KikiW Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 It took days for her to admit she slept with him a second time (and "had to find out if she had any feelings for him? SERIOUSLY? I call BS on that. Bet she went back for more after that and the dude got a whiff of the crazy and took off or something).... Wonder what she will confess to if you give her more time? Don't bother giving it to her. Get a good attorney. I think it is really sick of her to wait until she was knocked up to lay this on you. Not even enough backbone in her to own up without hiding behind an unborn fetus?
lostsunsets Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 (edited) I would tell her this. "After your last forced confession, that you slept with him the next night just to see if there were feelings, I am going to take my que from you on that. I was thinking of staying with you after your first confession, but since there is now a second confession. I believe that I may want to leave you because you have pretty much guaranteed that any feelings I had for you were killed by the latest round of BS you fed me. I mean if it is fair for you to "do" this guy a second time to find out how you felt about him. Isn't it fair for me to come to my decision on my feelings for you based upon you getting laid by him a second time?" You need time to think this through. Send her home to her family. Let her explain to them why you need time to think. Edited August 19, 2010 by lostsunsets
Darth Vader Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 So seriously...I'm talking to her last night and asking some more questions about the situation and I realize her story doesn't add up. I get her to confess that she slept with him a second time the very next night. She said she had to go back and see if there were any feelings there and after she slept with him again she said she realized there were no feelings there. I ****ing hate this bitch. This right here is called "TRICKLE TRUTHING" She's doing it and putting you right back at ground ZERO again and again! Like I said before, DROP THIS BITCH"S ASS NOW! Because you now know that she's gonna drag this out until that baby's born, which is more than likely not even yours! She want's you to sign that Birth Certificate so you'll be on the Hook for her cheating FOREVER! Again I say KICK HER ASS OUT NOW!
Darth Vader Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 One other thing, Tell her family about her screwing around on you and how the baby might not be yours, like someone else mentioned!
jnj express Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 With your newest revelation---do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with this lying drunk Get away from her now---if the kid turns out to be yours, you might wanna put in for soul custody---she isn't exactly model mother material. When the child is born if its yours, deal with the problem then, till then tell her to get the hell out of your sight---send her what is necessary financially, and let her see what life is like without you
mark982 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 only been sober 1 year. vast majority of reformed drunks slip sometime. whats going to happen then? i say if the childs your,pay your child support. but at this stage there's just to much baggage to have any form of trusting relationship.
FryFish Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 send her what is necessary financially, and let her see what life is like without you No... Dont give her a DIME! She can work until the birth of the child, which probably isnt even yours, and then her family can support her.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I don't think you should abandon her during her pregnancy, specially if it is your child----You do want it to have a normal birth---But after the birth!!!!! I'd have a DNA test done the minute the baby arrives. Because if he waits too long, and is providing for the baby as the father and finds out later its not his, and they divorce, the judge just may order that he pays for a child that isn't his anyway. It happens alot. As the above poster stated, how is she acting toward you----Does she indicate by her ACTIONS, that she will become the wife you thought you married she is already NOT the wife he thought he married and never will be from this point on. If he decides to stay with her, she'll simply have to be someone different to him...and in my opinion, someone he is willing to settle for. She spread her legs for another man during the marriage. Thats a fact, and something he'll have to live with if he stays with her.
jmargel Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 (edited) Cozzy, I was in a similiar situation, a few months after I got married my wife decided to 'disappear' and not answer her cell phone, etc.. Everytime it went straight to voicemail I knew she was upto something. Long story short she was going behind my back and seeing her ex. Though she has always told me she didn't sleep with him, I told her even if she didn't the cheating she did on and off during that year was just as bad. It destroyed the trust I had with her and it made the marriage seem like a farce. Future behavior is predicted by past behavior and here you vowed your life to this person and they have already done this to you? There are alot of similarities between your wife and mine. Mine was sexually abused as well and has major father issues to this day. She drinks but only one night a week.. and she does smoke too. However in our situation she did this AFTER we were seeing a marriage counselor and then quit when the counselor was asking about her past and her childhood. They often become defensive, and will lay blanket statements on you. They will put you down or try to demean you and cannot give valid reasons why. They will do things the complete opposite of what you suggest to them or what they should be doing as an adult. And the reason why they do this is because both you (and I) are in a parent-child relationship with our wives. They were never given the proper parental guidiance on how to deal with stressful situations. Their reaction like a child is to run away. The will act like the teenager and do the opposite, for mainly attention. It doesn't matter if the attention is good or bad, it's attention. Next time you get into an argument with your wife, just walk off, disappear and not be around for a day. It will absolutely kill her. This is 100 times worst then reaming her out for hours on end. She can take that, but what she can't take is the abandonment. For yourself, be ready for a roller coaster. We have a two and a half old daughter, and is the sunshine of our lives. However I am now nothing more than a body in the house to her. It's all about our daughter, it's something they hold onto very dearly and it will be the only center of their attention. Be ready for that. I'm glad she has taken the steps to get herself help. It's going to be a process that will take months or years to help get through it. My wife won't go and I know it will be the demise of our marriage. You need to set strict boundaries, what you feel are deal-breakers and spell them out to her no matter how obvious they maybe. Remember she is a child still (mentally due to her past issues). You are the parent. Don't engage her when she is acting like the teenager. When you get into a disagreement calmly tell her 'I understand' after she is done ranting, then tell her your side. Be firm, be confident. Don't be a push-over. Don't chase after her, it just makes her run faster. It's sad but her mental issues are such that the less interested you seem in her, the more interested she will be with you. Not sure how long you can ride this bull, but i'm at my limits with mine and it will be 6 years next week. Let me guess your wife is not very affectionate, they don't seem to be when they have these issues. They don't seem like the 'normal' type of girl that they protrayed themselves to be when they were just friends/girl friends. They change happened after they moved in. Edited August 20, 2010 by jmargel
Sal Paradise Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 So seriously...I'm talking to her last night and asking some more questions about the situation and I realize her story doesn't add up. I get her to confess that she slept with him a second time the very next night. She said she had to go back and see if there were any feelings there and after she slept with him again she said she realized there were no feelings there. I ****ing hate this bitch. Dude you seriously need to get the DNA test done. I bet you anything that her recent willingness to change is only because of the kid. God knows who's it is. She is probably scared that it isn't yours and knows that the other guy won't take care of her. You've already been made a fool of, don't be an even bigger one by taking care of someone else's sperm donation.
michelangelo Posted August 23, 2010 Posted August 23, 2010 My wife went from : "we just had drinks!" to "we had sex once!" to years later: "We did it twice!" to finally: 'It lasted 8 years." Trickle truth is a bitch to deal with. It is unfathomable if you love your wife to find out just how awful they are. No man should have to contemplate that their pregnant wife may likely be having another man's baby.
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