Are women capable of staying in love?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Men are black and white as to their feelings and their visceral needs. Outside serial cheaters, men are pretty easy to keep happy, women not so much so.....

 

There is a lot of truth to that old saying "men marry the woman they want to be with the rest of their lives, women marry the man they want to change to be with" or something to that affect.....

 

No I do not hate women, I just find them very hard to understand. I look at my two sister in-laws, they married men who are exactly the same today as the person they married, and neither are happy (one divorced)......

[finding_serenity]

I loved my husband and I tried so hard to be agood wife forr him.kiss his azz, tolerate his disrespecful kids, kiss his ex azz also his ex inlaws azz.but one gets tired of faking smiles so one time I said no and what I got, cold treatment and now he makes me feel I'm a bad person and an evil stepmom cause I refused to spend a week alone with his teen daughter who ignores me like I don't exist.

[giotto]

if you get hurt, it's very difficult to open up and give again...

[carhill]

Accept that women's psychologies are unique and different than men's.

 

Accept that they *may* change their minds and, by extension, change the dynamic with their men.

 

Accept that those factors do not have to change one's own boundaries and the length and breadth of one's own love and commitment.

 

Accept that *some* women are capable of staying in love and some are not.

 

Accept the human condition. Live it.

[BellaBellaBella]

I would tell you this. People suck, not all of them. I also think it about the individual people who are in the relationships. Are they commiteed, were their parents in long term marriages, do they feel loved?

 

Love is also about cycles, of passationate euphoria and then the sustaining love. Some people are addicted to the euphoria and our society of instant gradification. Marriage isn't just about love it is about work to sustain the love. It is about meeting your partner's emotional needs.

 

I have been in a very sexless marriage for 10 years. We have been married for longer. My husband loves me dearly and I have fought for our marriage. Sometimes I ask the question why?

 

The reason I stay with my husband is I truly love him. I don't stay for my child. I stay because I want to, in part because while he doesn't fulfill me sexually he meets my other emotional needs. I often tell him that I think I need a second husband to fulfill the other's.

[finding_serenity]

if ur afraid of snakes, don't go in the wilds,if ur afraid of divorce, don't get married. It's either a yes or no.

[whichwayisup]

It seems that while men once they commit are in it for the long haul while women's love seems to have an expiration date. I see it time and time again where men who thought they had a great relationship or marriage get blindsided out of nowhere by a woman that fell out of love. It seems that once a relationship moves past the chemical high stage women just lose all interest and attraction. This is why I am so scared to fully fall in love with my wife.

 

I love her but there is a part of my heart that I hold back and it is because I have seen too many men get their hearts just ripped out and they never saw it coming. This is what happened in my first marriage. The optimism I felt when we bought our first home which I live in now can't be explained. I was looking forward to a great future with a woman I would have died for and fast forward a year later and she was cheating on me and hating my guts. Sometimes I think I am still shellshocked by that whole experience. It is not something I wish on my worst enemy. Most men might not have as extreme an experience but in many cases they get blindsided and even if they don't their wives seem to treat them like chopped liver.

 

I don't like being this way and I wish I can just jump headfirst into this but I am terrified. As much bravado as I like to display I don't know if I can handle another heartbreak. I hate being this bitter misogynist but it seems like it is the only to protect my heart at this point. I really am starting to wonder if women are even capable of long term love once a man commits.

 

I hate that you find reasons to wait for the shoe to drop. It's almost like you WANT your wife to fall out of love for you so you can claim you were right all along.

 

Get over it Wogs. Every now and then you post these types of threads, out of fear, your past hurts...I know alot of this is just venting, but maybe it's time to TELL your wife all this stuff and let her know that you're absolutely terrified she's going to fall out of love for you.

 

Also, have YOU ever thought of this? What if YOU fall out of love with your wife?

 

MEN fall out of love with their wives alot too, it isn't just women.

[finding_serenity]

hey me and my hubs hardly ever have sex and we've only been married for more than a year. I don't really care bout it. I can live a sexless marriage, and nope, I don't plan on cheating.aint gonna do something I'd be embarrassed to my mom and my son.

[whichwayisup]

This is why I am so scared to fully fall in love with my wife

 

Then why did you get married to her in the first place?

[whichwayisup]

Woggle, have you ever considered therapy?? It might help with some of the trust issues...

I'm only saying this because I have MAJOR trust issues with men. I grew up seeing EVERY husband in my family sleep around, as well as being subjected to abuse.

I found a kind and insightful therapist to help me. My fiance is also very supportive and loving. The trust issues will never be gone, but they have improved.

 

He's done therapy in the past, and as far as I know, recently went back to doing therapy.

 

I do believe that Wogs uses LS to vent out his fears .. The thing is, eventually he HAS to discuss all this with his wife, maybe bring her to counselling with him so together they can work on this.

[Pyro]

He's done therapy in the past, and as far as I know, recently went back to doing therapy.

 

I do believe that Wogs uses LS to vent out his fears .. The thing is, eventually he HAS to discuss all this with his wife, maybe bring her to counselling with him so together they can work on this.

 

I agree.

 

Its been at least a couple years now since they have been married. Obviously keeping her out of the loop isn't working.

[TaraMaiden]

Wow. You said that to your husband? If you said that shiitt to me, I would've kicked you to the curb.

Yes you would, but that would make your Ego bigger than your trouser snake....

 

Wow, I know he must be hurt internally. You hurt the guy's ego.

Of course, the fact that she has stayed faithful, loyal and loving to a man who has denied her the emotional ypassionate input she would dearly love, isn't hurting her ego at all...so that's ok then....

 

There is no way somebody stays in a sexually unfulfilling, let alone, sexless marriage for ten years without stepping outside to get their needs met by someone else.

That's all you know, ignoramus. I stayed 15 years, and I'm telling you - no straying, no wandering, no cheating, no lying, no deceit, no emotional wandering. By either of us.

 

The situation I'm in now is similar.

if you judge every relationship by the sex therein (or lack of it), then I pity the fact you can't see beyond the physical, and know that such things are possible.

 

 

I see red flags everywhere.

They're of your making, and I don't doubt there are plenty of them. But judging others by what you would, or would not put up with, is an invalid factor, in this case.

[Woggle]

If man said he needed a 2nd wife all hell would break loose on here. This is what I mean when I say that no matter how good a man is to his wife she will find some reason to be unhappy and some reason to lose her attraction.

 

The proof is in this thread.

[TaraMaiden]

That's bull.

[InceptorsRule]

say a prayer for me child.

 

Each morning I wake up

Before I put on my make up

I say a little prayer for you...

 

No wait a second I think CE sings that.

[Woggle]

That's bull.

 

This thread proves what I say and I think the majority of married women feel that way. Most of them just seem to loathe their husbands and the men do their best to make her happy which never works.

[Pyro]

This thread proves what I say and I think the majority of married women feel that way. Most of them just seem to loathe their husbands and the men do their best to make her happy which never works.

 

45 posts prove that a majority of married women are a certain way?

 

You're losing it.

[Woggle]

45 posts prove that a majority of married women are a certain way?

 

You're losing it.

 

What about the other threads and the comments in some of the links I posted and the comments in that CNN article about singles. There are a few women here who admit their married friends feel this way about their husbands. None of this registers with you?

[Pyro]

The fact that you only referred to this thread as an indicator of a majority of married women being a certain way is showing how dillusional you have become.

 

You ought to spend this Sunday afternoon with your wife. Try to open up to her.

[whichwayisup]

What about the other threads and the comments in some of the links I posted and the comments in that CNN article about singles. There are a few women here who admit their married friends feel this way about their husbands. None of this registers with you?

 

And what about the better advice on here that you get? You seem to ONLY acknowledge the negative ones and posts that push you a certain way. I gave you some nice advice and some thoughts on here, yet it was ignored completely, so it seems and you focussed on the stuff that you want to see.

[Woggle]

And what about the better advice on here that you get? You seem to ONLY acknowledge the negative ones and posts that push you a certain way. I gave you some nice advice and some thoughts on here, yet it was ignored completely, so it seems and you focussed on the stuff that you want to see.

 

You have good intentions and there is nothing wrong with your advice but I can't deny that for women love has an expiration date.

[TaraMaiden]

This thread proves what I say and I think the majority of married women feel that way. Most of them just seem to loathe their husbands and the men do their best to make her happy which never works.

You're grasping at straws Woggle, through your own fear and hesitation to commit yourself fully to the woman who is your wife.

It's your own hesitation and insistence that keeps you stuck in this mind-set, so don't project your inadequacies and inability to give your all, onto women who have no fault, but who must ceaselessly bear the brunt of your prejudice and constant self-justification.

Which is wearing very thin, and frankly, is doing you no favours.

 

You're frankly being spineless if you'd rather carry on with these blind attacks firing off salvos at unseen people, rather than addressing your real enemy.

 

You.

Edited August 16, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

I did read some of those links you posted and it does kind of seem true. I understand that you don't want your heart broken again. Its good that you know people can change into a different person in a second.

 

People think I am making this stuff up but I am not. Gender relations are pretty much shot in this society and that shows in the fact that happy marriages and even relationships that last are going the way of the 8 track. How can anybody not see this?

[xxoo]

This is what I mean when I say that no matter how good a man is to his wife she will find some reason to be unhappy and some reason to lose her attraction.

 

Have you heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? Because your attitude toward "all women", and, by extension, your wife, is very unattractive

[TaraMaiden]

People think I am making this stuff up but I am not. Gender relations are pretty much shot in this society and that shows in the fact that happy marriages and even relationships that last are going the way of the 8 track. How can anybody not see this?

 

I happen to agree with this.

But not for the reasons you cite.