I am very lost re this breakup, any insight hugely appreciated

[muffinxf]

Sorry it's long but there's a complicated back story and would appreciate any insight into this. I am very lost...

 

I'm currently 25, been with a guy (20 months younger) for about 4 months. We had sparks from the first night we met, then linked up the week after and have been together since. We never had arguments and things were going really well. He took the initiative to call me his girlfriend, kept telling me i was his and how much he adores me, and we both said "i love you" about 3months+ into the relationship.

 

Previously he needed space to tackle his exams which i gave him (and he appreciated) but unfortunately he has to do one retake. Another blow was that his original plans to do an overseas placement might not happen because his college messed him about re timing (and now it really seems that he lost his overseas placement cuz he is still in the country).

 

We had plans to meet up last weekend..on the wed he said things are looking grim for his placement..didn't hear from him on thurs and on fri when he finally called he sounded upset. He told me things were all going wrong cuz the placement, the one thing he had been looking forward to all along might not happen, and on top of that he had exam pressures. I said i would help him through and everything and said he should take all the time he needs. However he turned around and told me the fear of losing his college placement thru failing the retake and our relationship is too much, and he needs to protect himself, and his only defence is by turning stone cold and shut me out. He said he'd rather that I rem the 4 beautiful months we had and doesnt want to put me thru this and let things turn sour because he is in a dark place right now with the thing he was looking forward to taken away and uncertanties regarding his future...

 

He said the college has taken away all his self confidence and a few years ago he failed all exams when he was having a relationship meltdown with his ex and he cannot take another blow like that/he is scared. He realises our relationship is getting serious and said it makes him vulnerable, that i am unfortunately a distraction for him as he cannot multitask and he needs to give in 100% for his degree.

 

He said now is not the right time and he doesn't know when it will be, as he is living day by day. He said he had to end this now and see where we are. He acknowledged the fact that we still keep items of each other. But then he turned around and said he doesnt want to give me false hopes when i asked whether i should wait, and said i should perhaps move on.

 

He said as much as he wants to let me in he can't stop feeling uncomfortable and he said he cannot love me and be the man he needs to be to cope with all his pressures, even though when i asked whether he loves me he said yes and that he wants us to be together!!!

 

He said he is not in the right mindset to be a bf now and said if i love him i have to let him do this...

 

I know there is nothing I can do except accepting that he is ending this now because he cannot cope, and I believe in what he told me (cuz a lot of my friends think these are fake excuses)...but I really do want to be with him again...and it's hurting me so much because I dont know whether he will actually return to me...or when...or how. And there were so many contradictions in what he told me....

 

Should I contact him in a few months' time? Should I wait for him to contact me (which might never happen)? I am still hurting so much over the breakup cuz i think we had something special....and I'd give everything to be with him...

 

I know people say if you are meant to be you are meant to be, but sometimes it takes action to achieve it and I just dont know what I should do!!!

 

Please help!! Many thanks!!

[Beeotch]

I know people say if you are meant to be you are meant to be, but sometimes it takes action to achieve it and I just dont know what I should do!!!

 

The beautiful thing is that, if things are meant to be, someway, somehow you will know the right actions to take. That is really the truth.

 

As time goes by, you will see how things are going and know how to proceed.

 

For now, give him the space he needs. You can't predict what will happen in the next hour muchless months....you may not feel the same, he may not feel the same, etc. Take it a day at a time and trust that life shows you what to do as events unfold. The whole "when that bridge comes you will cross it" applies here.

 

As I tell my bestfriend all the time, we don't get the full road map of our lives. As we take steps forward our path is lighted. Your path is usually only lighted a few yards ahead and as you continue stepping your next steps become clear...so focus on where is lighted and trust that when you put your other foot forward more light will come.