Oh Crap He Just Contacted me AGAIN

[ladygaga]

If you guys remembered - I had a month of NC cuz he said he was going to give it his best shot for his marriage.

 

I changed all my numbers and traveled to Chicago and Vegas and NYC just to blow steam off and returned very happy to be single and feeling ALIVE again.

 

Then, he called my work phone! I can't change my work phone number.. and he left me 2 voice mails crying and saying things aren't working out with his marriage. He says they flight all the time now and that "reconciliation was a farce". I don't know what to believe?!

 

I was doing so good I thought that I didn't need loveshack anymore. I made it very clear that I was happy and I met new people, found direction in my life, etc. What is wrong with people out there?! Is he going to stop? Is he going to divorce? Is he messing with me again? I have so many questions but I'm so tired of analyzing all this sh*t. I just got out and I don't want back in!

 

I've also decided to move out of state by January. I'm really afraid of getting sucked into this crap again and I'm scared! I know that if I see him, the chemistry and sex stuff is just going to warp my mind!

 

I don't wanna do it again! No no no no!! :(

[siuys]

Good on you for getting on with your life. If you still have feelings for him, DON'T see him otherwise like you said, all the chemistry and sex stuff will cloud your judgement. If you still want to give him another chance, tell him to get a divorce and then call you when he's done. That's the ONLY way you'll know if he's messing with you I believe. And maybe the only chance you'll know that you're not just some Plan B. But if you think this is all too toxic and you're moving out of state anyway, perhaps just IGNORE him. Sooner or later he'll then get the message.

[goodgrief]

If you guys remembered - I had a month of NC cuz he said he was going to give it his best shot for his marriage.

 

I changed all my numbers and traveled to Chicago and Vegas and NYC just to blow steam off and returned very happy to be single and feeling ALIVE again.

 

Then, he called my work phone! I can't change my work phone number.. and he left me 2 voice mails crying and saying things aren't working out with his marriage. He says they flight all the time now and that "reconciliation was a farce". I don't know what to believe?!

Believe your gut instinct. What is that telling you...?

 

 

 

I was doing so good I thought that I didn't need loveshack anymore. I made it very clear that I was happy and I met new people, found direction in my life, etc. What is wrong with people out there?! Is he going to stop? Is he going to divorce? Is he messing with me again? I have so many questions but I'm so tired of analyzing all this sh*t. I just got out and I don't want back in!

THAT is what your gut instinct is telling you.

Well done. Your mind is in the right place too.

 

I've also decided to move out of state by January. I'm really afraid of getting sucked into this crap again and I'm scared! I know that if I see him, the chemistry and sex stuff is just going to warp my mind!

 

I don't wanna do it again! No no no no!!

I have an idea.

Could you get a (male) friend to respond to his Voicemails and say

"I'm sorry, this is not her extension any more. She is on a different line."

If he asks what the extension number is, tell your friend to tell him he cannot take the liberty of letting him have it, without asking you first, but that he will let you know he called, and if you want to, you will call back.

 

Then et reception to intercept calls.

Reception should always ask name and 'phone number, in case they cannot connect them to you.

 

If the caller either refuses name and/or number, you know he's tried again.

 

Having worked as a receptionist for a major British company, I have had to do this on more than one occasion....

 

good luck. Don't get drawn in again, you know it makes sense.

Good luck with your move in January. You only have a few months to go.

Stay determined!

[jj33]

You just have to be strong. Good idea in theory to have someone else speak to him but I must cautoin you from bitter experience do NOT get anyone at work involved in this situation. You dont want to be the office drama queen its not good for your career

 

You are going to have to toughen up, erase his messages when you hear them. If receptoin does answer your phone and says its him tell them you arent in for the call (again and again). If you get a message and have the strength just erase his messages. If you have caller ID answer dont speak and hang up.

 

The power is in your hands not his.

 

Or why not just tell him please do not contact me again.

[bentnotbroken]

Here is an idea:

 

Dear Mush for brains,

 

I do not wish to resume a relationship with you. NC worked for me and allowed me to open my eyes to the other things in life. I do NOT wish to be contacted by you again. If you ignore my wishes, I will tell your wife and contact a lawyer about a RO for harassment. I am recording all communication and copying emails, including this one. I have spoken with a police officer in my area for advice. LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

Moving on,

LG

[goodgrief]

Well yes, I suppose that would work too. Drastic, but punchy, and very effective.

[Mimolicious]

If you guys remembered - I had a month of NC cuz he said he was going to give it his best shot for his marriage.

 

I changed all my numbers and traveled to Chicago and Vegas and NYC just to blow steam off and returned very happy to be single and feeling ALIVE again.

 

Then, he called my work phone! I can't change my work phone number.. and he left me 2 voice mails crying and saying things aren't working out with his marriage. He says they flight all the time now and that "reconciliation was a farce". I don't know what to believe?!

 

I was doing so good I thought that I didn't need loveshack anymore. I made it very clear that I was happy and I met new people, found direction in my life, etc. What is wrong with people out there?! Is he going to stop? Is he going to divorce? Is he messing with me again? I have so many questions but I'm so tired of analyzing all this sh*t. I just got out and I don't want back in!

 

I've also decided to move out of state by January. I'm really afraid of getting sucked into this crap again and I'm scared! I know that if I see him, the chemistry and sex stuff is just going to warp my mind!

 

I don't wanna do it again! No no no no!! :(

 

Oh darn it! (hugs) for Gaga.

That's what you get for saying you don't need us! jk!

 

Babygirl... You are doing very well! I am proud of you holding on strong. Listen, I know that it is hard but ask yourself if this is the type of person that you really deserve?! Is this the way that you want to start a life with someone? Does he really have all the qualities of your ideal mate? Because even if you don't believe so, he is out there! You won't find him for being warped up with your MM. It's like cutting yourself short of a full experience. Yes, chemistry and all the other stuff matters and they are probably what matters ONLY but ONLY at the beginner's stage. After that, what's there to give?

 

If you ask yourself all these realistic questions and your asnwers are don't make you all warm and fuzzy inside, then that's half the battle. If they do.... either you keep it strong or you face your feelings and deal with the relationship.

 

What is wrong people out there? That they are selfish. The question that you have to really ask is: WHY IS IT NOT WORKING FOR HIM? For all you know it is not working for his W and now he's screwed, reaching out to you as the fall-back. I've seen this happened before. "Oh F it! This one don't want to work things out with me, let me go back to the one that I got myself into this mess with". It happens...

 

My grandma says: "One screw takes out the other". Think about it. You wouldn't be thinking much of your MM if you are entertained by someone that is amazing. GO GET HIM!

 

I wish you strength!

[Angel1111]

Stay where you are - I mean in the sense of where you are with not wanting to be in this relationship again. Don't even call him back. This is such a danger and if he were really being above-board, he would be talking to a lawyer about ending his marriage, instead of you.

 

This is the thing I realized about my xMM - that even if he left his marriage, there would still be a lot of baggage for him and his family to deal with. So even if your xMM literally moves out of his house, there is still no guarantee that he'll stay away for good. I agree with you. It's way too dangerous to get involved with him again. You spent time getting over it and you can undo it all in just one second.

 

Do yourself a favor and stay away from him. And then go see Eat, Pray, Love, if you haven't already. It's a wonderful movie in many ways and one of the things I got out of it is how hard it is to walk away from relationships, even when we need to. It's all about the healing, not about him.

Edited August 17, 2010 by Angel1111

[whichwayisup]

If he truly wanted to be with you, he would do what he had to do, be alone for a while, divorce and THEN call you. Instead, he's fishing. Telling you his marriage sucks, (after ONE month of trying to work it out) that he misses you.. Don't get sucked into his drama. He's looking to see if you're still interested, maybe start the A up again to keep him happy. This has nothing to do with you, or his wife, it's about HIM and his selfishness.

[ladygaga]

Oh darn it! (hugs) for Gaga.

That's what you get for saying you don't need us! jk!

 

Babygirl... You are doing very well! I am proud of you holding on strong.

 

 

Thank you!! That comment makes me feel warm and fuzzy.. not HIM.

 

I just told him that we can't talk anymore until he gets a divorce.

 

As for my plans to move out of state, I am going ahead with it. After the break up, I realized how important my career was to me and there's nothing that will stop me this time, even if he gets a divorce and starts talking to me again.

 

During the break, I called all my friends up, and it really inspired me to see my girlfriends who were single, young and full of confidence for their futures. A bad relationship isn't worth dragging any part of my life down!

 

Word of advice for the others who are going through the same thing: time heals everything.. 3 weeks was all it took for me to get stronger and focus on myself again, not him!

[Mimolicious]

You're a SUPAHSTAH Gaga!

 

You sound driven and focused! Good for you that you have goals and determination. That's right! Don't let nobody knock your hustle.

 

You'll do great! There is one lucky guy out there that will have you as his lady one day. Only time will tell if it is your MM or not.

 

*cheers!*

[Thunderbolt]

Gaga, you have done the right thing. I don't write much on this forum but your story struck a chord with me as I was in your position not too long ago. I broke up with MM a few months back (after a 4 yr. affair and many breakups/reconciliations) because he was dragging his feet. I told him that since he was so confused, it was imperative that we went NC in order for him to work on his M. A couple months later he contacted me and I got sucked back in...unlike you It's now been about 7 weeks since our latest NC and I am finally starting to feel better. I know that I'm in the danger zone for him contacting me again as this is when he usually strikes. I made it perfectly clear that he should never contact me again unless he's going forward with a D. He did send me a text a week ago. It took everything in my power not to respond. But, I'm so happy I didn't. Please move forward with your plans to move. I kept putting my life on hold for him for so long. I am finally in the process of purchasing a new home and it feels so good. I feel like I'm finally breaking free from him and I hope your job transfer will do the same for you. You were a bit stronger and bolder than me in changing all your contact info. But, If he truly needed to get ahold of you to inform you of his D, he could. DON'T respond to him as it gives me strength to do the same. Hang in there, you are doing so good. Your only response to him should be "are you divorced?"