spiderowl Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Just recently, the issue of how to reconcile two parties who both feel justifiably aggrieved at the other's behaviour and yet love each other seems to have loomed large. One is a family situation, the other a friends one. Both seem to have arisen as a result of misunderstanding, with each party feeling they've done nothing wrong and that the other has hurt them. I can see the reasoning on both sides and it's looking tough. Has anyone got any ideas about how to effect a reconciliation that both parties want but feel they cannot make? How can each apologise if they haven't done anything wrong but the other feels they have? Can there be any movement forward in circumstances like this? Other parties are involved (husbands) who are too eager to look at the negative side of all this and this isn't helping. I'm happy to mediate if I could find a way forward, but I feel really stuck myself as I can see no reason why either should apologise. Obviously, salving hurt feelings is important before people can start to trust each other again. I think both parties would want a reconciliation on the grounds that they still love and care for each other regardless, but the reasons would still nag in the background and make things awkward. Trust seems to have disappeared. One of the situations has occurred because one party tends to be well prepared when visiting friends and always seems to take food. The hosts then feel unwanted and, after a period of time, stopped offering it. The visitors found this bad manners and, with another emotional situation in the background (unconnected but causing pain), things blew up. The other situation is two friends who seem to have reached a stalemate over what is considered good manners - manners is the issue again, I suppose! If there anything I can do to help these people, who do love each other, reconcile? I can see that both are very unhappy with the separation. What do conciliation services do in such situations? They are the experts, I guess.
Don Ho Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Yeah. Stay out of it and mind your own business. If they listen to you and don't get back together you may have one or both of them mad at you. They're adults. It's not your place to get in the middle, meddle or try to help.
Author spiderowl Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 Good point. I have thought of that and don't want to meddle. Both are pretty much hinting to me (I know them both) that they want a reconciliation but can't see what they've done wrong. I wondered if there were ways of keeping a distance but building bridges or of reframing this in another way so they could each see a way forward and take it forward themselves. Unfortunately, other then the fact that they do love each other, I can't. I'm also interested from a personal point of view in that I'm in a similar situation with someone. I do believe he has reason to feel I was not encouraging to him as I kept a distance when he was pursuing me. I'd been hurt by someone before him and wasn't sure about him. But, on the other hand, at a later time, he was pretty rejecting to me at one point too. He seems to enjoy chatting to me but looks sad often too and I feel the same. It does feel like a stalemate though. I guess I should just avoid him. It's a horrible feeling though.
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