Fear of Kissing

[furbaby]

I've had a fear of physical intimacy since my first relationship in high school. It's not a fear of sex, but kissing. Kissing someone new freaks me out. There's something about it that feels very personal to me and being vulnerable to someone for the first time in that way makes me really nervous. Sometimes it takes me almost a month to be able to kiss someone. Once we do kiss, everything gets better and I become very affectionate. But for whatever reason, I always have so much anxiety about that initial hurdle. There's nothing in my past to suggest a reason for this anxiety; I've just always been this way. I also love sex and that's never an issue for me (not that I jump right into it or anything, but I'm never really anxious about it).

 

I've been spending a lot of time with this guy. I met him about 9 months ago, but back then I wasn't over my last breakup, and I didn't feel that we should get involved. We didn't kiss then, but he had finally asked me at one point if I liked him, because he was confused by my lack of affection. I told him that I wasn't over a breakup, but that I was also very shy, and we kind of parted ways after a certain point. Now we've started hanging out again. I want to kiss this guy, but I can't! Every time we hang out, I think to myself, "OK, today's the day, I'm gonna just do it and we're gonna kiss." But then as time goes by, I get more and more nervous and uncomfortable and then nothing ever happens and everything starts to feel tense for me and I just want to get out of there. I have also tried drinking a little to loosen up and it doesn't seem to help.

 

I feel so much pressure, especially now that we've probably been on a cumulative total of like 12 dates and I've made such a big deal about one kiss. He doesn't even really know why I won't kiss him (aside from me telling him that I'm shy at one point), but last night he asked me if he's done something wrong or if I'm not attracted to him. I said no to both, but I'm so embarrassed about this dumb thing that I couldn't even elaborate on how I really feel. It seems so unnecessary and immature. I don't think either of us even wants a serious relationship per se, and that makes my heavy-handedness in this situation all the more embarrassing.

 

I know this is kind of a weird thing that not everyone deals with, but can anyone give me any advice or insight? Thank you!

[Philetus]

I dated someone who had gone through this although her problem was worse, she couldn't kiss at all.

 

She met a guy who was very sweet and loving and over the course of two years she worked through it. She became an amazing kisser.

 

It sounds like you're close to this guy and if you can't talk about it, write it out. Explain it to him. If I were him, I'd be fine with it especially since you're working on overcoming it.

[TouchedByViolet]

All this embarassement and frustration needs to go away!

 

Here is what you do. Next time you two are alone, maybe his place or your place. Just grab him push him on a couch or bed, get on top and MAKE OUT. It will be awesome. His world will get rocked and you will feel great about yourself :bunny:

 

Then come back here and tell us all about it

[furbaby]

I dated someone who had gone through this although her problem was worse, she couldn't kiss at all.

 

She met a guy who was very sweet and loving and over the course of two years she worked through it. She became an amazing kisser.

 

It sounds like you're close to this guy and if you can't talk about it, write it out. Explain it to him. If I were him, I'd be fine with it especially since you're working on overcoming it.

 

I've been in a number of long term relationships, and I've kissed a fair amount of guys, but for whatever reason everything has gotten so built-up in this situation. I feel like he's been really patient with me, but when he finds out why I haven't kissed him this whole time he'll just think I'm a weirdo and that I have all of these issues. I'm not sure how to word what I write to him. It might be different if we both felt like this would turn into a serious relationship, but I don't know what he wants. And my last relationship was so heavy and intense that I just want to be more laid-back about my love life right now (and already that's kinda not working).

 

I'm gonna try to write something, just not sure what! Thank you for your advice

[furbaby]

All this embarassement and frustration needs to go away!

 

Here is what you do. Next time you two are alone, maybe his place or your place. Just grab him push him on a couch or bed, get on top and MAKE OUT. It will be awesome. His world will get rocked and you will feel great about yourself :bunny:

 

Then come back here and tell us all about it

 

I wish I could do this!! I feel like I would probably throw up on him out of anxiety, and I don't think he's into that...