cesar13 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Hi. I need a friend.... My gf has been talking to a co worker of hers for a while now and they have been texting for about two weeks. I have insecurity issues and obviously I got a big angry that they text all day long. She says they are just friends but I don't really know. I am going to a therapist and the therapist tells me to just.. trust... She tells me that I should just trust, if anything happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't. The best thing to do is to trust. I don't know how I can trust , considering she texts him all day long and even up until the late night. I just want a friend I can talk to , I feel so lonely and depressed. I told her she should cut back and I think she has up until the therapist told me I should just trust. I've been losing weight rather rapidly , I'm not hungry anymore and I feel like I'm about to die. It would be easier to just go but if I do go , I would have to move back home ... 5 hours away , where there is no good jobs. I dont' talk to anyone at work about this because .. well I just don't , and I just feel like i'm so alone in this world.
alwaysconfusedd Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 hello, I hope you are feeling better. Unfortunately ' trust ' is a feeling that can just magically appear. I think the first thing you should do , is talk to your gf about how you feel and how much this is upsetting you. If she does not make any effort to rectify her behavoir that is causing you pain..maybe its time to move on to someone more deserving of your love. I sincerly hope you find the best answer that you feel is right.
Author cesar13 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Posted August 22, 2010 I talked to her about it and she says they are just friends. It makes me angry that this guy keeps pursuing her , even to the point of letting her know that if she wanted sex that he would " rock her world". She told me she just wants to be friends , and has no interest in turning this into more than a friendship. She has no other friends , she has tried to make friends in the past but all the other friends she's tried having only want her for one thing , so when she turns them down they just leave her. When someone doesn't leave after turning them down , that means to her that they respect her wishes. I do believe her but I just dont' trust the other party involved. She has one female friend thats her best girl friend ( she says i'm her best friend), but she just had a baby and has another one before that one and she doesn't have time to talk to my gf about random stuff. I feel bad for my gf , she has major depression , anxiety , anti-social , she's trying to break through all this and its hard because nobody understands her. When she finally makes a friend it seems like they ain't friends at all. I know its a matter of time before this guy gives up on her too. I'm trying to be understanding too but my insecurity gets the best of me at times and it doesn't make things better. I am actually going to therapy so I can be a better person as far as this is concerned , and stop my co-dependency.
VeveCakes Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I hate to say this, but this guy is not a "friend". He crossed that line when he brought sex into the equation. Out of respect your girlfriend should not be spending time with or talking to a man who has a sexual interest in her, it's that simple. You need to put your foot down on this one, or forget about her.
GrayClouds Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Your therapist sucks. You should not give blind trust is your girlfriend is not giving it to you. She is not showing you respect by her behavior. It time to show yourself respect and be explicit of your expectations; Tell her you find her behavior unacceptable and will not put up with it, you are going to go NC, to help you heal and move on. She should not contact you unless she fulling understands how hurtful her behavior was, be able to explain why she would choose to be so disrespectful and have a clear plan of what she is going to do to make it up to you. This will be very hard for you to do but you have to understand until you show you respect yourself by having reasonable exceptions of people in your life, others are not going to give you it. What problems she has, she needs to work them out. It great that you care for her and want to help her but she is not showing you the same. Most likely standing up for yourself will mean the end of the relationship. It will hurt but this will be growing pains and in time you will be stronger, happier and find a person who truly loves and respects you. As a friend I will tell you to have the courage to walk away from this person. You deserve better. .
EYECANDY000 Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 Your therapist sucks. . I agree... but I wouldnt have put it in those words..
GrayClouds Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 I agree... but I wouldnt have put it in those words.. Yes, I too would have preferred to used must harsher words...
Author cesar13 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 Its funny how I can give the same advice but its so hard for me to follow it. Listen , I know I shouldn't be here. She doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. She's very co-dependent , and will take abuse from anyone because she thinks she deserves it. Its easy for me to leave , and maybe its me being co-dependent too but I think I should be here for her. If I don't see any changes in her after her therapy , then I'm gone. I think this relationship can be saved but only if she goes to therapy. She talked to me the other day and says she has been a bit angry at me because we've been in this relationship for so long and it seems that we haven't progressed. She is right. I am not disagreeing with her. Our plan is this , go to therapy , fix ourselves , at the same time save money , and when we think its right we will get married. I think this is a good plan for me , if I don't see any change in her , then I'll take my cash and move out. I think I can live a good life alone. If therapy helps then I'll stay. I dont' want to say this but I don't think therapy is going to work. She has alot of problems with herself , and I think it'd be too hard for her to progress. I have a bit of faith though and hopefully things work out. I am going to therapy to help my own self esteem , I am going to work so effing hard at it and get it back. WITH OR WITHOUT HER. I know she loves me , I don't think she's cheating on me , I just know when I'm being disrespected, and if her co-dependency is making her feel like its ok for her to be disrespected then I don't need to be with her. Either her illness goes or I do. She chooses.
Author cesar13 Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 btw i talked to her about this last night and I might have gotten her mad , but she got in contact with her best girlfriend and a guy friend we both have known for a while. I think she replaced them with that douche guy, at least that's what I think. I'd go in our bill to find out but I'd rather not. I'm trying to kick this insecurity thing and if **** happens it does and if it doesnt' then oh well. I ain't gonna stress myself out.
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