seriously Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 My husband of 7 years has decided he wants to start a band. Mind you both of us are in our 40's. He has started posting on craigslist for musician auditions. He wants to use our basement to practice. My issues are I work all day at a very stressfull job and just want to relax when I get home without a bunch of noise and people at my house 3x a week. I dont feel comfortable with "craigslist" people coming over to audition. He is spending every penny he makes on "band equipment" and we are struggling to pay bills. He tells me this is his dream and I am selfish and that craigslist people are just fine. Am I being selfish?
xxoo Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I believe that, in general, it is a good idea to support our spouse's dreams when possible. Some people have unhealthy obsessions, but a "garage band" sounds like a healthy outlet to me. Just giving a flat "no way" is selfish, imo. That said, you have some legitimate issues with the way he is going about this. I'd approach it like this: "Sweetie, I think it's great that you are passionate about starting a band. I want that to work out for you. Still, I have some concerns about [briefly insert noise, safety, and money issues here]. When can we sit down and problem solve ways this can work for both of us?" There are lots of possible ways to work this out. He could sell stuff for funds. Agree to a budget (do you each have some discretionary funds each month?). Agree to boundaries in the home (areas people can access, curfew when everyone is OUT!). Consider alternative locations (bandmates home, rented space). Consider noise blocking headphones
2sure Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Having to come home from work and have a band of strangers practicing music in my house 3x a week would be absolutely, without doubt, out of the freaking question. Tell him he is welcome to join a band, but rehearsal is to be held elsewhere. Period.
Iconoclast Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 There are ways of doing this fairly quiet, I've been in many bands. I'll post more tonight.
blair08 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I don't think there is anything wrong with him wanting to be in a band or get one started up. However, I do think the interviews/auditions should be held elsewhere besides your home, you do not know these people from craigslist and neither does he. I also think he should hold his band rehearsals (Once his band is up and running) in another location if possible. If you're working you don't want to come t to a bunch of noise. So its not like he is not getting his way or not getting to do his "dream". Tell him its fine but out of respect for you and your home you'd rather him hold audtins and rehearsals elsewhere. Also, if your husband is someone who can find balance between his band and his homelife with you, then that is a plus. I had a friend whose husband was in a band, and unfortunately he ended up being consumed with it and his homelife suffered.
EnigmasMuse Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 If he is willing to come to some kind of compromise on the situation then that would be helpful. Maybe you could even get involved to as far as helping him with the interviewing of potential band members. That way it might make you feel more comfortable. However, I agree, to not do it at your home.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 People who do not take their spouse into consideration when making decisions are selfish. Which one of you is doing that? Did he ask you if you were okay with him devoting his evenings to a band? Did he get your agreement to spend money on band equipment? Do you have kids?
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