The affair that I don't understand...

[hunnybea]

This one is strange...

 

My husband had an affair in June-July. He told me about it after I kept asking a few questions because he was so distant. We have always been close...had a good marriage. Our bedroom life was awesome...there was no lacking in that area. I tried talking...he's not a talker so our communication wasn't the best...especially after he started playing a computer game for hours on end. I figured it was a phase and he worked hard at work so I didn't bother him much about it.

 

I treated this man like a king...I'm a stay at home mom of our 4 children. He and I have always respected and loved each other. We are soul mates...we know how the other is feeling and thinking and we share a very deep love...or so I thought. Anyway, we bought a house and the neighbors next door got to know us, and then moved...when we told them they needed to come back and get their animals, she started talking to my husband about how hers had left her and this and that. I asked for the phone and told him she needed a girl to talk to. Later I explained that you never talk to a girl about her relationship because it may give her the wrong idea if she is vulnerable. He thought I didn't know what I was talking about...until she texted him that night. It kinda went from there. They tried to be physical...but it didn't work for him for very long and they couldn't finish what they began.

 

I'm a woman who has only been with 2 men my whole life...my first husband and my second husband. I've protected my virtue...but he did this unprotected which scares me to death. He did this in public in his truck and went to her house on several occasions...which was in plain sight of a friend of mine who lived across the street...

 

Anyway it took him a week to get it all out...he had me believing it was just text messages...then meeting...and then finally the sex...after 4 days of hell. I told him he could go. I don't wanna be with someone who doesn't want only me...I gave him no ultimatums, no anything other than his freedom...which he didn't take because he then figured out it was me he loved all along and he was so stupid and didn't know how he even could do it. My husband has had 2 serious relationships...which ended because they cheated on him...I thought he could never do it. He thought he could never do it...

 

I confronted her...I was even nice to her because he told her he loved her...I tried to give her advice on how to fix her abusive marriage...and made her feel she was strong enough to leave...He severed all ties by himself to her, changed his number...has done nothing but try and show me that he wants to be with me...that he loves only me...

 

I want to believe that, and I am trying to give him a second chance...but it's hard....I go from being okay to being in a fury...I go from loving him completely to not caring if he falls off the face of the earth...someone talks about cheating and I'm in a rage and he takes the brunt of it all.

 

I'm a strong woman...and I know I can forgive the affair...but I'm not sure I can get past being with someone who has done this. One week he's telling OW he loves her and loves her more than anyone...the next week he's saying it to me...how does a man switch so quickly? He said he could talk to her about his younger party drug days...which was an issue when we first got together. He abused drugs and I had no idea, so when I found out I left. He followed, straightened up and hasn't touched them since...but he told me he'd never break my heart again...and he did...

 

I just can't figure out the why in all of this...I cook, I clean the bedroom is not an issue...and he still cheated...I just don't get it...and I don't know if I can get past it...

 

I found this forum and I just needed to vent and ask if anyone has ever had a wonderful marriage and then found out something like this? We were the kind of couple that our friends would come to if they had problems...

 

Thanks for reading...

[Chrome Barracuda]

He's taking your kindness as weakness!!!

 

The first thing you do is dont believe a damn word she says, cheaters lie! PERIOD!

 

Her husband isnt abusive, how can you know that? without proof! secondly how could you treat her like a friend while she is banging your husband. She is your ENEMY!

 

You expose to her husband, give YOUR husband a choice, you or her, simple as that, but you cannot be weak you must be strong. self respect is the biggest thing you need right now. Dont let him walk over you.

 

You are a good women, but spouses treat you and others like crap and take advantage of it. You gotta show them you aint no pushover. Your way or you head down to a lawyers first thing in the morning. Serving the divorce papers down his throat. at his job.

 

You take control. IT's either he's in or out.

[witabix]

I don't think your situation is as uncommon as most would consider it to be.

 

I can sense from your post something of what you are feeling.

 

The lack of communication skills always seem to play a major role in these kinds of scenarios.

 

I can't offer an insight into why he did what he did, but I think I can say that it is not your fault. No amount of household work, sex, or money seems to make any difference to the level of happiness a person feels in a R. When viewed from the outside a R can seem idyllic, sometimes one of the partners views it that way from the inside, and there is the problem. It takes two to tango they say, but I am falling away from that view these days. One person may be trying their level best, but because of the lack of proper, adult, considered communication the efforts are all going in the wrong direction. Whatever direction that may be. Perhaps he wanted something else, perhaps he didn't even know what he wanted.

 

You mustn't let yourself run back over your life looking for something you did wrong.

[hunnybea]

Maybe I didn't make some things clear and I'm sorry you misunderstood...he already chose me. I told him he could have her if that's what he wanted. He just wasn't coming back. Once he was out that door that was it. And I meant it. I wouldn't have taken him back. If he does it again there will be no fixing it. I mean what I say.

 

I confronted her when she tried to contact him again. He handed me the phone and let me handle it. I was trying to be the bigger person. I know her husband is abusive. I've seen it.

 

 

He's given me no reason in the past few months to think anything is going on. When he isn't at work, he's home. We do everything together...which we used to not do...in some ways we are a lot closer since it happened...talking more...he's putting in effort...

 

I suppose the conflict now is more with me than him...I've always said I'd never tolerate this. This was the one betrayal I'd never ever work through...now I feel like I'm letting myself down by trying to work this out...but I'm not the only thing to consider here...we have 4 little children who adore their father...

[Chrome Barracuda]

So what if her husband is abusive that's her problem. You dont solve it banging other people compounding problems on top of one another.

 

Fact remains this woman needs to remain out of your life, FOREVER. if it takes filing a restraining order do it.

 

Why didnt you expose the affair to her husband? Did you?

 

Why is she still attempting to contact yours, have you both written a NC letter?

[hunnybea]

I don't think your situation is as uncommon as most would consider it to be.

 

I can sense from your post something of what you are feeling.

 

The lack of communication skills always seem to play a major role in these kinds of scenarios.

 

I can't offer an insight into why he did what he did, but I think I can say that it is not your fault. No amount of household work, sex, or money seems to make any difference to the level of happiness a person feels in a R. When viewed from the outside a R can seem idyllic, sometimes one of the partners views it that way from the inside, and there is the problem. It takes two to tango they say, but I am falling away from that view these days. One person may be trying their level best, but because of the lack of proper, adult, considered communication the efforts are all going in the wrong direction. Whatever direction that may be. Perhaps he wanted something else, perhaps he didn't even know what he wanted.

 

You mustn't let yourself run back over your life looking for something you did wrong.

 

Yes...communication...and something weird...and something I ran into with my former husband...they both told me the same thing...I made them feel like they didn't deserve me. In my ex's case, he was home schooled, we were young and I went to regular school, made straight A's easily...If I don't know how to do something, I learn, and the learning comes naturally. My ex hated it. He said it made him feel like less than a man...and so he always mentally abused me, telling me how stupid I was, ect. My hubby now has never abused me in any way...but he told me that he needed to find someone more on his level and that's one reason he took the opportunity...now, I don't think I need to dumb myself down to make a man feel like a man...I just don't get what's so threatening about a strong, smart, confident woman...isn't that what most men say they want? He did the drugs, alcohol party thing...I didn't. I always try and live my life to do the right things...I've never been to jail, had one speeding ticket...he's been to prison. We are total opposites...but somehow it worked...or so I thought..

 

I just don't get it...

[hunnybea]

So what if her husband is abusive that's her problem. You dont solve it banging other people compounding problems on top of one another.

 

Fact remains this woman needs to remain out of your life, FOREVER. if it takes filing a restraining order do it.

 

Why didnt you expose the affair to her husband? Did you?

 

Why is she still attempting to contact yours, have you both written a NC letter?

 

She is out of our life. I told her she didn't exist to us and we shouldn't to her. I stepped in and made it clear after she didn't take my husband seriously.

 

No, I didn't tell her husband...the last thing I wanted was him to cause trouble at my house, which he would have done. I want no physical confrontation. Plus I didn't respect him enough to tell him. He's a pig.

[witabix]

Yes...communication...and something weird...and something I ran into with my former husband...they both told me the same thing...I made them feel like they didn't deserve me. In my ex's case, he was home schooled, we were young and I went to regular school, made straight A's easily...If I don't know how to do something, I learn, and the learning comes naturally. My ex hated it. He said it made him feel like less than a man...and so he always mentally abused me, telling me how stupid I was, ect. My hubby now has never abused me in any way...but he told me that he needed to find someone more on his level and that's one reason he took the opportunity...now, I don't think I need to dumb myself down to make a man feel like a man...I just don't get what's so threatening about a strong, smart, confident woman...isn't that what most men say they want? He did the drugs, alcohol party thing...I didn't. I always try and live my life to do the right things...I've never been to jail, had one speeding ticket...he's been to prison. We are total opposites...but somehow it worked...or so I thought..

 

I just don't get it...

 

Me either. I have experienced a tiny bit of what you talk about, inasmuch as my exW saying that I shouldn't measure other people according to my yardstick, but even now I am not sure what she was on about.

 

You are strong smart and confident, and you feel that you are letting your principles slide to save your marriage.

 

I absolutely understand what you are feeling. I have never done that. I have stood up to my ideals of honour and courage, without fail or exception my whole life.

 

Now I am alone.

 

Four chances I have had, and my honour has not allowed me to let my convictions slip even for a second in all that time. Still at least now I know that everyone knows not to mess me about. But of course there is no one here to mess me about. All my children grew up or are growing up away from me.

 

That is my regret now. That like my father before me I would not bend, would not give, not an inch for a second. No matter how hard it got I stuck in there, used my will power, strength and intelligence to either dominate the situation or walk away.

 

I have learned a lot in the last few years, some real bad experiences, but I can't seem to soften my attitude. The reverse in fact, it just gets worse, like a never ending cycle of 'Final Battles'.

 

Don't become like me, let go of those feelings of 'letting yourself down' that is false pride. That will kill you in the end.

[hunnybea]

Thank you. I'm sorry it's like that for you and thank you for putting a name on it but I needed to hear that...

[torranceshipman]

This man needs the fear of God put into him. Tell him you are packing your bags, or he is packing his, that you feel disrespected, and can't run a home and raise his 4 children with this kind of hurt and so much to think about.

 

Then spend some time alone. He NEEDS to see the consequences of his actions. He hasn't seen that at all so far. All I see from this guy is someone who has cheated, done drugs, made stupid choices...and you are the one that suffers. He told another woman that he loved her, for pete's sake...keeping your family together depends on teaching this dumbass EXACTLY the consequence of making stupid decisions like that.

 

If you leave him, btw, you become the big prize, not the OW.

[Spark1111]

Yes...communication...and something weird...and something I ran into with my former husband...they both told me the same thing...I made them feel like they didn't deserve me. In my ex's case, he was home schooled, we were young and I went to regular school, made straight A's easily...If I don't know how to do something, I learn, and the learning comes naturally. My ex hated it. He said it made him feel like less than a man...and so he always mentally abused me, telling me how stupid I was, ect. My hubby now has never abused me in any way...but he told me that he needed to find someone more on his level and that's one reason he took the opportunity...now, I don't think I need to dumb myself down to make a man feel like a man...I just don't get what's so threatening about a strong, smart, confident woman...isn't that what most men say they want? He did the drugs, alcohol party thing...I didn't. I always try and live my life to do the right things...I've never been to jail, had one speeding ticket...he's been to prison. We are total opposites...but somehow it worked...or so I thought..

 

I just don't get it...

 

My fWS said the same exact thing....that he married above himself...I never thought so.

 

He, too, fell for one of these damsels in distress because it made him feel important to rescue her from her constant daily drama of problems.

 

I never needed rescuing. But on some level my strength made him insecure. Who knew? Certainly not me....he never verbalized it.

 

And my husband, too, had addiction problems in his past. The affair can be the newest form of an addiction.

 

It probably had NOTHING to do with you, so stop analyzing this rationally. Some affairs are not rational at all.

 

HE NEEDS IC, for his infidelity and his addiction issues; he needs to become a better communicator of his needs to you; but first, he needs to figure himself out.

 

Is he doing this?

[Snowflower]

 

I just can't figure out the why in all of this...I cook, I clean the bedroom is not an issue...and he still cheated...I just don't get it...and I don't know if I can get past it...

 

 

Hi hunnybea, Welcome to LS! I think you found a good forum to ask questions, learn, and just vent!

 

Don't try to "understand" why your H did what he did. I know it's natural to try to do this but it will take a long time and you might never be able to understand why he chose to do this.

 

Just know that it had nothing to do with you--or your lives together--or your sex life--or how you take care of your house. It had something to do with HIM.

 

Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions or make judgments because I can only base what I write based on your posts, but what you write about your H makes me think that he is prone to this type of risky behavior. Some (not all) unfaithful spouses will display some of the traits you described.

 

What else strikes me about what you write about your H is his plaguing insecurity. Many cheating spouses are deeply insecure. I know that sounds trite, but it is true.

 

In any event, don't feel like you have to make a decision about your marriage at this point, especially if you have children to consider. I'm not saying you should should stay married for the children but I know you'll worry about them. If it will help you deal with the situation, make your H move out of the house for awhile.

 

He definitely needs to examine why he did this, individual counseling (IC) will be a good start.

 

Keep posting--we're here if you need us! Many of us have been through similar situations. Affairs are as the same as they are different.

 

 

(((hugs)))

[hunnybea]

This man needs the fear of God put into him. Tell him you are packing your bags, or he is packing his, that you feel disrespected, and can't run a home and raise his 4 children with this kind of hurt and so much to think about.

 

Then spend some time alone. He NEEDS to see the consequences of his actions. He hasn't seen that at all so far. All I see from this guy is someone who has cheated, done drugs, made stupid choices...and you are the one that suffers. He told another woman that he loved her, for pete's sake...keeping your family together depends on teaching this dumbass EXACTLY the consequence of making stupid decisions like that.

 

If you leave him, btw, you become the big prize, not the OW.

 

I know what you are saying is right and I thank you for that. Separation is something I've considered...

 

I suppose this is where my stubborn pride comes into play. I've been divorced once...I don't wanna do it again...

[hunnybea]

My fWS said the same exact thing....that he married above himself...I never thought so.

 

He, too, fell for one of these damsels in distress because it made him feel important to rescue her from her constant daily drama of problems.

 

I never needed rescuing. But on some level my strength made him insecure. Who knew? Certainly not me....he never verbalized it.

 

And my husband, too, had addiction problems in his past. The affair can be the newest form of an addiction.

 

It probably had NOTHING to do with you, so stop analyzing this rationally. Some affairs are not rational at all.

 

HE NEEDS IC, for his infidelity and his addiction issues; he needs to become a better communicator of his needs to you; but first, he needs to figure himself out.

 

Is he doing this?

 

I'm not sure but that's a good question to ask him...he's focusing all on me at the moment and how to save this and make it up to me...but unless he fixes himself, it will just happen again...

 

What is the success rate anyway? Have you guys seen a person cheat once, learn their lesson and never do it again?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'd say it's 50/50.

 

Some have that capacity for change and never do it again. No matter what happens. I think men can be faithful, I'm a man ive been faithful to my girlfriends, when we was together at the time. There was no reason for me to cheat, because i was content.

 

Then you have some that no matter how much you do, or how good to them you are, they have so many issues that they NEED to sleep with other people, whether it's a ego boost, because they want to, or they resent you and want to hurt you in some way. And they will say or do anything to get what they want.

 

Another question i wanted to ask you was that you said the OWH was a pig? huh, he's a betrayed spouse just like you was, and he didnt deserve to be cheated on. If anything from what you said it sounded like you was defending this woman's actions! She SLEPT WITH YOUR HUSBAND! wtf!

 

Your protecting her from the consequences of her actions....

[hunnybea]

Hi hunnybea, Welcome to LS! I think you found a good forum to ask questions, learn, and just vent!

 

Don't try to "understand" why your H did what he did. I know it's natural to try to do this but it will take a long time and you might never be able to understand why he chose to do this.

 

Just know that it had nothing to do with you--or your lives together--or your sex life--or how you take care of your house. It had something to do with HIM.

 

Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions or make judgments because I can only base what I write based on your posts, but what you write about your H makes me think that he is prone to this type of risky behavior. Some (not all) unfaithful spouses will display some of the traits you described.

 

What else strikes me about what you write about your H is his plaguing insecurity. Many cheating spouses are deeply insecure. I know that sounds trite, but it is true.

 

In any event, don't feel like you have to make a decision about your marriage at this point, especially if you have children to consider. I'm not saying you should should stay married for the children but I know you'll worry about them. If it will help you deal with the situation, make your H move out of the house for awhile.

 

He definitely needs to examine why he did this, individual counseling (IC) will be a good start.

 

Keep posting--we're here if you need us! Many of us have been through similar situations. Affairs are as the same as they are different.

 

 

(((hugs)))

 

 

Thank you...he says he did this because

 

One: the woman gave him the opportunity and told him he was handsome...it went to his head

 

Two: we weren't communicating

 

three: I couldn't talk to or relate to him about his drug days because I'd never done them...

 

I think he did it because he doesn't know who he is or what he wants. Though if you ask him, he'd say now he only wants me and that's all he knows...

 

Strangely though...and I talked to both of them...he never said one bad thing about me...only about how wonderful I was and how he didn't deserve me...OW hated it and told me how much she hated him talking like that...

 

OW is younger...but nothing in character, and not much in looks...but I guess that doesn't matter from what I understand...

[hunnybea]

I'd say it's 50/50.

 

Some have that capacity for change and never do it again. No matter what happens. I think men can be faithful, I'm a man ive been faithful to my girlfriends, when we was together at the time. There was no reason for me to cheat, because i was content.

 

Then you have some that no matter how much you do, or how good to them you are, they have so many issues that they NEED to sleep with other people, whether it's a ego boost, because they want to, or they resent you and want to hurt you in some way. And they will say or do anything to get what they want.

 

Another question i wanted to ask you was that you said the OWH was a pig? huh, he's a betrayed spouse just like you was, and he didnt deserve to be cheated on. If anything from what you said it sounded like you was defending this woman's actions! She SLEPT WITH YOUR HUSBAND! wtf!

 

Your protecting her from the consequences of her actions....

 

I see your point...I have a flaw...and that is understanding things when I shouldn't. I was once in her shoes...I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It didn't turn physical because I didn't let it, I fought back...but I was neglected, unloved and my husband never came home. He worked on his cars all night, slept all day and went to work. He left me for 6 hours waiting on him because he had to get his car fixed...after the birth of our daughter. We were at the hospital for that long waiting on him to bring us home...Anyway I had an emotional affair of my own...the guy told me I didn't deserve my husband, ect. It never turned physical. I see this as a goes around comes around thing I guess...

 

I can understand a misguided girl looking for something better...which is why I was firm with her but gave her advice and then cut ties. She was also a friend of mine...I know you don't get that, but I chose the high road...

 

I have a good reason for not telling her hubby...I don't want him stalking me, which is what would happen. He's a cheat himself and I have no respect for the man. If I had respect then I'd tell him. If he ever asks me I'll tell him, but I'm not going out of my way...

[hunnybea]

Also...I thought that maybe by hearing advice from someone who should hate her might get her to actually think and be a better mother for her children...I suppose it was the children I had in mind when I did that...

[hunnybea]

I wanted to thank you guys for all the wisdom...this is all new to me...I never thought it would happen. I was completely secure in my marriage.

 

We did talk some more last night...about separation and he was willing to go if that is what it took. I don't know if separating is best at this point or if I would be using it as revenge...which I don't wanna do. I don't wanna be the person who holds this over his head and is mean forever because of this...I think we can move on to better days...

 

As far as IC goes, we can't afford that...or MC either for that matter...but we are talking, both of us, about what happened, how it happened and where to go from here...what we both want, how to work it out, what happens if this opportunity arises in the future, ect.

 

I do know I wanna work it out and he does too.

 

So now the question is...how do you move on? How do you let go and have a good marriage after this?

 

Has anyone been in my position and moved on successfully and had a good marriage?

[witabix]

Has anyone been in my position and moved on successfully and had a good marriage?

 

IME, when I was the cheater and we continued on, my exW never really forgave me and developed a massive complex about it. Women with the same first name as my OW were automatically assumed to be her. It was never the case. The jealousy became unbearable, my secretary was nice to our kids once and that caused a gigantic question session, why was she so nice to the kids? Are you having an affair with her?

 

I wasn't.

 

It went on like that for a few years before I left.

 

However, that does not say the same will be true for you. I think from my life I would counsel you to get it all sorted out now. As completely as you can, ask all your questions and get all your answers. Don't wonder about something that will become infected later on. Don't harbour any thoughts or feelings that will fester and kill it all in a few years. Maybe analogous to surgery, cut it out now, salve the wounds, disinfect the area and then you can go on to a better life.

 

If that is what you both want, then I applaud you and wish you both the best of luck.

[hunnybea]

IME, when I was the cheater and we continued on, my exW never really forgave me and developed a massive complex about it. Women with the same first name as my OW were automatically assumed to be her. It was never the case. The jealousy became unbearable, my secretary was nice to our kids once and that caused a gigantic question session, why was she so nice to the kids? Are you having an affair with her?

 

I wasn't.

 

It went on like that for a few years before I left.

 

However, that does not say the same will be true for you. I think from my life I would counsel you to get it all sorted out now. As completely as you can, ask all your questions and get all your answers. Don't wonder about something that will become infected later on. Don't harbour any thoughts or feelings that will fester and kill it all in a few years. Maybe analogous to surgery, cut it out now, salve the wounds, disinfect the area and then you can go on to a better life.

 

If that is what you both want, then I applaud you and wish you both the best of luck.

 

Yeah...I can see myself doing that...thank you for the advice.

[Snowflower]

IME, when I was the cheater and we continued on, my exW never really forgave me and developed a massive complex about it. Women with the same first name as my OW were automatically assumed to be her. It was never the case. The jealousy became unbearable, my secretary was nice to our kids once and that caused a gigantic question session, why was she so nice to the kids? Are you having an affair with her?

 

I wasn't.

 

It went on like that for a few years before I left.

 

 

witabix, I'm not familiar with your story. Why did you leave your W? Was it because she never forgave you and was always suspicious? Or was it for other issues, i.e., you had fallen out of love with her, wanted to be with the OW, etc.

 

I'm just curious; and I don't mean to threadjack but maybe it would be helpful to the OP as well?

[Steadfast]

One of the reasons you are confused is because you're dealing with more than once issue; the marriage problems, and how you feel about the marriage problems. It is clear to me that you expect certain things in return for your effort, and because of that you're a bit controlling. The whole 'how could he' and 'I said I'd never' means you are realizing that your vision of the marriage, and what it really is, are two different things.

 

Common. And fixable.

 

Except for the slimiest, few people see themselves cheating on their spouse. The best way to approach it is to admit that we're all capable of cheating (and other bad things, like stealing, lying, etc) but because we love our spouse, our kids -and most importantly ourselves- we choose not to. None of us are above temptation. The key is how we handle them.

 

Determine if your love for him is strong enough to handle what's coming. My dad cheated and it took mom years to find peace with it. Even now, after he's passed on, it's there. Their marriage was happy though, and lasted 65 years. He proved his love by his actions, not his words.

 

She forgave, but as humans we never completely forget.

 

After you get you figured out, work on the relationship. If he's willing to rebuild the trust he'll do whatever you ask him to, without question. If at some point he considers your requests too hard or unfair, then file for divorce. You'll know he's just trying to 'get out of trouble', not restoring your marriage. Do not waste another moment on him if this happens.

 

Hang in there and stay positive. Remember; true love always wins.

[outofthedark]

I wont jack your thread, but let me just say that as a veteran on here, I have read a lot of stories and have myself been in some crazy situations.. but regarding counseling, i have a suggestion.

IN the states there is a service in each community called 211. You dial your phone 211 and it can give you referrals for services. If you call and explain briefly your situation, they can give you referrals to therapists at a VERY reduced cost.

During a horrible time in my life last year i called them and got a referral, called a few therapists and got in to see one almost immediately. Cost was only $35 a session. Some of them even offered it at 20 a session, wow! IC saved my life and also helped me sort of the "do I stay or do I go"

Good Luck

[hunnybea]

Thank you guys. That advice is helping a lot. I'll remember the 211 thing...

 

We are working together on us at the moment...and this forum has helped me a lot to ask the right questions and get the the "why" of the situation. From the why, I think we can move one to the how do we fix this...

 

He's showing not only words but actions...not going anywhere without me, changed his number and dropped all contact immediately after he confessed...I have full access to his cell, email and when he's at work he's texting me...when she texted him after it happened, he immediately told me and didn't answer her back. I gave no ultimatums. I told him he could have her and to go his way...he didn't. It's been almost 2 months and I find I'm not quite as angry and I'm not flying off the handle as much. We are talking more and more and learning to completely open up and be honest...and more importantly, asking the right questions...

 

To be honest, we haven't been this close in years...very strange that something like this could bring us back to where we used to be a long time ago...like I said before, he and I are soulmates...we complete the other...and I think we can work through it...

 

But he knows fully that if something like this ever happens again, I won't be understanding. At all. I can say goodbye. I would have this time if he gave me any inkling at all that he wasn't completely serious and committed to me now...I don't like the idea of a second divorce...but I'd rather have that than be trod upon.

 

Thank you guys for all your comments and advice. It really helped me to find a little bit of peace...