Hope - things do get better...

[smk]

So my story so far – ex broke up with me 9 weeks ago – I was devastated, hurt, broken, depressed, basically ended up in what I called the deepest, darkest corner of hell – and then just a little bit further.

 

Each day WAS a struggle, I no longer enjoyed anything, food lost its taste, flowers no longer smelt sweet, and looking out the window at the glorious sunshine only seemed to envelope me into a darker cloud because she was no longer in my life.

 

I would spend my days looking and feeling like a zombie, when I was at home all I did was curl up on the sofa with a blanket (in the middle of summer) and drink copious amounts of alcohol to try and numb the pain, even this only provided me with a temporary refuge. Then I discovered LS – and at first I read posts by other people, and despite their experiences I felt that somehow I was different and I would never recover from this.

 

And then I started posting my thoughts and feelings here, and each day I got some words of wisdom from some great people, I got the odd (metaphoric) kick up the backside when I was being unrealistic from the likes of (GC & TaraMaiden) but what I also what from everyone here was that little push when I was faltering in my journey, the shoulder to lean on when I hit a rough patch and a lot more (I have met some great people here, BP, Cookie, AC, Thorgs, Thierro, Username, DB (whose posts always seem to make me laugh) Lullaby, Hope and lots of other people too – forgive if I haven’t mentioned your names, but my thanks goes out to everyone), and each day I moved a little further away from that dark recess and closer towards that faint light I saw.

 

Sure I have fallen down many times, and I am sure I will still have a few more bumps in the road before I am complete again, but the lessons learnt about life, love and myself through this heartache that I have endured are priceless – had this not happened I would never have begun the work on myself to become the person I truly want to be and for that I am grateful.

 

It took me 9 weeks after the break up to go complete NC – and to sever all lines of communication with the EX, and as much as I do miss her, it’s the only I will become the person I want to be, and to realise my true potential (now don’t get me wrong I am not going to become some sort of saint or something), but I want to rediscover my life and what I enjoy doing and all that stuff.

 

I have finally started doing things for me, this is the first weekend I have spent without being overly consumed by her thoughts – I made a great dinner for friends and family on Saturday night and for the first time I didn’t bore my company to death by talking about her or thinking about her for that matter. I spent yesterday meeting old friends and in the process also ended up making some great new friends. Again yesterday was the second day on a trot where I didn’t bore everyone around me by talking non-stop about her. I talked about me, and what I want to do, and what I would like to do, we had great conversation where I challenged my beliefs as I knew them and discovered some great new things about me that I never would have considered otherwise.

 

I have now realised my flaws and am working on those, I am finally able to make plans for myself, I am finally able to do things that I want to do without the thought of someone else lingering in my mind. Sure every now and then I see things, or hear things, or smell things and the memories do come back but I am learning to just let them run their course.

 

I woke up this morning and for the first time in a long time she wasn’t the first thought in my head, I actually made it 15 mins before she popped up in there and only for a fleeting moment (whilst I was looking for an ironed shirt to wear to work – lol).

 

Anyways I guess what I am getting at, is that things do get better over time. Eventually you do learn to just let go of the past and embrace the present to make YOUR future. Sure I still have feelings for her, but with each day that passes I am more in control of those feelings as opposed to them controlling me. I am by no mean 100% over her, but each I get a little bit closer. I don’t know if tomorrow I will have a bad day, I don’t know what the future holds in store for me, but I am finally starting to get my life back – I have made plans with old friends, and some new ones to cover the next 3 weekends back to back. I am going out there and meeting lots of new people, I am not ready to get intimate with anyone or jump into a relationship just as yet, but I have started admiring the female form without looking for comparison to my ex. Again sometimes I will see someone who reminds me of her and it does flood my mind momentarily but that’s all it is a single fleeting moment.

 

As I said to her I wish her the best of luck in her life and I hope she finds that happiness that she once told she had been spending her life trying to find, but one things I know for sure is that I am on my way to make my life and to create my own happiness and my own validation – I no longer need or want to depend on someone for that.

 

So great people of LS – I am still here on this coping board – I am not going to go anywhere and periodically I will tell everyone how I am doing so that when you feel down you can see that there is hope out there and that things do get better. It all comes down to wanting to move and just letting go of the past because that’s exactly what it is – the PAST – we cant change it, so instead live in the present and make your future.

 

Have a great day people and enjoy the rest of you week.

[earthfireuk]

Its really cool to see how people are progressing. I am feeling pretty similar right now. I get on with my day, then its like "ooo I havent thought about her for a while". Its kinda nice that my brain has finally taken a break from all that stress and pain. Seriously, i think it needs a holiday after all that lol. Like you it took me around 9/10 weeks to make the hardcore, set in stone decision to not contact her. It works wonders doesn't it! For 9 weeks I felt in limbo when in contact with her.Then I make the concious decision to shut her out of my life and its like sweet! I am actually on the mend! If anyone else is in contact with their ex's and wondering why they are not healing. You know what to do! Cut all contact and get on with your lives!:bunny:

 

It will all be tickady boo!

[smk]

Earth - yeah i know what you mean - when i first did it i was a little scared then i just let it go - and like you todays it just feels good knowing that she wont try to contact me and i have no urge to call her either.

 

GO NC and you will see a difference ina short time.

 

are you from the uk by any chance? some of us LS'ers are having a meet up if you are up for it.

[bonpaw2008]

I love progress! Keep it up....and don't get all "healed" yet, we still need ya

[earthfireuk]

Earth - yeah i know what you mean - when i first did it i was a little scared then i just let it go - and like you todays it just feels good knowing that she wont try to contact me and i have no urge to call her either.

 

GO NC and you will see a difference ina short time.

 

are you from the uk by any chance? some of us LS'ers are having a meet up if you are up for it.

 

Yup, once you go through the initial awefull pain of doing what you need to do (NC). Things very quickly start to get better. Im still in love with her. Probably always will be. Just am now able to deal with her not being around. I don't really even want to speak to my ex either now. It's just not worth the pain. Unless she kicked my door down and made it really clear she wanted to try again. Even then I would have to do some serious thinking.

 

Yeah I saw you were arranging a get together mate. I will check the thread you wrote about it. I live about an hour from london so its not far really. Could be fun! Ill check the thread and let you know the score.

[smk]

@ earth - I feel the exact same things you wrote out and just like you it would take a lot of convincing from her side to even contemplate getting back together...

 

It's weird though how we have to sever all ties to finally be able to go on and yeah initially it hurts like a bitch then gets better.

 

@ B - don't worry I still a long time to go before being fully healed and even after I still be here pushing the little lost pups along. Lol...

[HopeLove]

Every time I read one of your posts I get amazed at the almost exactly same feelings we have.

 

Yesterday I had an incredibly low. I saw him on Saturday together with common friends. At the beginning we didn't talk to each other, then the connection we still have is so intense we were almost flirting, but when I later text him and say I wanted to meet him in private, that it was really important to me to talk to him, he said he was still out, blah blah and we could meet "sometime". I text him back saying "sure, I see how you care for me" and that was it, no reply, nothing. I guess this was the closure I needed. He show me how selfish he really is.

But the good news is that after every low I'm able to recover faster and faster. It has been 3 1/2 months since the breakup I'm still not over him but I see I eventually will.

 

I'm so glad to hear your feeling better. I know is silly but I kind of feel we are walking together through this hard time in our lives. When I'll be in Ldn I will get in touch with you so we can meet.

[smk]

HL - good to see you're doing well. Yeah it is kinds weird but I think it also comes down to each of motivating the other to keep moving along, but hey it's all good so long as we are on the path forward that's all that counts...

 

Today I have hardly even thought of her, though I will be honest for a very short moment I did have the what if in the back of my mind and then I just let it be there and the thought went away...

 

Yeah definitely next you come to London let me know and I will arrange another LS get together.

[Thorgs]

Great to hear you're putting yourself on the pedestal that she occupied for so long. Get out there and grab life by the horns and enjoy the ride.

[Hbattjr44]

I was in a relationship with my partner for 2 1/2 year. She had Gastric by-pass operation a year ago this month on the 25th. I have with since December 07. I have experinced the love of my life with her and the biggest hurt of my life with her. I love her with every breath that I took but that did not seem to be good enough. She has lost gone from 298 pounds down to the 165 range. She broke up with me on April 19th on the phone. Did not even have the courage to do face to face. She crushed me so bad on how she handled us. I have been with her though a couple of health scare from poss cancer to a cyst the size of grapefruit. And a full hysterectomy 2 month later. Then she meets a person by chance that was the boyfriend of her assistant and claims to have hard a spark but did not act on because she is was in a relationship with me. But at the same time she started to push me away. Now they are together and she has threw us away like we never mattered. She was married for 21 years before we got together and has told me quite a few time that i loved her like she has never been loved before in life and i showed her what love could be like. We were best friend and lovers and were going to be married. We had gone to all of the steps to accomplished getting married. And were truly in love. It is like she had the gastric bypass operation and has become a different person. I don't recognize her any longer. She is making poor decisions about her work that she would have never made 4 month ago when we were together. She has made decisions that will effect her career. It is like the new boyfriend has become a addiction that she can't get away from. She does not see the damage that she has caused herself. We went from sharing everything talking for hours to not even communication at all. I have seen picture her since we broke up and she looks like S*** on most of the picture. She is not taking care of herself and i think she is gaining weight again. She has large bags under her eyes. She never looked like this when we were together. I loved her with all of my heart and still due and i Am having trouble with coping with the break up> She crushed me like a bug for no good reason> We never argued once in 2 1/2 years. I am having trouble with her lack of concern about us in general. DID THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL???? Howdo i get past her and move on with my life. I have through about her everyday every hour and every minute since she dumped me??

[Hbattjr44]

I feel that if i received a call from I would take her back. Even after she treated me and our relationship like it never mattered at all. She was the love of my life.

[9Lives]

I was in a relationship with my partner for 2 1/2 year. She had Gastric by-pass operation a year ago this month on the 25th. I have with since December 07. I have experinced the love of my life with her and the biggest hurt of my life with her. I love her with every breath that I took but that did not seem to be good enough. She has lost gone from 298 pounds down to the 165 range. She broke up with me on April 19th on the phone. Did not even have the courage to do face to face. She crushed me so bad on how she handled us. I have been with her though a couple of health scare from poss cancer to a cyst the size of grapefruit. And a full hysterectomy 2 month later. Then she meets a person by chance that was the boyfriend of her assistant and claims to have hard a spark but did not act on because she is was in a relationship with me. But at the same time she started to push me away. Now they are together and she has threw us away like we never mattered. She was married for 21 years before we got together and has told me quite a few time that i loved her like she has never been loved before in life and i showed her what love could be like. We were best friend and lovers and were going to be married. We had gone to all of the steps to accomplished getting married. And were truly in love. It is like she had the gastric bypass operation and has become a different person. I don't recognize her any longer. She is making poor decisions about her work that she would have never made 4 month ago when we were together. She has made decisions that will effect her career. It is like the new boyfriend has become a addiction that she can't get away from. She does not see the damage that she has caused herself. We went from sharing everything talking for hours to not even communication at all. I have seen picture her since we broke up and she looks like S*** on most of the picture. She is not taking care of herself and i think she is gaining weight again. She has large bags under her eyes. She never looked like this when we were together. I loved her with all of my heart and still due and i Am having trouble with coping with the break up> She crushed me like a bug for no good reason> We never argued once in 2 1/2 years. I am having trouble with her lack of concern about us in general. DID THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL???? Howdo i get past her and move on with my life. I have through about her everyday every hour and every minute since she dumped me??

 

You know what Hbattjr44....it doesnt matter anymore what she thinks and what is going on in her life, and the bad decisions she is making. She is gone!

 

You had almost 3 wonderful years together and now its over. you enjoyed those years and had a good love with her but not she is gone! Let her go.

 

The sooner you UNDERSTAND that the best thing to do is to GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE..the better you will be and be able to GET OUT THE PAIN GRINDER!!!

 

I had a incredible man in my life and I loved him to pieces but when he shut it down...there was nothing I could do to bring him back. Nothing. I TRIED FOR 3 YEARS...WASTING MY LIFE!!! Trying, crying, hoping, wishing, praying, ....painful painful painful days. DONT DO IT TO YOURSELF.

 

She left you, now let her go on and you do the same.

 

You are going to meet someone special. I promise. You will meet someone very nice and you will be happy again. You dont have to take this from her anymore. Looks like she is the one getting the short end of the stick. Not you. fk her!

 

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE...then the pain will go away for sure.

 

Please dont torture yourself like I did for 3 years trying to hold on. It didnt work. He is still gone with some else. Just go!

[Hbattjr44]

Thanks so much for your words i am trying to do what you suggested. I have to tell you it hurts pretty bad. We shared everything when we were together. I never knew that we had a problem till she told me that she wanted to break up

[GrayClouds]

Hope - things do get better...

 

 

WRONG. Do not waste you effort on hoping. I suspect you smk will be the first to acknowledge (and should be congratulated) that it was not until you decided to put your effort to actively move on did you start to turn the corner.

 

I understand you are using hope and in "faith" or "believe" which is important. But even for those who can not get their mind wrap around those nuggets, where heartbreak instant is still the soup of the day, many will need to put action before belief; fake it until you make it. This effort will get the ball rolling and faith and belief will follow along like a soon to be your best friend little doggie until he decide to take the lead.

 

 

skm Congrates, keep up the good work and keep up the positive thinking .

[smk]

WRONG. Do not waste you effort on hoping. I suspect you smk will be the first to acknowledge (and should be congratulated) that it was not until you decided to put your effort to actively move on did you start to turn the corner.

 

I understand you are using hope and in "faith" or "believe" which is important. But even for those who can not get their mind wrap around those nuggets, where heartbreak instant is still the soup of the day, many will need to put action before belief; fake it until you make it. This effort will get the ball rolling and faith and belief will follow along like a soon to be your best friend little doggie until he decide to take the lead.

 

 

skm Congrates, keep up the good work and keep up the positive thinking .

 

GC - you are absolutely correct - it wasnt until I made the effort to change my mindset and implement certain changes in my life did things start getting better.

 

And again just like you said I did use the word "Hope" so as to motivate or more so show my other fellow residents at the Heartbreak Hotel that sooner or later things do get better, but it wont be until they themselves make the choice to move on and live the life they want.

 

I suspect I will still be a resident here for a little while longer, then it may become my every other night getaway and eventually I will probably end up being another regular at the bar kinda like the "fraternity - as I like to call them (this in my opinion are the likes of GC, Caliguy, MickleB, TM, USMCHoskie, McGrupp, DB, Dusty and a few other I may forget to mention), but you know what until we consciously decide to move on and let go of the past can we truly embrace the present and dream for a better future...

 

I do hope that reading the initial post in this thread gives motivation to others to let go of their fears and take that plunge into the clear infinity pool that is a good life as opposed to the dark little marsh that is what our exe's represented when they left us...

 

Guys & Gals this is my first heartbreak, heck she is my first love, and this was my first relationship and I know it may still be a while before I can let another person take her place but you know what I am no longer scared to live my life without her. In fact I am now starting to live a life that I had never imagined I would be living...

 

For the first time in my 26 years I have the next 4 weekends fully booked up doing things I was always too "scared" to try - and it small things, but these little steps will eventually lead to me leading a more fulfilling life...

 

Be strong people - and believe in yourself, believe that you can live the life you want to live with or without your ex....

[GrayClouds]

 

For the first time in my 26 years I have the next 4 weekends fully booked up doing things I was always too "scared" to try - and it small things, but these little steps will eventually lead to me leading a more fulfilling life...

 

Be strong people - and believe in yourself, believe that you can live the life you want to live with or without your ex....

 

That is fricken amazing smk. Yes we can live without the EX. As you are showing, it not until we are without the EX do we actually start of live OUR life.

 

skm I am truly impressed.

[smk]

That is fricken amazing smk. Yes we can live without the EX. As you are showing, it not until we are without the EX do we actually start of live OUR life.

 

skm I am truly impressed.

 

Yeah I know and the best part is that every weekend I am meeting more new people and really getting out of the comfort zone and it's awesome....

 

I am actually quite excited about this and loving each day...

 

Heck I got through most of today without even thinking of her....

[cookie2]

Heck I got through most of today without even thinking of her....

Oh, how I am looking forward to that day!!! Guess it'll be a long way off though.

[smk]

Oh, how I am looking forward to that day!!! Guess it'll be a long way off though.

 

I dunno dude it just sorta happened and I didn't even realise it until I got home this evening...

 

One day you will wake up and you just won't think about her anymore.

 

It feels as though I am finally taking control of my life again and I love it...

[Thorgs]

Glad to see you are on the up n' up smk. Ever since NC was broken I have crashed and burned. The first round I was out going on walks/jogs and feeling good. Now day 14 of NC (second time around) I just stay in bed all day and surf the internet and watch TV. I have no more motivation.

[Thierro]

Beautiful.

 

Just beautiful..

 

It gives me a rush reading your heartfelt words and the stuff you are doing right now.

 

You know what? All your posts, everything you shared with us. You are a real man. The things you did take courage. You shared your life with us, shared your pain, your heart.. Eventually you will share your bliss with us, your happiness. Everything you have learned to this point will aid you on your journey through life. Time for someone that sees your beauty and respects it.

 

You know what you are? You are a farmer. You just start out farming. You have your own little pasture, your shed with broken and rusty tools, a broken down mill for making nourishment for the pigs, cows and sheep. Also a house that needs to be repaired. You are new at this. It takes time and experience to get used to the farming life.

 

After a long time you finally grew some tomatoes, some weeds, lettuce, carrots. You finally got the mill working again even though it makes a terrible squeaky sound. You even got some new nice tools to work with. You were proud and you should be.

 

But working a few months in the quiet summer didn’t prepare you for the restless rainy days ahead. You woke up one morning and the sky was filled with dark clouds. You watched the rain destroy your land. You saw pigs flying around the air and crash into some trees because they escaped the barn and ran out. Even the cows peed milk because they were so scared. There was nothing you could do. You thought everything was well build; strong enough to survive miserable weather. But sadly, it wasn’t build that great.

 

It’s time to begin repairing the barn, the mill, the land when it’s dry again. Watch how your crops grow better than before. Much stronger, brighter and colorful. You even build a large automatic greenhouse that slowly covers the land when you push a button when it’s going to rain. You are prepared, my man.

 

In a few years you are going to be a tough soab with amazing farming skills. People will see you as an example. They want to buy your crops, the milk from your cows. You will even have your own sugar beets; lady’s will come at your door asking for the lovely homemade sugar.

 

You know the similarity between a hurricane and a woman; they are both wet and they take your house away. But no more!

 

I’ll see you at the market selling some good vegi’s.

Edited August 18, 2010 by Thierro

[smk]

@ thorgs - dude get back on the running, you know you want to... I crashed everytime I broke NC and so I decided to no longer break it and I even told her to back and you know what it's helped tremendously...

Bro we are the champions and we can't let stuff like this set us back, so get off that backside and go for a jog or something and get those endorphins running through your veins...

 

@ thierro - thank you for the kind words, much appreciated, it's the kind of support tat I get from everyone here at LS that gives me the courage to get the farm up and running...

 

I won't lie, I did have a small moment today were I missed her, but it went away just as quickly as it came....

 

As you said I am now rebuilding the everything from the ground up, planting new crops and eventually I will reap the benefits and spoil my shares with the people that helped me get there, the people I have met on LS...

 

I have taken a lot from here and sooner rather than later I want to give back, not because I has to but because I want to, because I now know the devastation that heartbreak causes and because hearing those words from others truly does help...

 

Neither one of us here is patronising, we all have different plots in our stories and different characters but the stage is the same, the setting is the same, the story is the same, we have felt heartbreak and it devastated us but we will move on and we will lead a fulfilling life filled with the joy and happiness that we deserve...

[skydiveaddict]

smk , glad to see you're doing well. I'm jealous, I just cant seem to let go.

[smk]

smk , glad to see you're doing well. I'm jealous, I just cant seem to let go.

 

Sky - dude it's not easy but as each goes I let go a little bit more. And as I said sure I miss her, so much has happened in my life in the past couple of weeks that normally I would have shared with her and now I can't and sure it makes me a little sad, but then I realise that I have to move on with my life...

 

The past is in the past and that's where it's meant to be. Dude when I first came here 5 odd weeks ago I was a total wreck, look at me now? When I broke up with her almost 10 weeks ago I was a trainwreck and was sure that I would have been dead by now, yet today here I am feeling like much stronger and much better than even before I met her...

 

Be strong buddy and it will happen...

[bonpaw2008]

Hey - awesome to see you are doing well. Can't wait to catch up on the board, I am on travel and too busy to be heartbroken this week....wooohooo! Have a good one, I will post soon