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Posted

Today I realized... I don't think 'love' exists. It is not real.

Posted

It depends on what is your definition of 'love'.

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Posted

The real, 'Can't live without you love' that I felt. I don't know what I feel anymore. What I was feeling... I don't believe in it. That feeling does not get left behind.

Posted

Love does exist; In its purest form it is unconditional. I have felt it come to me, and also give it. It's real, it never dies.

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Posted

I gave him a love I didn't know I had in me. Now, I feel so betrayed and lost. I cannot even begin to explain it.

Posted

That's not unconditional love then.

It's giving Love,but expecting something validating in return.

To love selflessly means being wise in what you give away.

Because if you give all of yourself, you have no reserves.

Unconditional Love begins with ourselves.

This is true wisdom.

 

Love for others then follows, because we are assured of the greatest unconditional love, should theirs fail.

We still have the Whole of us.

Posted

It exists but is very rare.

Posted

Lost, I have seen you post a lot, so I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your relationship? How did you two break up? If I am crossing a line then I apologize.

Posted (edited)

This is one of my biggest questions concerning life; Love vs science. What is the truth?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241842/

 

I started this treat mainly because of it.

 

I believe that true love comes within ourselves. It is the key to success in life. If you don’t fully 100% love yourself, you won’t find true happiness. Because you need to close a door so any negativity can’t enter or take over who you are and define you.

 

The question that remains; is this based on scientific fundamentals or is it something “deeper”. Because when true love really exists, than life after death and the whole shebang does too.

 

So, I lean against science, that everything has rules because you need to accomplish a state of pure acceptance of everything that is.

Edited by Thierro
Posted (edited)

You need to ask yourself; Which side am I going to be on? Love or science?

 

The downside to science is that you are going to approach life with logic. You will analyze every aspect that life throws at you. You will analyze every emotion you feel through your veins. You’ll become strong mentally, but also numb and cold.

 

When you believe in love, you will throw yourself away in the ‘name of love’. Able to feel every emotion in its strongest form known to the human race (the good and bad)

 

Maybe the best thing for all of us, is finding a balance. A balance between science and love. Keeping a strong perspective, but also to be able to let yourself go.

Edited by Thierro
Posted

Love is definitely real, but from my experience, most people have it wrong. What they think love is/should be isn't it and "love" gets a bad rap or blamed for things wrongfully called by its name.

Posted

Love does exist.

 

You may have just not found the right person to show you the love you deserve. I have alot of love inside me. I give alot of love but only once have I had someone love me like I deserve to be loved. The thing is... i didnt have that love for her. It has to be mutual, it has to be equal. Then you have something very special. I believe I have that love in me and the ability to love someone in a way that you should love someone. I just havent met the right person. Either they don't feel the same about me, or I don't feel the same about them. Thats why its so special though. When you find it, nothing will destroy it.

 

 

If it is true love, it will transcend all the bad.

Posted

Tara has it right. Give unconditional love with zero expectation of return. And, in the end the love you get equals the love you give. Of course, as inherently selfish, egotistical beings, honestly following through with this is damn near impossible.

 

The only relationships this seems to routinely work in is Parent/Child, and even then it's hit or miss.

 

So, yeah, love is real, but the butterflies are hard to keep around for very long.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Lost, I have seen you post a lot, so I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your relationship? How did you two break up? If I am crossing a line then I apologize.

 

Collegeguy:

 

You can ask what happened... here it is:

 

We had, what I thought to be the perfect relationship. We both come from wonderful families, we traveled together, we spent so much of our time together and we always included one another.

 

When we met, he was unemployed. He was unemployed for about the initial 7 months. He had moved back home which was about 2 hours from me. He would come and stay with me for a few days which was nice. I would go and stay with him also. Some days, I would drive down after work and drive back to work in the morning. We loved spending time with one another. He eventually found a job 45 minutes from me.

 

I did everything for him, because I loved him. I always made sure dinner was ready. Always looking up new and exciting recipes. I did his laundry when he would stay with me. When he got a job, I would drop off and pick up his dry cleaning. I wanted to be 'Suzie Homemaker'.

 

I could see how he loved me when he would look at me. But somewhere along the way, I just wasn't as happy as I was in the beginning. He would get angry easily and yell. He would never hurt anyone, but I remember this one day when his mother and I were helping him pack when he was moving and he was frustrated, so he yelled at us and told us to leave. Typically when this would happen I'd go in another room until he calmed down. Well, this time I took my stuff and left. About fifteen minutes later he called me like nothing had happened. I was upset about it and he got upset I was upset. These tantrums were a common occurrence.

 

We went to Florida one weekend and our flight arrived late. I remembered the section where we had parked our car. When we went to the lot, it only went A - W. We were parked in V. I remembered. He got so angry because we couldn't find his car. I went to ask someone and he snapped at me and asked if I was going to ask where his car was. Well, apparently we weren't in the right place since section V wasn't anywhere. He eventually asked and we found the car. He threw his luggage that night, kicked it down the hall and broke it.

 

I never really knew why he would get so upset. All I ever did was try and help.

 

He would tell me I was beautiful everyday and hold me at night. He would tell me he wanted to do everything with me. He was a nice guy, but something was missing for me. If you asked me what was missing then, I wouldn't have had an answer. If you ask me what I think we missing from our relationship now, I wouldn't have an answer. I feel as though I stayed because I was hoping I would figure it all out. There were times when I wanted to leave.

 

He could never commute to work from where I lived because he wouldn't want to wake up early enough. We tried a few times and he would get frustrated and upset. I didn't want to see him upset, so I would always stay with him and commute by train or drive. It took a toll on me. I would wake up early to get to work for him because I loved him and wanted to see him at night.

 

We would always go home together when he would go home on the weekends, the past couple times he went home, I stopped going. I don't know why. I guess I just didn't want to do the things they were doing. It did make me sad though because I did love seeing his family.

 

Well... one night he was out with friends. I was just fed up I guess. I told him I thought we had things we needed to work on. He thought everything was fine. The next day I went to visit him, brought him dinner. When he finished his dinner, he said he needed a break. He said he didn't understand why I thought we needed to work on things and said he needed some time. I asked how much and he said he wasn't sure. I asked if we could re group in two weeks and he said he needed more than that. He told me he didn't want to lose me forever. Was he kidding? How long was I suppose to wait?

 

I panicked. We talked everyday, all day. How could I no longer speak with him? So, the next day I was, needless to say, a mess. I called and text. I just wanted to talk. That made him mad, understandably, but I was upset too. He told one of my friends it was over forever and we would never be again. At this point, hearing this. I was upset. I sent him a couple texts upset, saying things out of anger. We both said things out of anger. What he doesn't understand is that my actions were reactions to his actions and words. Did he think I would smile because of what he said to my friend? He said those things out of anger, I understand, but he doesn't understand that's why I said what I said as well. He told me I should have given him a couple days. I asked him that originally. I said let's give it a couple weeks, he said it wasn't enough time. I was not going to have my heart trampled.

 

I let 1.5 weeks pass, and I emailed him. I couldn't sleep. I would compose and email and delete it, until one evening I just needed to sent what I wrote. I received a response back from him. He told me he missed running his fingers through my hair and my nose and he missed so much of what we had.

 

I thought we had a chance, a chance to talk. Well, I didn't know he transferred himself to another project in another state at this point. As the day went on with emails, they were misunderstood and frustrated. His last email said he would have called me that night, but I frustrated him so it was my fault he didn't call. My intention was not to email all day, my intention was to let him know I missed him (which I did) and talk. But again, he got upset as usual.

 

There were problems. He smoked, a lot. He couldn't get to work on time (as I kind of explained) We talked about moving in together and he said he wanted to, but he wasn't ready. He said we would in September. He didn't want to lose me. I remember the day he said 'if I had told you I wouldn't be ready in September, you would have left me. How could I have told you?' Meanwhile, he would tell people he moved to be closer to me and point out apartments where maybe we could live one day. I should have left at that point, but I thought love endures.

 

I didn't feel the same connection with him for awhile. I can't explain what I mean. I loved him. I still cooked for him, made him a cake for his work potluck, laundry, etc. But something was missing for me.

 

That's pretty much it. Now, we do not speak. I sent him an email last night which I posted in another thread.

 

He seemed like a sincere guy with qualities I wanted, but he wasn't that 'perfect' guy. Maybe he almost was, but he wasn't completely.

 

Don't get me wrong... I miss him. I would love to talk with him. We won't though. Sometimes I wish I knew what he was thinking. He claims to miss me; however I cannot believe that.

 

I gave my all for him. Every minute, of every day.

Edited by LostInTurn
Posted

I've read some of your other threads. Just as your friends have said, you were TOO nice to the wrong person. You need to own that and explore why you behaved that way--both parts--1) Too nice 2) why you chose the wrong person. Learn this about yourself before you move on to someone new, or you'll repeat these mistakes again.

Posted

I thought love didn't exist after my ex jousted me. I invested everything I could into that relationship only to find out that she measures a man's love by the size of his wallet. That cut me deep and I lost faith in love, but I know it does exist as much as I am in denial.

Posted (edited)

Hey Lost,

 

It sounds to me like this man has some emotional issues. From what you said, he has difficulty dealing with strong emotional ties. You said that he used to get mad alot and It sounds as though he used to unfairly put quite alot of blame on you for his own issues. This is not your fault and you need to accept that this man may have had some qualities that you like/love but he does seem to be fairly unpredictable and maybe wasn't the right person for you.

 

I get the feeling you were always having to constantly go out of your way to smooth things over, take too much blame and offer acceptance?

A relationship should be 50/50 and you can only do so much on your own. It doesn't sound like he was willing to meet you half way. When you said about the fact he didn't want to stay at yours, so in order to see him you had to go over to his house all the time. This is a very simple example. You would go out of your way for him but he was not willing to do the same. If he isn't willing to work at a relationship and put in concerted effort then how can he expect the other person (you) to do all the leg work? You have done all you can, and more. Take comfort in that and find a man who will treat you how you deserve to be treated.

 

Much love x

Edited by earthfireuk
  • Author
Posted
Hey Lost,

 

It sounds to me like this man has some emotional issues. From what you said, he has difficulty dealing with strong emotional ties. You said that he used to get mad alot and It sounds as though he used to unfairly put quite alot of blame on you for his own issues. This is not your fault and you need to accept that this man may have had some qualities that you like/love but he does seem to be fairly unpredictable and maybe wasn't the right person for you.

 

I get the feeling you were always having to constantly go out of your way to smooth things over, take too much blame and offer acceptance?

A relationship should be 50/50 and you can only do so much on your own. It doesn't sound like he was willing to meet you half way. When you said about the fact he didn't want to stay at yours, so in order to see him you had to go over to his house all the time. This is a very simple example. You would go out of your way for him but he was not willing to do the same. If he isn't willing to work at a relationship and put in concerted effort then how can he expect the other person (you) to do all the leg work? You have done all you can, and more. Take comfort in that and find a man who will treat you how you deserve to be treated.

 

Much love x

 

Thank you and I agree with what you have said. In response to the piece about my always going to his place and him not coming to mine. It's true. When he would offer to come to my place, I knew he wouldn't be able to get to work. The last time he stayed there, he was so late to work. I remember he walked out the door, put his computer in his car and came back up to my apartment. He punched the siding outside my door and started crying about how he couldn't handle needing to get to work. So, from that point on, I couldn't ask him to stay with me during the week and on the rare occasion he would offer, I would say no. And for the reason I just mentioned. How would anyone who loved someone let them knowing how upset they would be? How would someone let someone be late to work? I could not.

 

I did take a lot of the blame for many things. I found myself apologizing all the time. Half the time I don't even know what I was apologizing for.

 

I miss the small things. The messages throughout the day, being told I'm beautiful, waking up and having someone there looking at me and smiling, the phone calls knowing the person on the other line carers for you, I miss him telling me I am amazing, the way we would hold hands in the car, our love. He had an amazing family as well. What if I will never meet someone with such an amazing family? Who loves having me over? Who opened their hearts to me? This is what I fear. I fear I will not meet someone who wants to include me in his life, with his friends and love me so much I see it in his eyes.

 

You're right, he had flaws. I knew I was unhappy. Yet sometimes I find myself asking myself if I could have overlooked certain things and if I made the biggest mistake, but just pretending all the time.

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