The rough NC start

[Monkeypants]

After reading through so many threads, there are so many of us that are in the beginning stages of NC. I thought perhaps a thread for all of us that are going through the weird emotional roller coaster of wanting to text or call could encourage one another and help each other through the tricks our minds are playing on us.

 

I know for me im only 4 days into it and it feels like its been a month. Im glad that there is this forum because talking about my feelings isnt really my strong suit and even on here I feel like a pansy. With that said, every time I want to break I know I can come on here and someone will whip my butt into shape and get my head back to where it needs to be.

 

In any event, in my long 4 days I have went through every emotion possible.. everything from anger, hatred, self loathing, to not caring, and every so often i feel like the strong guy i was before i was cheated on.

 

In my long winded stammering, figured we can all help each other out and at the very least it will help the people who have been through this crazy road find all of us easier

[Don Ho]

In my long winded stammering, figured we can all help each other out and at the very least it will help the people who have been through this crazy road find all of us easier

 

Yep. You've got it right. Good job on going 4 days! It DOES get easier as you go along. DO NOT contact or you will be at square one and the pain will start all over again. Keep that in mind and that may help you to continue NC. I don't think you're a pussy or a panzy. Everyone goes through this and through the same set of emotions. It's normal. Continue NC and go workout or go jogging, the exercise will help calm your emotions. Hang in there.

[Monkeypants]

Thanks Don. I have actually found that running and going for long bike rides seems to work perfectly. When i get the itch to make contact I ride.. If I find myself musing over "what she thinking" "whats she doing".. I try to remind myself its no longer my place to care and it is just one more freedom to take advantage of.

 

And when I want revenge, I try to remind myself that the best form of revenge is success.

 

Today is actually a rough day and its not so much I want to talk to her as I want her to try and talk to me. Its so weird..and rough trying to rationalize something that isnt rational.

 

Im just hoping that by the end of the month im in a better place or at least in a place where i dont care

[Fruitpunch]

Im on 10 days.

Mine was **** as i still dont know what the **** happened. She could have been cheating, dead, whatever but instead of telling me she just started being in touch less until we arranged to meet and she cancelled.

I sent two texts and then left it. I wish i had sent one saying i agree with everything but **** it, silence is probably best.

I think i was actually better for the first week, its been more wierd this week.

One minute your pissed at them, the next minute you miss them, the next minute you dont give a **** again.

Well. I leave for LA next week and im staying with a bisexual model for 7 days and i doubt ill even remember my OWN name when i get home, haha

 

**** it dude, its their loss it really is. And you are right , the best revenge is success.

Women dont exhist in the same reality as guys. They can lock away emotions when needs be , its their survival instinct.

All i know is, she wont ever find another me, no one will. And im going to keep making my life the greatest thing ever.

 

Back from LA and im heading back out to Nashville 3 weeks later for a road trip and then speaking at a music festival.

 

I think my point was lol. That it will get harder for them as the weeks go by i reckon

 

We are in a good position, we have accepted it. they havent.

I suggest a trip, its really helped me through everything

[Don Ho]

Good posts bros. Whether you realize it or not, you're both doing quite well. I base that on the fact that you're not writing about how you're pining away and how you both sound like you're thinking clearly. You will have your ups and downs and your emotions will take you for a roller coaster ride. It does get easier. Some days, and even hours, are better than others. Monkey: good thing you're working out. You got it right: when you have the urge go exercise. Punch: a bi-sexual model! That is some funny s$$t! Don't get too drunk, you have to let us know how it was!

[Fruitpunch]

I met this chick when me and my ex broke up and i ditched her to get back with my ex, and I was never happy about it anyway lol.

So luckily for me, shes still there, she has a condo on the beach and im going to party like a rockstar.

I dont know where you are from dude but an English guy in the US can write his own ticket.

I always think of the analergy. If you walked past 10 HOT women on the street and you could have any or all of them, would you still get back with your ex? Probably not.

 

Take a girlfriend from abundance , never scarcity.

And its just pain, embrace it, get used to it and recognise that it will be gone soon, so make the most of the time you have with it.

Its a good test of character.

[Monkeypants]

Fruit,

 

two different coasts yet we both found bisexual girls. crazy!!!

 

Tonite I had a good time enjoyed some whiskey a few ladies and instead of drunk texting im going to drunk write you guys.. I still feel like a pussy... but anything that keeps me from talking to her i willing to do...

 

Im at war...the game can either kill me or make me stronger...as far as im concerned i will do anything to be the guy i use to be... NC is the only im going to get there.. im going to make mistakes.. but its my time to be selfish and heal.

 

if i can do this without becoming an ******* myself will be a victory...

[Don Ho]

You're not a pussy bro. Good job in writing here instead of drunk texting. I actually took my Ex's phone # out of my phone (I don't remember it) and gave it to my friend just so even if I had the urge I couldn't text or call her. You're already getting stronger by not contacting her, especially when you're drunk! Now I'm not saying you should just intentionally use another woman for sex or to make you feel better, but I just learned that it doesn't hurt in helping me keep my mind off my Ex!

[Buccaneer55]

I'm currently 2 days into NC and it's really rough. We had a 6 year relationship and it was off and on a lot of the time.

 

I started to realize how much I loved her, and truly wanted to be with her.

 

She said she would never let her guard down with me again. I did the typical begging, pleading, I'll change just come back to me that a lot of guys do.

 

This had happened one other time in our relationship about 3 years ago. She had found another guy and was hanging out with him, but still calling and texting me. I ended up putting up with it then, and went through a lot of heart break but eventually got her back.

 

This time I decided that's not going to happen. I wrote her a letter, because I just wanted her to know how I felt. I summed it up with if we can't be together, then we can't be friends. It has to be all of me or none of me I can't do it any other way.

 

She had always told me that I wouldn't walk away, and I need to show her that I can.

 

I still hope eventually we'll get back together, and I hope that NC will make her realize I can move on from how you're treating me, and that she'll realize how much she still wants it (She said she still loved me when I gave her the letter).

 

Just thought I'd share my story.

[SnowAngel3]

Hey Monkeypants, good job on getting through that super tough first week of NC/breaking up, seriously! You're definitely not a pussy because it takes a real man to admit that he actually has emotions and is not afraid to feel them.

 

For me, it's been about a month of NC already. Although my break up wasn't as bad as yours because I wasn't cheated on, I still completely understand and sympathize with what you're going through. I remember that first week of the break up and going NC...it felt like a whirlwind and my life had turned 180 degrees in those few minutes that I read his break up e-mail.

 

My immediate emotional response to the break up was depression and desperation. I desperately wanted to see if we could get back together again. Now that I look back, I really wished I had the self-love and self-respect to not send that desperate e-mail reply to him.

 

After I calmed down a bit, I decided that NC was best for me because I couldn't let him hurt me more. After about 2 days of NC, I sent him an e-mail to let him know that I'm mailing back to him everything he had ever given me. From his short and jerk-ish reply, I could tell that I did the right thing and that he's not worthy of my love. After that last e-mail to him, I never contacted him again. It wasn't completely NC until I took small steps gradually and deleted and blocked him from Facebook, deleted his sn from AIM, and stopped stalking his online dating profile using a fake account I created. Now that I've done all those steps to clean him out of my life, I am fully on the way to healing my heart and strictly sticking to NC. For once in the few weeks that we've broken up, I'm letting more positive energy into my life.

 

As you can see, I experienced so many emotions during that first week of NC. I was devastated, sad, angry, resentful, and even self-deprecating. However, now I realize that NC is definitely for the best. I still miss him everyday...I miss what he represented in my life, what he pretended to be. However, I don't miss him as my boyfriend. I don't feel as sad anymore, but I am still angry with him and I don't think I'll ever stop hating him. Sticking to NC is so hard because I still itch to contact him, but NC is a way of self-respect and self-healing.

 

After a while, after your feelings and emotions calm down, you will be clear-headed and can see how much the ex is really not worthy of your love and thoughts. Why keep them on your mind when they didn't give a damn about you when they hurt/cheated on you, and are probably not even giving you a second thought right now??

[Lost Fish]

Monkeypants, I know how rough it is in those first few days of NC. I went NC on August 1st after a three year relationship fell apart in the span of 10 days (and I made a lot of mistakes and lost some self-respect in those ten days striving put together a shattered relationship - she literally just went totally cold on me).

 

Anyway... I didn't want to slip into a depression of self-pity so I immediately took steps to better my life. On day 1 of NC I signed up to audition for a choral group (I had fallen away from singing in this relationship). I auditioned and got into the group by day 5.

 

I also ordered the P90X workout regimen and started that on the 8th. Then joined a dating site and just got back from a first date that went AWESOMELY. I know there are mixed opinions about getting back into the game but after talking to and meeting this new girl, I can see so clearly now how this other woman was just not right for me. It's only day 18 of NC and for once my heart and mind are clear and open - and I'm doing things for ME.

 

I know my ex will regret losing me and if she does try to check in or contact me, I will be able to stay strong.

 

But man, I can tell you the first week or two are rough. Just try to take that negative sad energy and turn it around into something positive for yourself. Exercise. Return to a hobby you may have forgotten. Get a book off Amazon you've wanted to read. Buy a season of DVD's (or blu-ray) of that show you've always wanted to see or catch up on. Be selfish and be kind to yourself. You will realize that YOU are worthy and that you are worth loving.

 

It will get easier, I can promise you that. You just gotta trudge through the sad parts. Also, don't push your emotions away deep down, but really let yourself feel them. Let yourself break down if you need to. And then pick yourself back up. You can do this.

 

Peace and strength brother.