Henrique Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 My boyfriend and I lived in different houses, and we see each other every weekend, I leave my house and caught a train for two hours to stay with him, but he is always busy with the house or something else, so I help with cleaning, etc and he takes care of the outside ... i only help him because I do not like to see him working by himeslf after a week away from him, and i always think that if we finish it fast, we can spend more time, but it never ends, lol. I feel like i Always have to "beg" for sime time for just both of us and nobody elses. But there is always something the he seens to enjoy more than stay with me. always a party, or some guest, and he really seems to enjoy the moment with others .I think I do not have the attention i deserves ... I guess I'm not asking for much, and i really miss a hug, or a kiss, or some nice word, that never comes naturally from his party,,, I m always showing love, affection,etc etc and sometimes I dont feel the same from him. He says he loves me, but i do not feel the love ... Seems that i'm not enough, and there always has to be somebody else. im soufering for that, my emotional is going crazy, feeling depressed, crazy toughts sometimes. I had i conversation with him weeks ago, he agree and says he would change... nothing has change. and i dont think its fair. Am i asking too much, what is happening,,, i cant understand it, and dont know what to do! Sorry about my english. lol Thank you everyone!
vodkafan Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 This definitely does not sound fair. I would certainly stop helping him with the chores and demand a change. If nothing changes he is obviously not that bothered and you are making all the effort.
Clep Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 There are lots of people that value people or things but do not show that. Take parents for instance that say their children are their world, but that is not reflected in their day planner. They often "have" to work late and their children are shoved to the side. For many people having their choices reflect what is truly meaningful to them is seemingly impossible. Most times they don't even recognize it. Sounds to me like he may be in this rut. Even so expecting you to live like this long term is rather self centered. I would have a talk with him and let him know you would like to see more balance. Maybe let him know that if you are a priority you would like to see more of his choices state that, and more of his time as well. I would point out how accommodating you are trying to be in making the time between you two thus far based around his choices, but that you don't want that to be the norm, but an exception. I would let him know since you have already discussed this and he has said a change will come and it hasn't that he was either pacifying you or doesn't know how to make the change. Ask him directly which one it is. If it is the latter, I would probably decide for myself if I am okay with that long term, and if not I would move on and find someone that is emotionally available, and or more able to show it. If he just doesn't know how, I would want to know directly the steps he intends to take to learn, or if he has the desire to learn how to do so.
blair08 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Stop giving, becasue it seems he is taking. A healthy relationship doesn't work that way. Talk to him and tell him your concerns, if it doesn't change, you might need to rethink why you're with him.
You Go Girl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 Tell him what you want to do on the weekend. It seems you are passive, and don't express your desires for your time together. Not simply that you want to be together and alone, but SPECIFICALLY want you want to be doing part of the your weekends together. For example: I want to go see this play. Or I want to go dancing. Or I want to spend the afternoon making love. Whatever it is, be specific. Get a balance of what you want, and what he wants.
Summer Breeze Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Talk to him, but make no demands. If nothing changes stay home for a weekend or two. See what he does from there. That's when you can gauge his feelings.
BlackLovely Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Some men like to play push/pull games; it's a classic power struggle. In any relationship, the one who seeks more intimacy has more to lose. Take back your power by becoming less available to him. Become too busy to take the 2 hour trip. Once you pull away, he should come running if he cares. I'm only speaking from my own experience.
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