Omar Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) Brief summary of break up - my girl broke up with me in May after dating around 3 years, decided to let things flow natrually - Shortly after, my girl started calling me everyday, coming to my house regularly, had sex a few times in the last couple months, reffered to me as her "BF" the entire time - like 10 days ago, was drunk at bar, spilled my guts to her about how important a relationship with her was, asked about our status. She told me we weren't going out anymore and maybe we shouldn't talk - Fast forward today: she calls me, makes general small talk about nothing. she talks most of the time, i dont say much then she asks me how im doing. acted happy told her great. she said what do i think of the break up i said it was a good idea, gave us a chance to have some space for the first time in 3 years. she seemed taken aback at how calm i was then told her i had to get back to work and ended the conversation - 2 hours later she messages me at work on AIM, asking me if we can still be friends and that she really misses me. I said sure i have nothing agaisnt her. She then asked if she could meet up with me for coffee after work i told her i had plans. she then mentioned how it was over between us several times and i kept agreeing lol..... i dont know why she kept mentioning it when i had fully told her that im OK with it so yea honestly, we've been truely broken up with barely any contact for like 10 days.........shes definately one of the better chicks ive been with, my last 2 long term relationships i ended and didnt even care when we broke up...im still really into this chick..... i just dont want her to think she can break up with me and come back and hang our relationship status over my head like she did the last couple months so im keeping my distance and going to see what happens what do you guys think? how did i handle it? what are her motives contacting me twice today and repeating that we broke up over and over even though i accepted it every single time lol.... i think she was disapointed she couldnt get a reaction out of me when she was saying it Edited August 17, 2010 by Omar
ShannonMI Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I think she wanted some reaction from you for sure. If she kept repeating the same thing, that you broke up, she was looking for you to be sorry about it. And to tell her how sorry you are about the break-up. She probably feels like you should be sad and so when she says she misses you and wants to meet up with you for coffee, she's looking for you to say you miss her too and agree to meet up. She sounds confused. Does she really wanna be broken up with you? She's the one that broke up with you, right? She's the one who told you it was over. I don't know. She is def. looking for some sort of reaction from you besides the "Im fine with it" reaction that you gave her. Considering you spent 3 years together, she's expecting you to feel something more. If you were to tell her "I'm not fine, I miss you and want to be with you" what would she say? She sounds confused to me. I say don't have any contact with her for awhile and see what happens.
Author Omar Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 I think she wanted some reaction from you for sure. If she kept repeating the same thing, that you broke up, she was looking for you to be sorry about it. And to tell her how sorry you are about the break-up. She probably feels like you should be sad and so when she says she misses you and wants to meet up with you for coffee, she's looking for you to say you miss her too and agree to meet up. She sounds confused. Does she really wanna be broken up with you? She's the one that broke up with you, right? She's the one who told you it was over. I don't know. She is def. looking for some sort of reaction from you besides the "Im fine with it" reaction that you gave her. Considering you spent 3 years together, she's expecting you to feel something more. If you were to tell her "I'm not fine, I miss you and want to be with you" what would she say? She sounds confused to me. I say don't have any contact with her for awhile and see what happens. when she broke up with me and May, she was one of the few girls ive been with i actually cared for. i insisted i wanted to work it out and she just pushed me further away. i told her to suit herself and she contacted me the ENTIRE summer. we were hanging out almost daily, having sex and going on dates until a little over a week ago when i brought up the relationship and she said she wanted to cut communication again so i gave her what she wanted.... i told her the first time i wanted to work it out and she didnt respond...im not giving her the satisfaction this time around...she wanted to cut communication, she'll get just that.... i want to be with her but shes getting too comfortable like she on a power trip running the show...cant have that and yea im glad you're on the same page as me, she DEFINITELY had some kind of motive.... i mean im not 3 years old lol... i KNOW we're broken up..... we haven't spoken in over a week and she contacted me TWICE today just to tell me she misses me and over and over that we're broken up? lol she seemed frustrated after both times and i cut the convo short both times would love some more insight on this.....i really dont understand why she called and wanted to hang out today
ShannonMI Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Yea she does have some sort of power trip thing going. Just tell her you don't want to hang out and to stop contacting you. SHE wanted to end it and you are telling her you are ok with it. She doesn't like that. She wants you to be miserable and tell her you miss her and all that. Don't give her the satisfaction. I say no contact and be firm with it. She's playing with your head. Tell her to call you when she can figure out what she truly wants from you. It's stupid to keep repeating the "we're broken up" crap over and over. You are more then aware of the fact that you aren't together. And when she says that to you, you should say, "yes, I'm aware we are broken up, you don't need to tell me 15,000 times!" She def. is expecting a reaction that she is not getting. Just cut the contact.
Author Omar Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Yea she does have some sort of power trip thing going. Just tell her you don't want to hang out and to stop contacting you. SHE wanted to end it and you are telling her you are ok with it. She doesn't like that. She wants you to be miserable and tell her you miss her and all that. Don't give her the satisfaction. I say no contact and be firm with it. She's playing with your head. Tell her to call you when she can figure out what she truly wants from you. It's stupid to keep repeating the "we're broken up" crap over and over. You are more then aware of the fact that you aren't together. And when she says that to you, you should say, "yes, I'm aware we are broken up, you don't need to tell me 15,000 times!" She def. is expecting a reaction that she is not getting. Just cut the contact. LOL so she just called my house now...the THIRD time shes contacting me today asking if i want to talk about the breakup, etc..... i said no i accept it....she said ok and kept talking to me in a lovey dovey voice....im really confused then i told her i had to go and she told me i should quote "ask her advice concerning the upcoming women im going to date" wtf does this even mean lol i just said "uhhh ok take care" i want her back but i want her to know she cant just jerk me around....but after NC for a little over a week shes already calling me 3 times in one day? whats her motive, i still dont get it...if shes so set on the breakup why does she keep trying to talk
ShannonMI Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 By saying what she just said about taking her advice when dating someone new, she was looking for yet another reaction. She wanted you to say "No, I don't want to date any other girls, I want you." A head game. Just DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE! Hahaha you'll be better off!
DustySaltus Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 She wants the breakup without the guilt. She wants to be in your in life, without REALLY being in your life. The most effective response is silence and indifference. Please read the links in my signature.
Author Omar Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 She wants the breakup without the guilt. She wants to be in your in life, without REALLY being in your life. The most effective response is silence and indifference. Please read the links in my signature. makes sense.....accept shes never really let me go.....id describe our 3 year relationship as among the best ive ever had...little to no drama, healthy space between us, good sex life, in sync personalities etc......we were never "off and on" like so many people are and usually worked through our problems in May when she initially called the break up....i initially tried to work things out, asking her (maybe being too forceful with my words) about trying to work things out.....she literally started calling/having sex/wanting to see me almost daily and was even referring to me as her boyfriends and acting like a girlfriend as soon as i spilled my guts a little over a week ago, she said maybe we shouldn't talk anymore and barely a week later of NC shes already contacted me 3 times in one day about how she misses me but we cant be together......i honestly think shes confused and unsure about if she wants to be with me but i cant take this back and forth bs anymore im going to wait another few weeks and maybe meet up with her for a coffee or something, act casual, and play it by ear...if she brings up a relationship, ill make her earn it for putting me through these games and if she doesnt/doesnt make any effort...then i guess its over im single now and loving going out with the boys and meeting the ladies......i just hope things work out for themselves with her but if not, we had a good run
ShannonMI Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 im single now and loving going out with the boys and meeting the ladies......i just hope things work out for themselves with her but if not, we had a good run That's a great attitude! Just don't let her play mind games with you. I feel like she wants to know she still has her hooks in you. By her saying some of the things she says, shes looking for you to tell her you still love her and miss her, etc etc. It's like she needs confirmation, even though you've told her how you feel. She wants to hear if EVERY time you talk to her. You aren't doing that, which is good. I feel it's a game and I'm sure she's confused as well. Be single for now and see what happens. If you're meant to be with her then it'll happen. Or if it doesn't work out then possibly you can be friends in time. Best of luck to you
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