of a challenge to her. Going forward, remember that until the chick throws in the towel and stops playing games, you can't let your guard down. Don't go for a quick rebound. Play the field. It takes awhile before you can seriously invest in another relationship, because you'll be comparing one to the last one for awhile. Before this last girl, it took me the better part of six months before I could really get over the girl before her. But I did. You will too.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Well, something interesting happened today in class. I was in my american civil war class today, and I am the first to get a seat. A few minutes after I get my seat, this woman comes in, and she looks around the room. Once she spots me, she comes over and sits next to me. Her and I have only started chatting since last week, and we spent 15 minutes just chatting as we have similar interests, in the aspect we are of the same major in college. But the fact that she looked for me first before sitting is what caught my attention. DO you think she could be interested, or at least attracted, or was she just being friendly with a guy who talks with her in class?
Ajax Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Well, something interesting happened today in class. I was in my american civil war class today, and I am the first to get a seat. A few minutes after I get my seat, this woman comes in, and she looks around the room. Once she spots me, she comes over and sits next to me. Her and I have only started chatting since last week, and we spent 15 minutes just chatting as we have similar interests, in the aspect we are of the same major in college. But the fact that she looked for me first before sitting is what caught my attention. DO you think she could be interested, or at least attracted, or was she just being friendly with a guy who talks with her in class? Could be either. In any case, no reason to stop talking to her. What time is your class? Any chance you could get her to have lunch or a cup of coffee with you afterward?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Sadly no, we both have class 10 minutes afterwards, so coffee is out. Unless I can ask her for another time, like ask when she is free, and get together for coffee or something?
Banega100 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 yeah yeah get this second girl on the merry go round if she's down with it. Also with regards to nodding at your ex if you see her. Ive opted for this over smiling at my ex, because, when i did smile both of our smiles were so contrived and awkward that it was hideous. So i'm just running with this. Of course a few times i pretend not to see her cos its just easier, but we'll go with the head bob for a bit... good luck by the way.
Banega100 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Definately. Be yourself but be the best version of yourself. What's going on in your world Benega? Hey man, how's it going? I have a date on thursday which is a third date now. Ive told her im going to try on her clothes. But i remedied that potential threat to my alpha male self (ha) by also stating that i would bite her. The more i think about how my ex ended it on the phone, the more i look down on her. Im in a decent place. It's just a pride and ego thing. How about yourself? This thread is epic btw.
Don Ho Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Its not just for her, its for any woman I may get serious with. I have a tendancy to be shy, so I guess I am asking, how blunt is to blunt? For any situation. Shy or not you need to not get into these conversations for MONTHS. I'm serious. It's about getting to know each other, having a good time and going through a laundry list of relationship questions is not the way to do it. Slow and easy. If it's gonna work, it's gonna work (unless you fck up or bring up stuff too soon). Like the other guys have said, do not just stop dating and meeting other women unless you become an item several months down the road. If she asks about "relationship" stuff, tell her she's on 90 trial and if she makes it through the probation period, then you guys can talk about it. Like I said College, you don't even know this woman yet. You shouldn't even be thinking that you might be exclusive with her anytime soon.
alwaysoverthinking Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Shy or not you need to not get into these conversations for MONTHS. I'm serious. It's about getting to know each other, having a good time and going through a laundry list of relationship questions is not the way to do it. Slow and easy. If it's gonna work, it's gonna work (unless you fck up or bring up stuff too soon). Like the other guys have said, do not just stop dating and meeting other women unless you become an item several months down the road. If she asks about "relationship" stuff, tell her she's on 90 trial and if she makes it through the probation period, then you guys can talk about it. Like I said College, you don't even know this woman yet. You shouldn't even be thinking that you might be exclusive with her anytime soon. Good advice Don. College, any time she says something and you are impressed by it, just remember, it's a tryout for get. Even be explicit about it. Say something like, oh, really, you just scored some points or something like that. I've found this works sometimes.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 I planned on giving it time, its just the thought entered my head and I figured why not ask here before I forget But I do plan to do as you say and give it some time, see what develops.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Ok, an update. I met with the date again, and today I decided to go for a kiss, cause I thought there were signs. Boy was I wrong, she decided to give me the talk. SHe says she is a virgin, she doesn't like intimacy all that much, she gets really nervous and scared of it, and she knows I love intimacy, and its not just sex. A simply hug sends her on edge. This is completely weird, she said when we have more time she gave discuss it more once she thinks. Keep in mind people, she did all the talking, I never said word. I just wanted a simple kiss. So right now I am in a limbo of sorts and its weird. Somehow I highly doubt I will be getting any further, if ever. I guess I'll just see how it goes.
Banega100 Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Fck me! that's mad. Wait intil Don gets in and reads this (wait until your father comes home) erm, she's either BSing and isnt interested, although it seems shes been leading proceedings a little, and probably isnt that. Or she's being genuine which i think she is. I guess if she has this problem, and you have an attraction to her, you should stick at it. But see other girls. Good luck bro.
Ajax Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Ok, an update. I met with the date again, and today I decided to go for a kiss, cause I thought there were signs. Boy was I wrong, she decided to give me the talk. SHe says she is a virgin, she doesn't like intimacy all that much, she gets really nervous and scared of it, and she knows I love intimacy, and its not just sex. A simply hug sends her on edge. This is completely weird, she said when we have more time she gave discuss it more once she thinks. Keep in mind people, she did all the talking, I never said word. I just wanted a simple kiss. So right now I am in a limbo of sorts and its weird. Somehow I highly doubt I will be getting any further, if ever. I guess I'll just see how it goes. The girl has intimacy issues huh? Been there. I agree with Benega that you should see other girls... especially the other one you met from class who was looking for you! As for this one, I'm sure she's nice but that's a big red flag. If you can't even touch her without making her uncomfortable then you're not going to have the kind of relationship that you're looking for. IMO, I think you should cut your losses now before either one of you gets too attached. She had an "intimacy talk" with you, I think it's time to have the "just friends" talk with her.
kaycstamper Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 I have to agree. Been with someone who also had issues and trust me, it's more problems than you can imagine...why get it started when there are plenty of healthy ones out there?
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 I will continue to see what develops, but at the same time I will continue to try and see other people. But so far my attempts have been for naught, every time I try I get rejected or ignored.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Well the girl I wanted to ask out today is engaged to be married. Doesn't that just suck
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 What do you mean by New one?
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 The one you're going out Halloween partying with Fri nite.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 We are still going out Fri night, but she also made it clear she doesn't like touching, ever. I asked for a kiss, and she gave me her speech. She had been expecting it, and she told me she doesn't like touch, ever. That means no hugs, no holding hands, no kissing, and certainly no sex. Ever. SHe doesn't even let her own family hug her. To me, this is a serious red flag as I am an intimate person, I like hugging, giving and receiving the occasional kiss, and holding hands. And sex is great to. I didn't have to ask her anything, she just spilled it all. I am willing to wait a bit, maybe a couple more weeks and see how things develop, if they do not improve, then I will simply have no choice but to give the friendship talk. But I am also going to try and see other people. So far I have failed in that, but I am still going to try. She expressed interest in going out Saturday night to, and Sunday night she is working. So Sunday may be the best day, as it is Halloween, to try and get to know women.
kaycstamper Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I wouldn't even bother with someone that doesn't like touched, what's the point? You already know it's not going anywhere. She's fine as a friend but not for consideration for anything else.
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Red Flag Bro!! I would say she was molested or something as a child, but who cares? I would cut her lose. I'm not sure I would do Friday, but you did already commit. I wouldn't see her Sat or Sun or again after that. I think she made it clear. Don't get too discouraged. Like I've said, it's a numbers game. It's nothing to take personally. So the other woman was engaged. Big deal. There not all taken and there are some will be interested in you. Keep plugging away.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Well I just did something I've never done before. THere is this girl who is doing her thesis for her masters degree for political science. And she is asking people to fill out a survey about our political views. She had two giant bowls of candy sand you can get a big handful if you fill out the survey. I filled it out, and looked at her and said, "How about instead of candy I get your phone number and we can get coffee sometime?" She replies back, "Sorry i'm dating someone otherwise I would, your cute." I have never done that before. It felt good to ask someone out like that, sure I got rejected, but I don't care about that. THe fact is I asked someone out. That was my courageous thing of the day.
Banega100 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Numbers game man! Don't worry so much about it, but just incorporate it into your life.
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