hard but okay Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Hey guys, Well my story is one I have not had before, normally with my breakups there has been something that happened to cause it or we just didnt want to talk after, but with this one we both want to be friends. She was the most amazing girlfriend I have had yet, she is the nicest and kindest woman I have been lucky to have love me. We were together for just over a year but the last four months seemed that we grew apart. I wanted to take the relationship to the next level and move in together but she said she wasnt ready anyway a few times over the last four months she had voiced concerns that she didnt see a future with us. Of course this scared the heck out of me but we worked on it and tried really hard to improve the aspects that we didnt like (there were things I didnt like as well) for example she wanted more space and less nights together whereas I wanted a bit more. anyway I tried to give her more space but in the end I was just kidding myself because at the end of the day I did want more and she wanted less...I summed it up to one of my friends just after the break up...I wanted a partner and she wanted a boyfriend. Anyway thats a bit of the history, there was of course more to it like the intimacy dried up a bit and we were starting to get short with each other. But the thing is we did try really hard to make it work but in the end she finally called it off and I agreed. Now we are trying to be friends and I truly want to be but I find that after every contact I am thrown back and get really confused I know I still love her I mean it has only been a month and as much as I wish I could I cant just turn off my feelings, but im worried that if I dont try to be friends I will regret it later. We have already talked about this and have backed off with the contact but its really hard for me. Some mornings im okay but then I have a small thought of her and im right back at been sad I guess as you can see im really up and down, although I know we just didnt work in the end and its probably for the best I still find I wish we hadnt ended and I was back with her.... so yeah confused huh hahaha I think no contact for a while might be a good thing but its really hard to make that call. Oh and its my 30th birthday this weekend that we had planned together I did want her to still come but after the last time we met I was so confused and suggested we got back together (she said sorry if she confused me but she only wanted friends now) that I decided it best if she not come but because its such a milestone for me and she was a massive part of my life I still want her to be part of it so we are doing coffee the day before, but even that I am worried about because I still yearn for her a bit . Any advice would be great and sorry for my huge story im just typing away here as I think so sorry of it doesnt flow very well. Cheers
Nappeal Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 "although I know we just didnt work in the end" You know deep down inside that this probably wasn't a forever thing, and yet you hung on because you loved her and she gave you false hope. You weren't ready to let go, but from what you say, the relationship ended 4 months ago. I am in the same spot. From my own and others experiences, one will never regret not staying friends; matter of fact, its the opposite. You will regret that you didn't let go sooner and instead kept yourself in a state of confusion and loneliness. AND she gets to have her cake and eat it too. Its tough, very tough, but this is the time to start NC, for YOU. She doesn't seem interested in continuing the relationship, nor does it sound like she's interested in maintaining a friendship. You will feel cut and stabbed every time you think you've made a step forward, only to take 2 steps back. Its time to let go and move on for YOU. IF one day she decides she wants the relationship back, your emotions will be much more guarded and you will be able to to decide whether you want to even risk it w her once more. Stay strong and GL
Author hard but okay Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Hey, Thanks for the reply, I should clear things up a bit. I dont think she led me on, she did tell me each time and we both loved each other enough to try to make it work anyway. One of the things she said to me was she didnt want to waste my time and she was honest with me so you cant ask for more than that, and I know she wants to be friends she is making an effort and thats kinda the hard part I guess....I think at the end of the day NC is going to have to happen for ME, because she is okay with just friends now when with me every time I see her I want to hold her tight and forget all the troubles we had...I know that if we did get back together we would just end up back here cause we truly did try hard three times we came back to the same spot then finally on the fourth talk we decided that we have tried enough and it just wasnt working My problem is that I know all this but still I dont want to want her back I want to be just friends, well not at the moment but maybe one day soon because at the end of the day we were great mates, and we truly love hanging out together. I also live in a small city so there is this fear that when she is ready to date again I will bump into her and that thought scares the heck out of me! although on the flip side I need to let go of that because I will date again I know that much so yeah im in a hard place right now...I know what needs to be done and can see that it will be okay but sometimes I just want to curl up in my room and cry and wallow
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