cyanide_catharsis Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 so, it's been well over 3 months of NC with my ex. i stopped counting the weeks a little while ago, and i have met someone else... this new girl is just amazing. she is smart, fun, super pretty, friendly, easy going, basically everything that i could want. i have gone out with her 3 times in the past week and just had the most amazing time talking, laughing, and just hanging out. i have NOT done anything physical with her yet (not even kissed), but i can tell the attraction is definitely there, and i can see our relationship leading to something more. the reason i'm afraid to move forward with her, however, is because i think about this new girl everyday...but i still think about my ex too... even when we are out, i have began to compare my time with this new girl to my time with my ex. i sit there thinking how i can completely be myself with this new girl, and how every move with my ex was calculated because i was constantly afraid of upsetting her by doing or saying the wrong thing. don't get me wrong, i ADORE this new girl, but i'm afraid to move forward because i'm not sure if it's just a rebound, and that would totally not be fair to her. after how bad my ex hurt me, i couldn't ever imagine putting someone through that. i really care about this girl, i really do not want to hurt her, i'm just not sure what to do... any advice? thank you!
Ms.hailey Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 You sound a little like my ex in this situation and Im asking if the new girl he is with is just a rebound maybe we can help each other lol
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 well, i absolutely ADORE this new girl. she is on mind all of the time, and i cannot wait to see her again (we are supposed to go out this friday). however, all the thoughts that i am having of her are intermingled with thoughts of my ex. don't get me wrong, i don't want my ex back in any way at all, but somehow it just doesn't feel right to move on to another girl with thoughts of my ex still lingering around in my head everyday. i'm just afraid that i might be passing up something really good and not know it.
deux ex machina Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 ... even when we are out, i have began to compare my time with this new girl to my time with my ex. i sit there thinking how i can completely be myself with this new girl, and how every move with my ex was calculated because i was constantly afraid of upsetting her by doing or saying the wrong thing. don't get me wrong, i ADORE this new girl, but i'm afraid to move forward because i'm not sure if it's just a rebound, and that would totally not be fair to her. after how bad my ex hurt me, i couldn't ever imagine putting someone through that. i really care about this girl, i really do not want to hurt her, i'm just not sure what to do... any advice? thank you! I'm trying! This isn't an easy one. Alright. Well, I'm not sure, but in my view, I think comparison in the sense of "she's great, I can be myself around her - makes me glad my ex is out of the picture!" is kind of normal at first if you've been through a relationship that was difficult just prior. I would be concerned if this didn't fade with time. Only you can search your heart and find the possible reasons. The only thing I can really add here aside from some introspection is to take your time (which it sounds like you are doing), while trying not to dwell on it, either. Try to stay present as much as you can with your new girl ,and see if you can't give it fair chance. It'll likely resolve itself one way or the other soon. I guess what I'm saying is run down the risks vs. rewards, and see what you come up with. If it comes up as giving it a go, don't let fear stop you. It might work out or it might not, but it'll be alright.
welikeincrowds Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I agree with Deus Ex, I just want to add to it with your implicit concern about leading her on. I think the answer for that is to be honest with her when the time comes. I don't mean for you to call her up tomorrow and say "HEY DID YOU KNOW I HAVE AN EX GIRLFRIEND?!" But you know eventually she's going to ask you about your past, and when that happens, if you're comfortable, prepare yourself to give an honest answer about it, as well has how you feel about the speed of the relationship. As long as you are fair, there's no foul.
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 If you're comparing someone to your ex, and especially if you're focusing on the negatives regarding your ex when doing so, and if such negatives ever pass your lips, the rubber band is winding up and I'm outta there
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 thanks guys, i really appreciate all of the help! for now, i'm just going to keep things casual and friendly. i mean, the emotional connection is already there, i just can't help but wonder how the physical connection is going to be. in my past experiences, if the emotional connection was great, the physical aspect has always been fantastic. so, i'm sure there are going to be fireworks if it does eventually happen. for now, i'm not sure that i'm ready to breach that barrier just yet. i just don't know how slow to take things, i don't wanna be "friend-zoned" here, haha
skydiveaddict Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 i really care about this girl, i really do not want to hurt her, i'm just not sure what to do... any advice? thank you! Yes If you really like this girl than why are you worrying about labels like "rebound?" If you really dont want to hurt her than dont. It's up to you.
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