kis Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I have been involved in a EA for almost 4 years. I didnt think after that much time being the same way it would change but it did. A couple of weeks ago it became physical. I am wondering how unusal this is. Anybody out there with a simular situation. Also something else odd. About a year ago things changed at work and we dont see each other as much and get to talk way less unfortunely. So you could say as a result our emotional connection is not as close. This is odd to me that things became physical at this less emotionally connected time. Any thoughts.
whichwayisup Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I'm sad to hear this news, even more so since you are still married. Divorce your husband and then go do whatever you want.
carhill Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I'm a master of EA's and this sounds pretty unusual to me. Same with the emotional connection thing. IME, regardless of continuity of contact, the connections always seemed fairly constant. Are you sure this isn't a relationship of convenience rather than a true 'connection'?
Author kis Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 I'm a master of EA's and this sounds pretty unusual to me. Same with the emotional connection thing. IME, regardless of continuity of contact, the connections always seemed fairly constant. Are you sure this isn't a relationship of convenience rather than a true 'connection'? It is definatly a true connection. I love to share with him and feel like I could tell him anything. Its just that when we were able to talk more we knew everyday what was going on with each other. what plans we had for the evening. Just everything. Now not as much. Of course when we do get to talk its great. But i really do miss the way it was.
carhill Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 The connection should still be the same though, which is why I questioned the 'you could say our emotional connection is not as close' after your contact changed at work. Perhaps you meant your expression of it isn't now as frequent. Also, this could be the impetus for taking the affair to a PA. Sexual intimacy solidifies bonding in the brain and fortifies the now missing contact with more intimate contact, though less frequent. So, perhaps, your transition was more circumstantial than unusual. Each dynamic is different. Do you see this as a status-quo? IOW, no significant movement, either in job proximity or your respective marriages? Could you envision this dynamic continuing long-term? What's your perspective on that?
lilbunny Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I have sort of experienced this in the workplace. I am single he is married, we were friends for a couple of years, we became very close over the course of about 6-9 months and ended up having an affair. It isn't quite the same I know, but I don't think it was his intention to take it any further than confiding in someone and some flirting, it took on a life of its own. The nature of our job means that we sometimes didn't see each other for a couple of weeks, sometimes more although we had some contact via email/social networking, the odd text and that sort of thing, but I never felt any less connected or close. Do you think somewhere deep down you saw this coming and perhaps tried to distance yourself (perhaps not consciously)? I hope things are resolved in a positive way for you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I am wondering how unusal this is. No, it isn't unusual. EA's are just PA's that haven't happened yet.
Author kis Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 I have sort of experienced this in the workplace. I am single he is married, we were friends for a couple of years, we became very close over the course of about 6-9 months and ended up having an affair. It isn't quite the same I know, but I don't think it was his intention to take it any further than confiding in someone and some flirting, it took on a life of its own. The nature of our job means that we sometimes didn't see each other for a couple of weeks, sometimes more although we had some contact via email/social networking, the odd text and that sort of thing, but I never felt any less connected or close. Do you think somewhere deep down you saw this coming and perhaps tried to distance yourself (perhaps not consciously)? I hope things are resolved in a positive way for you. So what happened with your situation?
lilbunny Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 It is still very much up in the air Kis, see the am I kidding myself thread for the complete saga. It got heavy quickly and sometimes I miss the fun and flirty times, but I can't say I regret it moving forward. I guess I saw it coming and let it. We seemed to stop talking about the little things after it turned physical, but a lot of our conversations were of the 'what happens next' pour your heart out type. I don't think I felt any less connected though.
Author kis Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 I have been involved in a EA for almost 4 years. I didnt think after that much time being the same way it would change but it did. A couple of weeks ago it became physical. I am wondering how unusal this is. Anybody out there with a simular situation. Also something else odd. About a year ago things changed at work and we dont see each other as much and get to talk way less unfortunely. So you could say as a result our emotional connection is not as close. This is odd to me that things became physical at this less emotionally connected time. Any thoughts. Does anyone at all have a simular situation. this is really beginning to bother me. I just dont understand. I wish he would make more of an effort to talk. he used to and even though I know the work situation made it more difficult it still bothers me.
2sunny Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Does anyone at all have a simular situation. this is really beginning to bother me. I just dont understand. I wish he would make more of an effort to talk. he used to and even though I know the work situation made it more difficult it still bothers me. what's bothering you? the MM that won't behave the way you want him to - or the being married thing? have you told your H? THAT'S the part that would bother me if i were married to you... or maybe you asked his permission first and he gave you the green light?
Darren Steez Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 There's a lot of me, me, me and how the other man feels..yet nothing about the husband..says it all really.
LostintheMidwest Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Kis, This does seem odd to me. Sorry, I don't have a similar story to share. My PA started after several months of an EA. But the odd thing is that one would think that after 4 years of an EA that even though you two aren't able to talk as much at work, and even after the PA, that things would somehow stay somewhat the same (the emotional connection). So my question is: Do you guys talk outside of work at all? And it does seem odd to me that after the physical act happened that he stopped talking more. IMO this might not have anything to do with not being able to talk as much at work. Since the EA has been going on for 4 years, I would say try to talk to him about what's going on and what you are feeling. My MM lives in his head alot so I have to ask him what's going on. He usually tells me because he usually doesn't have any problems sharing his feelings... but most of the time I have to ask. Some men are just like that. Maybe he's going through some emotional turmoil over everything.
edgeofdarkness Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I have been involved in a EA for almost 4 years. I didnt think after that much time being the same way it would change but it did. A couple of weeks ago it became physical. I am wondering how unusal this is. Anybody out there with a simular situation. Also something else odd. About a year ago things changed at work and we dont see each other as much and get to talk way less unfortunely. So you could say as a result our emotional connection is not as close. This is odd to me that things became physical at this less emotionally connected time. Any thoughts. i think u need to ask this less and why u cheated on your husband, more...
2sure Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Does anyone at all have a simular situation. this is really beginning to bother me. I just dont understand. I wish he would make more of an effort to talk. he used to and even though I know the work situation made it more difficult it still bothers me. Look, I didnt want to say anything but since you insist: He didnt want to bang you when you were sharing enough to be friends. Now that your are not sharing enough to be friends...he feels more comfortable banging someone that is closer to a stranger than a friend. Stranger in that you dont share much...friend enough to be available. Cost him nothin.
Author kis Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Look, I didnt want to say anything but since you insist: He didnt want to bang you when you were sharing enough to be friends. Now that your are not sharing enough to be friends...he feels more comfortable banging someone that is closer to a stranger than a friend. Stranger in that you dont share much...friend enough to be available. Cost him nothin. I never would have thought of it that way. He did used to say he didnt want to mess up our freindship. But............... I hope thats not it.
Author kis Posted September 6, 2010 Author Posted September 6, 2010 was talking on the phone with MM the other day and he says "Hey help me understand something" Then he asks me why i think after so long our relationship changed. (physical). so interesting to know he is just as puzzeled as me.
AprilShowers Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 why are you cheating on your husband? why have an emotional affair, if you have things you want to talk about talk with your husband.
tornandmarried Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 im curious to hear about the husband too....does he know? suspect anything? are u even scared of losing him?
sugarmomma Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Maybe the sex wasn't good to him. Believe me if it was he would probably be falling over himself to get more. MM are greedy like that. How was the sex?? I'm nosey.
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