Nappeal Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Things didn't end fairly w my ex. He dumped me over text w a one liner. I would like it if I could delete him from my life and never talk to him again...but, I'm 7 mos preg and that just won't work. I don't think its worth my time because I know how he is, and IF he even does agree to talk to me, I can't say the conversation would be worth it. However, regardless of any situation between us, a baby will be here soon, and I need to know what his intentions are w that. I've basically accepted that the relationship really just won't work, and I can't say I could ever feel 100% secure w him again, but the baby is more important. I'm personally ok w continuing NC but for the baby, I can't...NTM, I just want to tell him to his face what a jerk he was for that. Those who I have talked to this about, being my mom and my ex-husband, both say that I can't sit back and be passive about it, so they've been the ones to really encourage me to talk to him. I'm going to tell him we need to talk tomorrow, tho I worry he'll either say he can't make it or doesn't want to. IDK for sure what the point of my post is, but this is weighing on me and causing a lot of momentary stress. Thanks for 'listening'.
cookie2 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I'm not really sure why you want to talk to him, either. You are having his baby, but you don't want a relationship with him. Any talk of why he left or what an ass he was, will just end badly. There are only 2 things you need to sort out: his access to the kid, and his maintenance. There is no point discussing anything else. If you can't agree on these issues then you'll need to go through the courts.
muffinxf Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I think no matter how bad the talk might end up (which i hope it won't be) or how difficult it will be for you to go through with it, at least you will have tried and got an answer that will give you closure and let you move on. Hope it all works out well for you.
Author Nappeal Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Ya kno, I've actually decided NOT to mention anything about the relationship. I miss him SO MUCH, but really, things haven't been working. I've been fooling myself into thinking it was. He acted half-assed interested, but I really htought about it...a person doesn't suddenly one day say 'I don't want to be w you anymore'. @ some point long before they said anything to you, their mind had gone too far for return. There's no point in saying anything to him; he's the type of guy who loves women's dramatacisms (I know that's not a word but I'm making it one lol!) so he has a story to tell and a joke between friends. I want to cry, a lot, @ work, but @ the same time, I know its not going to work. I just want to move on, which makes it damn near impossible being pregnant, but that's ALL I WANT. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him, but @ the same time, that's all I want too! I know tho that I miss how things were when everything was good, but its hasn't been for a while. I've been taking the 3 good times out of 10 bad times to hold on to, and those are what I miss. Doesn't make me feel any better, but I know my life goes on (I talk so good on here, but lemme tell ya, I'm a weepy mess otherwise). Back to Earth: more then anything, I'm soooo worried he will come up w some excuse as to why he can't meet w me (cuz I'm not doing a talk about our son over the phone). I can't wait on this anymore; I need to move on, and to do that I need him to tell me what his intentions are w the baby. He frequently uses the lack of gas as a reason, but I will offer to meet him @ a spot within walking distance of his house. I'm giong to try and do every thing I can to keep him from backing out, but what if he doesn't even answer the phone?! I cannot stop worrying myself over that. Sorry yall, I'm getting obsessive. I need to know WTF he's going to do so I know what to do w our son.
Author Nappeal Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Ok, I'm back... I talked to my mom's BF about the breakup, being that he's a psychologist and all, to get some more advice...I've been really doubting myself as to whether or not I need to make a talk about the future w our baby. He advised me not to do it. That I could text him reminding him about the appt time, but that's it. If he's feeling smothered or scared about the pregnancy then he will come around when he gets over it - whenever that may be - but he has to do it on his own time. I'm relieved a little, even tho I've been getting mixed advice. I hope he comes around @ least for his baby. That's the hardest part of it all
skydiveaddict Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Dont talk to him, you are just setting yourself up for more misery
Don Ho Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Well Nappeal, it looks like you came back to reality without much of our help! LOL. You were using the PG as an opportunity to tell him what you think of him. PG or not, I didn't think that was such a good move either. You're not going to get any answer that will make you feel better and you will probably feel worse. Stay away for now. If he does manage to show up at the appt, just keep it about the baby and cordial. THAT'S ALL! Good luck!
Author Nappeal Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Thank you guys SkyDive: I realized that even if we did talk, what if I don't get an answer that I want? What if he gives me and answer I want to hear but then never follows up? Actions speak louder than words, and I would be devastated either way. DonHo: It took me a minute to figure out what PG meant I'm pretty sure I was trying to use it as an excuse cuz I know being the emotional bucket of hormones I am I would've turned it to that, and eventually I would've looked like a fool, and reminded him of why 'things won't work'. He's just the type of guy who's incapable of having a conscience or the mental capacity to give a fk about someone else's feelings - borderline Narc I swear. Its easier for him to turn a blind eye to the entire situation, which sucks, but its who he is and I'd be doing nothing more than huting myself trying to figure that one out. If ever he comes around, which I hope he does, he has to want to do it and on his own terms. If he doesn't, well then I would've already healed my heart and worked my mind that I'm on my own. If he does, then I will have become guarded w his intentions and what role he wants in his kids life. All I can do now is prepare for this bebe and work on making myself health - I can reach out w offers to come to appts and all that, but its all I can do, and I'm slowly accepting that.
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