Author tac719 Posted March 22, 2004 Author Posted March 22, 2004 Hmmm. Getting ready to head home for bruhaha. Will type a post in the morning if i survive.
Author tac719 Posted March 24, 2004 Author Posted March 24, 2004 Things seem to be on a somewhat even keel right now. We are attending marriage classes every Sunday at our church which seem to be addressing a lot of our issues. It's kinda weird though. I'm constantly waiting for something to happen. We still have our issues we deal with, but on a more civil level it seems. Her jealousy does seem to be getting a little better, I guess I'm just looking for it to go away completely which I know will never happen. We'll see... I guess what I'm dealing with in my head, is the fact that she really wants to have a baby and I'm not so sure. I have doubts. I actually think I may not want kids now. I'm starting a new career and would like to focus on myself for a change. Is that selfish? I feel like I've dealt with so much over the past 12yrs. that I need time to rebuild. I enjoy the time with my stepdaughter and love her dearly, but I think that is enough for me. Plus I certainly would want to make sure a child is brought in a healthy family. This right now is the big issue. I'm not sure how to approach this.
spencer Posted March 25, 2004 Posted March 25, 2004 she wants a baby your instincts are right on - no baby, bad bad bad idea. what is she thinking? another patch it up and temporally fix the problems. Im already thinking of her behavior, hormones, feeling fat & unattractive. im scared to think that she might feel that having a child with you will secure the marriage and prevent you from ever leaving. child=pawn. however---------- this could be a good bargaining chip for you. you might consider explaining that you wouldn't consider having a child with her because of "jealous delusions"( good term, thanks gaia) she has. tell her that you love her and want a life together, but her behavior is pushing you out the door, and you are having doubts about the marriage (she already knows which is why she wants a baby). then say she has to go to individual counseling with you, and once the behavior is resolved then you would consider having a child. it will take a while.
Author tac719 Posted March 25, 2004 Author Posted March 25, 2004 Gawd almighty! I can't imagine her being pregnant! She's already told me I would suffer right along with her. Yeah. That's what I want! The thing is I love kids. But I don't know if I really want to have any at this point. I guess I always thought it was being selfish on my part if I didn't have a child. Of course she thinks if I didn't want a child it is because I don't ever want one with her, but I may with someone else(even if she did resolve her issues). Maybe that is partly true. But I believe having a child will only itensify her issues even if they have gotten better. Yeah. I have thought it was a way of locking me in. I certainly don't want that. Weird. I've actually thought how nice it would be to raise a child on my own (adoption). Maybe I am way to selfish...
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