Present Value Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 To make a 10 year long story short: Years 0-6: I had a very close friendship with a woman, but she wouldn't consider dating me because of her religious beliefs. Year 6: Something happens, she gives me an opening. I end a two year relationship to date her for about two months. I end up going back to the previous relationship and hurting her pretty badly in the process. The previous relationship ends after another 9 months or so. At this point we're no longer living in the same state. Years 7-9: I have only brief, intermittent contact with her, mostly via e-mail, sometimes with 6 to 12 months passing between. Then, a lot of contact when I find out that we will be living in the same city and both doing graduate work at the same school. Current: we agree to meet (at her suggestion), and spend about 4.5 hours talking, primarily trying to be honest with one another about where we are and what we want. This is the first time I really come clean to her and admit that I've always wanted to be more than friends, even in these later years; and that I've always been reluctant to admit it because it seems like her religious beliefs make it not an option. She admits that she has continued to have feelings for me in the past few years, and indicates that the religious stuff is not the dealbreaker it once was (though it is still very important to her). Then, she tells me she can't see me anymore because she just started dating a divorced Muslim man (she grew up as a conservative Christian) whom she met while dancing, who is not a U.S. citizen and has two kids, and there's just "something" about that relationship she needs to explore, but if it doesn't work out she'll let me know. What. The. ****. Now that I am writing this out, it sounds even more insane than in my head. For a long time I thought I'd always jump at the chance to be with her, but now I am really starting to wonder if it would just crash and burn miserably. I feel like she has jerked me around by contacting me after long periods of time, indicating interest, and then after all of that tells me she's unavailable because she is now with a man who is quite possibly wrong for her in every way. (Or not, obviously I don't know him, maybe he really is great). My questions: 1. Does this whole thing sound as insane to you as it does to me? 2. Thoughts about being in a relationship with someone for whom religion is deeply important, when you have a very different understanding of things? PS, I have nothing against Muslims in general, I am just floored by the fact that this person who grew up as a conservative Christian and wouldn't date me for the longest time because I wasn't one too is now dating this guy, who for all I know might be trying to use her to get citizenship.
Not strong enough Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 You ended a two year relationship to be with someone who wanted to date you to see if they actually liked you. Your an idiot and good for you....
TaraMaiden Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 My questions: 1. Does this whole thing sound as insane to you as it does to me? yes, but maybe not the same reasons. 2. Thoughts about being in a relationship with someone for whom religion is deeply important, when you have a very different understanding of things? irrelevant. Not going to happen any time soon, is it? (I hope)... PS, I have nothing against Muslims in general, I am just floored by the fact that this person who grew up as a conservative Christian and wouldn't date me for the longest time because I wasn't one too is now dating this guy, who for all I know might be trying to use her to get citizenship. Confucius he say: "When person try to mind-phukk you, useless it is to try understand mind of a person trying to mind-phukk you. probably out of mind, and not worth mattering." When people are in the schyt and happy, leave them to it.
Author Present Value Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 You ended a two year relationship to be with someone who wanted to date you to see if they actually liked you. Your an idiot and good for you.... Just because it lasted two years doesn't mean it was great. But I agree I could have handled it much better than I did.
TaraMaiden Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Have you been in any relationships since this liaison with this woman began, or have you kind of been waiting in the wings for her to make herself available? because really, 10 years is a long time to be waiting in the wings, for nothing....
Author Present Value Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 Have you been in any relationships since this liaison with this woman began, or have you kind of been waiting in the wings for her to make herself available? because really, 10 years is a long time to be waiting in the wings, for nothing.... I had another two year relationship in the meantime, fairly recently ended. I don't really look at it as having been "waiting in the wings" totally... when we had our meeting, she asked me why I never had really been explicit about what I wanted over the past few years. Part of it was because I was with someone else, and part of it was because I thought it was pointless given what I thought I knew about her religious stuff. She acted as if had I been more explicit, she would have been willing to try again, but that is never the vibe I got from her. And now, I am trying to avoid that feeling of just waiting around. I do think being single is healthy for me at this time, but not with the intent of keeping myself available for her.
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