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just want to rant, rave, vent whatever you call it!

finding_serenity

By finding_serenity
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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okey, I can't rant and rave on my fb or to my friends cause my hubs says I'm putting him down and treating him like crap, bur I am the one treated like crap.he buys 12 cans of beer evryday and smoke two packs of cigarette! We are so broke that I'm glad there's wic or my baby won't have formula. I hate his sister who treats me like crap too, calls my hubs ex her sister-in-law, so what am I?i think I'm the one married now to his azzhole bro. I just need my drivers license but he's not teaching me to drive, afraid I will run away with our baby when I get behind the wheels or just plain lazy. Now says we don't have money to send me to school but got money to spend on beers and cig.

bunnixkisses Member

bunnixkisses

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Do you have a job? If not, than he can really buy whatever he wants with his money..as long as the bills are paid and baby is taken care of. I mean..he SHOULD be concerned about you going to school...but it's not his responsibility to pay for your schooling. And if you think he's that big of a POS..leave him?

 

First off, try an online school like CTU online. It's where I go, and because I was a single mother, I got a lot of grants. You can APPLY, and see what the financial aid will give you. If they require you to pay something upfront, You can make payments..but a lot of the times, you dont' start paying off your loans till after you graduate.

 

Teach yourself to drive. It's call the internet, you can teach yourself ANYTHING on the internet. Go to google and type in learn to drive or something. You can do all this research and THAN worry about finding a car to use to practice. If you guys are married..they car belongs to you too. So study, watch videos, all that stuff...and than use the car. Or ask a friend or family member. They do also have drivers ed classes, granted they are usually for high schoolers, but your city may have them for adults. Check it out if it's THAT important to you.

 

As for your sister in law..**** her. If she doesn't like you..she doesn't like you. There's always going to be people that don't like you. If you give her the satisfaction of knowing that simply calling his ex sister in law bugs you, you just let her win.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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@bitterman oh I work, the only time I didn't was when I was waiting for my employment certification, I work when I was six months prego til the day before I gave birth.all my salary goes to our joint account to pay bills and his beer.i complained to him before but told me if I'm not happy, I can leave but can't take our sib.i won't leave my son to him, he can't get up at night to change his diaper and raises his voice when baby cries.i can't learn how to drive online.it has to be hands on.and I need to get my cna program to get better salary to pay all the credit cards he swiped.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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bunnyxkisses I don't have relatives here in usa,theyre all in my country.i did save some money from my salary.didnt tell him bout it or he will try to get em all.im back to work a month after I gave birth.he can try to control me for all he wants but am just waiting time when I can be strong enough to raise our son alone.and it won't be that long..

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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rant again...its my birthday today and my husband was sent to some state as he is military.didnt even greet me hapi bday.our neighbor who has major crush on me brought cake and flowers and food.i was surprised he did but it would be rude to send him away.so I accepted the cake and flowers and we had dinner,my hubs called while were on the table,i couldn't tell him bout the neighbor gifts cuz he will get upset and will aggravate the situation were in right now.anyway I am not interested in our neighbor and no plan on cheating.ive too much troubles in life already!

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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rant again...its my birthday today and my husband was sent to some state as he is military.didnt even greet me hapi bday.our neighbor who has major crush on me brought cake and flowers and food.i was surprised he did but it would be rude to send him away.so I accepted the cake and flowers and we had dinner,my hubs called while were on the table,i couldn't tell him bout the neighbor gifts cuz he will get upset and will aggravate the situation were in right now.anyway I am not interested in our neighbor and no plan on cheating.ive too much troubles in life already!

 

If you aren't cheating, then why is it so hard to tell your husband?:confused:

Stung Established Member

Stung

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As a first step, I would get my own bank account and start keeping my money separately.

 

Perhaps you can find someone at your job who will help you learn to drive.

 

Happy belated birthday.

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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If you aren't cheating, then why is it so hard to tell your husband?:confused:

 

 

Distant...Ive been in a relationship with similar undertones to hers. These people often have much respect for their partner. He does not respect her. Where there is no mutual respect, there is a relationship just waiting to die...she knows exactly what she has to do. Stop making excuses that hold you back...keep working...try online school...leave this guy...he will make your life hell.

 

PS~I wouldnt have told him either!

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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Distant...Ive been in a relationship with similar undertones to hers. These people often have much respect for their partner. He does not respect her. Where there is no mutual respect, there is a relationship just waiting to die...she knows exactly what she has to do. Stop making excuses that hold you back...keep working...try online school...leave this guy...he will make your life hell.

 

PS~I wouldnt have told him either!

 

So what if he does not respect her. I'm sure if he came on here and told his side of the story the feelings would be mutual. That still isn't an excuse to step outside the marriage.

 

PS-That type of BS right there is the reason why so many marriages fail.

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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So what if he does not respect her. I'm sure if he came on here and told his side of the story the feelings would be mutual. That still isn't an excuse to step outside the marriage.

 

PS-That type of BS right there is the reason why so many marriages fail.

 

I did not say that I wouldnt be able to tell MY fiance about what a neighbor did. I said I can certainly understand why she didnt tell HERS.

 

So what if he doesnt respect her?? Um thats the reason so many marraiges fail...respect is one of the top things that make a relationship work!

 

And she clearly stated that she is not interested in the neighbor...he is interested in her...but thats not her fault. Her own hubby doesnt so much as wish her a happy bday...I dont blame her for taking bday wishes where she got them...I feel badly for her!

 

She needs to take a permanent step outside this marriage. Divorce...

 

but she was NOT stepping outside her marraige by cheating...are you a man or a woman distant? just curious? :)

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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Ok distant...I see you are male...and I can certainly understand how I must of come across. I dont know this girl from adam...BUT...when I read her post...I felt bad for her. Then you said "if its not cheating why cant you tell your husband"

 

Im telling you right now...there are some not decent people out there. Ive been in several relationships where my feelings were stepped on and I was treated with no respect...its hard to live that way. Always banging your head (so to speak) against the wall...never breaking through. I just got the vibe that he is a jerk because he will buy a 12 pack and ciggs (they arent freakin cheap!!!) but her baby is lucky to have formula...also just because she has said she has tried to talk to him about it. The final blow for me is on her bday...not even a happy bday? How sad is that??? I mean seriously...I would be totally crushed! So the neighbor knows its her bday and brings her some nice stuff...Im sorry but I cant hardly blaming her for accepting that. She NEEDS that...too bad it doesnt come from her husband...but obviously he has more important things going on than to wish his wife happy bday. If she were to tell her hubby he would probably be outrageously jealous and also feel like a real peice...and instead of doing something productive from that...just be an angry and bitter a**hole about it...that is why I would not have told him...not because I did something wrong...but because it would cause drama!

 

Now...I dont know her at all...and Im sure he has his side...but Im only reading hers and its obvious she is very neglected in this marraige! And doesnt need anymore drama!

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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I did not say that I wouldnt be able to tell MY fiance about what a neighbor did. I said I can certainly understand why she didnt tell HERS.

 

:rolleyes::confused:Duh. That's who I was referring to. Plus you said you wouldn't even tell your SO either so don't retract your original statement now. Hypothetically, if I found out my wife had dinner with another man wh

 

So what if he doesnt respect her?? Um thats the reason so many marraiges fail...respect is one of the top things that make a relationship work!

 

Like I said, if he came on here and expressed whats been going on, i'm sure the feelings would be mutual. Duh, of course respect is key, but also being faithful.

 

And she clearly stated that she is not interested in the neighbor...he is interested in her...but thats not her fault. Her own hubby doesnt so much as wish her a happy bday...I dont blame her for taking bday wishes where she got them...I feel badly for her!

 

Just because her own hubby won't even say happy birthday to her doesn't mean stepping outside the marriage, having an EA with OM. Plus, their neighbor is trying to be with her, knowing she is married.

 

She needs to take a permanent step outside this marriage. Divorce...

 

Agreed. So does he, especially when you have a wife who's planning to take away the child after learning how to drive.

 

but she was NOT stepping outside her marraige by cheating...are you a man or a woman distant? just curious? :)

 

Yes, having an EA with the next-door delivery guy is stepping outside of the marriage. What does my gender have to do with this?

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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Ok distant...I see you are male...and I can certainly understand how I must of come across. I dont know this girl from adam...BUT...when I read her post...I felt bad for her. Then you said "if its not cheating why cant you tell your husband"

 

Of course you feel bad for her and I can understand that also, and mostly because you are a woman and the OP is a woman, so lets agree to disagree on this.

 

Im telling you right now...there are some not decent people out there. Ive been in several relationships where my feelings were stepped on and I was treated with no respect...its hard to live that way. Always banging your head (so to speak) against the wall...never breaking through. I just got the vibe that he is a jerk because he will buy a 12 pack and ciggs (they arent freakin cheap!!!) but her baby is lucky to have formula...also just because she has said she has tried to talk to him about it. The final blow for me is on her bday...not even a happy bday? How sad is that??? I mean seriously...I would be totally crushed! So the neighbor knows its her bday and brings her some nice stuff...Im sorry but I cant hardly blaming her for accepting that. She NEEDS that...too bad it doesnt come from her husband...but obviously he has more important things going on than to wish his wife happy bday. If she were to tell her hubby he would probably be outrageously jealous and also feel like a real peice...and instead of doing something productive from that...just be an angry and bitter a**hole about it...that is why I would not have told him...not because I did something wrong...but because it would cause drama!

 

At the end of the day, no matter how many problems within an emotionally dead relationship, cheating is hitting below the belt. After experiencing what I went through with my ex, seeing how society in America is responding to infidelity and sex, and the impact it has on our youth...you can understand why my perspective differs from yours.

 

Now...I dont know her at all...and Im sure he has his side...but Im only reading hers and its obvious she is very neglected in this marraige! And doesnt need anymore drama!

 

You're right. The OP's marriage doesn't need anymore drama, and that means no OM/OW that will complicate the situation more than it already is. Just calling it how I see it.

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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:rolleyes::confused:Duh. That's who I was referring to. Plus you said you wouldn't even tell your SO either so don't retract your original statement now. Hypothetically, if I found out my wife had dinner with another man wh

 

 

 

Like I said, if he came on here and expressed whats been going on, i'm sure the feelings would be mutual. Duh, of course respect is key, but also being faithful.

 

 

 

Just because her own hubby won't even say happy birthday to her doesn't mean stepping outside the marriage, having an EA with OM. Plus, their neighbor is trying to be with her, knowing she is married.

 

 

 

Agreed. So does he, especially when you have a wife who's planning to take away the child after learning how to drive.

 

 

 

Yes, having an EA with the next-door delivery guy is stepping outside of the marriage. What does my gender have to do with this?

 

Firstly...I would definitely tell MY fiance (there are some from the past that I probably would not have told) because he is mature and trusts me fully to always do the right thing. In fact I have a neighbor who has a crush on me...he doesnt overstep his bounds but has made a few comments...and I always called him out on it! PLUS I have made sure to tell my fiance all about everything we talk about when he is at work, and the neighbor comes over to talk. (he comes to talk to my fiance alot too) There are some benefits from us knowing this neighbor, so we are not rude to him(he is on the board with the housing association)...but we always watch our back so to speak. If he brought me dinner and bday presents I would accept them and then tell my fiance all about it. No biggie...because we have trust and respect.

 

Secondly I was just asking if you were male because it is hard sometimes for males to understand how it is for attractive females...so much attention...I cant even go out with my two kids right there with me without hearing some guy go "damn look at that ass" or having them offer to buy my groceries...so this neighbor gives her a bit of attention...Id hardly call that an emotional affair...but your right...since she feels she cant tell her hubby about that...her relationship is doomed for failure!

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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Firstly...I would definitely tell MY fiance (there are some from the past that I probably would not have told) because he is mature and trusts me fully to always do the right thing. In fact I have a neighbor who has a crush on me...he doesnt overstep his bounds but has made a few comments...and I always called him out on it! PLUS I have made sure to tell my fiance all about everything we talk about when he is at work, and the neighbor comes over to talk. (he comes to talk to my fiance alot too) There are some benefits from us knowing this neighbor, so we are not rude to him(he is on the board with the housing association)...but we always watch our back so to speak. If he brought me dinner and bday presents I would accept them and then tell my fiance all about it. No biggie...because we have trust and respect.

 

Well good for you that you have an amazing fiance (even though you said you were dishonest to your former SOs in the past):D.

 

 

Secondly I was just asking if you were male because it is hard sometimes for males to understand how it is for attractive females...so much attention...I cant even go out with my two kids right there with me without hearing some guy go "damn look at that ass" or having them offer to buy my groceries...so this neighbor gives her a bit of attention...Id hardly call that an emotional affair...but your right...since she feels she cant tell her hubby about that...her relationship is doomed for failure!

 

:laugh: You know, its funny talking to you. Just like you said that it is hard for some males to understand females...well the feeling's mutual. Like I said, if her marriage has been dead, then she should wait until the divorce is final to mess with whoever she wants.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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first of all,i love my husband, I love my baby and I very much want to keep our family together.ours is a whirlwind romance and I shed many tears upon knowing his negative side but he has positive side too, we have so many differences and still adjusting to each other but inspite of it I still love him. I don't know if our marriage will last or will end to divorce,like I said,i just need to rant rave rage vent.i respect him, I respect our marriage and I have respect for myself. I wouldn't do anything I'd be ashamed to own to my son and mom.i have faults too. And nope, if our marriage should fail,i won't get into another relationship, my husband is my first, and will be my last.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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it's not fair to accuse me of cheating cause I am not cheating on my husband,though he doesn't treat me right.our neighbor knocked on our door with food cake and flowers and a greeting of hapi bday.if you wer in my place what will you do?i didn't go out to eat with him, I didn't encourage him, he had seen me cry infront of our apartment and asked why and I said I just want to go back home in my parents with my son.he expressed how much he wished he met me when I was still single,but I'm not interested with him or with any other guy,i love my husband though he hurts my feelings,even if he degrades me in front of his kids or does not give importance to how I feel. So I rant and rave here that's all I want for now,as for our nmarriage,i leave it in the hands of fate.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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I tell my husband when I talk to our neighbor,he knows what's going on and yes he's so jealous that he didn't want to leave me and my baby alone for a week.but the thing is,im not interested in our neighbor.my baby is all I see.

spriggig Established Member

spriggig

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When he tells you "if you don't like it, you can leave", is it in the heat of an argument and he later regrets it, or does he say it often and in a more calm, matter-of-fact way?

 

I'll bet your neighbor would be willing to teach you to drive.

 

So, he's spending at least $600/month on smokes and beer? He's probably in denial about how much he is spending. He might cut back some if you highlight what you could do with $600/month if he wasn't addicted.

 

There is only one way he'll possibly decide to make significant, permanent changes--you'd have to leave him.:(

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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he told me a lot of times when I express my unhappiness in our marriage.i printed out a copy of bank account and highlighted his beer and cig expenses and he got defensive.told him he we need to do cost cutting and got defensive again saying "you mean I need to do cost cutting" I said directly yes cause he spends way too much for beer and cig.then he will bring out that I don't help him in budgetting.i showed him a budget plan but he object as it will cut money going to his vices.right now,i just don't care,what I'm focusing is my education.ive enough savings for initial payment.he can get mad or whatever but I intend to better myself.ive to do it for myself my baby and yhis family.our marriage seems to be dying right now,im trying my best but it takes two to maje it through a relationship.

Distant78 Established Member

Distant78

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I tell my husband when I talk to our neighbor,he knows what's going on and yes he's so jealous that he didn't want to leave me and my baby alone for a week.but the thing is,im not interested in our neighbor.my baby is all I see.

 

I would be jealous also, especially if the OM knows that she's married and he's still trying to put his foot in the marriage by buying her cake, flowers, etc.

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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there is absolutely no reason for him to get jealous.he is the one thinking of new relationship if our marriage fail,i don't know where his insecurities are coming from or he's being immature.hes the one who decided to sleep on the couch just because I put my foot down.hes the one who distant himself from me and treat me cold.i don't buy that drama no more.he can sulk and be miserable and childish all he want.

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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there is absolutely no reason for him to get jealous.he is the one thinking of new relationship if our marriage fail,i don't know where his insecurities are coming from or he's being immature.hes the one who decided to sleep on the couch just because I put my foot down.hes the one who distant himself from me and treat me cold.i don't buy that drama no more.he can sulk and be miserable and childish all he want.

 

 

You know being numb is just going to build up resentments and nothing will get solved. You and he really need to google key qualities in a marraige and BOTH work on it. I dont think your cheating on your hubs but the fact that you cant tell him and talk about how you felt on your bday speaks volumes to me, that this may not work out. Then you say you dont care if he distants himself from you...is that what kind of marraige you really want? Be the change you want to see in him!

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finding_serenity Established Member

finding_serenity

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I am not happy too with what's going on but if it will always be his way and won't be a give and take, then this relationship won't succeed.hes acting like a child,im gonna treat him like one.

SoConfusledandHurt Established Member

SoConfusledandHurt

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I am not happy too with what's going on but if it will always be his way and won't be a give and take, then this relationship won't succeed.hes acting like a child,im gonna treat him like one.

 

Treating him like a child will only further be detrimental to your marraige. I understand your frustrated...but you have to make a decision...either actually do some work (on yourself...you can only control YOU) and talk to him...about the changes YOU want to make to better the relationship. If you think its not worth it...get out asap!

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