LostInTurn Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) So, many of you have responded to many of my posts, and thank you. For the past couple days I actually thought I was doing well... until about 9:00p.m. yesterday evening. Everything on t.v. reminded me of him. Not one station didn't have some reference at the moment I turned to it. Today, I woke-up feeling terrible. I had a Dave Matthews song repeating through my mind. I couldn't stop thinking of him. I called and left him a voice mail... I literally stuttered through the whole things and said something like... 'Hi... I, umm, I'm not sure why I called... hi. Sorry I called, I'm not sure why I did... sorry...' and hungup. (yes, I know I look like an idiot) If that wasn't enough I text him. And he responds. I cannot go NC. We had too great a relationship. We're all hung-up on the stupid, mean things we said when we took a break. I think we should both be able to forgive. Jesus, I would stand hell and high water, shout it from the rooftops. I know as you read this, many of you will have different opinions. I welcome all opinions. Obviously I'm all over the map. Edited August 18, 2010 by LostInTurn
Nappeal Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I like the idea of NC. It really does save yourself if you do it right, and can SOMETIMES help to get the other person to their senses. NC is not the solution in all circumstances tho. Sometimes is can be what kills the relationship, and breaking it is what saves it. If you're willing to take the chance of breaking it however, you have to prepare yourself to know that you are more than likely only making things harder on yourself. Most people are not willing to go thru the heartache all over again, hence why they stick to it...tho sometimes it tugs @ your heart. If you're prepared to possibly get told to bug off or get your feelings played w like a cat toy; or if you're very certain things could work out again, by all means try to make contact, but tread lightly.
Author LostInTurn Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Well, I obviously have no idea what the right thing to do is. We messaged a bit today, and he's still so angry. He's the one who asked me for the break. He said some very hurtful things, things I have forgiven him for. I said things in return; however he's holding on to those things like there's no tomorrow. It's like he wants me to walk to hell and back in order to show him I truly care for him, never mind everything I did during the relationship and he's the one who wanted the break initially. I did nothing wrong, yet I'm sitting here feeling like an idiot. I feel like he's testing me. Seeing how many negative things he can say until I say something to defend myself. I listen to him go on and on, and finally... all I said was... 'apparently you don't know what love is'... then BAM. he tells me I don't get it, I will just dig myself a hole. Seriously?! I told him I love and miss him. I'm trying to reach out. Trying to look past some stupid things we said to one another because the relationship we had was good. He told me how amazing it was everyday. Well, maybe I'm tired of believing BS, and it was all just one big lie. I know he has a lot of pride and an ego. But put it aside already! I'm a beautiful girl with a great personality. I shouldn't sit here crying for days on end, dreaming about him, having stupid songs run through my mind. This isn't fair to me. He plays the victim, well... WTF. What about me?! My heart is too big. I try too hard with everything. I should just give up. I'm tired of being trampled. I'm tired of it all.
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