smile01 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 so its been 3 months and i still miss him. He is soo over me and moved on from what i hear. I cant get away from him because my friends have all of a sudden become best friends with him so i hear about him all the time, it also means i dont trust any of my friends because they tell him things. Im scared i will never find anyone like him again. What happens if no one wants me. I feel so insecure and scared. I want to curl up in a ball and hide forever.
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 With that attitude, you're painting yourself into a defeatist corner, methinks. The best way to get revenge on someone is to lead a life that seems better than the one you had with them..... Instead of looking down and curling up into a ball, you have to stand tall, and then stretch. Only in this way can you reach for the stars.
ShannonMI Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I would tell your friends NOT to tell you anything about your ex. Tell them you don't want to know what he's doing. It hurts you way too much. And you would appreciate if they didn't tell him what you're doing. Hopefully they are good friends and will respect your wished. They need to be kind to you while you are going through this tough time. It will get better. You gotta just hang in there. I'm going through the same thing. My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. I miss him like crazy. I told my friends if they saw him out or with another girl, I didn't want to know about it. They were kind enough to understand and they haven't mentioned him at all. What you don't know can't hurt you. That's how I look at it. At least while you are going through this rough time. Your friends should be more considerate.
BeagleGal Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Work on yourself, dont worry about finding someone new right now. Get over your relationship/ex first. Also, tell your friends to not alert you about anything your ex is doing and vice versa with him. My ex and I also have mutual friends/acquaintances and finally I had to tell them to F*CK OFF. I dont want to hear about him anymore. It does me no good to hear about him. Anyways, get over your grief but dont get into the habit of throwing yourself pity parties often. Keep yourself busy and distracted and then next thing you'll know you won't even remember what's-his-name.
LostInTurn Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) so its been 3 months and i still miss him. He is soo over me and moved on from what i hear. I cant get away from him because my friends have all of a sudden become best friends with him so i hear about him all the time, it also means i dont trust any of my friends because they tell him things. Im scared i will never find anyone like him again. What happens if no one wants me. I feel so insecure and scared. I want to curl up in a ball and hide forever. Hi, You miss him because your feelings were real. You shouldn't feel bad about that. You can know you miss him, but try not to focus on it. As for your friends. They should respect you. They should not tell you anything about him or he anything about you. This is difficult because you're supposed to be able to talk to your friends and trust them. You probably feel like you have no one to talk to about things now in fear they'll tell him. I'd pick one of your friends... someone who does not associate with your ex or someone who is a true friend and will be in your corner no matter what. You do need to talk about things, that's important in figuring things out and healing. You're scared. I'm scared. I feel exactly how you feel. I understand what you mean completely. You had a relationship that for whatever the reason ended. You shared moments and have memories. Maybe promises were even made and you felt secure. Well, please... remember this. How you feel right now... I'm sure many people here would say they feel the same. I'm sure there are many people who at one point, would frequent these threads and post saying exactly what you've said. They have either stuck around to give advice having survived and see things a bit more clearly or don't post and have not visited LS in quite some time because they have created a new and wonderful life for themselves. My point, you will be ok. You won't feel as though you want to curl up in a ball and hide forever. When my situation initially happened... I would sit in bed and either stare at the wall or watch the movie (500) Days of Summer on repeat. I try do live a little more. I went to dinner with one of my friends last week. I swear I had a panic attack when we parked the car. I still had dinner, but I went home immediately after. These things will all happen in time. Your recovery process will be at your own pace. However, you have to tell yourself at least once a day, whether you believe it or not that this will not last your lifetime. I cried twice today. That's not to say I won't spend tomorrow in tears, every hours. That's not to say I won't cry 5 times tomorrow, or maybe not at all. If you want to curl up in a ball right now. Curl up in a ball. Heal yourself how you need to heal yourself. Surround yourself with people you feel safe just sitting in a room watching t.v. with or talking to. If you feel yourself getting upset, call someone you trust. I do that too. I have one sensational friend who always answers when I call even though they know exactly why I'm calling and what I will talk about. What they don't know though, is whether or not my first word will be in tears or calm. I have been telling those around me who I've been talking with about this, that I'm 'scared'. I'm scared to death. I'm afraid no one will want me again either. I'm afraid I will never find the things I had again either. I know you probably don't want to, but do something small for yourself. Do your hair, wear your favorite shirt. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Have a big glass of milk and some oreo cookies. Something small, for you. Once you get to the point where you aren't curled up in a ball anymore. I'm not saying you're ready to leave your house, but once you're up and at least walking to more than the bathroom... you'll see what I mean. I promise. Edited August 17, 2010 by LostInTurn
NewToLS Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I can only say "ditto" to all the above. I'm trying to get over the way "we" turned out. He was simply not as polite during our last phone call. Totally unlike him. Then NC for days (unusual). Then I wished him Happy Birthday and he replied nicely. Then I replied. Then nothing. He doesn't respond to emails, phone calls, just nothing. About a month. So, he's gone. We had such fun, I thought. Such great sex, I thought. Such great conversations, I thought. Guess it wasn't so special for him. Sometimes I feel why bother with anyone else. After all, everyone dies alone. Hate to be morbid, but who really stays til the end? Who is really worth all the pain? I've thought of dating sites even, but feel too tired to care. I'm obviously no judge of character. I mean not to even explain why! Not even "it's just not working out." Just absence. What a coward. What a fool I was.
flyguy23 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I feel the same way, plus my ex talks to all my old friends and hangs out with them so it makes it even worst. I don't even want to talk to them anymore because I know a couple would try to get with her. This NC is going to be tough to say the least
LostInTurn Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I can only say "ditto" to all the above. I'm trying to get over the way "we" turned out. He was simply not as polite during our last phone call. Totally unlike him. Then NC for days (unusual). Then I wished him Happy Birthday and he replied nicely. Then I replied. Then nothing. He doesn't respond to emails, phone calls, just nothing. About a month. So, he's gone. We had such fun, I thought. Such great sex, I thought. Such great conversations, I thought. Guess it wasn't so special for him. Sometimes I feel why bother with anyone else. After all, everyone dies alone. Hate to be morbid, but who really stays til the end? Who is really worth all the pain? I've thought of dating sites even, but feel too tired to care. I'm obviously no judge of character. I mean not to even explain why! Not even "it's just not working out." Just absence. What a coward. What a fool I was. You're not a 'fool'. If you're a fool, then we're all fools. We invested and gave our hearts. Don't blame yourself and don't discount the relationship you had either. As far dating... if you're not ready, don't. Don't quit you.
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