raspy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 My bf and I who have been dating for six months have never taken a holiday or a trip together. He has been saying that we should go interstate to theme parks and stuff which I thought. Now he tells me he is taking this holiday with his best friend in the next couple of months with his best friend to visit a cousin. He didn't even ask me and he has done the same trip with friend before. I'm at his house now and kinda pissed and he can tell. Am I overeacting?
Scarlett513 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 If he was going to cancun I would worry but his trip seems pretty innocent to me. If you are just feeling upset bc you wanted to go away with him, why not plan a weekend away for just the two of you?
stillafool Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Also it could be a "cost factor" in that going with you would cost him more money. Were you going to pay your way?
mushmaven Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Men will be men, even in the most satisfying relationships, we need to walk away for a while for a job into the countryside. So, you should not get worried if your boyfriend goes for such weekend trips now and then. Of course, if it becomes a every month thing, you should certainly have a talk.
Author raspy Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 I'm just annoyed because he always uses money as a reason for not going away with me and I would have paid for myself of course and now well probably never have a trip because he'll come back broke. Stuff it. I'm just going to book my own holiday without him.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I'm just annoyed because he always uses money as a reason for not going away with me and I would have paid for myself of course and now well probably never have a trip because he'll come back broke. Stuff it. I'm just going to book my own holiday without him. And so you should. Guys like to get away once and a while with one another and have "guy time", it keeps them grounded. I wouldn't be offended if my guy wanted to take off for a week with his best friend to visit his cousin. He's not abandoning you, he's wanting to feel free enough to have time with his friends. You can't expect a guy to be happy in a relationship if he feels like he isn't allowed to hang out with his friends. You don't want him to start thinking you are being controlling with regard to his friendships. My ex H used to take off for the weekend with his buddies and go to the cottage for a guys weekend. He in turn, would stay at home and watch the dogs while I went away with my gf's for a shopping weekend. If you trust him, there is no reason that you should get upset about this. It sounds as if this trip is a bit of a tradition for him. If you give him the impression that you want to infringe on the tradition, or stop it- he's going to pull away from you. There is nothing worse for a guy if he believes that being in a relationship is going to strip him of his independance, or freedom, to do some of the things he likes to do.
Green Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I'm just annoyed because he always uses money as a reason for not going away with me and I would have paid for myself of course and now well probably never have a trip because he'll come back broke. Stuff it. I'm just going to book my own holiday without him. Your bf sounds like a dick and you have every reason to be upset. He really should have come to you before booking this trip and invited you. I would never do to my gf what your bf did. I would potentialy go somewhere with out her but I would invite her.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Maybe the reason it is cheaper to go with his buddy is that he is staying at his cousins. Hotels are the expensive part of traveling (unless you fly.) He sees going on a holiday with you as involving a hotel. He might not consider this an expensive trip since he is staying with his buddy, so it's not a true "holiday" to him, just a roadtrip to see his cuz with his best bud. D-Lish is correct. If you back off, at some point he will want to go on a "holiday" with you.
craw Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 my ex did something similar like this - we never went on trips or holidays together, because his parents lived aboard and would go to visit them whenever he had time off. the one time he did stay here, he went to Montreal with his boys for a weekend and it pissed me right off. [bECAUSE IT SHOWED HE PUT HIS FRIENDS BEFORE ME ] needless to say, fate had it that he failed his grades - got sent back home, we broke up and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, cause im a stubborn mule would have never broken up with him. in other words, dump the dude or like you've already decided like you have, do your own thang and see if he bothers to notice.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 my ex did something similar like this - we never went on trips or holidays together, because his parents lived aboard and would go to visit them whenever he had time off. the one time he did stay here, he went to Montreal with his boys for a weekend and it pissed me right off. [bECAUSE IT SHOWED HE PUT HIS FRIENDS BEFORE ME ] needless to say, fate had it that he failed his grades - got sent back home, we broke up and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, cause im a stubborn mule would have never broken up with him. in other words, dump the dude or like you've already decided like you have, do your own thang and see if he bothers to notice. How is that putting his friends before you? A truly cool gf wouldn't feel so threatened...
Sphere Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 This is percisely why more and more men are refusing to enter relationships. You are clingy and needy and you need to stop this before he walks away. I know I would, you are unnecessarily causing problems where they need be none at all. He's going away with his best mate to visit a family member for a week, why is this an issue? He's been with you for as little as six months and you expect him to go on holiday with you? I hate to break it you, but most men I know won't consider taking their girlfriend on holiday with them until they reach the one year mark, I'm the same way inclined. Your sense of entitlement is disgusting, he is entitled to go away with his friend without your permission, just as you are allowed to do the same. This to me is a non-issue for starters, but your sense of entitlement is enough to put any decent man off you. Six months really isn't a long time.
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 At 6 months, I wouldn't find a trip with a male friend horrendous. Even later, it could be fine if multiple trips a year were possible---my Step-father still goes on trips with his buddies, surfing or climbing or doing other things my Mom has no interest in; she doesn't really go on trips with friends, but she and I go on trips just us, once every year or couple of years or so, so that evens out. It sounds like it was more the communication issues and the fact that he doesn't seem willing to plan a trip with you that you feel it's an issue. That seems reasonable to me, but not worth breaking an otherwise good relationship over. Definitely worth bringing up in a healthy way, in terms of stating how you feel about wanting to take a holiday with him and how the communication about this made you feel. But don't put him on the defensive. It doesn't sound like he's trying to hurt your feelings. And, sure, book your own trip. Why not? Just don't book any super-single type trips.
Green Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 At 6 months, I wouldn't find a trip with a male friend horrendous. Even later, it could be fine if multiple trips a year were possible---my Step-father still goes on trips with his buddies, surfing or climbing or doing other things my Mom has no interest in; she doesn't really go on trips with friends, but she and I go on trips just us, once every year or couple of years or so, so that evens out. It sounds like it was more the communication issues and the fact that he doesn't seem willing to plan a trip with you that you feel it's an issue. That seems reasonable to me, but not worth breaking an otherwise good relationship over. Definitely worth bringing up in a healthy way, in terms of stating how you feel about wanting to take a holiday with him and how the communication about this made you feel. But don't put him on the defensive. It doesn't sound like he's trying to hurt your feelings. And, sure, book your own trip. Why not? Just don't book any super-single type trips. Woud you date a guy who after 6 months planned a trip with out even telling you. It's pretty disrespectful. By the time I had reached 6 months with my gf we had been to Vegas, Chicago, and Orlando. We had also travled much of Europe and a piece of the Middle East. Obviously me and my gf did a lot. My point is if this girl wants to travel and she has already comunicated that and this guy claims he can't... then he books some trip with out her knowledge... that is a big FU! Dump the guy he doesn't deserve you.
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Woud you date a guy who after 6 months planned a trip with out even telling you. It's pretty disrespectful. By the time I had reached 6 months with my gf we had been to Vegas, Chicago, and Orlando. We had also travled much of Europe and a piece of the Middle East. Obviously me and my gf did a lot. My point is if this girl wants to travel and she has already comunicated that and this guy claims he can't... then he books some trip with out her knowledge... that is a big FU! Dump the guy he doesn't deserve you. I don't see any issue with merely traveling alone. I said the communication was an issue. At my age, I wouldn't want a fellow to do this, but for some reason, I got the impression the OP was younger (college age or just beyond), mostly from the assumption he'd be broke from a road trip to stay with his cousin. That doesn't sound expensive, and certainly wouldn't put a dent in my finances. Age matters a lot here. If she's 25+, I'd say, yes, it's a bigger issue. You're right in your scenario -- I'm not sure how clear he or she was in their communication. There's a lot I cannot know from her short explanation, which is why speaking clearly about communication is most important.
Green Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 I don't see any issue with merely traveling alone. I said the communication was an issue. At my age, I wouldn't want a fellow to do this, but for some reason, I got the impression the OP was younger (college age or just beyond), mostly from the assumption he'd be broke from a road trip to stay with his cousin. That doesn't sound expensive, and certainly wouldn't put a dent in my finances. Age matters a lot here. If she's 25+, I'd say, yes, it's a bigger issue. You're right in your scenario -- I'm not sure how clear he or she was in their communication. There's a lot I cannot know from her short explanation, which is why speaking clearly about communication is most important. She comes off aged some where around 25 maybe over or under... It sounds like the bf is taking a Plane or atleast a Train to where ever he is going. Even if it was a road trip, who wants holiday plans that don't involve them dumped on their lap after they have already been planed... Doesn't and shouldn't take communication to figure that out.
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