Kinda Long INPUT NEEDED

[csman1411]

Im just gonna give out the whole story and let the experts tell me what I need to do. Let me start by saying that these have the worst 8 months of my life. Never felt more depressed or more abandoned before in my life. I got out of a three year relationship with my high school sweet heart about two years ago. A month later this girl came into my life and we hit it right off and began dating a couple weeks later. We began dating in october and she went to a community college close to where i was going to school. We dated ( had the honeymoon stage) and it kinda fell off when she began going to a four year school the next semester in january which put us about 1 15min away from each other. I had class monday tuesday and wednesday and would be up there to see her thursday and for the weekend. Either that or she came home. Things were going decent throughout the whole summer and then I decided to move up there and go to class with her. She was in a dorm and I had my own condo so she basically lived with me until when things turned south. As soon as we started living together we fought a lot mainly because I used to be independent and she was over all the time. Instead of talking about things she would just "break up" with me and then we would get back together in a day or two. Well I had had enough and around (beginning Nov 2009) we broke up for good. She was still hitting me up all the time and wondering where i was at but I truly thought I didnt need her in my life anymore...Then something clicked and she got the upper hand of the relationship and we began talking again in middle December and became "official" at the beginning of January. Well we had a huge fight in the beginning of January which warrented a break even though I didnt want it. Well she basically used me until she found a rebound (middle of feb 2010)at which time i was crushed (had to take a semester off) and just get away from the whole scene. She dated this guy until the end of (may 2010) but continually called me at least once every two weeks saying how she messed up and she loved me and wanted to be with me. I constantly thought about her all the time but it was just easier cuz i was so far away. She would eventually not become upset and stay with "the rebound". Well when she came home for the summer(may 2010) we were close to each other and started dating again for the whole summer. something else happened and she broke it off with me again. Four days later I catch her with the same rebound that she ran to last time. That was yesterday and I have no clue what to do. The whole four months we werent together last time, i literally thought about her every day. Now I know the same thing will probably happen and even with NC in full force, I do not know how to get over this girl. What should I do when she comes running back and what can I be doing to truly get over her? I know if I feel like I do now then I will get myself in the same situation if she asks for it? Any details I left out that would help please let me know

[TaraMaiden]

What should I do when she comes running back

 

Ignore her. Completely.

 

and what can I be doing to truly get over her?

Nothing.

You don't do anything to "get over" anyone.

you do things to fill your life with stuff you love doing, and to create a good place for you to be. Getting over somebody takes time, and will happen eventually. But you do things for you, not for any other motive, or filler.

 

I know if I feel like I do now then I will get myself in the same situation if she asks for it?

 

Then you're an idiot.

People can't hold a gun to your head and make you do things you don't want to do.

All it takes is the ability to say 'No'. And mean it.

if you say no, and you mean yes, that's your foolishness, not hers.

 

Own it, deal with it, and grow some balls.

 

Any details I left out that would help please let me know

 

Nope. I answered the last sentence in your post, because the remainder was actually largely irrelevant.

All you needed to post was those last couple of sentences.

 

And all it takes is a bit of grit and determination, or your name will for ever be 'doormat'.

[csman1411]

well a doormat is how i feel and I agree with you 100%..here is my question,

 

I just shouldnt believe her when she says shes changed? I care about this chick more than anything else in the world. when we fight, instead of talking it out, she runs and trys to not be with me, she goes and does things to try and forget about me but it never works...there is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with her cuz when i am, it drives me more to excel as a person. When we fight, most of the time alcohol is involved and her dad was an alocholic which scares her. What am i supposed to do if she apologizes and I truly want her back..ignore it?

[TaraMaiden]

I just shouldnt believe her when she says shes changed?

Words are empty. Actions prove it. if she's changed, she has to show she's changed, consistently and show you through her actions. Saying she's changed is one thing.

being able to 'live the change' is another.

 

I care about this chick more than anything else in the world.

That's utterly ridiculous.

What a stupid thing to say.

So you care more about her than your family? Your other firends?

Please, think before you post silly statements like that one.

in fact, you should care about YOURSELF more than anything else in the world.

If you're not exactly the kind of admirable guy you'd like to be - how can you mean anything to anyone else?

 

when we fight, instead of talking it out, she runs and trys to not be with me, she goes and does things to try and forget about me but it never works..

Blah blah blah. No, what she does is yo-yo you back and forth. She lets you out and reels you back in... she's playing you. This isn't her inability to stay away from you.

It's your inability to act the way you should. The more you give in, the more she will use you.

 

there is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with her cuz when i am, it drives me more to excel as a person.

No.

From what I see it weakens you more, makes you more vulnerable, pliable and unable to function. She doesn't complete you, she depletes you.

 

You need to be more ambitious, because if you want this more than anything else in the world - you're setting your sights way too low.

You should be focussing on being a better person for yourself.

nobody else.

 

When we fight, most of the time alcohol is involved and her dad was an alocholic which scares her.

Excuses, excuses. Alcoholism isn't genetic. Weakness is.

She wants you to bale her out of a flaw she has (if I read you right).

If she's demonstrating the same inherent weakness her father has, she needs to fix that.

Not you.

You can't fix her.

nobody can fix anybody.

neither should they be expected to.

 

What am i supposed to do if she apologizes and I truly want her back..ignore it?

 

yes.

Until such a time as she irrefutably proves she's worth being with.

If you truly want her back she will just keep reeling you in, and letting you out again.

You want her more than she wants you.

You're in it for real.

She's in it for the soft place to fall.

 

You may be sincere, but trust me - she's a flake.

[csman1411]

i appreciate you putting it real to me. This is only day one so im probably being a little irrational right now. Just sick of going back and forth cuz these past 8 months have been so exhausting especially with me about to finish school

[TaraMaiden]

'going back and forth'.... see the yo-yo effect there?

 

Damn right you should be focussing on school!

 

Finishing school gives you opportunities, a career, and security.

Finishing with her will give you a future.