The message that NC sends

[Nappeal]

I think it goes either way...NC is good if you want to move on. It hurts absolutely, but you're giving yourself time to heal and move on. Its not helpful if you're being vindictive or if you still want to @ least see if there's another chance. I do agree tho that yes, if they end up mising you, they will contact you; if not, then you've already begun to move on w out having to start @ square 1.

 

IDK what's right for my own situation; he's def the type who is stubborn enough to let the both of us wallow in order to save face, but due to our circumstances, we can't just stop talking which adds a whole new brand of fkdupness to the equation; what are things I should bother him w, etc. If he wants to talk, he'll contact me; in the mean time I can @ least move the hell on while keeping him updated.

 

I've come to understand that there's always a reason why one ends a relationship, regardless of whether or not it makes sense or is fair. How could you (not that I have experience w this) want to go back to someone who has already left you once - especially if it were for selfish reasons? I think once the damage has been done, its hard to salvage, and IF both people want to try again, the relationship will never again be the same and will probably end once more - only now, you wasted XX amount more time w that person. NC is the best thing to do as far as I'm concerned. Its saves you and your sanity.

[Sambo]

its their loss not ours.

 

 

Absolutely.

 

We loved them and they gave up on us.

 

We can stand tall knowing we gave it our all.

 

Let them go and find someone that will never quit on them like we did. Good luck with that.

[BeagleGal]

That's right.

 

I know I gave it my all to this man and for our relationship and in the end, he basically just sh*t all over it.

 

I am better off. So NC continues!

 

Absolutely.

 

We loved them and they gave up on us.

 

We can stand tall knowing we gave it our all.

 

Let them go and find someone that will never quit on them like we did. Good luck with that.

[Fruitpunch]

What message does NC send?

 

How about the message that them dumping you sends?

 

And if they dont have the decency to do it properly like mine then **** them.

 

The only way to win is to accept defeat, and start to heal. They are probably a good few months away from the eureka moment that they have made a mistake.

Why wait to see if that will happen , by someone who told u they dont want you.

 

Get over them, go **** someone. Its what i will be doing this time next week on a beach in LA with a bisexual mode and her sexy friends.

 

Not blowing my own trumpet but comeon, are you really going to "Worry" that you healing sends out the wrong message.

**** them, ill b spending my time with people who care about me

[BeagleGal]

Totally hear ya, Fruitpunch. For me personally I'm not doing NC because I want my prick of an ex to think that I'm trying to play a game or win him back or whatever. Its not about him AT ALL. Its about me moving forward and start to heal like you said below. Like your ex, my ex totally screwed me over and he doesn't deserve the precious brain cells I have been wasting on him. I'm a work in progress of course, I'm not saying I'm over it and I'm so strong... I still have my low moments, of course, I had my heart broken. BUT now instead of the pity party I used to throw myself constantly, I spend time with friends, go out, read more, started working out again... doing for ME now.

 

Not worried in the least what my healing or no contact is saying to him. He can go f*ck himself. Actually, if he did that to begin with, I wouldn't be posting on this site. Ha!

 

Enjoy L.A.!

 

What message does NC send?

 

How about the message that them dumping you sends?

 

And if they dont have the decency to do it properly like mine then **** them.

 

The only way to win is to accept defeat, and start to heal. They are probably a good few months away from the eureka moment that they have made a mistake.

Why wait to see if that will happen , by someone who told u they dont want you.

 

Get over them, go **** someone. Its what i will be doing this time next week on a beach in LA with a bisexual mode and her sexy friends.

 

Not blowing my own trumpet but comeon, are you really going to "Worry" that you healing sends out the wrong message.

**** them, ill b spending my time with people who care about me

[Don Ho]

I haven't really done this before after a breakup, but this woman kinda dropped right in my lap the week my Ex dumped me. Previously I just stayed home and didn't get back to dating right away. I was miserable and would spend a couple of months trying to put it back together. Anyway, I've seen this gal at my gym before and I always thought she was attractive and wondered why I couldn't have her. And then look what happens: she's now single and pursuing me! Now I'm not saying it's not a rebound and I don't know that she is the "right" woman for me, but I will say it has made it MUCH easier this time having a woman there who wants to be with me and lets me know. So Punch, go have a great time. You might think about your Ex when you're with the model but you know what? Your Ex won't be thinking about YOU! And to the rest of the members here, maybe you should consider getting back on the horse as soon as possible and get out there and date.

[Sambo]

He can go f*ck himself. Actually, if he did that to begin with, I wouldn't be posting on this site. Ha!

 

Enjoy L.A.!

 

Atta Girl !

 

The message is clear WE DON"T CARE either !

 

The reason we don't care is we are just fine without them and we are lookng for someone to love us the way we deserve to be loved.

[BeagleGal]

Thanks! That's right!

 

You gotta get real about the people who once claimed to love you with all their heart to only break it in the end with their lies and deceit.

 

Its taken me a long time to get to where I am now and I'm still licking my wounds but you know what, each day with NC makes me realize I am better off without him. Let his OW-turn-wife deal with his bullsh*t now.

 

Atta Girl !

 

The message is clear WE DON"T CARE either !

 

The reason we don't care is we are just fine without them and we are lookng for someone to love us the way we deserve to be loved.

[nokturn]

I haven't really done this before after a breakup, but this woman kinda dropped right in my lap the week my Ex dumped me. Previously I just stayed home and didn't get back to dating right away. I was miserable and would spend a couple of months trying to put it back together. Anyway, I've seen this gal at my gym before and I always thought she was attractive and wondered why I couldn't have her. And then look what happens: she's now single and pursuing me! Now I'm not saying it's not a rebound and I don't know that she is the "right" woman for me, but I will say it has made it MUCH easier this time having a woman there who wants to be with me and lets me know. So Punch, go have a great time. You might think about your Ex when you're with the model but you know what? Your Ex won't be thinking about YOU! And to the rest of the members here, maybe you should consider getting back on the horse as soon as possible and get out there and date.

 

I can't wait for that moment

[Sambo]

Let his OW-turn-wife deal with his bullsh*t now.

 

 

Now you got your power back !

 

My ex left me for some fat guy that has a little more money then me for right now but I'm so happy that I don't have to listen to her whining about this and that and how I did this wrong and that wrong and all her bitching.

 

She's his headache now

[BeagleGal]

Haha! Some fat guy... that's funny.

 

Funny you mentioned your ex left you for someone with money. My ex did pretty much the same. When I first found out who he left me for, I had a feeling something was up - he wasn't with her because of her looks and they barely know each other so there had to be something. When I found out she was a jr. lawyer at a law firm downtown, I figured it was $$. A week before his wedding, our mutual friend texted to see how I was doing and mentioned how people want to know what this new girl is like and I quote "cause she is just a wallet for him". Nice, eh?

 

And today, another friend of mine called re his girlfriend's bday this week and mentioned how when we used to all go out, how my ex used to go and want to pick up other girls and take my friend with him, knowing my friend is with someone.

 

So I say, thanks Kim, thanks for taking that lying, cheating sack of sh*t off my hands. Your turn to feel the disappointment and heartache I felt.

 

Now you got your power back !

 

My ex left me for some fat guy that has a little more money then me for right now but I'm so happy that I don't have to listen to her whining about this and that and how I did this wrong and that wrong and all her bitching.

 

She's his headache now

[BuschBaby]

Yesterday I broke it off with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I was neglected emotionally. He was very insensitive and selfish. Only cared about his needs and ignored mine. I came to the realization that after 3.5 years of this, it would never change. I never thought I would be the one to break it off. I never thought I'd have the guts, but my self-esteem hit an all -time low. For the first-time, I feel relief after this break-up. A burden has been lifted. No contact won't be difficult like it was the last 2 times we broke up. He was the one that dumped me those times.

 

This saying from the internet made me feel so much better:

 

"We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

[ladydesigner]

Yesterday I broke it off with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I was neglected emotionally. He was very insensitive and selfish. Only cared about his needs and ignored mine. I came to the realization that after 3.5 years of this, it would never change. I never thought I would be the one to break it off. I never thought I'd have the guts, but my self-esteem hit an all -time low. For the first-time, I feel relief after this break-up. A burden has been lifted. No contact won't be difficult like it was the last 2 times we broke up. He was the one that dumped me those times.

 

This saying from the internet made me feel so much better:

 

"We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want, but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused, but they are never going to listen, and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words, but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to Hell." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

 

That is the greatest NC quote of all time. It is exactly what it screams to the other person who is obviously toying around with you. It definitely screams leave me the F**K alone. NC was and still is a breath of fresh air for me. Best 2 words I've ever found

[BeagleGal]

Agree!

It took me a while to realize what NC REALLY was about. And I'm so glad I have chosen that path. Yes, i've fallen off the wagon a few times but lately I've had to wake up and see him for who he is: a slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck who adds no value to my life.

 

 

That is the greatest NC quote of all time. It is exactly what it screams to the other person who is obviously toying around with you. It definitely screams leave me the F**K alone. NC was and still is a breath of fresh air for me. Best 2 words I've ever found

[9Lives]

Agree!

It took me a while to realize what NC REALLY was about. And I'm so glad I have chosen that path. Yes, i've fallen off the wagon a few times but lately I've had to wake up and see him for who he is: a slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck who adds no value to my life.

 

Love all the curse word phrase!! Brillant language Beagle. Your hot!!!

[nokturn]

That is the greatest NC quote of all time. It is exactly what it screams to the other person who is obviously toying around with you. It definitely screams leave me the F**K alone. NC was and still is a breath of fresh air for me. Best 2 words I've ever found

 

I agree. Very empowering!

[BeagleGal]

Ha! I can't help it. Love to curse. And it feels good when I'm cursing about that stupid piece of sh*t. I'd love to do it in his face and then drop kick him in the testes BUT, I am a lady (to some degree ) so... NC it is... ha!

 

Oh. Wait... were you just being sarcastic?

 

Love all the curse word phrase!! Brillant language Beagle. Your hot!!!

[SnowAngel3]

Agree!

It took me a while to realize what NC REALLY was about. And I'm so glad I have chosen that path. Yes, i've fallen off the wagon a few times but lately I've had to wake up and see him for who he is: a slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck who adds no value to my life.

 

Oh man, I couldn't have said it better myself!! I'm strictly sticking to NC now, even though I miss that "slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck who adds no value to my life". I even contemplated sending him a simple, one-line e-mail to wish him a happy birthday, but I pulled myself back because I realized that sticking to NC is about self-love and self-respect. I am not going to give that "slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck" the "power" through contact.

[Don Ho]

You got it right, SnowAngel. All you have left after someone dumps you is your dignity and self-respect. I never give that or my power away to an Ex. When it comes to that, Fk them, it will never happen! Good for you for not sending a B-day wish.

[BeagleGal]

Good girl! These kinds of people, like my ex and I assume yours, who talk a bunch of bull****, fake futures, who basically wear a mask/facade do not deserves the precious tears and brain cells we waste on them. I can't tell you how much I've hurt over what my ex has done to me and it took time and still takes time for the wounds to heal. However, now having had some time to think and space, I can see him for who he really is. And he's no good. Even his friends agree that what he's done tops anything he's done in the past to get what he wants ($$$).

So like what I've said in other threads:

1) he can go f**k himself

2) I hope his dick falls off.. ha!

3) NC is the best thing to do when you're eliminating someone in your life who added no value to it, who disrespected you. The only direction to go is forward.

 

Oh man, I couldn't have said it better myself!! I'm strictly sticking to NC now, even though I miss that "slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck who adds no value to my life". I even contemplated sending him a simple, one-line e-mail to wish him a happy birthday, but I pulled myself back because I realized that sticking to NC is about self-love and self-respect. I am not going to give that "slimey, narcissistic mother f*ck" the "power" through contact.

[BuschBaby]

One thing I have to say, the only reason why I haven't shed one tear over the end of our relationship is because the tears were shed during the relationship, when I was being neglected and emotionally abused. Right now it feels like it does after losing a loved one with a terminal illness. I grieved during my dying relationship, knowing that the inevitable was in sight. I made myself come to terms with what I knew would be the end. The end of the relationship was like the moment of death, and right now is like the days after the burial. My greatest fear was realized, and now I can start to heal and move on in my own life.

[SnowAngel3]

Good girl! These kinds of people, like my ex and I assume yours, who talk a bunch of bull****, fake futures, who basically wear a mask/facade do not deserves the precious tears and brain cells we waste on them. I can't tell you how much I've hurt over what my ex has done to me and it took time and still takes time for the wounds to heal. However, now having had some time to think and space, I can see him for who he really is. And he's no good.

 

I thank you for your posts, BeagleGal! They are very empowering and true. My ex was exactly like you described: he talked a bunch of bullsh*t, fake futures, and wore a mask/facade. In the beginning, I was so naive to have fallen for all those sweet words and gestures that were ultimately very fake. My immediate emotional response right after the break up was depression because I missed those gestures and words. However, through NC I have finally been able to clear my head and see through it all: how he put all the blame on me, how ignorant he is, how self-centered he is, how he deliberately tried to hurt me.

 

So I say that NC is very important, and it is the way to go for most of us. It helps us calm down and really view the situation as it truly was. It helps us stop being martyrs and see how the ex really treated us, instead of being blinded by their facades and fake gestures.

[BeagleGal]

Aw... your welcome! Again, don't think that I'm 100% healed from all that I've been through these past few months. I'm not, but I'm also not in the same place I was when sh*t first went down. It took a while for me to feel a bit stronger and to get real with who my ex is and to get him off the pedestal I had put him on and our relationship on. And like you, immediately after the breakup, after the revelation of his vile behavior, it was straight into depression for me as well. Didn't eat, didn't sleep, lost a ton of weight (and I'm already tall and lean so I looked horrible)... you get it, it was just devastating.

 

And he still had the nerve to text me and call me after all the sh*t he put me through. Acted as if he didn't do anything and I believe trying to get back on my good side so he could try to use me as his fallback girl. My last text to him was morning of his wedding day and I said to him "Wishing you all the best as you start your new life. Take care. Bye". And left it at that. I partly did it because for months he tried to lie and deny what he'd done and that was my way of saying "sucker, I know the truth, you can't lie about it any longer but I'm going to be the bigger person and not wish bad on you". And its been NC since then.

 

I thank his new wife for taking that son of a bitch off my hands (she knew he was cheating on me when she got involved with him) and for opening my eyes to the kind of man he truly is. She did me a huge favor. I said this in another thread that I hope when he f*cks around on her/leaves her, that she has a strong support network of friends and family like I did. Especially because she is also having his kid.

 

Bottom line: NC is absolutely necessary to move on and leave the past where it belongs... in the past.

 

 

I thank you for your posts, BeagleGal! They are very empowering and true. My ex was exactly like you described: he talked a bunch of bullsh*t, fake futures, and wore a mask/facade. In the beginning, I was so naive to have fallen for all those sweet words and gestures that were ultimately very fake. My immediate emotional response right after the break up was depression because I missed those gestures and words. However, through NC I have finally been able to clear my head and see through it all: how he put all the blame on me, how ignorant he is, how self-centered he is, how he deliberately tried to hurt me.

 

So I say that NC is very important, and it is the way to go for most of us. It helps us calm down and really view the situation as it truly was. It helps us stop being martyrs and see how the ex really treated us, instead of being blinded by their facades and fake gestures.

[Peanut9330]

At some point in time we all go through a really tough break up, where our whole world comes crashing down and we want nothing but to have that person back in our life. We then learn of NC and think that it wil makes our ex's realize how great we were and they will miss us and come back. In some instances that's the case an ex will come back, but for the rest of us we're left to wonder how NC is affecting our ex. We talk to people write on forums in search for the answers and we read things like how NC worked and helped someone out there get their ex back, and we end up building false hope. As time passes and still no word from the ex our hope turns into disappointment and we're back to square one. However this time around we use NC as a healing mechanism and with each day get stronger and everything starts falling back into place. Until we finally reach the point of no return a time where our ex is no longer on our mind, a time where we gain our self confidence back, and a time where we stop looking back on the past and instead focus on the future. Only then we will understand the true purpose of NC and how it has helped us gain our strenght and move on. We will then see that it doesn't matter how our ex felt during NC because it was for us to heal not a game we play to get our ex back. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone cause some ex's will come back due to NC. However if we approach NC with ourselves in mind and as a way of healing our world wont come crashing down if we never hear from the ex again, and if your ex does come back then great. However by then you'll know if you truly want them back in your life or if its time for u to move on without them and NC will be the reason for it.

Edited August 19, 2010 by Peanut9330

[nokturn]

At some point in time we all go through a really tough break up, where our whole world comes crashing down and we want nothing but to have that person back in our life. We then learn of NC and think that it wil makes our ex's realize how great we were and they will miss us and come back. In some instances that's the case an ex will come back, but for the rest of us we're left to wonder how NC is affecting our ex. We talk to people write on forums in search for the answers and we read things like how NC worked and helped someone out there get their ex back, and we end up building false hope. As time passes and still no word from the ex our hope turns into disappointment and we're back to square one. However this time around we use NC as a healing mechanism and with each day get stronger and everything starts falling back into place. Until we finally reach the point of no return a time where our ex is no longer on our mind, a time where we gain our self confidence back, and a time where we stop looking back on the past and instead focus on the future. Only then we will understand the true purpose of NC and how it has helped us gain our strenght and move on. We will then see that it doesn't matter how our ex felt during NC because it was for us to heal not a game we play to get our ex back. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone cause some ex's will come back due to NC. However if we approach NC with ourselves in mind and as a way of healing our world wont come crashing down if we never hear from the ex again, and if your ex does come back then great. However by then you'll know if you truly want them back in your life or if its time for u to move on without them and NC will be the reason for it.

 

Wow.. I certainly never looked at it this way before. Your post made me realize just maybe what I was doing NC for. That is, hoping it will have some sort of effect on my ex. Perhaps it was the pain she has caused me that made me want to do such a thing. Every now and then I think about the "what if she comes back" but I just can't seem to find the answer. Perhaps that false hope is to blame.