I have no idea how I've gotten here

[sillytothink]

I feel as though I would need days to explain my story. Just saying that makes me realize that I have done something I feel needs reasoning, which I know is never good. I have never been one to do anything I am not proud of. I am a 26 year old h.s teacher, volleyball coach, went to a traditional party school but yet never got drunk, never smoked of any kind. I have always been viewed by most as innocent, giving, selfless, constantly happy, and over achiever. And I work very hard to keep up this image. I have been married to the most wonderful, giving man I could ever imagine. He is someone with whom I have almost everything in common, share amazing memories with over our past seven years together, and can't imagine a better life partner or best friend. We own a beautiful house, travel, have two great dogs...everything you could imagine for a picture perfect life.

However, I have recently found myself doing things I could have never imagined of myself. I have always been kind of addicted to attention from men. It is my only vice. Not only do I love sex, but I loved the control it gave me, and hearing from men that I was the best they ever had (a line I'm sure they told most). I loved guys pining after me, completely not in control of the sexual desire they have for me. For the past six years with my husband, I have let this all go. Not even missing it. Until, his best friend "Chris" and I discussed our attraction for each other. He told me that he has never been so attracted to any woman so much in his life. I, of course, fed on this, like a vulture. I fed into it, eventually leading us to have sex, even once while my husband and Chris' gf were downstairs. Once that "relationship" was over, I moved on to the next guy I shared an attraction with, the basketball coach of the school in which I teach. We are sexting almost on a daily basis, send nude pics to each other, and are planning on having sex, in the most dirty, rough, wrong ways, which drives me crazy even more. I even buy sexy clothes for our meeting.

I don't want to be this way. I don't know why I am almost addicted to both the desire, and the actual acts. My husband is even amazing during sex. I for some reason desire to be wanted by every guy, and want to be the one to fulfill all of their fantasies, yet still uphold my image. Even more, I have always been “one of the guys” to hang out with the boys, watch football, drink beer, and school them all in video games. I am constantly told I am the perfect woman, which leads me to want to continue that image by being everything they could ever want in bed. I should only want to uphold this ideal for my husband! Craziness, I fear, has ensued.

[cookie2]

Sorry to be harsh, it's what people need sometimes. Here goes..

 

You constantly mention upholding your image. It sounds to me like this "image" is not the real you, but a mask you put on to be socially accepted and respected by your peers and husband. You are a faker and a liar. You will never find happiness this way, and you will just hurt those around you. You claim your husband is so great, but what are you doing to him? You are destroying his life. You need to tell him everything you have done, and divorce him. You are clearly not ready to be in a monogamous relationship. Just thank god that you don't have any kids. You should probably get some professional help too.

[witabix]

I am a little confused....

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242204/

[goodgrief]

Don't be. The OP has a dual thread. I'm not sure if it's allowed or not, but I mentioned one yesterday, and AFAIK, it's still there. But I could be wrong...

 

I like your avatar...from what I know, it's a Buddhist symbol?

(And that's off topic I think, which is not really the done thing, in another person's thread....)

[witabix]

Don't be. The OP has a dual thread. I'm not sure if it's allowed or not, but I mentioned one yesterday, and AFAIK, it's still there. But I could be wrong...

 

I like your avatar...from what I know, it's a Buddhist symbol?

(And that's off topic I think, which is not really the done thing, in another person's thread....)

 

On a dual thread I guess it doesn't count!

 

Avatar, yes, it says something to me any way. Glad you like it. Peace.

[jnj express]

I do not think you should even consider being married----How the Hell do you reconcile screwing another man in your own home with your H. downstairs----just out of curiosity what exactly was going thru your mind----Do you not think you are gonna get caught----your having sex with every tom, dick, and harry you can find---

 

what are you gonna do if some of your students come on to you---you gonna open up the store for them also

 

You need help big time, but before you do anything, give your H., a break and Divorce him---you do not deserve a decent human being as a partner

 

You stick to your little group of bad-boys who also like to cheat and hurt others---you all deserve each other

 

I look forward to seeing you someday on the BAD BAD TEACHER website.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? The fact that you would humiliate in such a horrible way by having sex with your friend downstairs while your husband is upstairs with his girlfriend says a great deal. You have absolutely no respect for your husband and playing him for a complete fool while putting his health at risk for std's. Please be honest with your husband so he can have the ability to decide for himself how he wishes to live his life. What you are doing to your husband is so cruel and hurtful to him. It will be a matter of time before you are caught but clearly you do not mind. Imagine your husband divorcing you and finding someone else who can respect him and value a relationship because you clearly cannot.

[InceptorsRule]

You know, it's pretty obvious that you shouldn't be married, not to your current husband, not to anyone, so I'll just add my vote to the others who have said that.

 

Answering the question of "why" you got married in the first place is probably something that will take years of therapy for you to figure out, and I strongly suggest whatever else you do, you go for individual therapy.

 

The only thing I want to add as a remark is, I'm continually amazed by these stories of women who no doubt believe themselves to be feminists on some level or another--you know, split the chores, or whatever--yet they have ABSOLUTELY NO COMPUNCTION about undermining/destroying the relationships of the other women they know and are supposedly "close" to, such as in this case, the OP's gf (the betrayed significant other of the guy she cheated with).

 

I mean good god, I never want to hear a woman like OP, who hurts another woman like that, EVER complain about something ANY MAN does on grounds that somehow it's "sexist."

[InceptorsRule]

LOL, although it's not actually very funny, I just picked something else from the OP's story. Check this out--first she says this:

 

 

I have been married to the most wonderful, giving man I could ever imagine. He is someone with whom I have almost everything in common, share amazing memories with over our past seven years together

 

 

Then she says this:

 

 

However, I have recently found myself doing things I could have never imagined of myself. I have always been kind of addicted to attention from men. It is my only vice. Not only do I love sex, but I loved the control it gave me, and hearing from men that I was the best they ever had (a line I'm sure they told most). I loved guys pining after me, completely not in control of the sexual desire they have for me. For the past six years with my husband, I have let this all go.

 

 

They've been together for "seven" years, but she's only been a non-slut for the "past six years."

 

I wonder if her husband knows she was evidently slutting it up for the first year of their relationship together.

 

Good show, OP. Seems like you cheated on your now-husband early on during your relationship?

 

True? False?

[lostsunsets]

Say goodbye to everything you think you have. Your husband, your image, your place in community. Because based upon your post, you won't have it much longer. Your poor husband. I want you to think about one thing. When your husband finds out, and he will find out. He will be completely crushed. His beautiful chaste bride is a worthless s1ut. But if he is the kind of man you say he is. He has a future. Without you. There is a woman out there that will be more then happy to help heal is broken heart. A woman that will not only know how good she has it. But is ready to act in accordance with it. You feel that you can't resist the path your going down. Well when your world crashes around you. And it will. You will be amazed just how quickly you forget about your vagina. But by then it will be to late.

 

You have one chance. Go to your husband and confess. Because the way you are going, he will definitely find out. If he loves you, he will sense it in his gut. And then you're done. Its your only chance.

 

So until your world is utterly destroyed go and lay your basketball coach. And when he is done, find another and another and another. See if any of them will be able to do more then fill the hole between your legs. Because in the end that is all you will have, meaningless sex with passing strangers that feed you ego. Your husband will survive and thrive without you. Count your days. Love your husband (for what you love is worth) while you can. Knowing that you will be found out. I so pity you. You are so broken.

[LSNoob]

What the hell is your problem seriously?? You f*** your husband's friend then go back to your marriage as if nothing happened? Do you know how hurtful that is? Do you know how humiliating that is? Your husband will feel inferior to his friend now? What about his poor gf? What did she do? Why does she have to deal with a skanky hoochie like you? And you didn't even feel guilty???? Seriously wtf?!? You are sick and disgusting. Then you start fantasizing about your basketball coach's c0ck??? (what's happening here? chasing after some black c0cks now huh? :lmao:j/k) Wow, classy. You sure are wife of the year!!!

 

Poor husband tho.

 

But what, on god's beloved earth, were you thinking? Getting married at 19yo? Sweety marriages at this age is typical for eastern-cultured women. You are not them!! What the hell are you doing? You and marriage is like Earth and the planet Pluto, very far away from each other.

 

You need to settle the f*** down and look back at what you've done. You needed to go to college and flash you t!tt!es in spring break. You needed to go clubbing every weekend and get drunk then strip naked in the club, then go get busy in the bar parking lot. You needed to try all types of drugs. Wow the list goes on and on. Then appear on "girls gone wild". Then finally earn the title "the village bicycle" and tattoo it on your back. :laugh:

 

I am a 26 year old h.s teacher, volleyball coach, went to a traditional party school but yet never got drunk, never smoked of any kind. I have always been viewed by most as innocent, giving, selfless, constantly happy, and over achiever.

 

Look, nobody turns into a ho over night. You were a hoochie since high school days but you just don't want to admit it.

Never got drunk? WOW, yep like as if the members here are going to believe you.:lmao:

Sounds too dumb to be real.

 

And I work very hard to keep up this image.

 

By sleeping and humping on every single c0ck comes across you?

Yep keep up the hard work.

 

Women like you give women a bad name. Women like you are the main reason why men label all women "gold diggers" "wh0res" "s1uts" etc. You are a disgusting cockroach. You don't deserve a good man like your husband. You deserve that douchebag of a "friend" name Chris. I hope his gf finds out too what a stupid loser she is dating and what a lousy wife you are.

 

You will always be a slave for sexual temptations. Never be strong enough to control your self. Always weak and pitiful. Get a life you desperate pathetic loser.

 

Good luck on your quest of riding every single c0ck out there. Hope you burn in hell for all the pain you have caused.

Edited August 18, 2010 by LSNoob

[Spark1111]

Find a good therapist and start examining your relationship or lack thereof with daddy.

 

You seek empowerment in all the most self-destructive ways possible.

 

Ask yourself why?

 

Get help now.

[sillytothink]

@ Witabex….sorry I had originally posted this in a different section, then later realized that it belonged in this forum. I didn’t know this wasn’t allowed, I apologize.

@Inceptors rules…I wrote that the wrong way, I meant the first six years together, meaning I have been unfaithful in our seventh year together.

@Lsnoob…yes that is correct, I have never been drunk. Believe what you will, but it’s the truth. My mother was a terrible addict of drinking, drugs, and many other things. It eventually lead to her death of purposeful overdose. She gave both myself and my three siblings away when I was nine years old to our aunt and uncle. This uncle by marriage, sexually abused all four of us since the day I arrived at their house. When I told my aunt about this, she stood by our uncle, and expected us to do the same. I still visit on a monthly basis, convincing myself that I love him for all he has given us, and has a problem he is “working on”. I am still very angry…but it has become taboo in our family to show anger. And my aunt even acts as though if I show anger, it is unwarranted, because he has apologized.

I’ve always been fearful that I would become addicted to almost anything if I indulged. I had always prided myself on the fact that I did not have an addictive personality. But, now I realize that not only do I have this attribute, but every other quality that comes along with an addict. I am self-destructive, hurtful to those I love most, and while what I am doing isn’t physically toxic, it is absolutely toxic in every other way possible. I realize this. I’m not posting this because I am in denial. I am posting because I am angry at myself for my actions. I am also angry because I NEVER expected this of myself. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man, who has never done anything but try to make me happy. Just this morning he came home from his third shift job and made me chocolate chip pancakes before he went on a golf outing…who does that?!? I find myself irritated by these actions, I find it absolutely suffocating. I tell him this, and he does not understand. Because for the first six years together, we both loved these little surprises. I can’t help but think I am in some way feeling guilty for what I’ve done, and cannot possibly believe he is still around. But, if it is guilt, it is not like the guilt I have felt in the past for even smaller things like hurting someone’s feelings. See, believe it or not, I am by all other accounts a very compassionate person. I volunteer, was in the peace corps, went on a mission trip to Africa, have housed some of my students in need, give everything I have in order to make my students’ lives better. This is what confuses me most. How can I be one way to everyone else in the world, yet be so damn selfish and destructive in my marriage, at the first temptation. I wish I could explain, without sounding crazy, how much I absolutely love and adore my husband. There is no other person in the world I’d rather be married to. I know, “then why would I do this to him”? I don’t know! I feel absolutely out of control. Intoxicated by the newness of these adventures, intoxicated by the admiration of men other than my husband, addicted to the sex appeal other men find in me, as if my husband’s attraction to me is not enough. I know it’s not enough, I just don’t know WHY it’s not enough for me. I always want more….just like a drug. I know that sounds like a complete cop out, but it’s how I feel. I can never get enough.

[jnj express]

You need to check yourself into a sex addiction clinic

[Bryanp]

One more time. How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? You do understand that eventually you will be caught and your marriage will be destroyed. Please be honest with your husband and stop playing him for a fool and allow him to decide how he wishes to proceed with your marriage. You are amazingly self-destructive and very cruel and hurtful to your husband. Tell your husband the truth and then work on your problems. You do know that this will all end horribly for you. Does your husband really deserve such humiliation and disrespect from you?

[GorillaTheater]

There's certainly some grim irony here regarding your unhealthy and obsessive concern with your image, since your little f*ck sessions WILL come to light. And I've got to imagine, despite how you coo over how wonderful your husband is, that your reaction to being eventually discovered will be to utterly demonize your husband in an effort to preserve that pristine image of yours. You'll quickly be telling people how he verbally abused you, beat you with a rusty gravel rake, and repeatedly raped the dog.

 

It's just a matter of time.

 

The best thing you can do, other than confess to your husband and give him a divorce, is to quickly seek professional help. I hope your image allows you to seriously consider it.

[lostsunsets]

Your response to your husbands selfless gift of CC pancakes is a classic tell. Cheating spouses become angry, impatient, dismissive and contemptuous of their loving spouse. I can tell you right now that your husbands gut is questioning what happened. And how you treated him will only intensify. If I were you, I would seriously look into starting to investigate other living arrangements. If you still think that you love your husband, spare him. Either leave him or confess. Don't destroy his self respect and what love he does have for you by continuing to stab him in the back and twist the knife. And since you are obviously the most base kind of partner, stop having sex with him. You are sure to eventually give him an STD which could threaten his life (thats some love you have for him).

[witabix]

@ Witabex….sorry I had originally posted this in a different section, then later realized that it belonged in this forum. I didn’t know this wasn’t allowed, I apologize.

 

No apology needed here stt, I am not God on LS.

 

It eventually lead to her death of purposeful overdose. She gave both myself and my three siblings away when I was nine years old to our aunt and uncle. This uncle by marriage, sexually abused all four of us since the day I arrived at their house. When I told my aunt about this, she stood by our uncle, and expected us to do the same. I still visit on a monthly basis, convincing myself that I love him for all he has given us, and has a problem he is “working on”. I am still very angry…but it has become taboo in our family to show anger. And my aunt even acts as though if I show anger, it is unwarranted, because he has apologized.

 

I have seen your reaction in other people abused at an early age. Seeking the validation that they are not as ugly, or worthless, as they perceive themselves to be on the inside. Adults seem to carry the blame for their abuse with them too many times. The abuse was NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU WERE, ARE INNOCENT. You are not ugly or worthless, your husband loves you, look at him, see yourself as you know he sees you.

 

I’ve always been fearful that I would become addicted to almost anything if I indulged. I had always prided myself on the fact that I did not have an addictive personality. But, now I realize that not only do I have this attribute, but every other quality that comes along with an addict. I am self-destructive, hurtful to those I love most, and while what I am doing isn’t physically toxic, it is absolutely toxic in every other way possible. I realize this. I’m not posting this because I am in denial. I am posting because I am angry at myself for my actions. I am also angry because I NEVER expected this of myself.

 

I think your feelings are utterly normal. You have been robbed of something, your family is being complicit in pushing you into these feelings by not letting you voice your anger at the correct target. Get help, you do not have a sex addiction, you have a little girl screaming for attention, for someone to right the wrongs that have been done to her. That voice of anger in your head is her voice, you are screaming at your self so loud you cannot hear the words.

 

My husband is an absolutely wonderful man, who has never done anything but try to make me happy. Just this morning he came home from his third shift job and made me chocolate chip pancakes before he went on a golf outing…who does that?!? I find myself irritated by these actions, I find it absolutely suffocating. I tell him this, and he does not understand. Because for the first six years together, we both loved these little surprises. I can’t help but think I am in some way feeling guilty for what I’ve done, and cannot possibly believe he is still around. But, if it is guilt, it is not like the guilt I have felt in the past for even smaller things like hurting someone’s feelings.

 

Because it is NOT guilt, it is misdirected anger. Anger being squeezed in the wrong direction. he does not understand, how can he, does he know of the abuse?

 

I wish I could explain,

without sounding crazy

, how much I absolutely love and adore my husband. There is no other person in the world I’d rather be married to. I know, “then why would I do this to him”? I don’t know! I feel absolutely out of control. Intoxicated by the newness of these adventures, intoxicated by the admiration of men other than my husband, addicted to the sex appeal other men find in me, as if my husband’s attraction to me is not enough. I know it’s not enough, I just don’t know WHY it’s not enough for me. I always want more….just like a drug. I know that sounds like a complete cop out, but it’s how I feel. I can never get enough

 

Please speak to an abuse counselor face to face, I see so many parallels. I have known too many people who have been through this, everyone reacts differently but the self destructiveness is common.

 

Listen to the little girl inside, she is accusing everyone she can, you, your husband, your new partners. You are not indulging in compassionate lovemaking, you are trying to exorcise something from your psyche. This is not the way to do it. Please speak to a counselor, its NEVER TOO LATE.

 

Remember, what was done to you was not your fault, you are not to blame.

[Thorgs]

"I have no idea how I've gotten here"

 

I think you do know how you got there. YOU gave up. You got used to being spoiled by your husband that you went out and looked for more. It's almost as if whatever us men do isn't good enough. Time to get a divorce and let him find someone who deserves him.

[GorillaTheater]

Witabix is right, and far better than me at showing compassion at your situation. You have to address the root cause of your behavior because you can't sustain a relationship on the path you're on. Not only will you destroy your partner, you'll destroy yourself. Please seek professional counseling to deal with the abuse you suffered and the issues you have now. Please.

[Cozzy]

How can I be one way to everyone else in the world, yet be so damn selfish and destructive in my marriage, at the first temptation. I wish I could explain, without sounding crazy, how much I absolutely love and adore my husband. There is no other person in the world I’d rather be married to. I know, “then why would I do this to him”? .

 

 

This is actually something I have seen in a couple cases since I have been perusing this issue since my wife just divulged her cheating secret to me. My wife had a situation like yours when she was younger with sexual abuse. I have read some artilces and one explanation I found is that people who have gone through that feel worthless when they finally find someone who is good. To them that person is too good and they don't deserve them. They will purposely try and sabotage their relationship just to show the other person that they are not good enough so that person will leave and it will validate in their mind they really are not good enough. Now I am not saying this is an excuse by any means. What you are doing is wrong, but you need to seek help for it. Did you ever receive any counseling for your sexual abuse you suffered as a child? If not, this would be a good starting step to understanding why you are acting this way.

[Distant78]

I feel as though I would need days to explain my story. Just saying that makes me realize that I have done something I feel needs reasoning, which I know is never good. I have never been one to do anything I am not proud of. I am a 26 year old h.s teacher, volleyball coach, went to a traditional party school but yet never got drunk, never smoked of any kind. I have always been viewed by most as innocent, giving, selfless, constantly happy, and over achiever. And I work very hard to keep up this image. I have been married to the most wonderful, giving man I could ever imagine. He is someone with whom I have almost everything in common, share amazing memories with over our past seven years together, and can't imagine a better life partner or best friend. We own a beautiful house, travel, have two great dogs...everything you could imagine for a picture perfect life.

However, I have recently found myself doing things I could have never imagined of myself. I have always been kind of addicted to attention from men. It is my only vice. Not only do I love sex, but I loved the control it gave me, and hearing from men that I was the best they ever had (a line I'm sure they told most). I loved guys pining after me, completely not in control of the sexual desire they have for me. For the past six years with my husband, I have let this all go. Not even missing it. Until, his best friend "Chris" and I discussed our attraction for each other. He told me that he has never been so attracted to any woman so much in his life. I, of course, fed on this, like a vulture. I fed into it, eventually leading us to have sex, even once while my husband and Chris' gf were downstairs. Once that "relationship" was over, I moved on to the next guy I shared an attraction with, the basketball coach of the school in which I teach. We are sexting almost on a daily basis, send nude pics to each other, and are planning on having sex, in the most dirty, rough, wrong ways, which drives me crazy even more. I even buy sexy clothes for our meeting.

I don't want to be this way. I don't know why I am almost addicted to both the desire, and the actual acts. My husband is even amazing during sex. I for some reason desire to be wanted by every guy, and want to be the one to fulfill all of their fantasies, yet still uphold my image. Even more, I have always been “one of the guys” to hang out with the boys, watch football, drink beer, and school them all in video games. I am constantly told I am the perfect woman, which leads me to want to continue that image by being everything they could ever want in bed. I should only want to uphold this ideal for my husband! Craziness, I fear, has ensued.

 

All I have to say to you is to go to sex rehab, and divorce or tell your husband about the affair so that he can know what type of person you really are. You have this sense of entitlement that oversees your feelings for your husband, and ulimately, youself. You slept with your husband's best friend upstairs in your house, while your husband was downstairs. That guy is no real friend. You've been sexting the basketball coach at the school you work for, and you try to do a lot of "men" things to validate yourself, and to get closer sexually, with other men. Please turn yourself into the hospital and tell your husband.

[Distant78]

@ Witabex….sorry I had originally posted this in a different section, then later realized that it belonged in this forum. I didn’t know this wasn’t allowed, I apologize.

@Inceptors rules…I wrote that the wrong way, I meant the first six years together, meaning I have been unfaithful in our seventh year together.

@Lsnoob…yes that is correct, I have never been drunk. Believe what you will, but it’s the truth. My mother was a terrible addict of drinking, drugs, and many other things. It eventually lead to her death of purposeful overdose. She gave both myself and my three siblings away when I was nine years old to our aunt and uncle. This uncle by marriage, sexually abused all four of us since the day I arrived at their house. When I told my aunt about this, she stood by our uncle, and expected us to do the same. I still visit on a monthly basis, convincing myself that I love him for all he has given us, and has a problem he is “working on”. I am still very angry…but it has become taboo in our family to show anger. And my aunt even acts as though if I show anger, it is unwarranted, because he has apologized.

I’ve always been fearful that I would become addicted to almost anything if I indulged. I had always prided myself on the fact that I did not have an addictive personality. But, now I realize that not only do I have this attribute, but every other quality that comes along with an addict. I am self-destructive, hurtful to those I love most, and while what I am doing isn’t physically toxic, it is absolutely toxic in every other way possible. I realize this. I’m not posting this because I am in denial. I am posting because I am angry at myself for my actions. I am also angry because I NEVER expected this of myself. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man, who has never done anything but try to make me happy. Just this morning he came home from his third shift job and made me chocolate chip pancakes before he went on a golf outing…who does that?!? I find myself irritated by these actions, I find it absolutely suffocating. I tell him this, and he does not understand. Because for the first six years together, we both loved these little surprises. I can’t help but think I am in some way feeling guilty for what I’ve done, and cannot possibly believe he is still around. But, if it is guilt, it is not like the guilt I have felt in the past for even smaller things like hurting someone’s feelings. See, believe it or not, I am by all other accounts a very compassionate person. I volunteer, was in the peace corps, went on a mission trip to Africa, have housed some of my students in need, give everything I have in order to make my students’ lives better. This is what confuses me most. How can I be one way to everyone else in the world, yet be so damn selfish and destructive in my marriage, at the first temptation. I wish I could explain, without sounding crazy, how much I absolutely love and adore my husband. There is no other person in the world I’d rather be married to. I know, “then why would I do this to him”? I don’t know! I feel absolutely out of control. Intoxicated by the newness of these adventures, intoxicated by the admiration of men other than my husband, addicted to the sex appeal other men find in me, as if my husband’s attraction to me is not enough. I know it’s not enough, I just don’t know WHY it’s not enough for me. I always want more….just like a drug. I know that sounds like a complete cop out, but it’s how I feel. I can never get enough.

 

I came to the conclusion that you were abused in the past, but I just didn't want to throw out a somewhat wild accusation. I'm sorry this happened to you. The things your husband does for you are great and you should appreciate those things. But you should still tell him about what you did, because that is the only way you guys have a chance to really work on it (if he's willing to after being told this info).

[ladydesigner]

No apology needed here stt, I am not God on LS.

 

 

 

I have seen your reaction in other people abused at an early age. Seeking the validation that they are not as ugly, or worthless, as they perceive themselves to be on the inside. Adults seem to carry the blame for their abuse with them too many times. The abuse was NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU WERE, ARE INNOCENT. You are not ugly or worthless, your husband loves you, look at him, see yourself as you know he sees you.

 

 

 

I think your feelings are utterly normal. You have been robbed of something, your family is being complicit in pushing you into these feelings by not letting you voice your anger at the correct target. Get help, you do not have a sex addiction, you have a little girl screaming for attention, for someone to right the wrongs that have been done to her. That voice of anger in your head is her voice, you are screaming at your self so loud you cannot hear the words.

 

 

 

Because it is NOT guilt, it is misdirected anger. Anger being squeezed in the wrong direction. he does not understand, how can he, does he know of the abuse?

 

 

 

Please speak to an abuse counselor face to face, I see so many parallels. I have known too many people who have been through this, everyone reacts differently but the self destructiveness is common.

 

Listen to the little girl inside, she is accusing everyone she can, you, your husband, your new partners. You are not indulging in compassionate lovemaking, you are trying to exorcise something from your psyche. This is not the way to do it. Please speak to a counselor, its NEVER TOO LATE.

 

Remember, what was done to you was not your fault, you are not to blame.

 

This is the best advice I have seen so far on this thread, given your past history. Please seek therapy. I was also abused and have had many years of therapy for it. I understand what you mean as far as always seeking another man's attention to validate your worth. With therapy you will realize YOU are worth a lot more than this. I'm sorry for what you have been through.

 

Please stop the destructive path and seek help.

[FryFish]

Well, you USED to be worth something... You USED to be a worthy wife... Now you are pretty much useless except for what you choose to be used for. I feel sorry for your husband... and it sucks that you were abused when you were little, but that doesnt excuse your DISGUSTING behavior.