meltdown69 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 my ex's mother recently contacted me to let me know how much I mean/meant to her and their family. In her email, she spoke of the relationship I had with her daughter and how she was surprised that it was over. The information she spoke of is NOT correct and I feel like my ex told her family (and others) things that weren't necessarily true... just to save face, and justify her actions. I know the truth, and maybe that should be enough. Do any of you feel like a response from me, and a brief clarification of how things really went down would help anything? i think I already know the answer, but thought I'd throw it out there.
Eeyore79 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Whatever you say, they will believe her, not you. If I were you I wouldn't bother wasting my time explaining, unless she's said something which is pure lies and which defames your character.
YellowShark Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 It's a matter of validation. Do you really care what she thinks? Or are you moving on and these people will never be a part of your life again? I struggled with this too and realized that my EX's mother will ALWAYS side with my EX - (her daughter) - and no matter what I said to her she will ALWAYS side with my EX - (her daughter.) So I had to take the high road, ignore it, and move on.
Author meltdown69 Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 It's funny because her parents have always felt bad and sided with me and know how difficult she is and can be. It defames my character in a way, because my ex's mother (and entire family i can only assume) now have this idea that I have abandoned her daughter and her 2 children that have been in my life for over 4 years. That i walked away from it all and ended it, which has not been the case.
USMCHokie Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 No response from you is necessary. If you really must respond, them just say, "Thanks. Take care."
Ronni_W Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 It defames my character in a way ... [they] now have this idea that I have abandoned her daughter and her 2 children Then I would try to fix it. [because] It's also possible that she has sent you this note to give you the chance to "fix" the mistakes that your ex has made in her retelling of what/how things happened; that your ex's mom WANTS to keep her positive view of you as a caring and decent human being, and she is hoping that you WILL come to your own defense. Maybe something generic like, "Dear 'Mary'. Thank you for your loving thoughts. I do appreciate them. As you can imagine, my experiences and recollections will differ, sometimes quite dramatically, from 'Sue's'...and the truth will lie somewhere in the middle. I can't see any point in offering my version of events, but do want you to know that the unexpected breakdown of our relationship has pained me a great deal, and the loss of my relationships with all of you, and especially 'Daughter 1' and 'Daughter 2' weighs heavy on my heart." I mean. Speak in your own 'language' (of course), and tell whatever is your truth about it -- you can do that, and speak out for your own character/integrity without slagging your ex.
AlwaysConflicted Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I disagree with some of the above posts. I think the truth is always important regardless of whether it will cause a favorable outcome. It's honorable...something lost in modern day society.
Beeotch Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) my ex's mother recently contacted me to let me know how much I mean/meant to her and their family. In her email, she spoke of the relationship I had with her daughter and how she was surprised that it was over. The information she spoke of is NOT correct and I feel like my ex told her family (and others) things that weren't necessarily true... just to save face, and justify her actions. I know the truth, and maybe that should be enough. Do any of you feel like a response from me, and a brief clarification of how things really went down would help anything? i think I already know the answer, but thought I'd throw it out there. Woaaah....I had to edit my initial response. I fully understood what you're saying now. I think it is first off out of place for your ex's mom to email you about your relationship. That is not her place. Regardless of you dating her daughter or not it is NOT her place. You should not have to answer to her about it. I was going to say you could be polite and give a short, simple response, but I probably wouldn't do that either because that is so out of place and weird. Edited August 18, 2010 by Beeotch
Beeotch Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Then I would try to fix it. [because] It's also possible that she has sent you this note to give you the chance to "fix" the mistakes that your ex has made in her retelling of what/how things happened; that your ex's mom WANTS to keep her positive view of you as a caring and decent human being, and she is hoping that you WILL come to your own defense. Maybe something generic like, "Dear 'Mary'. Thank you for your loving thoughts. I do appreciate them. As you can imagine, my experiences and recollections will differ, sometimes quite dramatically, from 'Sue's'...and the truth will lie somewhere in the middle. I can't see any point in offering my version of events, but do want you to know that the unexpected breakdown of our relationship has pained me a great deal, and the loss of my relationships with all of you, and especially 'Daughter 1' and 'Daughter 2' weighs heavy on my heart." I mean. Speak in your own 'language' (of course), and tell whatever is your truth about it -- you can do that, and speak out for your own character/integrity without slagging your ex. Nice! Yea I was going to say, you can politely respond with something simple, not too detailed, where you bash your ex and hash out your side and all this. But where you don't seem snooty or like you're ignoring her. Where you leave things on a good note. The bolded part is a perfect example of such a note.
Beeotch Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 I disagree with some of the above posts. I think the truth is always important regardless of whether it will cause a favorable outcome. It's honorable...something lost in modern day society. I agree as well.
Thorgs Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 If you were very close to her family then I don't see the harm in writing a short reply clearing the air.
Author meltdown69 Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Friends, i thought about it long and hard and took into consideration all of your comments...(thank you btw). I did respond to her mother. Let me first clarify that she did not go into great detail about the relationship I had with her daughter, it was more of "im surprised that things are not going forward with 'Mary'. You have been her rock and kept her up thru all the turbulent times...". My response was succinct. Nothing bashing my ex or the events that led to our demise....or trying to lay blame one way or the other. My words were similiar to "ronni's" suggestions.
Beeotch Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Friends, i thought about it long and hard and took into consideration all of your comments...(thank you btw). I did respond to her mother. Let me first clarify that she did not go into great detail about the relationship I had with her daughter, it was more of "im surprised that things are not going forward with 'Mary'. You have been her rock and kept her up thru all the turbulent times...". My response was succinct. Nothing bashing my ex or the events that led to our demise....or trying to lay blame one way or the other. My words were similiar to "ronni's" suggestions. Excellent!
Author meltdown69 Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Just a bit of an update: I received a response from my ex's mother today. Not much was said in regard to my clarification to her about the ending of the relationship with her daughter and grandchildren, but she did thank me for letting her know how I felt about it all. There wasn't really much that she could say about it and frankly I did not want to hear anymore about it. It's cleared up, it's done...time to continue to move on.
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