maria gostrey Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 so obviously i am very new at this whole thing. my first pseudo relationship fell apart after four years of hopes and dreams and promises. my "ex" disappeared on me for 4 months suddenly and left me in a haze of confusion and panic. snooping on his fb, i came across pictures of him put up by his new gf. this was also how i found out we were broken up and that he had moved on.since he hasn't contacted me, except for once when he sent me a reply to a "where are you, i'm sorry if i did something to drive you away" message on fb 3 months after i sent it. i haven't responded and we haven't talked for 5 months now. the initial hurt and pain has subsided but only a little. i am still so confused about what happened that led him to cut me out of his life and replace me so quickly and firmly. he has been with this girl for 5 months now i think. what hurts so much is that this doesn't seem to be a fling. they are serious, a place we never quite managed to reach. i cannot get over how he is her prince charming, after entertaining my romantic thoughts for the past 4 years. i'm hurt and confused and lonely. most of all, i am incredibly jealous. i keep thinking about him getting intimate with her, kissing her, holding her, ****ing her and it legit drives me up the wall. i cannot sleep. when i do i have nightmares about them being in love. it is all i think about. because this is my first romantic-anything, these feelings are so so new to me. when i see pictures of them kissing on fb, my stomach literally twists into knots. i hurt i hurt i hurt. are these feelings at all normal? or am i losing my mind here? how do i heal and stop feeling so nauseous at the thought of him making love to her? its been 5 months already for ****;s sake?! :(:(
Nappeal Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I felt this exact same way after I found out my XH of 8 yrs and 2 kids was cheating and subsequently left me for a coworker. It took me a good year to finally no longer be hurt, and even now I still hold on to some amounts of anger. Its been almost 3 years, and I am finally @ a healthy place...which is a good thing because they're getting married next week lol. Everything you feel is TOTALLY NORMAL. I was the biggest and ungliest mess when my XH left me. Every single thing that every single mentally-functioning person will tell you is wrong, I did. No wonder he never wanted to make things work! You really do go thru a grieving process too; I waited for a long time to hit the anger part, and when I finally did I couldn't have felt any better, granted I don't think I ever came out of that stage fully lol. Unfortunately, I believe that when someone is w another person that quickly, regardless of the seriousness, then one of 2 things is the culprit: either they've been cheating w that person for a while, or your X had checked out of the relationship sooner than you think. Either way, its very rare that its 'that quick' that they get over, rather then they got over it 'that quick' long before you catched on. Stop looking @ his FB or Myspace now and never do it again! Its a form of torture that I believe you bring upon yourself. As far as I'm concerned, ignorance is bliss. If you chose the no contact (NC) route, then there's no reason to want to know anything going on in their personal lives. Just stay away from your computer and his name. Its been 5 months...I'm sorry but it doesn't seem as if there's any chance of reconciliation. It sounds as if NC would do best for your sanity. You WILL get batter tho - once you drop the hope and idea that you will be successful w him again.
Jilly Bean Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 What's not normal, is how you view your online penpal. 1 - you never met in real life. EVER. 2 - he refused to term you "boyfriend and girlfriend". So, why are you still going on about your "ex" and how you're devastated over his being with his GF? Seriously, Maria. Not trying to be mean here, but I strongly urge to seek professional help. You not only don't have a realistic grasp of the history of your online penpal friendship, but your obsession over him making love with her is over the top. None of this is healthy, and is quickly moving into some very sick and obsessive territory.
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