Don't know whether to send this letter!

[WolfRouge]

Hi,

 

I had all sorts going through my head lastnight, so I wrote it all down. And this is it. I don't know whether I should send it to my ex or not. Any advice would be great. Here's the letter:

 

D,

 

I'm sorry I'm sending this letter with what was supposed to be your

birthday present. It is your birthday present, just a late one!

 

I don't even know where to start because this is the hardest letter I

have ever had to write. But I have so much going on in my head.... So

many questions that I probably don't want to know the answer to. This

is something I have to do or I WILL crack. I'm sorry, but I can't be

friends with you. At least not right now. I meant what I said in my

last letter... But I never would've thought you of all people would

move on so quickly. I'm sorry, but I can't just switch my feelings off

like you seem to have done so easily. I'm deeply in love with you

D.... I once thought you felt the same way. Maybe you ended it

because you realised you didn't love me after all? I don't know. I

don't know anything anymore.

 

As of this moment, I'm leaving chat behind. I won't be going in there

anymore. Please don't contact me saying you'll stop going in there...

It makes no difference. Chat is just a reminder of where I met you and

from a time I felt the happiest I could possibly be. And yeah... You

got it wrong. I wasn't just a BIT happy. You have no idea, seriously.

One day I might go back to chat, but right now, I definitely can't.

 

God, I don't even know how to say everything I have in my head. Did I

mean anything to you? Don't answer that, I don't want to know.

I'll temporarily block and delete you on msn. I'll write down your

email for when I feel I can talk to you again. Same goes for your

number. Can you please block me on facebook?

 

Unless you change your mind, please don’t contact me. Can you do me a favour?… Think back to how good we were together and everything else about how we were! Minus the issues... By the way, I'm making good progress with the counselling. Bet you didn't know I'd been going for the past month, huh?

 

I want to be friends with you D, but in the future. Remember at the

beginning of the year, you said to me "let me go, I'll only hurt you

more"? Yeah, I never forgot those words. Maybe I should've listened?

 

How did we get here D? I mean, seriously?! We had our future

practically mapped out and ready! Our own cosey house, our pets,

furniture, colour of the walls even ffs. Family visiting for dinner WE

cooked in OUR house. Remember you said about when you started up your

business, I'll have my own little office where I can run my business

from? You remember that? Right next to you as you work and vice versa!

These all seem like f****** pipe dreams now!

 

I can't handle you being with someone else, I really can't. It was my

biggest fear.... I even had nightmares about it and woke up crying.

Well.... Now I'm living those nightmares. And I can tell you this is

not where I want to be. It's completely tearing me apart! You said you

hate hurting me, yet you keep doing these things like you're trying to

hurt me or get at me. Do you have any idea how painful it was, finding

out that you're with someone else in a chatroom? While I had to sit

there and watch you talk about bubbles?! F****** BUBBLES! You've

changed D.... What's happened to you? The D I fell in love with

would never in a million years do that. And yes, I did see you fliring

with her on facebook before you deleted me. That f****** hurt like

hell too! I cried my eyes out for hours! I guess that's why you

deleted me, eh? To stop me seeing what you're getting up to?

 

I suggest you have a serious think about what you’re doing before it’s too late. You know something… Sometimes I prefer being asleep. Because recently, the only dreams I’ve been having are of me and you, still together and happy. I want to stay in that dream! At least in my dreams we’re together!

 

Again… I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore.

 

For now, this is goodbye.

S

[bboy]

I'm sorry, you shouldn't send this letter.

 

Good that you posted it here and not to her.

 

You're both saying your hurt, how it hurts and why it hurts. I can understand that - and it's completely normal. But you're sending it to the reason it hurts. This is not good. In a break up, the other half knows this already and 99.9% of the time do not want to deal or handle the damage they've caused. It actually pushes them away more.

 

Second, you're actually threatening the one you love with "come now or it's too late ever for you". This is a thought that already exists in your ex. and when you send a letter that shows how weak you are it becomes more apparent that it's not true.

 

To be honest, it is a bitter sweat letter you send. So you should keep it.

 

If you really want to say Happy B-Day. Then keep it that way and don't involve your break up in it. It will not help you at all. At this moment you need to be EGO and think about your own feelings and how to feel better in the long run. Not the short run.

[AlwaysConflicted]

No, I wouldn't. What is goal of sending this letter?

 

Emotional letters like this often push the ex away. Try to imagine if the roles were reversed.

[WolfRouge]

I see what you're saying and you're right, I won't send the letter. At least I got my feelings on paper though. Cos I've been struggling with words.

 

It just frustrates and angers me so much that she's so calm and casual about this. The next day when we talked on msn, she said "oh, yeah... erm... i'm with s". Almost like "oh by the way." She doesn't know this is hurting me. I know that because I know her! She thinks I'm fine with it and that annoys me. Sorry, but it does!

 

I have to tell her I can't be friends with her right now, I just don't know how. Or would it be better to not say anything?

[TaraMaiden]

Good golly, if we all had a pound (I know, English money.... ) for every post we read asking "Should I send this text/e-mail/letter?" I think we could all retire wealthy and holiday with the Obamas....!

 

And the answer is always a consistent, persistent, perpetual, eternal NO!!

 

Ask what your own motive is, in sending it.

 

It's not really to make things clear to them, it's to try to get them back and to sympathise with you.

It's to try to get them back on your side.

It's to try to gain an apology, or an admission of guilt.

It's to try to elicit an "I'm so sorry, I was dreadfully wrong! here, let me come back, and we'll just carry on as if nothing had ever happened....!"

 

And it's not going to happen.

The reason they split, and wrenched your heart out of your chest and swung it round your head, was because they don't care any more.

 

So sending a letter like this will make them just think "Oh jeepers, this is just too much....! Get a life, and move on!"

 

Which unfortunately, is all you can do.

Second-guessing motives is futile.

They'll never tell you, because sometimes, hell, even they don't know. And if they did, you don't merit the truth, or you'll never get it, because the truth is not something they want to give you.

Especially if it means exposing the desperate flaw in their nature, or thinking.

 

Don't even send, or give a Birthday present.

No, really, don't.

 

Why give away yet more of yourself?

Keep away, maintain NC and move on.

[Username37]

Don't make the mistake I made. I actually DID send a letter and IMO it made matters worse.

 

Just don't. Stick to NC. The letter will prove NOTHING. They don't care anymore. They'll laugh off the letter and shred it. Good thing you posted this on LS, it feels good doesn't it?

 

Good luck Wolfy

[bboy]

I see what you're saying and you're right, I won't send the letter. At least I got my feelings on paper though. Cos I've been struggling with words.

 

It just frustrates and angers me so much that she's so calm and casual about this. The next day when we talked on msn, she said "oh, yeah... erm... i'm with s". Almost like "oh by the way." She doesn't know this is hurting me. I know that because I know her! She thinks I'm fine with it and that annoys me. Sorry, but it does!

 

I have to tell her I can't be friends with her right now, I just don't know how. Or would it be better to not say anything?

 

You're not a couple.

You don't owe her anything at all.

You don't feel well having contact with her

 

So obviously there is no positive in having a contact with her, so rationally you should just avoid contact.

[Iselia]

Aw Wolfy. I sent my ex gf a letter too, hoping to get her back. She just ended up being sympathetic towards me and feeling guilty for what she had done to me. She's still my ex. Aka, it didn't work in getting her back.

 

Don't guilt trip her, just let her be. Let her miss you. I've noticed you said you want her back. There is no guarentee, but your chances of getting her back are 100000000000 times more improved if you are healed, confident, and independent.

 

You need to heal. Then, you can look at things obectively. I know it's hard, hard, hard. I promise, though, it's going to be ok. I'm 4 months in, it still hurts like hell, but I'm working on it. Just imagine yourself with someone else who loves you, apperciates you, and is there by your side when you need them; through the good and the bad. That's the kind of person you want.

[WolfRouge]

Thanks for your reply.

 

I won't send the letter, though I'm dying to. I'm gonna have to stay NC and not tell her. I typed out a text, but didn't send it. I wasn't intending on sending it when I typed it out, but I saved it.

 

This is what I put:

 

I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I can't understand how you stopped loving me so quickly when you felt so strongly for me. Tbh, it's baffled me. But either way, you being with someone else hurts too much and I can't deal with it. I'm deeply in love with you and I can't just switch that off like you've some how done. Maybe you're not being honest with yourself, I don't know. But at this moment in time, I can't be friends with you. Unless you change your mind, please don't contact me. Maybe in the future we'll talk again. I hope so. But this is it now. I'm sorry.

 

I won't be sending it though. As much as I'd like to.

[bboy]

I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. It's your fault that it hurts.

I can't understand how you stopped loving me so quickly when you felt so strongly for me. I don't accept the message.

Tbh, it's baffled me. You're an idiot who don't see what you get

But either way, you being with someone else hurts too much and I can't deal with it. You can never be with someone else.

I'm deeply in love with you and I can't just switch that off like you've some how done. I'm weak, you're strong.

Maybe you're not being honest with yourself, I don't know. You're stupid - I can explain why...

But at this moment in time, I can't be friends with you. I'm threatening you.

Unless you change your mind, please don't contact me. You can always come back.

Maybe in the future we'll talk again. I hope so. But this is it now. I'm sorry. Poetic atempt.

 

I won't be sending it though. As much as I'd like to.

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry for writing such harsh comments. You're actually probably right in several things. But this doesn't really apply to the person who's about to read the letter. I think it's good you wrote it and then didn't send it. I've been there, sent the letter and years later read what I've wrote. I blushed, turned into a real tomatoe and thought - Oh' my, I really didn't handle this well....

[WolfRouge]

As I said... I WASN'T intending on sending it when I typed it out. So no one was about to read the letter as you put in your reply. It was just what was going through my head at the time and my phone was the closest thing. When I have things like this going through my head, I feel the need to write it down.

 

But thanks for your reply.

[bboy]

As I said... I WASN'T intending on sending it when I typed it out. So no one was about to read the letter as you put in your reply. It was just what was going through my head at the time and my phone was the closest thing. When I have things like this going through my head, I feel the need to write it down.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

I'm sorry if you felt accused. This was not my intention at all. I just wanted to put a perspective on what you wrote. A perspective from "the other side". It was no mean to offend you or make you look silly. Including that you would be incorrect. The individual on the receiving end is probably doing a 100% effort to tell themselves that what they did was right. So there is no reason to help them..

[WolfRouge]

I see what you're saying. Sorry if that came across as a bit sh**y, I'm just having a really bad day.

 

She may think she is right, I don't know. But either way, I'm done with her and her sh**. Yeah, I miss her and tbh, I do want her back. But if she can move on so quickly, including moving in with this tart in just a few weeks, then I'm better off without her. I obviously meant nothing to her.

 

I've got over a 7 year relationship, so I can get over this one too.

[boltsfan17]

I sent a letter to my ex and it didn't make matters worse. She actually called me after she received it. A lot of those ridiculous get your ex back guides say send a letter to tell your ex you accept the break up. Personally, I don't see the harm in sending a letter, but that of course depends on the content. In your case, I think the letter you wrote is a bit too much. Good thing you didn't send it. I'm sure it did feel good to write everything down though. That's what I did. I actually wrote several letters, but the one I ended up sending was really toned down and I didn't get much into my feelings.

 

Like you said, you are better off without her. I'm sure that's painful she's already seeing someone weeks later. She doesn't deserve any heart filled letter or anything from you. Stick to NC and don't respond if she contacts you.

[WolfRouge]

Thanks.

 

I won't be responding if she contacts me. I can't cope with everything she keeps putting me through anymore. She told me she really wants to stay friends. Well she's killed any chance of that happening. When reality smacks her in the face, I won't be there.

[Hersheys]

The thought of sending a letter to the ex is tempting especially at this point when we have a lot of things, questions going on inside our heads.

 

Sending a letter isn't such a bad thing but it should be the done when you're at a much better place emotionally. When her response or lack of response wouldn't affect you one bit. When you genuinely feel you are ready to forgive her, forgive yourself, forgive the happening of the breakup, put a closure upon yourself and to have some sort of appreciation to the relationship no matter how much it hurt you in the past.

[mannpho]

I can you tell you from experience dont do it. I did send an emotional letter asking for her and noting not even a reply. It only deepens the pain. In in it right now after sending it. We can all wish they would reconsider but they wont. They moved on to new conquests and even laugh at us for trying. Im no expert since Ive been drinking and going for mental health to cope. Trust me it will fall on deaf ears. They left us we didn't. Im no expert cause I begged and pleaded and still nothing.

[WolfRouge]

Even when I'm in a better place I won't be sending her a letter. What's the point? She isn't interested. mannpho, you're right... It will fall on deaf ears.

 

Hersheys you say forgive myself... For what? It's not me who's broken the other persons heart.