dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 do you mean overanalysis? The question is, is there anyway you can move things forward anymore than they already are?
jamesum Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I won't ask him out because I'm afraid to! I bet he is scared to death to ask you out too. Lol You should ask him out BUT only if he has shown clear positive hints of interest. Honestly, so far I dont think he has. Usually I can tell when someone is attracted to me by the way she looks at me. The eyes cant lie. So how does he look at you?
kalikula Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I dunno. I flirt with girls because I find it entertaining. Girls do the same in my experience. I don't even think girls flirting with guys is a sign they are interested.... They could just be doing it because it's fun. Well, I can't argue with that, but I still feel like it's different. If I'm flirting for fun, then he is probably off limits or a really good guy friend or something. But I don't flirt with guys that I don't think are cute because I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If he's really shy then maybe you should just ask him out!
seibert253 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Guys usually suck at "reading signals", "taking hints", and all the other game playing. I'm no better than anyone else at that. I'd like to have a quarter for all the misread signals/signs where I was getting the "vibe" a girl was interested, and when I made the move, BAM! Shot down in flames. Swing and a miss! I think with some women it's a game.
carhill Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 do you mean overanalysis? The question is, is there anyway you can move things forward anymore than they already are? If the guy is sending her negative signals, she can move on. If she's used to guys approaching her all the time, then she doesn't have to read signals, she knows by their approach. It's tougher when she's essentially doing the approaching. My first instinct, unless he responded with the phrase I quoted in a flirty way, is he's not interested, gay or clueless.
Author Confusedalways Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 OP, question: When he responded 'hahaha, no, sadly I'm single', what was his tone? His expression? His body language? These are all social cues. I could say that same line, whilst leaning forward, with a little twinkle in my eye and almost whisper it. Do you get my meaning? That's a far different dynamic than a monotone or saying it whilst glancing away. Are you seeing the social cues here? Analyze for yourself. I was a shy guy. Hell I was a virgin until my mid-30's. Women didn't 'hit on' me. But, even I understood the essentials of such interpersonal interactions. When I engaged a woman whom I found attractive, even if just on a 'friendly' level, I engaged her, with my eyes, my body language, my tone of voice. I was shy with women romantically but confident in myself and had no trouble relating to a woman on an interpersonal level. What's your take on this guy? Analysis please I get you carhill. He was laughing and smiling and smiled the rest of the time... I don't know! I'm so bad at reading things, it makes it hard. I really don't know... haha. I really am out of ideas for 'hinting.'
O'Malley Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Many shy guys really really suck at these hints. A lot of women and men who are better at picking up hints don't seem to see that. Having been involved with shy men, I've experienced this -- even if they finally clue in to a woman flirting with them, often times some introverted guys are still hesitant to flirt back or directly ask someone out. Wait and see if he initiates contact the next time you run into him...that's a pretty good indicator that he enjoys your company. Unless he's a gay chatterbox it appears that he likes you, but you're going to have to up the ante here (asking for his number or giving him yours). All you've got to lose is someone who wasn't interested anyway.
carhill Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Another aspect of this, yet unseen but hinted at, is elemental style of loving and expression. The super-cute man may be shy; he may 'open up'; that said, these natural behaviors may indicate elements of his psychology which will continue to present challenges as time goes by. I recall stbx becoming very frustrated with my preference for quiet and small groups, rather than large noisy events with many strangers that she loved. I wasn't shy, but rather overwhelmed by the stimulation. I could cognitively process it, but it was uncomfortable. In retrospect, either of us should have acted on those indicators of elemental psychological differences (the base difference impacts many aspects of personality) and not progressed our relationship. Overthinking? Yes, it's a habit. If I'm casually dating and don't care about a LTR, this stuff won't enter my mind. The next time I go looking for a wife, you betcha it will. Life lessons. Good luck with cutie; I hope he gets the clue
carhill Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Examining nothing makes for a very boring discussion
blackorchid Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Sorry, your hint was not obvious enough. NO offense guys, but you practically have to shout it to get them to understand that you are into them. On the other hand, I think he's into you for sure. He's spending time with you. His TIME! I've found that's the biggest give away right there. Even if he isn't interested in you romantically, which i say there's a 97% chance he is, he values you enough to chat it up with you every day. But you have to like touch him or something like when you're talking. Invade his personal space bubble and if he pulls away or flinches that not good. But if he smiles, you know.
Trimmer Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I get you carhill. He was laughing and smiling and smiled the rest of the time... I don't know! I'm so bad at reading things, it makes it hard. I really don't know... haha. I really am out of ideas for 'hinting.' Wait a minute - so you are complaining about men not "taking hints" and then you right out admit that you aren't good at "reading things" either? Maybe what's happening here is that he is throwing off all kinds of hints (eye contact, laughing playfully at your question about being single, smiling all the time) and you aren't "taking the hint"... Maybe he's enjoying flirting with you very much, but wondering why you aren't "Getting It"...
westrock Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 (edited) We've progressed in our talks and so I inquired if he was seeing anyone. His response was, "hahaha, no, sadly I'm single" Over analyzing aside, wouldn't that question basically tip a man off that I am interested? I chat him up every single day so I mean-- men aren't THAT bad at taking hints... right? Men : would you think daily chatting/ inquiring about that sort of thing is hint enough a girl is interested? Some guys take the hint, some guys don't. The problem with your hint is that it doesn't answer for him the question of whether YOU are single. When he said "sadly I'm single", that was a hint to you to reply back with "Oh, I'm single too.". That type of reply from you converts your initial weak hint to a direct message. If you're having these dailiy talks, do you know what he's interested in? Next time you chat with him try this.... while conversing with him casually find out what he's interested in and if the interest is mutual or it's something you believe you might also enjoy then let him know. For example, if he says he likes walking along the beach, then say to him "Me too! I'd love to go to the beach at this time of the year, it's just that I'm single right now so I don't really have anyone to go with." That type of response from you is way more effective than just asking him if he's single because you're basically telling him that if he asks you out for that activity soon you will say yes, and you already said you love the activity, so his fear of being rejected is dramatically lessened plus it's something that interests him already so it's something in his comfort zone. Try that. If he doesn't respond positively to that, then your only hope it to ask him out. Edited August 19, 2010 by westrock
jamesum Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I get you carhill. He was laughing and smiling and smiled the rest of the time... I don't know! I'm so bad at reading things, it makes it hard. I really don't know... haha. I really am out of ideas for 'hinting.' Basically the two of you have been in a hinting war with each other and neither one of you got it. LOL
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I don't think people are really good at taking hints. Many people think they see hints where they don't exist and chase after nothing, and many people miss obvious signs of interest. I'm a gal, but I've done both, and realized it later, and I think I'm pretty smart and perceptive in general. Some of the advice for how to give clearer hints is good. Cloudy hints are no good. I'm not saying you have to come out and jump a guy, but it really is unfair if anyone expects another person to do any mind-reading.
gypsy_nicky Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Men are better at taking hints or misinterpreting friendly banter as 'hints' when the woman they are with is attractive to them or to others around him.
jamesum Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Men are better at taking hints or misinterpreting friendly banter as 'hints' when the woman they are with is attractive to them or to others around him. Its called, "Wishful Thinking". :p:p
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I get you carhill. He was laughing and smiling and smiled the rest of the time... I don't know! I'm so bad at reading things, it makes it hard. I really don't know... haha. I really am out of ideas for 'hinting.' I realize most girls don't do this, and its probably simply because they don't know the difference between boys and girls. Basically, if you act really accepting of everything he does, and let him know you enjoy hanging out with him, he should definitely get the hint. I'll give you a counter example, and you basically want to give the opposite impression of this. I was flirting with this girl for probably 1-2 hours. Then my friends wanted to leave, and I was telling them I was going to stay a while longer. Then one of them says, "Ahhh I don't think this is going anywhere"... pointing at me and the girl. Then the girl starts making fun of pickup lines and giving me suggestions etc. Tooottallly the wrong thing to do. You want to/need to do the complete opposite of this. She should be looking to talk me up, or say oh no he's the coolest, yadayada. NOT put me down in that moment. I just left and she seemed pretty upset that I actually got up and left over that without a number or anything. She gave me one last "wellll it was nice meeting you"... yeah my friend was jealous + is probably the biggest cock block in the world. The guys I normally go out with to pickup do the complete opposite of those guys (who I'd prefer to not have around me for hitting on girls - very obvious reasons). Another example is I was in the movie theatre with my roomate+his girlfriend. There was some kind of ad for another movie. The gist of it was "She's too good for him". She's like oh, that's just like our relationship. Wayyy wrong kind of joke. You want to make jokes to the opposite effect. or give the opposite impression of this. Oh, it's great hanging out with you. Yadayada. In this case he acted like he didn't get it, then she turned to me saying hey isn't this funny. I also pretended to not get it (because I realize all this ****), and the roomate thanked me for that. Anyhow, food for thought. Definitely a very common mistake girls make.
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I think the KINDS of hints girls give are the kinds that they pick up on immediately. So they're like OH THIS IS SO OBVIOUS! Haha but its not! We are guys. We don't just assume every single girl is into us. We do the opposite. If we were girls we'd be under this assumption - oh that guy is just flirting with me - because normally you are right to assume that. We aren't working from that frame. We are coming from one where generally girls aren't into us immediately, or we have to lay some kind of groundwork for them to like us (assuming the guy isn't extremely good looking, or just a huge natural... which I've met a few of, hard to describe them).
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Well, I can't argue with that, but I still feel like it's different. If I'm flirting for fun, then he is probably off limits or a really good guy friend or something. But I don't flirt with guys that I don't think are cute because I don't want them to get the wrong idea. If he's really shy then maybe you should just ask him out! I mean, I guess but not really. Like it depends on where the guys/girls average amount of flirty is. I have kind of a flirty personality that I can't really totally switch off. I usually attempt to mirror whatever the person is doing to me. So if they aren't flirty, I'm not flirty, if they are kind of flirty then I'm kind of flirty. I generally lead into more flirty as well (cause it's more fun). I think girls do the same anyways. It kind of just escalates. So to say welllll I don't usually flirt with a guy I'm not interested because I don't want them to get ideas. Ahhh some guys are just flirting/bantering because it's entertaining to them. I banter with my roomates girlfriend because its fun to. We have no interest in each other, but it's still fun to start fights. If a girl who doesn't flirt often starts flirting with me I'd probably take it as a sign. If one who always flirts did the same thing I'd think nothing of it. And it's impossible to know where the person's level is if they started off being flirty.
espec10001 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 OMG. Why is this being argued? Look, I'm no Don Juan. But I've had many experiences with my fair share of women, and let me tell you, if a SINGLE, I repeat SINGLE guy is not getting the hint if a 1. Girls looking him in the eyes 2. Asks him if he's single 3. She's LAUGHING with you and smiling! duhhhhhh OP, since we're all about women getting what they want these days, you can take one last step to see if he's not interested, gay, or some other issue. Give him light touches when you speak to him. Like if you're laughing, tap him a little. Touch him. His arms, you know, playful innocent touching, NOT SEXUAL. I've never met a man who got offended by being touched by a woman, ever. If he does, he has serious problems.
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Look if you want to give off signals that GUYS will figure out, you need to give them the kind of signals they read into. You probably have some male friends? Why not offer to give them some "help" on dating. And by "help", get them to describe a time they were hitting on a girl and she was acting "interested". Then, go to another male friend and do the same. Then another one. Once you get 6-10 guys stories of a girl acting "interested", start looking for common things that girl did to make them THINK that. Half the time the girl will be interested, half the time they won't be anyways. At least then you'll be conciously sending out a signal that guys read into. And you can't just ask us what signals we get. I have no idea. It's a subconcious thing. Which is why you have to get them to describe the times they were hitting on a girl and the girl was giving them "signals" back. There was a girl who came on here just a little while ago that like 6-10 guys hit on all at once. There is something she was doing that was CAUSING this. Yes, she had a pretty picture up. But that's TOTALLY irrelevant. The girl lives in freaking asia, it would take me at least a day of FLYING in a PLANE to even be on the same continent as her. Yet I still flirted like crazy with her. Figure out why! Can't remember the name of her thread or her screen name on here.
dispatch3d Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 really? You'd missing looking in his eyes and laughing? Geez they seem like the most obvious ones. Right up there with the "twinkle in the eye" signal ;-)
espec10001 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 LOL it's about YOUR interest level! All a girl can really do is make herself available, for YOU, if she likes you. Women in romantic relationships are passive, they receive while men project. A woman who gives "hints" is opening herself up for you to project to her. If you think in terms NOT SEXUAL, you will be much more successful with women if you view yourself as the PROJECTION and she is the RECEPTION. Both equal, but in different ways.
lso802 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 (edited) A girl put her butt on my hand and another kissed me. Guys can be pretty clueless. Edited August 19, 2010 by lso802
tincanman99 Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 As a guy I would not interpret you asking me if I was single as interest. The reason I say this is because many times women are just friendly because they are. I learned long ago that just because she is friendly does not mean she is interested in dating you. Just so you know shy guys typically have self esteem issues along the lines of this - "how can she possibly be interested in me". The not good enough syndrome coupled with not a lot of experience with women = inability to read women's interest. I speak this from experience because I am shy but nowhere near as much as I used to be. On top of this I think men are brain dead in general in regard to signals. They dont get subtlety, you have to hit them in a head with a bat . They either dont pick them up at all or misread them. I bought this book last summer on women's body language and it was enlightening. For years I have been totally misreading them and missing them . How sad. I totally disagree on others saying lack of interest. More likely than not he is nervous and does not know what to do.
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