ms960 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) WARNING: Long Post ! I recently found someone on Facebook that I knew in high school. When I was in high school, I had the hugest crush on this girl. I didn't have multiple crushes in high school; I had one. That’s singular. I only had one crush. I wasn’t an equal-opportunity crusher. I fell for only one girl. But I fell hard. But, I was so shy back then. Very shy. Painfully shy. Oh, my friends would probably deny that I was. However, I knew them well enough, and was comfortable enough around them, so it wasn’t possible to be shy around them. It was everyone else I worried about. Interacting with people I didn’t know was near impossible. Making new friends was difficult, at best. I had to wait for people to approach me rather than initiating contact myself. Waiting on others jut made things much easier for me — I was idiotically worried about being rejected. I had a very difficult time talking to people I didn’t already know well, even if it was just a casual conversation. I just couldn’t do it. Being an extreme introvert, and being shy (which aren’t really the same thing), made it difficult to be social with people I didn’t already know. Anyway, she was beautiful (of course). She had the deepest, darkest, most beautifully mysterious eyes I had ever seen. Which, in conjunction with her dark eyes, made her that much more intriguing. She wasn’t an amazon-beauty, nor was she a goddess (and I mean no offense by that). Just beautiful in an unassuming kind of way. Looking back, she was quiet (at least as far as I could tell) and maybe a little shy herself (or maybe since I was so shy I just thought she was), which probably added to the intrigue surrounding her. Best comparison I can make is that she was kind of like Winnie Cooper from Wonder Years, but that’s not really a good comparison (she was much better looking!). We rode the same school bus for six years. At least I think we did. My memory tells me we rode the same bus every day during junior high and high school. That means we saw each other just about every day. Twice a day, to be exact. That’s a lot of time to be in close proximity to someone you have a huge crush on, especially when you were as shy as I was and practically paralyzed by fear to talk to her. She was hot, I wasn’t. Of course I’d be paralyzed by fear to talk to her. What reason would she possibly have to want to talk to me? She’d just laugh at me if I even attempted, right? If I had a dollar for every time we crossed paths in high school (literally) and I wanted to say something but didn’t, I’d be very wealthy right now. Every time I saw her I would freeze. My mouth stopped working. My brain froze. I blushed. Thinking back on it all now, I wonder if she ever figured out I had this shyness problem? Or if she even noticed me at all? Probably not. I was kind of nerdy; she wasn’t. I honestly don’t know what she thought about me, if she ever thought about me. If anything, she probably thought I was that really strange quiet guy on the bus that never spoke a word to her in six years. Right after high school, a friend of mine had a graduation party at his house. There were a lot of classmates and other people there. Melissa was there. I had had a few beers (the drinking age was 18 at that time). I think I let it slip to my friends that I liked her. I had kept my crush a secret from the entire world until then. Unfortunately, my friends didn’t help facilitate an introduction that night. Not that it would have mattered at that point, I’m sure. Anyway, that was the last time I ever saw her. When I was in college, I did something really idiotic. As in totally dumb and idiotic. She and her family moved out of the state after she graduated from high school. I was able to get her forwarding address from the post office, somehow. So, armed with her new address, what did I do? I wrote her a letter, of course. Well, a letter in a perhaps odd sort of way. It wasn’t really a letter, but instead the lyrics to a song. This is a song that would remind me of her (then and now) every time I heard it. No, I’m not going to tell you what the song was. Anyway, I wrote her a “letter” which consisted of the lyrics to a song. What I hoped it would accomplish, I have no idea. Certainly not a return reply with an admission that she harbored the same thoughts of me. Anyway, I didn’t want her to know it was me who wrote it, but in a way I kind of did. Therefore, I didn’t sign my name to the letter. Instead I put my return address at college on it. Somehow, she did figure out that it was me who sent it (kudo’s to her for her detective work). And no, she didn’t reply. Duh. Again, looking back, I’m not sure what I thought that would accomplish. If anything, I’m certain it cemented in her mind that I was nutso, or a stalker. Time has passed, and I’ve changed, as we all have. I’m not the shy guy cowering in the corner anymore. I’m able to speak to complete strangers without freezing up. I’m not really too hung up on what people think of me. Accept me, reject me, I don’t care. I am who I am. I’m definitely not nutso, nor a stalker. Just a normal guy, in all senses. Would I want to cross paths with her now? In one sense, I very much would like that. On the other hand, maybe not. They say you can never go back and, I for one, believe that. I still have fond memories of my high school days at James W. Robinson Secondary School. While she’s a major part of those memories, I kind of like them just the way they are. Even though I’m not paralyzed by introversion now, I’m sure I would freeze up all over again if for some reason we ever did cross paths. I’m sure she’d still possess that power over me. Not that I expect that to happen. I have no clue where she is now. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t obsess over her. Until my dream the other night, it had been many years since I had even had a conscious thought of her. Which is to say I haven’t built a shrine or altar to her. That dream just resurrected some fond memories which I maybe wish would have played out differently. It would have been nice to have had at least one conversation with her. So, I just found her on Facebook, after a little bit of detective work (it wasn't too hard to find her, really). She lives almost 1,000 miles from me now. She's married, has kids. I'm very happy for her. My question revolves around whether I should even attempt to say anything to her? If I did, it would be very short, and I wouldn't expect a reply. Something along the lines of: ""Hi. It's been a long time since high school...I'm sure you don't have a clue who I am, but I definitely remember you. Hope you are well." Would a short note like that, with no expectation of a reply, and no desire to "hit it off" be acceptable to someone in her shoes? Remember, we never spoke in high school, and it's been well ove 20 years since we graduated. I keep having recurring dreams of her, over the past 3-4 years, though. I don't know what that means. I see things that are like signs to me that I should say hi. For example, just last week I saw a license plate that said "4EVR MS" (her initials before marriage were MS). Weird things like that. I keep going back and forth, with good reasons to say hi, and good reasons not to. Please help! Edited August 17, 2010 by ms960 Typo.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 No, don't contact her. There is absolutely zero upside for you in so doing. Retain those generally-fond memories of her and leave it at that. Absolutely no good can come of the idea of contacting her, especially while she is married with children and 1000 miles away.
seibert253 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 No, don't contact her. There is absolutely zero upside for you in so doing. Retain those generally-fond memories of her and leave it at that. Absolutely no good can come of the idea of contacting her, especially while she is married with children and 1000 miles away. ^^^^^ This My buddy's W contacted an old HS crush/sweethart on FB. He didn't think this was a good idea, but said nothing to his W. 10 months later she drove 500miles to have sex with the other guy and consemate their EA into a PA. She came back to the M, but the damage was done. My friend lives everyday with the doubt that he could have said no, and ended this before it began. Sometimes the road not travelled is that way for a reason.
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