sweetjasmine Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I just got home from seeing my SO for two weeks, and everything was going just fine. We drove down to my home state, found ourselves an apartment, went back to his state, packed up his things, and drove a rental truck down. We finally have our place, and I was going to go back to the state I'm in now, pack everything up, and move in. But now I don't know what is going on. When he got home from his first day at the new job, he was a wreck. They straight-up lied to him about it. The job posting said, explicitly, "no shift work," and he found out that day that the entire job is shift work -- 7 days on nights [10 pm to 6 am], 2 days off, 7 days on evenings, 2 days off, 6 days on days, etc. In the three months he was talking to these people about the job, conditions, and company, they never f-ing said a single thing about shift work. At his interview, he asked them how much opportunity there would be to advance, and they basically lied to his face and said that his college degree meant he'd be moving up quickly. So he goes in and finds out that he'll be on trick shift indefinitely, since that's what the entire job entails. And then he starts talking to other guys there, asking them about the job and "how do you get ahead around here?" The two guys he asked about advancement literally laughed in his face. One of them is 25 and has been working the same exact job since he was 19, with absolutely no changes in schedule or tasks. This place is a union shop, and the union apparently voted for this schedule, so the guys there are happy with it. They've all been around for years and are stuck in that rut. Today he finally met with the union reps, and they told him, "If you have a wife or girlfriend, forget about it. We're all divorced here." We don't know what the f to do. He says he can't handle it. We didn't plan on moving out there so that we could see each other for a minute on the way out the door in the morning. I can't handle that for long, and neither can he. And the last time he had to do shift work like that in the military, his blood pressure went through the roof, he had terrible migraines, awful mood swings, and his tinnitus flared up so bad he wanted to shoot his brains out. It's just a giant trap. The company had been trying to fill that position for a couple of months, and I'm sure they conveniently said "no shift work" and then never mentioned it because they knew it'd turn people away. They just needed to grab someone up and stick them in the situation, because once you're doing that shift work and getting pretty good money for it, how are you going to look for something else? You don't have the time or energy, and the money is good, which is why all these guys are still hanging around even though they've lost their f-ing families. Right after he got home the first day, he started looking for jobs in the area and has been looking each day since, and even though it's a major metropolitan area, there doesn't seem to be much available. I've been looking, too, for myself, and the vast majority of listings are for IT/comp sci -- Java, C++, C#, Ruby developers and whatnot. Neither of us is in that field. He had gotten an email from another company in the Midwest after he accepted this offer, and he says he emailed them back today asking if they were still interested. The thought of moving out back home to where my family is and packing up to move to the f-ing Midwest a month later and being away from everyone I know, AGAIN, is breaking my heart. We were so excited and so looking forward to having our own place, living close to my family and half of his family. We were right there, but it's insane how one thing can absolutely destroy everything. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. If he has to move to Bumblef-ck, Midwest, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. How am I ever going to find a job out there? And I've been spending the past two years going back and forth between the Midwest and his state and my home state. I just spent 20 hours on a train coming back here, and the thought of having to do this again, regularly, for god knows how long makes me want to throw up and rip my hair out and just give up on everything. I don't know what to do.
aerogurl87 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Aww that's horrible to hear sweetjasmine, hopefully he'll be able to find a new job soon so you two don't have to move again. And yes work like that is horrible when you want to actually see your family. Good thing your boyfriend knows he wants to put his relationship with you first and not just money (so that's a good thing, gotta look on the brightside). But yeah I hope this all works out for you because I know I'd be pissed right now if I were both of you.
skydiveaddict Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Your boyfriend should join the army (marines , navy airforce, whatever) you will be able to live with him,he will earn good pay and you can find a job where ever he is stationed. He will have to go through basic and ait , but you can handle that. If he selects a non combat mos he most likely won't be away too much. He can also earn money for college when he gets out. Give it a thought.
Author sweetjasmine Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Aww that's horrible to hear sweetjasmine, hopefully he'll be able to find a new job soon so you two don't have to move again. I hope so, too. This whole mess just put me up in the air, too, so now I don't know where I should be looking for work. He's looking in the area, but who knows if something will come through? And yes work like that is horrible when you want to actually see your family. Good thing your boyfriend knows he wants to put his relationship with you first and not just money (so that's a good thing, gotta look on the brightside). Yeah, he and I have the same priorities, and he said that he didn't go all the way out there so that he could work terrible hours and never see me. What's the point in living together if you see each other just as much as you did when you were long distance? He was specifically looking for a more or less 9-5 job with little or no travel, turned down a few opportunities that involved being on the road 80% of the time. I'm glad we're on the same page about things, but it's so disappointing to have our plan fall apart at the last minute. He's so upset and feels like he's really let me down, and there's not much either of us can do right now to fix it except sit and look for job openings. But yeah I hope this all works out for you because I know I'd be pissed right now if I were both of you. Yeah, we thought we had finally made it. Signed the lease, unpacked his things and everything. All that was left was for me to vacate my place. It's just a huge let-down. Your boyfriend should join the army (marines , navy airforce, whatever) you will be able to live with him,he will earn good pay and you can find a job where ever he is stationed. He will have to go through basic and ait , but you can handle that. If he selects a non combat mos he most likely won't be away too much. He can also earn money for college when he gets out. Give it a thought. He put in six years with the Navy already and has no desire to go back. He used up his GI Bill money to put himself through college. I guess he could go back as an officer, but he doesn't want to do that and doesn't consider it a viable option. He actually got this job through a recruiter for ex-military, and it was his military training that got him the job.
skydiveaddict Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I He put in six years with the Navy already and has no desire to go back. He used up his GI Bill money to put himself through college. I guess he could go back as an officer, but he doesn't want to do that and doesn't consider it a viable option. He actually got this job through a recruiter for ex-military, and it was his military training that got him the job. Oh sorry, I didn't know. But still I'm sure you two can work it out. I work on wind turbines, it's a great job, there's a lot of traveling involved but you can live pretty much anywhere you want to. That might be something to think about.
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