Gironbachs Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I had been dating the love of my life for a year and then a month ago she dumped me because 'she didn't see a future with me". She did this once before and came back. I immediately began begging and pleading for another chance to make this work. She said no. After our breakup a month ago, she called me to tell me she missed me, etc but didnt want to get back together but wanted to hang out. We did this 2 nights and the 2nd night we had sex. She still didn't want to get back together. She told me she needed time. I initiated NC and she texted me to wish me a happy birthday. I texted back and asked if she wanted to get together. She said no, that she was going to be on her own until her sobriety anniversary ( which is Friday) and then she would "re-examine. I resumed no contact, then the next night, my ceiling fell on me. ER, 18 stiches, a real mess. I called her the next day to tell her what happened, she was concerned, I was upset and again asked to give our relationship another chance. She said no, and that there was nothing I could do or say to get her to change her mind. We're still friends on FB, she hasn't deleted me. Then yesterday after 10 days of no contact I texted her to ask if I could call her that nite. She didnt respond. I sent her another one asking her why she didnt respond. No response. I want her back. We had seriously discussed marriage and kids, etc - but she got a new job and is moving into a new apartment in a few weeks, so she's plenty busy. Did I screw up by texting her yesterday? I have no idea how she feels about me at the moment, but right after the breakup she said she would always love me. I'm in agony. I 'm hoping she'll call, and if she doesnt, I guess NC is the way to go. I'm completely shattered and miserable 24/7. How does this situation read to you all? I need some help.
Nappeal Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Considering she already told you she was no longer itnerested in a relationship and considering she did not reply to your texts, I would say that's probably her way of letting go of you. Text messaging was not what you should've done, but you live and learn. You need to be and stay NC. Think of it as she's doing you a favor by not responding - could you deal w this situation carrying out for another week? Month? You'd go mad and constantly get your feelings hurt. Forget about anything nice she's said; she may have wanted to let you down easy. Think about it this way: its not love by that point if they say 'I love you, but...' Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Stay away and GL
unstuck Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 You screwed up by constantly asking her to get back together, You gotta stick to no cantact and move on. she does not want to be with you, at least right now, your doing everything your not supposed to be doing, your just pushing her away and confirming her reason for breaking up. Your only chance is to back off, stick to no contact and not respond every time she initiates contact, of corse she wants you to be hanging on just i case she wants you back but you must let her feel that you are moving on, and that you might not be there when she chanes her mind. Move on, date other girls and at least look like you have a life without her, she is playing you and your being a sucker, dont let her have her cake and eat it too, NO CONTACT!
AlwaysConflicted Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 You've done everything you can do. She knows how you feel and what you want. Now you need to just walk away from it all. Much easier said than done...But you don't want to keep contacting her because it'll start to be harassment and you'll push her away very far. If you look at the big picture, there may be a chance for you two farther down the road, but if you keep contacting her you will eliminate that chance because she will have a bad view of you in her mind. You need to be "cool" now.
Author Gironbachs Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I'm worried NC may reinforce the decision to the end the relationship. This breakup came out of the blue, I didnt expect it, and think it might have been a rash decision on her part. I'm so down and out, I just want my baby back.
Quantum_Nuka Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I can relate... My boyfriend just broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago, I feel like I am going crazy because I want him back. I texted him a few times, he wrote back but I had to stop... It was making us both anxious & stressed... Few days later he texts me, and he's been texting me for 4 days now, always the one to initiate it. I reply, but very casually. I would seriously suggest you wait for her to contact you... Do not keep texting her, especially when she doesn't reply - It is only making you more anxious and stressed... And it's pushing her further away. If there is a chance for you to get back with her, it's not like this. This is giving her too much power and more reasons why she ended it - You both need time to evaluate your lives and think about what went wrong with the relationship. And perhaps in time she will contact you... It could be a week, 2 weeks, 2 months or more but you do need to stop the contact and take some time out for you.
Don Ho Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I'm worried NC may reinforce the decision to the end the relationship. This breakup came out of the blue, I didnt expect it, and think it might have been a rash decision on her part. I'm so down and out, I just want my baby back. Nope! You are WRONG! All the pleading, crying, texting and groveling is what sent her packing and reinforced her decision to stay away. Another point bro, she is not the love your life. You haven't been in love that many times and it's not nearly the end of your life. What you had was infatuation and your interest level was way, way too high. Bro, if you want ANY chance at all go total NC. You have to stop contacting her and move on as best possible. DO NOT contact her for ANY reason, not B-day, holiday, to get your stuff, to check on her. NOTHING. Get it? You want your baby back?? Then back the fck off and leave it alone!!
Author Gironbachs Posted August 23, 2010 Author Posted August 23, 2010 update: well she texted weds night about 11 o'clock. saying she was lonely. Foolishly, I went over there we had sex, I spent the night. The next morning I asked where we stood (a mistake) she put me off by saying she'd call me. I insisted we get together the next night - we did - she told me it was mistake to have called me and she didnt want to be in a relationship. I cried and pleaded for awhile then she insisted I leave. I did. After all this, I guess I'm going strict no contact for my own sanity and to see if she may come back. when the initial break happened 7/12 she said she needed "time". Is there still a chance for us? what do I do?
Don Ho Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Bro! Why didn't you post us before you went over there or at least ask how to behave if that happened. Too late, but yes you played it wrong. Go read the first page of this thread 100 times until it sinks in: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190782/. DO NOT do light contact as she suggests, that WILL NOT work for you in your situation. Now back the hell off! DO NOT contact her. The ONLY chance you have is to NOT contact her. If she contacts you PLEASE hit us up here and don't just react. You're too emotional to think clearly. Hang in there.
Author Gironbachs Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 struggling w/ NC this morning. My stomach feels like a wolverine is trapped inside and is clawing it's way out. I want to reach out to her so bad. Nothing but despair and very little hope. I'm down.
Don Ho Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 struggling w/ NC this morning. My stomach feels like a wolverine is trapped inside and is clawing it's way out. I want to reach out to her so bad. Nothing but despair and very little hope. I'm down. That's totally understandable bro. It will and does pass as you know. Get your arse up and moving. Go to the gym, go exercise, meet a friend for coffee, do what ever you can to keep your mind off it right now. If you have to take it in baby steps: tell yourself you can and will get through these feelings this hour, this five minutes, this minute if you have to. Your day will get better, hang in there.
Author Gironbachs Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 thanks Don. It's a rollercoaster for sure.
manchild Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 it is hard it been two months and i have struggled but now im finally doing it heck with nothing else has worked right?
LostInTurn Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Listen to Don Ho. He's correct. I broke NC twice. Regret. Don't contact her. You need her to see what life is like without you. You may feel like if you don't contact her she'll forget about you. No, she won't think about you when you're present. When you disappear, she'll think about you. ESPECIALLY because she knows you would like to try again. If the tables were turned and it was me. If someone was calling me and I had broken up with them, regardless of the reason, I would probably be annoyed. If that person leaves, give it a little while. No matter how it is, it will hit them. You'll only do yourself a favor by staying NC. There are many people here who pick up their phone and probably want to throw it across the room. Trust me. It takes a lot of strength to stay NC. You're the better person for it. Look how someone is making you feel. Why would you want to talk to them right now anyway? You made a mistake by seeing her. She saw you, she still says she doesn't want to be with you. Well guess what... the minute you're gone, and I mean gone the wheels will turn!
Author Gironbachs Posted August 25, 2010 Author Posted August 25, 2010 6 days of NC. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm in agony. I guess I'm waiting around for her to crack, as she has in the past - but part of me is worried she'll resist and push through it until I don't mean anything to her anymore. I know this is unhealthy. I really miss her so bad, and at this point have a hard time seeing her negative qualities and her part in turning this relationship sour.
Don Ho Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 6 days! That's awesome bro. DO NOT break it and contact her or you will just be starting all over and it usually hurts WORSE!! You know it's a roller coaster; good days, bad days, bad hours, good hours, horrible hours. As you go along, the bad days and hours will lessen. Her bad qualities? Not to be a prick, but what about her body? Cellulite on her legs? Funny shape? I doubt she's Elizabeth Hurley so I'm sure you can finds things wrong with her! LOL. So focus on that and all the bad stuff she said or did when you were together. Get your arse out there and get busy doing something!
Author Gironbachs Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 another really tough day, 7th of NC. Given the circumstances of our prolonged breakup - I dont know what the right thing to do is.. I want to be with her. I don't know if she wants to be with me or not today. The pangs shooting thru my chest are almost unbearable. This is so hard.
Don Ho Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Of course it hurts, bro. But you are on day 7 already! It must be getting just a little better, right? The right thing to do for YOU, is to continue NC. Believe me, I have broken NC in the past with other Ex GFs and you will get nothing but kicked in the stomach, feeling worse and starting NC all over. DO NOT DO IT. Hang in there. And go out and get some exercise, running, weights, cardio, something.
2sunny Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 another really tough day, 7th of NC. Given the circumstances of our prolonged breakup - I dont know what the right thing to do is.. I want to be with her. I don't know if she wants to be with me or not today. The pangs shooting thru my chest are almost unbearable. This is so hard. good job at NC. now, when she calls next time because she's horny - tell her no dice. or just don't answer. don't allow her to make you her option when you want to be her priority. she's fishing for a better catch- for her. doesn't mean you aren't a great catch - just not right now for her...
Nilyak Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 another really tough day, 7th of NC. Given the circumstances of our prolonged breakup - I dont know what the right thing to do is.. I want to be with her. I don't know if she wants to be with me or not today. The pangs shooting thru my chest are almost unbearable. This is so hard. I'm going through this right now. I feel just as you. I have the bubble guts and I'm anxious as hell. I've never felt this bad before in my life. I thought being broke was bad but this pain is 10 times worse. Like Don Ho said when you get weak. Post up because we all share in the pain and this is kinda like therapy helping each other get through this..
smk Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Dude I am sorry for what happened and I know it sucks but all I have for you is 2 words: NO ConTact
Author Gironbachs Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 still holding my no contact - I have little choice since the last text I got from her was "leave me alone pls". I miss her bad. Still creeping her fb profile as she has not defriended me. I hate harping on the FB thing, it's poison.. but I can't help but wonder why she wouldnt defriend me after telling me to leave her alone. I'm in NC.. and I'm holding the line. I have this feeling she misses me - she's moving this weekend and I dont know exactly where the apt is located - maybe thats a good thing. God help me I still want her back, I want her to call me and tell me she made a huge mistake and that she wants nothing more than to be in my arms again. I know... hope kills. I can't help it. It almost seems as though really 'moving on' would be admitting defeat - which I don't wanna do. I have an important function coming up in 1 month that I know she will be at. I'm thinking about bagging it, but I don't want her to think she still has that kind of power over me.
Hopelesslyforgotten Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I definitely give your props for NC!! It is definitely one of the hardest things to do when you love someone so much and don't want to let them go..I know what you're feeling. And I felt the same way...the 'what if I don't contact him...he'll just forget about me'... I broke NC right after my ex and I broke up...and I am suffering the repercussions for doing so. I feel like I am back at square 1...and today is the first day we have decided it is best for both of us not to talk. But as everyone else has stated....if it is meant to work out we need to give them the time to think about US and miss US... I think after breakups we tend to feel worthless when you can't fix the situation...that's how I feel anyways...but I know I can't keep thinking like that. I know I am a wonderful girl and any guy would be lucky to have me...and you should start thinking the same way. If our exes don't come back to us...it's their loss...I know it's easier to say all this but we need to regain our confidence, self-worth, and realize that we have tried and done what we could do.... We need to take care of ourselves...and keep busy. Keeping busy will help the urge to break the contact. I looked into joining a new gym...anything to keep my mind off of him. Sorry for the rant! It is just therapeutic to know that I am not the only one going through this!
Don Ho Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 still holding my no contact - I have little choice since the last text I got from her was "leave me alone pls". I miss her bad. Still creeping her fb profile as she has not defriended me. I'm in NC.. and I'm holding the line. I have this feeling she misses me - she's moving this weekend and I dont know exactly where the apt is located - maybe thats a good thing. God help me I still want her back, I want her to call me and tell me she made a huge mistake and that she wants nothing more than to be in my arms again. I know... hope kills. I can't help it. It almost seems as though really 'moving on' would be admitting defeat - which I don't wanna do. I have an important function coming up in 1 month that I know she will be at. I'm thinking about bagging it, but I don't want her to think she still has that kind of power over me. Congrats on continuing the NC bro!! Good job. Not a good text to get from her, but it does clarify it in your mind. Stop creeping her FB and just block her TODAY! That's will only help keep your wound open. Good thing you don't know where her new apartment is, that will help remove the temptation to do something stupid like stalk her or show up on her door. Do yourself a favor and make sure you DO NOT find out where she's living. No bro, moving on is not "defeat" it is a victory for you because you are maintaining your strength, your dignity and your well being. If you can't get a good looking woman (even a friend that she doesn't know) to accompany you on that "important" function then I wouldn't go. It's not about her having "power" over you, it's about continuing NC and keeping yourself in a good place. So as far as that event, no date, no go. If you go by yourself, you're asking for a kick in the stomach. Keep us posted, you're doing well.
LoveTNT Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 6 days of NC. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm in agony. I guess I'm waiting around for her to crack, as she has in the past - but part of me is worried she'll resist and push through it until I don't mean anything to her anymore. I know this is unhealthy. I really miss her so bad, and at this point have a hard time seeing her negative qualities and her part in turning this relationship sour. Think of it as respecting yourself. Love yourself more, and if she is being that way continue with NC. Trust I know, we know, how hard it is, we fail a bit in the beginning, but then naturally it will become less and less. Ask for peace and understanding, even if it's understanding that you can't understand. She's probably going through alot in her life that she needs to deal with on her own, we are individuals we go through things in life and sometimes we need to be alone for it. The greater energy knows best that sometimes situations need to be dealt with in ways we may not truly understand...It can be a positive thing, trust in that. Positive peaceful energy your way.
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