Miss_Prolixity Posted February 16, 2004 Posted February 16, 2004 I was just wondering how many people here or know of someone who has reunited with their ex once they've broken- up? We hear a lot about giving the dumper space and time. But I was just curious if this method really works.
Darkangelism Posted February 16, 2004 Posted February 16, 2004 I know someone, they broke up were away for a month got back together, and are doing decent.
dyermaker Posted February 16, 2004 Posted February 16, 2004 Yes. I can't comment on your personal chances, but I know it has happened.
lostforwords Posted February 16, 2004 Posted February 16, 2004 Yes its happened, an ex and I had split up for just about 6 months and then got back together, however it only lasted for another 8 months..... LMAO
monkey Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 Dyermaker, can you give me some advice on getting back toge....! Just joking man!! Miss Prolixity, i'm in your shoes & it's taken me time to realise this, but it's for the best, give em space, it's the only way, you push they pull & vica versa. But there's a fine line between them thinking your forgetting & getting over them & doing it because the ultimate goal is attempting getting back. Make sure they know your feelings, then back off. My grandparents split 3 times & got back together again, each time when they said never again, they were married 68 years! No-one knows the future, be positive!
look forward Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 wow monkey thats re-assuring to know.. I guess splitting up doesn't always mean the end if its meant to be... shame we havent got the gift of knowing if something is meant to be or not though
UCFKevin Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 I don't think it's healthy to think that things WILL work out after a break up, though, I think it's best to move on, or at least try to and NOT think "we'll get back together" because if it doesn't happen, you will be severely let down, depressed and disappointed, but if it DOES happen and it's not expected, think of the wonderful joy you'll feel. But then with that, there will always be the looming fear of, "Will it happen again?"
asilisa Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 My boyfriend asked me to give him space and it only lasted 2 days. Now who knows how long I can put up with him.
monkey Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 Kevin your so right, at xmas time i was becoming so desperate & obsesive that i thought i wouldn't get over this, & yes i still love her but the pain seems to be subsiding naturaly, although what we did, going to a lovely part of the Texan coast to start a life together & now i'm back here at my family home in dreary Sheffield in England does get me pissed off with myself over what could have been. Yes, this has installed a fear in me for other relationships about commiting so much to a dream, my s/o is Hungarian & spending romantic times by the Danube listnening to liszt & soaking up the vibe, makes the loss more intense & wanting to get it back, so different from other relationships that were, at the time full of love but i'd always wanted this kind, now it seems over. This is why i hang on until time has elapsed. I don't wanna go into my details again but... time!
corythosaurus Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 Originally posted by lostforwords Yes its happened, an ex and I had split up for just about 6 months and then got back together, however it only lasted for another 8 months..... LMAO Doesn't that mean it didn't work?
Author Miss_Prolixity Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 Thanks for the replies everyone. I just don't want to hold onto any expectations of "what could've been." I've been apart from my ex for a month and a half and neither one of us has contacted each other so far. I told him the night we broke-up that being friends would be too hard because I am attached. But as I was leaving, he said he would e-mail me sometime to let me know how he was doing. Our break-up was quite different than mosts (long story). But I will say this, he told me that we get along great and have tons of fun together, but he felt I kept our relationship taboo, therefore he had to end it. Basically, he felt I held up walls that he couldn't break down and that he wasn't allowed into my personal life. Which I can understand from his perspective. I do believe in the saying, "if it's meant to be, it will be". But, a part of me wonders if both aren't contacting each other, both conclude that the other is trying to move on so neither will make an effort to salvage the relationship. Just a theory. Anyways, I guess time will only tell. Thanks for the replies.
look forward Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Miss_Prolixity only time will tell My relationship ended similar to yours i told my ex bf that he could kiss my arse if he ever thought i could be friends with him as i walked out the door (he cheated) so a little harsher than yours.. i had no intention of calling him even though it killed me we had been together nearly 9 years so you can imagine the state i was in... anyways 2 months down the line he calls me crying while with the other girl who he cheated with saying he missed me.. i put the phone down on him cos i couldn't handle it.. three months after that I got an e-mail from him asking how i was.. i missed him terrribly even though I was with someone else at this point i still couldn;t deal with it told him that he should never contact me again, that i hated his guts and hoped him and his pig girlfriend were miserable together.. i couldn;t believe he has contacted me after 5 months I was angry but i still loved the guy but refused to give in to him cos he hurt me so much.. I thought that was it.. well a whole 11 months later i get yet another e-mail asking me how i am.. i guess the anger had subsided and i just missed him too much so I gave in .. we got back together for a month during that month it was clear he was unstable and clinically depressed the guilt over what he had done to us was just eating away at him.. he said he needed to get himself sorted out and has currently pushed me away he cant even look at me without crying.. I haven't spoken to him for over a month and right now i dont know if i'm coming or going... i used to believe in if its meant to be now i just dont know I am right back to square one.. lost, hurt and helpless.. sorry guys I guess i just needed to vent!! my point is if he wants to contact you regardless of the time he will.. if that helps at all..
monkey Posted February 18, 2004 Posted February 18, 2004 Look forward, so in that 1 month you got back together, did he get to kiss your arse as you said, if he remained your friend? I too feel guilt over how my anxiety problem had an affect on my s/o. I tell her this in my mails, however, i don't want her to think i'm creeping. How did you feel about his depression & could you have lived with it?
look forward Posted February 19, 2004 Posted February 19, 2004 Monkey in that 1 month we got back together he did some arse kissing but it was all good I was really happy.. I didn't harp on about what had happened it had been acknlowledged he hurt me we hurt each other we were moving on from that and trying to see if we could make things work .. But he couldn't let go of what he had done.. I just dont get it I didn't end up in a mental home or anything I was fine so why did he let the guilt engulf him?? I feel angry that his depression has got in the way of our second chance and I really wanted to help him through it but he thought he had put me through enough grief... It upsets me how he has pushed me away and wont even talk to me now I havent seen him in over a month now and when i last saw him he was in tears he couldn;t even look at me.. I dont see how he will ever come back from that for us to have a fair shot of working things out... Monkey - are you suffering with the same kind of guilt?? pm me I'd like to hear your story.. it might also help me understand whats going on in his head..
fishman3226 Posted February 25, 2004 Posted February 25, 2004 Man, I am reading your forum here and l am thinking wow! I have a similar thing with my ex girlfriend, I know outright that her depression and hang ups in life are the reason why she has left me. She moved out yesterday but tells me that she would still like every morning to bring me a cup of coffee in the morning.. She also tells me that she knows that what I offer her in life (a nice quiet steady life with no dramas - hell, she would know after 14 months of living together) and that she wants to ultimately be at least a friend. Now, she is gone and has moved out of a loving home into an environment with a complete stranger - dumb to the extreme (and no one will tell me otherwise.) Now I know (and she verified it) that I am a good bloke, I looked after and supported her and gave her a situation that was highly enriching and varied. Only problem is she is depressed. I ont know what she is thinking, I dont know what is wrong, but what I know is that at the end of the day i did nothing wrong. Her depression is what is causing the problems. My concern is that once she comes back (and I feel she ultimately will) will I be a slave to her problems too? I love her deeply and really care for her but do I want this crap in my life? I dont ever expect it to be easy. But at the end of the day I know what I think I can help her achieve.
look forward Posted February 25, 2004 Posted February 25, 2004 fishman3226 i hear what your saying "My concern is that once she comes back (and I feel she ultimately will) will I be a slave to her problems too? I love her deeply and really care for her but do I want this crap in my life? " thats what i am starting to think do I really want to be with someone who is mentally unstable I mean its bad enough when its just you that has to deal with it but long term when you are talking about marriage and kids is this the long term partner that I really want? We are being put through all this because of thier illness and as much as i know and understand its the depression what about me and how i am feeling?? Its hard when you care and love the person right...its all so confusing and very complicatind.. I try and have faith that everything will work itself out as it should be but then I have a nagging feeling that it wont I will contsantly feel in limbo
fishman3226 Posted February 25, 2004 Posted February 25, 2004 Dont get me wrong though mate, if she rang me in 10 mnutes and said "I want to get back" I would take her. Thing i feel is that I am prepared for the battle she will face (cause you canot do it for them) cause know that at the end of the day if she is happy within herself then she will reciprocate it back to me. At the end of the day it comes to this satemtn I feel: "I dont need her in my life but I want her in my life." Musth think about things like can you do better? Do you REALLY care for this person that much that you would sacrifice to your own detriment. YOu look after YOU!
look forward Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 fishman3226 again your right I would take him back too but how long do we wait in vain that one day the depression will lift and they come back.. Life has a funny way of twisting and turning they could meet someone else along thier road of recovery or even we for that matter.. (not that I'm looking) but my point is how long do you keep your life on hold for something that isn't guarenteed?.. as you say yourself you need to start looking after you.. This whole thing has already caused me to be ill and depressed,I love the guy to death but i l also love myself.. and as much as i want him to be in my life i dont need him in my life..
fishman3226 Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Exactly. No matter what, regardless of your love for this person, you must look after yourself. It aint easy, but you must remember that you dont need them, only want them. I fso many others thougth like that then alot of breakup angst would disappear in my view.
love4all Posted February 28, 2004 Posted February 28, 2004 Sometimes this works. Sometimes its for the best that you give the person space. They need to think for themselves without any outside thougts influencing them.
flossie22 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 in response to the last posting, its true. when someone is going through a depression, it is hard for them to see what they are feeling. I am going through a period of one rightnow and its really hard to distinguish my true feelings from my depression, because it causes a great deal of self doubt. Hopefully your significant other can get through that and work her way back to you. good luck. i know its hard.
fishman3226 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 But flossie, do you think that it would be better if you had someone that cared for you rather than going thru it by yourself? I mean, I would die for this woman to help her. I really would. Strange things is that she rang me today and has arranged to come over tomorrow and Sat also - I am going to play it cool and see what happens. No pressure at all. I am going to be nice - on the Monday cut the visit short and then on Sat see what happens. I am thinking that smeone dont wanna be with me, why make come over for some time together? Ok, it is on the premise of dropping stuff of and picking stuff up, but the same time could have been left at the front doorstep and asked to leave the letters in a letterbox or readdressed.And at the least it would not have ben so as wecould have a cup of coffee together and a meal...... Confusing, but also uplighting. Somtimes I think people lie to themselves and then expect to have people to accept it when they hurt them.... what to do, what to do...
flossie22 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 yes but, i t causes u to doubt everythign in your life. trust me. i have a man who loves me so much and i am trying everything in my power not to let him go. but i have my doubts, and thats because i think i am not happy from within. you cant love another unlessyou love yourself. but give it time, and if you are meant to be you will be.
fishman3226 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 BUt how to change this mindset without puching them away?
flossie22 Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 i guess really the only thing you can do is give her time. with time, maybe she will recognize she is better with you than without you;
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