Author Confusedalways Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 As a guy I would not interpret you asking me if I was single as interest. The reason I say this is because many times women are just friendly because they are. I learned long ago that just because she is friendly does not mean she is interested in dating you. Just so you know shy guys typically have self esteem issues along the lines of this - "how can she possibly be interested in me". The not good enough syndrome coupled with not a lot of experience with women = inability to read women's interest. I speak this from experience because I am shy but nowhere near as much as I used to be. On top of this I think men are brain dead in general in regard to signals. They dont get subtlety, you have to hit them in a head with a bat . They either dont pick them up at all or misread them. I bought this book last summer on women's body language and it was enlightening. For years I have been totally misreading them and missing them . How sad. I totally disagree on others saying lack of interest. More likely than not he is nervous and does not know what to do. Ah, this sounds most like what it is! Honestly, I am not a complete moron, I know he's not DISINTERESTED. I feel like we're both too shy to make the next move-- which kinda sucks. This entire thread is very interesting, because as a girl I tend to overanalyze everything and definitely would have picked up on the single question.
tincanman99 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Ah, this sounds most like what it is! Honestly, I am not a complete moron, I know he's not DISINTERESTED. I feel like we're both too shy to make the next move-- which kinda sucks. This entire thread is very interesting, because as a girl I tend to overanalyze everything and definitely would have picked up on the single question. I think women pick up all kinds of things guys are oblivious too. Unfortunately if he is really shy he is scared so is in a holding pattern. You might want to ask him what he is doing over the weekend and if has plans? Try to find out what he is into and than work from there. Tell him what you are doing and than say something open ended "you should come to this, it would be fun". That kind of opens the door. I had a girl in the past invited me to the beach and to come visit her for the day. Before this I was just not biting no matter what she did. At the invitation she jokingly said "dont disappoint me". What man is going to turn her down ? If both of you are shy its going to be tough unless one of you gets up the nerve to ask the other out.
BentSpine Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 As a guy I would not interpret you asking me if I was single as interest.Agree. In general I live by that any sane woman won't emulate the behaviour of an uninterested woman. And a woman who's NOT interested may still be polite but likely won't touch me. So I recommend touching (briefly) to show interest. And not reading Cosmo.
zengirl Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) Ah, this sounds most like what it is! Honestly, I am not a complete moron, I know he's not DISINTERESTED. I feel like we're both too shy to make the next move-- which kinda sucks. This entire thread is very interesting, because as a girl I tend to overanalyze everything and definitely would have picked up on the single question. Oh, dear Lord, women miss things too. No person misses the hints that he/she would give another person (because we recognize what we do), but most people give their own sort of hints. I missed so many hints back when I was shy and waiting and scared of making the first move. It sounds like you know he has some interest, and you have some interest----What on Earth would be the harm in asking the fellow out? If you want a playful and nonthreatening way to do it, I always propose games. Not dating games. Actual endeavors of sport. Get the subject to something and then bet the fellow you can beat him at it (playfully not aggressively) or say "We should see who can win" (the loser buys lunch/dinner, or, if you want a new twist, the winner does! Then the winner gets to win and the loser gets a free meal, and it's often more fun to see if you can lose at something than win at it---competitive losing is hilarious, if you're into irony), and then treat that meeting like a date. Even call it a date, if you like. This has worked for me many times. You can use it with pool, bowling, mini golf, video games, rock climbing. . . whatever. Any number of things people can do. Edited August 20, 2010 by zengirl
BentSpine Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 In general I live by that any sane woman won't emulate the behaviour of an uninterested woman.I meant that any sane AND interested woman won't emulate an uninterested woman.
avenger Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Jusk ask him out........ That is how me and my exgf dated. She asked me out and it lasted for a while until she cheated lol!
zengirl Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Oh, dear Lord, women miss things too. No person misses the hints that he/she would give another person (because we recognize what we do), but most people give their own sort of hints. I missed so many hints back when I was shy and waiting and scared of making the first move. It sounds like you know he has some interest, and you have some interest----What on Earth would be the harm in asking the fellow out? If you want a playful and nonthreatening way to do it, I always propose games. Not dating games. Actual endeavors of sport. Get the subject to something and then bet the fellow you can beat him at it (playfully not aggressively) or say "We should see who can win" (the loser buys lunch/dinner, or, if you want a new twist, the winner does! Then the winner gets to win and the loser gets a free meal, and it's often more fun to see if you can lose at something than win at it---competitive losing is hilarious, if you're into irony), and then treat that meeting like a date. Even call it a date, if you like. This has worked for me many times. You can use it with pool, bowling, mini golf, video games, rock climbing. . . whatever. Any number of things people can do. A P.S. to myself: I should note the strategy in the 2nd paragraph is specific to shy or semi-shy men. I would rarely use it on others. . . but it works great on shy guys (even mildly so; I'm not implying paralyzing shyness; I'm not sure what to do with them), who happen to be amongst my favorite kind of fellows.
silverfish Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) A P.S. to myself: I should note the strategy in the 2nd paragraph is specific to shy or semi-shy men. I would rarely use it on others. . . but it works great on shy guys (even mildly so; I'm not implying paralyzing shyness; I'm not sure what to do with them), who happen to be amongst my favorite kind of fellows. I would add, maybe try internet contact. Find a reason to email him something. That worked once for me with someone shy....he found it easier to ask me this way, although it wasn't ideal for me I have to say. Maybe he's 'sadly' single because he just broke up with someone and it's his way of giving you the hint Edited August 20, 2010 by silverfish
Serenitynow Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Alright. My last thread I described running into this guy on the daily at starbucks who is so super cute, and we chat just about every weekday morning. It was mostly about the weather and so on and so forth. Then it got to "oh you went to so and so HS... do you know ___" Etc. We've progressed in our talks and so I inquired if he was seeing anyone. His response was, "hahaha, no, sadly I'm single" Over analyzing aside, wouldn't that question basically tip a man off that I am interested? Why dont you just ask him out instead of spending hours of your life analyzing the stupid situation? And NO NO NO that doesn't tip a guy off that YOU are interested in him. All that does is show that you are single. The whole way you word your thread is that guys have a PROBLEM because they dont pick up your subtle hints. I've said it a thousand times, women THINK they are dropping huge hints that anyone should pick up on, when in reality the hints are very subtle and barely noticeable. Stop trying to figure better ways to drop hints and grow some balls and ask guys out. You just want HIM to ask you because you see it as more romantic if the guys asks. This is another HUGE issue with too many women, they have these scenarios planned out in their mind, romantic encounters, where the guy does and says just the right things. REALITY isn't like that, you need to get your head out of romance novels and learn how to interact and be proactive in your search for a man. .
Trimmer Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 This entire thread is very interesting, because as a girl I tend to overanalyze everything and definitely would have picked up on the single question. I think the thing you need to take away from this thread is that there will be no single, uniform answer to the (implied) question: how bad are all men at taking hints? The answer is: every one is going to be different. You see in this very thread, men saying "Oh hell yeah, I would have gotten that in a flash", and others saying "no, I wouldn't assume that meant anything" and everything on the spectrum inbetween. Point is, if you want it to go further with THIS man, you will have to interpret HIS individual style and perceptual ability. We won't be able to give you an answer about HIM, nor one answer that will apply to all men you'll meet in the future. Some of us will respond intensely to a smile, eye contact, and a minimal amount of flirting (I consider myself in that category... I think... I hope!) and others will not. You will have to navigate this on a case-by-case basis, and chart your own course accordingly. Anyone who says "Oh yeah, ANY guy would get that hint" is just as short sighted as someone who says "Oh, NO guy would get that hint." The answer isn't just somewhere inbetween, it's everywhere inbetween.
gypsy_nicky Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 just a question for the Op; What exactly do you do to let a guy know you like him? Can you be more specific (what you say, do etc). Or...do you freeze up because of intense attraction or somehow become really awkward?
phoenix1 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 I had this exact situation with the last guy I dated. I have this thing (and I know some will disagree) that he needs to ask me out. I felt like I was dropping hints left and right, and FINALLY he asked me out. I had to practically draw him a picture. Then to move any interaction beyond "just friends", I had to be the one to make the first "non friend" move, and from there he was good. Turns out that later he told me he was very shy, a little awkward, couldn't really believe I would be interested in him, and admitted he did have a hard time reading hints. So, he may not be interested, but who knows? And this guy turned out to be a great guy. Sounds kind of lame and with no self esteem, actually just really sweet and humble. Nice change from the arrogant *******s I usually date.
bac Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 How bad are men at taking hints? That is a great question. Many are really bad at that. Unfortunately, many are also bad at understanding simple verbal information expressed directly. Husbands are especially bad at that. A woman can repeat the same simple things over and over again, but a man can not understand her anyway.
Left in a Lurch Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 OMG. Why is this being argued? Look, I'm no Don Juan. But I've had many experiences with my fair share of women, and let me tell you, if a SINGLE, I repeat SINGLE guy is not getting the hint if a 1. Girls looking him in the eyes 2. Asks him if he's single 3. She's LAUGHING with you and smiling! duhhhhhh About 2 months ago I was swimming at the gym. An attractive girl hopped in the lane next to me and when I stopped for a minute she started a conversation. We talked for a couple of minutes, I finished what I was doing and got in the hot tub. A few minutes later she got in the hot tub and we talked for another 10 minutes about work, where we went to school, the gym...seemed a little flirty, and she was smiling and looking me in the eyes. At one point early on we were talking about work schedules and she asked if I was single. Toward the end I was thinking of how I would go about asking her out when she mentioned her husband. 2 weeks ago I went to a baseball game with some friends of a friend and one of them seemed very flirty and not wearing a ring. I got up to get a beer and told my friend that the girl was pretty good looking and he told me she was married. I think if I was approached like that I'd probably ignore some of the "duhhhhh" obvious hints to a good degree based on recent experience and probably subconsciously dismiss a lot of it, especially with a stranger.
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