ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Just had to say I have been NC for a year now and it feels great. I never thought I would be at this place. I am finally at peace with myself again with no dark looming cloud overhead. No more hope, no more wonder, just completely blissfully peaceful. Anyways I just found this quote on another thread and it is exactly what NC did for me. For anyone that is needing this today here it goes: "We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word." and good luck to all struggling in their ending or wanting to end their A. There is light at the end of that tunnel. The pain does end. Love you all at LS! 1
delirious Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Just had to say I have been NC for a year now and it feels great. I never thought I would be at this place. I am finally at peace with myself again with no dark looming cloud overhead. No more hope, no more wonder, just completely blissfully peaceful. Anyways I just found this quote on another thread and it is exactly what NC did for me. For anyone that is needing this today here it goes: "We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word." and good luck to all struggling in their ending or wanting to end their A. There is light at the end of that tunnel. The pain does end. Love you all at LS! Well that is all very nice for you, but you cannot possibly say that the pain will end for everyone! It depends totally on the individual. How their relationship was, whether it really was love, whether they meet someone else etc, the list is long.
Author ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Well that is all very nice for you, but you cannot possibly say that the pain will end for everyone! It depends totally on the individual. How their relationship was, whether it really was love, whether they meet someone else etc, the list is long. I'm sorry I didn't want what I said to be taken the wrong way. The pain can end. I thought mine would never end I am 2 years out of my A and can say that I don't feel anymore painful memories. I can look back fondly and separate the two. I understand everyone is different. I think if a person does not want to stay in a perpetual state of mind they can change that. I for one grew tired of the pain that I was in. I had to let it go...I just had to. I am sorry for anyone who truly is in a lot of pain.
Confused4Now Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I do get what you said about NC...the question is are you happy with your life today? Are you at the same point in your life where you were before you met your xMM? What are you doing so the same things don't happen again? I'm happy you did close that one chapter in your life...this is something I'm doing as well....Only difference between you and I was I wanted my happiness so I had to leave an loveless marriage...so I ended up with neither one of them and I'm truly happy where I'm at. At times I miss the closeness of a partner but I don't miss all the drama I had.....ugh!!! Good luck to you....on the rest of your journey.
Author ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I do get what you said about NC...the question is are you happy with your life today? Are you at the same point in your life where you were before you met your xMM? What are you doing so the same things don't happen again? I am not at the same point in my life before I met my..ummm...XOM (he had a girlfriend of 5 years though so he was attached). I am more confident and happy about myself and my life. There is more communication in my M, more than there ever has been. It is not the same M I had pre- husband's A and pre- my own A. I know now where a friendship line with a co-worker or any other friendship with a man ends. I don't tolerate intimate conversations or personal conversations with any other man. I realize now how fine that line is, but it clear to me where I went wrong. My M isn't loveless like I had thought it was. I just think we lost our way. When push came to shove we both realized we wanted the M, not just because of the kids, but because we still loved each other. I'm happy you did close that one chapter in your life...this is something I'm doing as well....Only difference between you and I was I wanted my happiness so I had to leave an loveless marriage...so I ended up with neither one of them and I'm truly happy where I'm at. At times I miss the closeness of a partner but I don't miss all the drama I had.....ugh!!! Yes that chapter in my life is completely closed now. I don't ever want to relive it again. An A was the worst way to go and I clearly had boundary issues and issues in my self-esteem at that time. I now understand that I was trying to fill a void in myself that only I could fill. Since that awakening I no longer feel empty, I do not feel torn by my H's A. I am still getting help to become a healthier, happier person. Good luck to you....on the rest of your journey. You as well, thank you!
Confused4Now Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Yes that chapter in my life is completely closed now. I don't ever want to relive it again. An A was the worst way to go and I clearly had boundary issues and issues in my self-esteem at that time. you!This rings so true to me....if I would say one thing...Boundaries is the number one thing I worked on. If a married woman(friend) approaches me I automatically give them a name of a good therapist. I don't go where I use to go anymore. I also learned to do the same both ways...I don't lean on a MW's shoulder either. I can say that the last 3 years of my life was the darkest of my whole life and I know I don't ever want to go there again. I've learned to be by myself and I'm okay with it. I have enough of my own self so I can recognize when I see a unhealthy situation coming at me and step away from it. My motto this year was "NO DRAMA" and "Keep it simple" As for my esteem I'm pretty much where I was before all the drama started. WHEW!!!
mmk1 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I must congratulate you! I was just on day 32 yesterday when I blew it with a short, unresponded to text yesterday and I could kick myself. One year is an awesome achievement and I again congratulate you and wish you the best!
aloneatnights Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 3 years here and it took every single one of those days to get where i am now. its good
Snowflower Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 LD, you are one of my favorite posters here. I could always find myself sympathizing with your journey because you sounded kind of like me. I won't touch the NC argument but I'm so glad that you are finding peace and happiness at last! Hope you'll continue to stick around and post!
Author ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 LD, you are one of my favorite posters here. I could always find myself sympathizing with your journey because you sounded kind of like me. I won't touch the NC argument but I'm so glad that you are finding peace and happiness at last! Hope you'll continue to stick around and post! Thank you so much!
Author ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 3 years here and it took every single one of those days to get where i am now. its good Wow 3 years! That's fab. I know I will be the same. One day I won't have to say anything. NC will just be the norm no matter how many years. It is the way for me. Plus I wouldn't want the contact if it were offered to me. I am where I want to be!
Author ladydesigner Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 This rings so true to me....if I would say one thing...Boundaries is the number one thing I worked on. If a married woman(friend) approaches me I automatically give them a name of a good therapist. I don't go where I use to go anymore. I also learned to do the same both ways...I don't lean on a MW's shoulder either. I can say that the last 3 years of my life was the darkest of my whole life and I know I don't ever want to go there again. I've learned to be by myself and I'm okay with it. I have enough of my own self so I can recognize when I see a unhealthy situation coming at me and step away from it. My motto this year was "NO DRAMA" and "Keep it simple" As for my esteem I'm pretty much where I was before all the drama started. WHEW!!! That's awesome. It is a great feeling to have that back. Whew is right!
fooled once Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Just had to say I have been NC for a year now and it feels great. I never thought I would be at this place. I am finally at peace with myself again with no dark looming cloud overhead. No more hope, no more wonder, just completely blissfully peaceful. Anyways I just found this quote on another thread and it is exactly what NC did for me. For anyone that is needing this today here it goes: "We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word." and good luck to all struggling in their ending or wanting to end their A. There is light at the end of that tunnel. The pain does end. Love you all at LS! WOO HOO!!! LD you are doing great! I am so happy for you!! Keep going!!
Just a stone's throw Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Congrats LD! You Rock!! Thanks for the inspirational post!! Keep up the great work! JAST
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