rp123 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Well, its been one year since I lost the love of my life. In that time I adhered to a strict policy of NC, knocking up 90+ days of the stuff...Then through pure serendipity we met at a bus stop, and got back together again. The pain I endured during that period of NC and the subsequent attempt of fixing the relationship has been the most deep and profound of my life. No doubt a life altering experience. We were together some 9yrs and I've just turned 40. No matter how I tried to fix things, the wheel was in a motion all of its own, and recently we split again. This time the ending seems complete and final. Ironically there is no pain. I keep checking, and expecting and emotional blast, but it never arrives. Every morning I wake and expect that tidal wave to engulf me - but it does not. And now I KNOW it will never arrive. For those of you that are in the desperation of a loss, I have nothing that can resolve your pain. Other than to say it will pass. When that pain does pass you may be lucky enough to discover that this emotional car crash has equipped you with such a deep understanding of the human condition that you would never be without it. That is exactly how I feel. I lost the love of my life and in the debris I found myself. How ironic that the in the chaos of suffering such growth occurs. A deep liberation that I will carry with me for the remainder of my life. I can remember the acute pain of every morning. The constant tormenting thoughts that never cease. The endless analysis of what's happened, what you done, what you could of done.... I know this suffering to my core! I have no advice - except hang in there!!! just hang in there!! you may get them back, and you may not. More importantly will you answer the question: Why does this hurt so much? Funny how a failing relationship with someone else can be the making of a relationship with yourself. Hang in there - that is all...... -R-
Thorgs Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Funny how a failing relationship with someone else can be the making of a relationship with yourself. Words of wisdom. Thank you for that. Hang in there friend.
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