EyeAlone Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I really thought I was ready!! It's been 4 months since my 3.5 year relationship ended and I finally was finding other guys attractive enough to want to start dating again. Unfortunately I haven't gotten past the first date with any of the guys that I've met and that really makes me feel miserable. I told my therapist this and she told me that it would probably be in my best interest to take a break from dating for a while. I understand what she's saying because dating is making me feel worse but what am I supposed to do with myself? How will I ever know if I'm ready if I start dating again? I hate this! To make matters worse, my ex keeps making attempts to contact me because he wants to get back together. Why does it have to be my stupid ex that wants me? Why can't it be the guys that I like? ughhhhhhhhh
Lost Fish Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Aw Eye. I'm in the same boat as you. Tried dating way too soon with some lovely women, but the part of me that should be getting excited about dating and what not is just... numb or something. So I lose interest and then am sort of in a funk - so I understand how you feel. I think the trick is to follow what your therapist said. Get into your own routine of life, don't even worry about guys right now. I think you'll know you're really ready when you are 100% ok being totally alone and on your own. A healthy relationship is possible when you are 100% confident and at peace with yourself. Be patient with your heart! You're doing just fine. **Strong hugs!**
Beeotch Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 You're ready when you're ready and you won't have to ask or force yourself.... If it's not working, now is probably not the time. Continue doing other things and one day you WILL be ready and you'll know for certain.
Beeotch Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Aw Eye. I'm in the same boat as you. Tried dating way too soon with some lovely women, but the part of me that should be getting excited about dating and what not is just... numb or something. So I lose interest and then am sort of in a funk - so I understand how you feel. I think the trick is to follow what your therapist said. Get into your own routine of life, don't even worry about guys right now. I think you'll know you're really ready when you are 100% ok being totally alone and on your own. A healthy relationship is possible when you are 100% confident and at peace with yourself. Be patient with your heart! You're doing just fine. **Strong hugs!** This is very true
USMCHokie Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Beeotch had it right. You're ready when you don't have to think about whether you're "ready."
LostInTurn Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I agree. I went on a date. I have no idea what I was thinking. Way too soon. I have zero interest. You'll know when you're ready again.
Author EyeAlone Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 I agree. I went on a date. I have no idea what I was thinking. Way too soon. I have zero interest. You'll know when you're ready again.But that's the thing: I have 100% interest. I really want to date. I am finding other guys attractive enough to pursue and date. I feel like I'm ready to be in a relationship. But when my dates don't work out, I'm devastated. Lost Fish has a point. I'm most certainly not 100% okay about being on my own. But is anyone ever honestly 100% content on being alone? I don't think I've ever reached that level between any of my relationships in the past.
LostInTurn Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Well, perhaps it's because they're still not the right one and you know it. I don't know what the reasons are the dates have not worked, but that could be a reason. You may seem to be 100% ready to date, but the devestation over the date not working out. There's a piece of you that isn't ready (in my opinion) Maybe you're going on too many dates? What are you expectations of the date? I don't know what happened in your past relationship. Is it rejection and then you fear because the date didn't work? One day, you'll go out and the date will be amazing. Then you'll understand. I hope that day happens for you, soon.
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